//------------------------------// // Trip to my Heart // Story: Darkest before Dawn // by SeaPonysTears //------------------------------// The rain was beating down on me with such relentlessness, that I could hardly take a breath, much less see clearly, but I couldn’t be bothered. Right then, I was just seething and so numb with fury, that I forgot how to cry. Maybe in that moment I had finally become an ‘adult,‘ arriving at the end of the awkward teenager stage that all the other ponies were jabbing at me about in jests over these last few years. Didn’t really feel that great, to be honest. Of course, while I’m being honest, so far, nothing about being an ‘adult’ really felt all that great. Tears did nothing. Tears did not stop the pain, nor did it change what had happened. Tears fixed nothing. Animosity was a new taste on my tongue, but its underlying cause of being inferior was no new feeling for me. I dipped lower and lower, the wind rushing through my pelt, my wings, and whipping my hair to sting against my soaked neck and cold, numb face. Even so, this deductive reasoning did not stop me from wishing I could release my fury in some way though. There had been a time, not even seemingly so long ago, that tears were one of my secret coping mechanisms when I was alone. It had been as cleansing as the rain was to the earth below me now had been. I risked a glance at the weeping, raging sky in question, and somehow felt as though I had a kindred spirit. Let the sky lament on my behalf, lightening and thunder to throw a fit, flash, roar and rumble to represent and complete my oppression, all together. The raw elements, the wailing wind, the whistling cry and pelting cold rain, was so much more awesome then my pathetic, weeping, shuddering, bawling could have hoped to be, anyway. I hated crying, I mean, I know I just said I missed it, and I do, but my nose would always run. A lot. Always. Not to mention, I would be a stuttering, shaky, sopping wet mess during. I was useless. I was helpless, and lets face it, completely vulnerable, just like this weather was, but it was really cool about its indifferent rage against the world. This was loads more favorable, even if I did feel a little vacant, and maybe a bit numb, aside from the mounting, cold fury that began to freeze me on the inside, as much as the drumming rain froze me on the outside. As though in response to my vacancy, the lightening flashed brightly in warning, like a countdown: once, then twice, milliseconds apart, just enough that I could pull out at the last possible moment from my front-on dive into seemingly empty, cold air. That air revealed itself to be a cliff edge in another flash and I chided myself for the newbie mistake. My erratic heart beat reminded me just then that I must remember something of what happened that day after all, with just enough emotion left, or common sense, however much was there, to pound at the sudden spike of adrenaline in response. I had forgotten though, in midst of my cyclonic brood, to maneuver my wings to compensate against the new force of water against my feathers, and the heaviness in the humid air as the summer night rain pelted down on me without respite. My wings were faltering in the rain, like a wet kite floundering aimlessly in a tornado. Rain and feathers didn’t mix very well, after all, but I pressed on, determined that the burning ache of this endurance test, and the bliss of survival solely depended upon how the experience would wipe my mind temporarily free of its current torment claw. The former was much more compatible to me, then the red hot furor of the latter, bubbling up inside of me like some howling, raging monster. It clawed, screamed, and howled, wanting release, deep within my chest. It screamed alongside the howling storm, like some sort of familiar to it, a long lost lover, or simply just a murderous psychopath out for blood. I didn’t really try to classify either of them, at that point. Instead, I did the only thing I could, something I could do well when stuck in tight spots and dangerous close calls: I maneuvered like a small, orange colored shot through the dark, storming night, glistening as beads and rivulets of rain propelled off of my sleek, winged form, as I came within inches from being sucked into the g-force of cloud and spat tumbling, disoriented, into the pitch black sea of sky. Tricks were my specialty; quick maneuvers, gusts of speed, tight rolls, zigzags, jumping soars and daring dives. It‘s what I got my cutie mark on my scooter for after all, for tricks...and in the end, all I had, ever had, were my tricks. And although I had finally, eventually, gotten into the air, that first time and since, through sheer grit and determination, I was no Rainbow Dash, and my wings ached in protest each time. Something that should be a right to a pegasus, something that should be as natural for them as breathing, for me was almost as foreign as a fish trying to fly. Speaking of which, I was losing momentum. As much as I edged forward, stretching my wings out to their sheer maximum, trying to make every painful wing stroke count, I knew I was fighting a losing battle. As brilliant as the brief light show within this particular summer storm had been, or comparable to the likes of a comet blazing across the sky, I was burning out and fast. Just… A little... Further… Buckin‘ A. I swore bitterly in my mind realizing it was a lost cause. So then, I did the only other thing I have come to be really good at, being Scootaloo, who had in turn tried so hard, so very, painfully hard, at being like her number one idol in all of Equestria: I prepared to wipe out. I tried to maneuver myself for the rough landing as best as I could, given that I was going at break neck speed in the middle of the inky black and storm tormented sky. The rain cut against my skin like tiny razors at the speed I was going, and the wind continued to freeze my flank even further to the bone then it already was and to plaster my mane to stick thickly against my skull and pelt. I realized a bit belatedly, that my goggles must have came off sometime ago, and although it felt extremely uncomfortable to not shut my poor, drying eyes, I forced them to remain open. Not that I could really see anyway, but hay, it’s thought that counts, right? Right..? My last dying thought had called out weakly for help, and faded hopelessly into the bleak, cold fury. I was easing my wings into something resembling a sort-of landing, just as I had the briefest moment of clarity, as the last of the former red hot rage had all but faded from me. It didn’t matter that I was wrongly disqualified for the best young flyer competition, as in the end, I was going to die and become a famously stupid, orange and magenta colored, meadow muffin and not even the cows would be my witness to my glorifying, pointless death. And when I say a moment of clarity, I am speaking more like the pealing, reverberating tones of a ringing bell; clanging somewhere within your skull, and from the very pits of Tartarus. No, no, now that I think on it, more like a pastel purple and pink swirled maned bell, namely Sweetie Belle; shrieking at my cold, dead, featureless, meadow muffin smear on the grass. She’d had have Twilight Sparkle revive me, just to kill me again with her guilt-tripping alone…oh, but being she had been learning magic from Twilight for a few years now, she’d more then likely bring me back just to kill me again for being such a damned idiot! Well, after the guilt-tripping, and shrieking at banshee-like volumes with her impressive lung capacity, of course. I was freefalling now. It wouldn’t be much longer, and then I wouldn’t feel pain ever again. I wouldn’t need to wonder at how awful a situation could be that would rob you of your tears, or if I’d ever be able to feel enough to cry again, even if I wanted to. In my surreal state, I thought I saw a flash of sky blue out of the corner of my eye. Oh right, this must be the ‘life flashing before your eyes’, part. Might as well close my eyes and enjoy the show now. My last moments of life brought to mind an overly cocky, grinning face, I knew well, and a warmth spread through me, the very likes of which almost ceased the numbness of the dispassionate rain. That’s right. If I died, I would no longer feel the pain, but I would also not feel joy… Her smiling face as she looked fondly at me, ruffling my hair affectionately, calling me ‘squirt’, even though I was almost as big as her now, brought the tears back to me as the cold lump of fury within my heart melted by the thought of her radiance alone. Rainbow Dash. I held onto Rainbow Dash for as long as I could, like some sort of beacon behind my eyes, a comfort to my screaming muscles and terrified brain. A brilliant, rainbow, pony angel, with all of her advice for times like this. She calmly told me what to do, and how important it was to roll while keeping your body tight, with no straying wing feathers, or forelegs left free to tangle and snap under the force of the wipeout. My wings were limp and useless now anyway, spent and burning with fatigue at my sides. It was all I could do to simply keep them clamped shut, as tightly as I could as she had told me, to prepare for impact. I frantically tried to remember all of the things she had told me in order to take the full brute force of it, but all I could really focus on, was to tuck my forelegs protectively, like a roll cage, around my head. As much of a comfort as thinking about Rainbow Dash had been, it also reminded me why I had flown blindly into the night to begin with; how hard she had trained me just for that moment, before it had been snatched away from us, and also how very badly, how very much I had wanted it too. The taste must have been as bitter for me as I imagined it had been for her in that moment. I remember now, it must have been, because I heard her screaming foul from the stands down below… How could I had been so selfish..? The transparent walls of gravity still pressed upon me, choking, to steal my last breath of air right from my burning, screaming lungs. It was oppressive, and claustrophobic, like being suddenly trapped inside a glass box, and I couldn’t breathe now, even if I wanted to, either from the crushing weight of emotions or the whistling song of death singing in my ears, as I fell lower and lower. How could a pony feel crushed on all sides among endless, empty, open sky? But I did. I truly did. I felt the oppression in more ways than one, and with a shock, I realized that I always had, even without the temptation of false open sky. My whole, bucking life. I’m sorry, I failed you. It was the last coherent thought in my mind, and I wasn’t even sure if I was talking to her, or to me, or both of us. I saw every victory play, every moment of defeat, every moment of joy and every moment of pain, even down to the first time I fell off my scooter and had scraped my leg. I even saw my first kiss, behind Sweet Apple Acres, blushing madly like a filly possessed with a bad fever for getting away with it… I had seen it all. I saw when I was once fearless and free, younger and jubilant as I once had been when I was just enough. When it was just enough being Scootaloo. Just Scootloo, who tried too hard, too soon, to be somepony else. Just Scootaloo, who was never good enough. Just Scootaloo, who never could quite get it. Never could quite make it. Who, more often then not, when fawning over a practical celebrity, fell plummeting down off of cloud nine more than a few times, back down to reality; back down the ground where she belonged. I felt tears prick in my eyes once more, threatening to leak out of the tightly closed lids, but they were hardly registering compared to the maelstrom of cold force of the elements currently pelting me. It all had been there, locked inside my head, rolling images over my closed eyelids, like some sort of soundless, colorless film, flicking one frame after another, after another, and then…faded to black. What seemed like years of falling, I knew had to be mere moments, dying was funny like that but at last, there were no more thoughts. It seemed so surreal just then, so oddly quiet around me suddenly, that I thought I had died already, and it had been so quick and painless that I hadn’t even realized it. I felt both incredibly lucky, and thoroughly cheated, wondering where the buck the bright light was that everypony was supposed to see before they died. Little did I know, this was to be not the release of death, but instead, the delivering arms of absolution that had come just then, to swoop in a brilliant flash of color out of the heavens and down towards my falling body. It reflected as brightly as the nurturing rays of the sun would have, and all at once, my soul blossomed within me, bursting open like a fragile spring flower after a long winter hiatus, in response to the explosion of color in my heart that matched the ones rippling just over the speed of sound coming ever nearer toward me. Even through my burning, closed eyes, it brightened the black and grey world into vivid color in an instant, and shook my content surrender of death to the very core of my being. If I hadn’t known that particular resonance by now, or even, the uniqueness of its energy signature, I surely knew it from the very moment that I caught the vision of rainbows out of the slit corner of my eye. The likes of which was powerful enough to have even silenced the roaring sky and leave my ears ringing in the now eerie quiet. I watched the gentle dance of colors spread out to me like an electric current, scattered like a radiant prism, and carried through the water-charged sky, vibrant and cheerful, open to embrace me in a warm, flooding light… Or maybe the sensations I had been feeling had been more than just from the pure magical miracle of the sonic rainboom, but of its creator, who in a last-ditch burst of speed, caught up with me and grabbed me, holding me so tightly, so unwaveringly secure within her embrace, I thought I could die right then, after all. Happily so. Rainbow Dash must have been so relieved saving me, that she, like Sweetie would have done, just wanted to personally show her gratitude of my survival by killing me herself through this shielding wall of love, squeezing the last bit of hard won air from my lungs. I’m pretty sure I’m swooning in her forelegs, too. It’s only natural to faint during life or death situations, right? Plastered tightly against her soft, warm chest, we were so preoccupied by saving my hide, I knew she wouldn’t judge me, even if I was swooning, just a little. Even if I had tucked my face against her soft warm chest to feel tears spilling effortlessly into her coat as relief washed over me. As solid ground became closer, she had managed in the meantime, to pull us into a slower dive in those last seconds, buying time for something; of what I had no idea. Rainbow held me solidly against her hammering beating heart like a shield, risking her own wings to surround me in a comforting cocoon of sky blue from the impact. This part really got me, and I knew it always would, when I’d think about it in the future, reliving it over and over. She’s sacrificing herself for me. More then that, Rainbow Dash is sacrificing her wings for me. Flying is her everything, and she’s putting it on the line. For me. For just me. Just Scootaloo. Nonetheless, we impacted together, and just before we began the unavoidable, dizzying, terrifying dance of tumbling and skidding across the ground, I felt a really peculiar, rippling, electric wave of magenta energy roll over and hold us both in an protective aura that I couldn‘t fully explain or dwell on. Within this magical embrace, we were as light and gracefully aerodynamic as a skipping stone was across a clear, calm pond…well, a stone going at almost break neck speed, that is. I felt my stomach lurch as the persistent tug of the magenta was playing tug-a-war on gravity itself, trying to win us back, trying to gently slow us down, as we flew, suspended like a glowing, rolling canon ball out into the stormy night. Didn‘t matter to me though, not one single bit. Nothing mattered now, because I was still wrapped tightly in sky colored, wind scented limbs and strong feathery wings, and I was greedily enjoying every minute of it. Briefly I wondered, with a slice to my newly de-thawed heart, if it had been my pain, my suffering, and my misery that Rainbow was now taking on herself. I felt bad for involving her, after she had given me so much. I never meant to hurt her, too. Our display had by now, caused a huge, gathering crowd by then, and ponies, the ones that mattered to us the most, galloped over to where we finally touched to the ground the final time to leave a flaming rainbow and glittering magenta colored trail in the freshly tilled soil in wake of our impact. The landing had been better then I expected, but I had still yelled out from the shock of it, and heard Rainbow’s ragged breath against my ear as we tumbled, rolled, and then finally, stopped. A moment later, the protective presence of magenta was released from around our forms in a cracking ripple, having had once held us immobile, I nearly retched feeling incredibly dizzy and still spinning. My only thought was, Oh, sweet Celestia, please don’t let me barf right in front of Rainbow Dash! Conceited I know, but she just saved my life, and it would be a complete mood-killer. And, in moments like those, you think of the oddest stuff. There was a hush of fear and shock among everypony, and the ones who just gathered out of morbid curiosity lingered toward the back, with curious, wide eyes and gaping mouths. I saw nopony though, tucking my head between my legs to quell the spinning nausea, groaning. Rainbow Dash’s hooves were feeling all over me without missing a beat, because she was a buckin’ PRO like that. Even after what happened, I grinned like a fool, as I happily felt ripples of currents of electricity spike through me from the feel of her warm, concerned, probing touch across my body. In a particularly embarrassing, eye rolling moment, her hooves had massaged my wings, carefully searching for injuries like fractures or breaks in the tiny, weightless bones. My logical mind scolded me, telling me as much, and that there was nothing even remotely romantic or buckin’ sexual about this. Couldn’t stop my stunned mind from treading on the thought though. Rainbow Dash shook me out of my blissful state though, as I just realized she was crying, swearing, whispering, and shouting at me all at once, at least from what I could register from my still-ringing ears. Despite this though, as she physically checked me over, her hooves were calm, practiced as they were in this part of the routine. She knew better then anyone else that crashing was one of the unfortunate risks of flying. What she hadn’t counted on, was me being a self-righteous, wounded, egotistic, ass; shooting off into the sky, immediately following my routine, absolutely crushed and being a sore loser. Well, that would definitely explain the cursing, and the tears, which she loudly exclaimed a moment later to the curious and concerned ponies who moved into to help, with a rough scrubbing of a pale blue foreleg to her cheeks, had been the dirt having gotten into her eyes. It could have been highly possible under such circumstances, except thankfully, that magical aura that I now could see just vaguely to my right, coming from Twilight Sparkle, had prevented dirt from getting into every place it could have. The thought made me squirm as much as Rainbow’s tightening grip had just before she released me in a huff, her eyes flashing dangerously. I felt my ears plaster down to my skull in response to her anger, and my tail curl between my legs as a result. The thought of her being mad at me scared me more then falling through the sky to my death had. I couldn’t live with the thought, and tears sprung afresh to my eyes. Now that I was more calm, I registered the biting sting of the salty liquid, as it ran down the wind-burned skin of my cheeks. “R-Rainbow Dash-” I tried to croak, my voice raw from the cold air and strong wind having been forced down my throat but she cut me off. “Flying off into a raging storm, right in front of the judges and all of Cloudsdale, was a stupid move!” Rainbow began, and I didn’t have the heart to reply, or even meet her gaze anymore. I knew it. “An impressively stupid move, I might add…” Rainbow’s voice softened, and there was a hint of smugness there suddenly that floored me. I stared at her then, shock crossing my features, my ears perking back up, detecting the now pleased tone in her voice. What..? “You‘re lucky though, that I was trailing you pretty much the whole time, or else you wouldn‘t be alive right now to hold your trophy, Squirt!” I felt her give me the most painful, elating noogie in my entire life, the words simply soaking in. “Ahem! If I hadn’t plucked you two out of the air, and held on with my magic, you’d both be rainbow paint smears back dropped against the canvas of the ground right now!” I definitely confirmed Twilight was present then, my mind painfully trying to catch up. “YEAH! IT WAS AWESOME! TWILIGHT GRABBED YOU TWO, AND HELD ON, LIKE TAFFY IN A TAFFY PULLER!” I winced as the voice of Pinkie Pie, somewhere to my upper left, cut into my already pounding skull. “AAAAAAAND YOU TWO EVEN LOOKED LIKE TAFFY TOO! COLORFUL, TASTY, YUMMY TAFFY.. Uaaggghhhh!” Pinkie Pie was drowning in her own drool by now, lost in the thought, and was pushed aside by other eager ponies trying to get closer to us, sitting on the ground. I rubbed at my aching ears, thinking I had heard something false, even as the cold metal settled around my neck, and the heavy object of the ‘Best Young Flyer’ trophy was pressed into my hooves by some smiling pony, I was still painfully lost. “Come again?” I groaned trying again, the world finally being let off the hellish merry-go-round that it had been stuck on, to focus on Rainbow Dash‘s undeniable grin as she shook me gently in excitement, and I whimpered feeling slightly sick again. “You ended up winning by a landslide, not for your hot headed rage, but the wickedly AWESOME comet flare trail that you caused in your speed to get away! You did some sort of.. Sonic-boom too, like mine, but different… It was amazing.” Turns out, nopony else in recorded history aside from Rainbow Dash had ever did a sonic boom, but it was more like…well... “LIKE A FIREWORK, BURSTING IN THE AIR, SENDING COLORFUL CRACKLING EXPLOSIONS AND A GLITTERING, SHINY, SPARKLERIFIC COMENT TRAIL! ZOOOOOOM!! RIGHT BEHIND YOU!” It didn’t seem real, and yet, it must have been. Overwhelmed, but not in a bad way, I just lay back against Rainbow Dash’s lap again, taking advantage, hoping she wouldn’t become uncomfortable and pass me over to Fluttershy who was itching to get through everypony crowding around, holding a first aid kit. “Yes, that.” Twilight said amused, as every pony chuckled to Pinkie’s enthusiastic explanation. “It was quite similar to a comet streaking through the sky. I never saw anypony go so fast through the air…except for Rainbow, of course.” The alicorn had tacked on with an eye roll at her friend’s chest puff of indignation. “But what had us so very afraid, was that with any comet, the faster you flew, the more likely it would be that you’d burn out…” Fluttershy had finally managed to squeeze her way through and draped a blanket over my and Rainbow’s shivering, wet forms, fretting over us and gesturing for hot tea to be brought over. I had realized with a shock, that the sonic boom must have dissipated the clouds above us, as it had stopped the rain. If I never felt another drop of the icy, cold, wet stuff, it would be all too soon! “And that, as brilliant of a sight as it was to behold, you would blink out, to fall to your doom through the sky…” Rarity said, having finally calmed down enough to join us all, her voice sounding a bit labored and stuffy as though she had been sobbing for their benefit most of this time. I felt especially bad, as a pair of yellow and off white young mares tackled into me with a crushing, organ shifting hug, just as Rainbow managed to duck away at the last second to avoid being quashed by the magic of friendship. “SCOOTALOO, WHAT IN THE LIVING BLAZES GOT INTO YOU!” Sweetie Belle boomed with a rage the likes of which I had never seen, but I had not been disappointed as I winced and stuffed the blanket into my ears. “Waaaah! Sweets, I’m sorry! I just-” “Don’t y-you dare… t-try to explain yer self, S-scootaloo! There a-ain’t n-nothing… worth sayin’ that’s i-important enough to risk yer o-own life!” Apple Bloom sobbed and stuttered against my neck and I, despite my medal and trophy, felt as much of a loser as I had felt I was when I took of in a rage to begin with. I sheepishly patted both of my friends who clung to me and wailed into the already wet fur of my pelt. Rainbow Dash’s words were a welcome distraction and I looked up at her with big, pleading eyes, as I helplessly sat there immobilized by my two emotional friends. “But seeing as how I’m awesome and everything, I knew that was going to be the outcome, if I didn’t immediately build speed and do a sonic rainboom to catch up in time! Just imagine that, Scoots, you were going that fast! I was amazing!” “Wow! Wait... wow… Heh.” Apple Bloom and Sweetie finally pulled back a bit, and I smiled weakly at them, my smile twitching into a lopsided grin as it sunk in. I was looping the medal around Sweets’s neck, and pressed my trophy into Apple Bloom’s hooves as I pondered. They deserved the win as much as me, for being there for me, and almost witnessing my demise, and I hoped it could begin to make up for it. Sweets just began to wail all over again, and Apple Bloom flushed so hot, I almost wanted to wince. As, if in her red headed temper, she’d hit me with the thing, but opted instead to squeeze the life out of me again. Ribs were overrated anyway. “So… You’re all really saying, that I- I did.. A sonic-boom?” “’It--‘twas, well, ‘twas more akin to a comet-boom, really.” Applejack mused, around a few sniffles of her own, and I nearly gasped aloud as she tenderly put her beloved, cherished, Stenson on top of my magenta maned head. “Ya did good, Scoots.” She said softly against my ear, nuzzling the top of my head, relived as every pony else, I had made it alive. I was thankful she didn’t let me have what was coming to me after all, although I knew someday she would, for now she let me be grateful for living and relish in my victory. Besides, her sister, and her marefriend’s sister, did a fine enough job of that, she must have reckoned. “You were as bright as any star I had ever seen.” Twilight said softly, to yelp a moment later, as the Monarch of the Sun blipped into existence directly beside her, to the shock of everypony. They smiled through their concern, as Rainbow nudged me to my hooves and lifted me up, wobbling, onto her shoulders like she used to do when I was younger. We ended up in the muddy grass a moment later, laughing, as I was just too big, and flapped awkwardly like a chicken on her back as we had tried to stay balanced. “More tea, anypony?” Spike asked, having finally made it around to the rest of us, wearing a white and pink apron, and carrying a snack and refreshment laden tray in his claws. He cozied on up to Princess Celestia, proudly offering her a steaming cup of peppermint and chamomile. “Why, yes, Spike, I’d love a cup, thank you!” she replied, levitating the cup to her lips with her golden magical aura. “Well, it seems everypony learned a very valuable lesson today,” she said wisely. “Too bad nopony will write to me about it,” she muttered around an aromatic sip of tea. Twilight choked on her tea as everypony broke out into hip-hip-hoorays. --- The Avoiding Death Actually Alive Congratulations Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash Party, as Pinkie Pie had named it, lasted for the rest of the night, much to Princess Luna’s pleasure, (“You say WHAT happened!?!“), until at last, Princess Celestia had to raise the sun. The party had found its way to Sweet Apple Acres, where a big breakfast of apple cider, hay bacon, eggs and buttered toast was waiting for us all, as Big Mac and Granny Smith were eagerly waiting to hear the story of my (“our!“) death-defying fall. I eventually sorely, limped into bed in the guest room, exhaustion draping over me like a thick blanket, closing my eyes instantly. Well, almost closing my eyes, as two mares scooted in to cling to me, and I realized almost instantly that it was Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, who were looking at me with huge, puppy-dog eyes. “Please don’t cry again,” I pleaded looking at them sheepishly, but they shook their heads. “Do you mind if we sleep with you?” Apple Bloom asked softly, yawning hugely against my shoulder. “Yeah, after you nearly died last night, we sort of decided we won’t be able to let you out of our sight for a while.” Sweetie Belle chimed in, somewhere near the right side of my chest, nestling in and closing her pale green eyes. “Ahh,… Sure. Of course.” I said smiling from ear to ear. “But you’ll have to share the space with these babies…” I tucked in my trophy, letting the medal rest against my heart, where it belonged. --- LA FIN --