//------------------------------// // Fluttershy (1) // Story: Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind // by maxxxxxx //------------------------------// The first light of the day began to illuminate her room and the morning had already found her begrudgingly awake. Her eyes were dull and tired and the dark bags underneath them seemed to grow worse with each restless night. Maybe if I just lay here I'll fall back asleep... With a groan she sat up in her bed. Her mane was disheveled and lackluster. Her room was unusually unkempt, scraps of paper strewn about the floor and uncleaned food bowls of various sizes were scattered about the room. “I hate this...” She whispered bitterly, as she brushed strands of her light pink mane from her face. She could feel a lump in throat and her cheeks had cool, wet trails running down to her muzzle. With a sniffle she wiped dry her face. I must have been crying again, in my sleep. With great effort she lifted herself from her bed, her sheet falling off of her revealing a nearly emaciated body. The pegasus mare's ribs protruded out from her thin sides. She look delicate and ephemeral, like a wisp of vapor as she left her bed, her hooves gently tapping against her hard, cold floor. A small white rabbit looked up from the bed. As he crawled out from under the sheet. His small dark, fretful eyes following the slow moving mare. With a thrust of his powerful legs the bunny bounced onto the floor, following it's owner. She came to an abrupt stop as she reached her door. Keeping her eyes straight forward she addressed the rabbit with a forlorn voice. “I- I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this Angel. I just don't know.” A trembling whimper escaped her lips as she spoke. Fighting the urge to break down right there and weep on the floor. Angel rubbed his soft warm cheek against her foreleg. Instead of the comforting and loving voice he knew from her, she only shook her head with a defeated sigh. “It's no use angel. Everything that mattered to me... It fell apart. There's so many things I never said and so many things I regret. Oh Angel, I don't know how long I want to go on. I could have done something a long time ago, but I didn't. This is all my fault.” Slowly pushing the door open she left her room with her pet following close behind. Her usual cozy home was disheveled and dusty. As her light hoof steps clicked down her wooden stairs a plethora of small animals gathered at the bottom step, eagerly awaiting their caretaker. “Oh, good morning everyone. I'm sorry, let me get you all your food,” she said halfheartedly, meandering to the kitchen. The wooden cabinets beneath her sink creaked as she opened them, revealing only two empty bags of feed and a small mouse rummaging through the crumbs. 'I'm out... I guess I knew it would happen sooner or later. Easing the cabinet shut, she turned back to her animals. She always had at least a months supply of extra food for all her animals, but she had only once left her house since her friend's accident and that was at the behest of her friend to confront Twilight. Nopony had come to see her since. “I'm sorry, It looks like we're out... I- I'll go into town to get you some. I'll be back soon.” She glanced at her door apprehensively. The growls of small tummies pleaded with her for sustenance, reaffirming her need to leave the safety of her cottage. I have to. I won't let my animals starve because I'm scared. With a new determination she grabbed her bag that had been dangling on a coat hanger. Swinging the thin strap over her shoulder and behind her neck she made her way to her front door. She came to a stop, hesitating as her hoof hovered inches from the handle. I- I don't want to go... What if, what if I see her? What if I see Twilight? What would I do if I did see them? What could I do? Taking a breath, she steeled herself to face the day. Opening the door, sunlight beamed against her, illuminating her pale yellow fur. Her eyes narrowed from the bright light and she felt an unexpected surge of strength and anger as she stepped out. I would do anything I could to bring Rainbow Dash back. ****************************************************** Fluttershy trotted slowly through Ponyville's shopping center, casting her gaze from stall to stall. She had already placed for an order of her animals food to be delivered to her home, but her empty stomach beckoned her to shop for her self. She had run out of her food before her animals, though not long before. The last month had been hard on her, despite not having much food in her home, she hardly ate. As she walked, she mentally listed animals that have been known to stop eating at the loss of a loved one. Elephants, dogs, dolphins, several species of bird, the great panda... and apparently pegasi. She hung her head low, the same empty ache tearing at her heart. “It's good to see ya finally out and about,” a voice calmly drawled from beside her. “Oh, Applejack, I didn't see you there. I'm sorry.” She looked from her friend to the ground, still feeling that ache in her chest. Though part of her was glad to hear the voice of a friend, another part just wanted to be alone with her misery. “You don't look so good partner,” Applejack said as she glanced over Fluttershy's condition. “Why don't I treat you to lunch? Ya look like you could use it and honestly, I could use a bit of company.” At her friend's proposal, Fluttershy looked back up, this time meeting Applejack's eyes. She looked almost as tired as herself and her voice held the weight of a sorrow Fluttershy knew well. Misery loves company, That's something they say right? Is this what it means? She thought to herself desolately. I don't know... I just don't feel up to it, sitting down around a lot of ponies. I think I'll eat when I get home... Maybe. “I- I'm sorry Applejack, I just don't feel up lunch for right now... I'm not very hungry,” she said looking away from her friend. She knew her friend could tell it was a lie, but she desperately hoped Applejack would let it go. Her fatigued and weakened mind didn't want the added stress of simply explaining her reasoning, even if it was simpler. Applejack raised an eyebrow, debating how to respond but, with a mental sigh, she decided against pressuring her timid friend. Her eyes betrayed the stress she was feeling and Applejack didn't want to add to it. “Well, If yer sure... Hey, how's about a walk? Just a casual stroll, we can just talk. I don't know about you Fluttershy, but ah could really use somepony who understands what's going on to talk to.” She smiled hopefully, knowing full well what affect her smile would have on her friend. Fluttershy glanced between the smiling farmpony and the ground, a deep melancholy filling her chest like freezing water as she struggled with her feelings. I really don't know what I should do. I want to help her, I really do. I know what it's like to suffer alone through this thing that nopony could understand, but what good would it do, for either of us? I should say no, I should tell her I don't have time. I- I don't want her to see me break down, I don't want to cry any more. I should say no... but I don't want to be alone. “Y-yeah... That sounds good. Thank you Applejack.” She feigned a smile. She knew a smile wasn't necessary, for either of them, but the social formality somehow put her at ease. “Thank you Fluttershy,” Applejack said sincerely, relieved that her offer wasn't refused. “Come on, It's a beautiful day, let's get go'n.” “R-right...” Almost reluctantly, she began to follow. The two mares walked slowly together down the street with no destination. An uncomfortable silence abounded, neither knowing what to say or how. Every once in a while, Applejack would open her mouth to speak, but would shut it again without a word. They uneasy walk was beginning to wear on Fluttershy, tension building in her mind. She didn't know why but she was feeling more anxious as the walk went on, her heart racing and her breathing becoming shallow. Bracing herself, she decided to break the quiet. “So... have you seen the girls? How are they doing?” Immediately Applejack came to a dead stop, her mane and hat obscuring her eyes from Fluttershy's line of sight. She could feel the atmosphere around her change, almost like she could smell the feelings bubbling up inside her friend. It felt like pressure that was quickly reaching the point beyond containment. She wanted to back up, to put some distance between herself and Applejack, but before Fluttershy could, she spoke up. “Not good Fluttershy, not good at all.” Slowly, she raised her head back up, meeting Fluttershy's eyes, her own between the verge of tears and burning anger, but also desperation. A longing to be understood, and to understand. The look in her eyes nearly brought Fluttershy to the point of crying and pulling her suffering friend into a comforting embrace, to tell her that everything would be alright, but, she knew that would be a lie. She held her tongue, and waited for her to continue as she knew she would. “Twilight, she's been going around and- and trying to change everypony. She's trying to make them forget about Rainbow Dash, even though she's still here! Pinkie Pie's started acting like her old self again. Ah saw her a couple weeks back, looking like her usual self. When Ah asked her why she looked so happy, she told me she made a 'great new friend'!” she growled, her anger beginning to boil over. Fluttershy looked away from her, she didn't want to see Applejack like this. She wasn't stupid, she could already guess who the new friend was. She could feel her heart breaking apart as she thought of Pinkie Pie, laughing and smiling with her childhood friend, going on like there wasn't a difference, completely ignoring Rainbow Dash, pretending she was gone. It hurt, it hurt so much to think that the element of loyalty was being abandoned and forgotten by her so called friends. “Pinkie has just completely forgotten about Rainbow!” Applejack went on, the anger in her voice becoming more and more apparent as she spoke. “It's not just her, Rarity too! She'd been shut up in her boutique for so long I was really worried for her! I went to see her last week and she was tidying up her shop. She seemed in a good mood so we started talking. She told me the same thing, that Twilight and Dash had visited her and somehow convinced her that Rainbow was a lost cause!” Enraged, she stomped her hoof on the ground, kicking up dust and pebbles. “Why are they doing this? She's their friend! Rainbow would never, has never abandoned them! It can't be true Applejack! It just can't be!” “I'm afraid it is...” Applejack trailed off, bitter resentment and disappointment constricting her chest and stifling her breathing. Painful drops were pooling in the corners of her eyes as she looked up to the sky. She wished desperately to see that rainbow blur, to hear that laughter that was so full of life. Her heart sank as she watched the empty sky, devoid of even a single cloud. “But why?! Don't they understand? She's not gone! She can't be gone!” Despite her desire not to, Fluttershy broke down, tears rolling down her cheeks en masse. Her delicate facade crumbled around her, exposing her broken heart and fragile mind. Panic set in, an overwhelming fight or flight instinct gripped her body. She knew which she would choose, what she would always choose. Spinning around, Fluttershy bolted away, leaving Applejack watching her back shrink away as she ran. Her tears fell from her face in her wake as she sprinted aimlessly. She didn't know what she was running from, only that she had to get away from something, maybe from everything. I need my friend back! I- I can't lose her. Not Rainbow Dash. Twilight, why are you doing this to me?! We were friends, you can't take her from me. Please... not like this. She ran, and ran, to nowhere. Anywhere but where she was, she didn't want to stop. The rushing air and the beat of her hooves detracted from the raging typhoon in her mind. Suddenly, a glimpse of something familiar brought her to a complete stop. At first, she thought it was an illusion of her sleep deprived mind, a trick of her grief, but as she looked once more, she knew it was real. A young mare with a rainbow mane and tale, with a blue coat that matched the flawless sky stood by a lone tree, a wheelchair sat vacant beside her. Her hind legs were bound in sturdy black braces. She weakly leaned up against the tree for support, facing away from the awestruck Fluttershy. She stood there, her eyes wide as her tears dried into her fur. Her heart was racing faster now at this twist of fate. As she stared at her, a name softly slipped passed her lips, dying quickly on the gently breeze. “Rainbow Dash...”