Main Characters: TWP, Twilight, Luna/Selene, Rei, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Octavia, Inkie Pie, Trixie
Cameos: Lyra, Bon Bon, Vinyl, Colton, Wheaton, Frontatrot, Rip, Lucas, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, Big Mac, TWP’s beard
Original Write Date: 11/20/2011
Twilight Sparkle is outside of The Power Block. She is pacing back and forth while rehearsing a speech. She seems oblivious to the stares she is getting.
‘ “Mr Wanderer, would you like to go...” No, too corny. “Hey! Who wants to...” Ugh. Just no. “You. Me. Cruise. Now.” ’ Twilight pauses and blushes. ‘I could never say that. “Mr Wanderer, please do me the honor of...” Are we getting married?’ She pauses again and bushes even more.
Suddenly, there is the sound of a mobile ringing. Twilight screams in shock then realizes it is hers. She levitates her mobile to her ear.
‘You know we have large windows in front of the store, right?’ comes from over the mobile.
Twilight looks and sees The Wandering Physicist waving her in. She hangs up her mobile and nervously enters the store. It is busy with post-holiday shoppers. Twilight goes up to the main counter. The Wandering Physicist lets her back and leaves the store to Lucas and Rei.
‘Wassup? You were out there for ten minutes looking nervous about something.’
‘Well...’ Twilight begins.
‘Am I dying?’ The Wandering Physicist blurts out with a gasp.
Twilight is shocked. ‘What? No.’
‘Sagan be praised. It would have been odd to hear that since I haven’t even been to a doctor.’
Twilight sighs. ‘Actually, I wanted to ask you something.’
‘Fine, but Lucas here has to be my best pony.’
Twilight blushes. ‘What?’
‘Stop joking around, boss,’ Lucas says to the couple.
‘I know. I know.’ The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘So, what were you saying?’
Twilight is kicking at the ground a little. ‘I didn’t even... I mean... Would you really...’
‘Twilight!’
‘What! Oh! Sorry.’ Twilight collects herself. ‘Would you want to go on Cruise Crazy with me?’
‘The JoColt thing?’ An idea strikes. ‘Can I grow my beard again?’ He beams.
‘Yes and no. Remember the way Rarity was acting?’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Groggy Beard comes to tied to a bed that is not his own. He looks around, but he is restrained so he cannot move his head very well. He hears some deep breathing and a little panting. He tries to struggle, but unicorn magic causes his limbs to go limp. ‘Don’t move. It will all be over soon.’ is heard under his beard. Something starts moving from under his beard, but he cannot even scream for help.
Suddenly, a door opens, and a magenta unicorn looks in.
‘Miss Rarity, did you want five bolts of goldenrod and three of canary or the other way around?’ Stormy asks. ‘Oh. ‘Sup, Mr Wanderer?’
Rarity’s muzzle pops up from under The Terrified Beard. She is sweating a little. ‘I thought I said I didn’t want to be disturbed!’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
‘But won’t happen this time. It will just be the two of us.’ Twilight looks sheepish. ‘Right?’
‘Actually, Pinkie is coming too. I can only afford it if more ponies can come, and she was the first pony I asked,’ Twilight explains.
‘Oh. That is cool. I don’t mind paying for me and these bozos. More ponies, lower price, better room, right?’
‘Yes! I am going on a cruise!’ Rei shouts as she flies around the store. She stops over a scared customer. ‘Wait. What the heck is a cruise?’
‘One of us should stay and watch the shop,’ Lucas says. ‘We’re making good sales, plus I get seasick real easy. That is why I can’t go swimming.’
‘You get seasick while swimming?’ The Wandering Physicist is perplexed.
‘It is also why I only take showers.’
‘Yeah... You’re fired. Stay here and watch the shop, weirdo.’ The Wandering Physicist turns back to Twilight. ‘Okay. So just me and the kid. Who else?’
Twilight thinks. ‘Well, to get the best deal or at least good rooms, we will need at least two more. I was going to ask the rest of my friends.’
‘Coo. I’ll ask around here. See if anypony wants to come too.’
The Wandering Physicist and Twilight brohoof and head out to talk with their friends.
Rainbow Dash is napping on a tree in the park while Tank buzzes around the park randomly. Twilight approaches.
‘Hey Rainbow. Hey Tank.’ Twilight stops under the tree. ‘Rainbow, can we talk?’
Rainbow Dash springs up and looks around nervously. ‘I didn’t do it! I’ve been here all day. Just ask Tank.’
The tortoise flies past and grins.
‘See,’ Rainbow Dash says smugly.
‘I don’t know what you are talking about, and I think I don’t want to know,’ Twilight sighs.
Rainbow Dash sits back down. ‘Oh. Then whats up?’
‘I’m getting a group together to go on the JoColt Cruise Crazy. Want to join in too?’
Rainbow Dash thinks for a second. ‘Pass!’
‘What? Why?’
‘First of all, that music is all for nerds. Second, hello, pegasus. Why would I want to take a slow boat when I have these babies,’ -- shows off her wings -- ‘to jet me anywhere in seconds?’
‘Rainbow, it is not about how fast it take to get somewhere. It is about the trip.’
‘What is the fun if it is not fast? Pass!’
Twilight groans and marches away.
Rarity works in her shop. She is at her sewing machine working on an outfit. Twilight stands back watching.
‘So you say all of the entertainment is provided by those performers?’ Rarity asks.
‘Right! There will be music and comedy and stories and...’
‘Hmm. No thanks.’
Twilight moans. ‘Why not?’
‘Well, that music is quite... pedestrian and not befitting of a lady.’
‘Don’t feel bad. She said that about death metal too,’ a passing Stormy adds. ‘Now my stereo has a golf club impression in it.’
Rarity glares at Stormy. ‘Also, it is right before Hear...,’ -- Stormy gives her a glare -- ‘uh, Singles Appreciation Day. I usually have a big rush for, uh, specialty garments around then.’
‘I don’t see what the big deal is,’ Stormy complains. ‘We don’t normally wear clothes. How can some virtually invisible fabric really do anything to make a mare seem more attractive?’
‘Hmm...’ Rarity thinks. ‘Imagine a filly you like.’
Stormy closes his eyes. ‘Done.’
‘Now, imagine her in some lacy lingerie.’
Stormy’s horn glows for a second under his cast. ‘Ah. I get what you mean.’
‘Ugh. You two are disgusting.’ Twilight marches out of the shop. ‘And Stormy, shave that damn beard!’
‘Never!’ Rarity shouts back.
Applejack and her family are working in their barn. Twilight is standing aside watching them work.
‘Well shoot, Twi. Ah’d love t’ go, but we got a lot o’ work t’ do befer the next Winter Wrap Up.’
‘But that isn’t for a couple months. You can take some time off for some fun.’
‘Ah’d love t’, hon, Ah really would, but we have t’ not only make sure there are enough supplies t’ make it through the winter, but that we have enough fer plantin’ too. Not only that, but we have t’ watch the orchards too. Even with yer freaky organization skills, if there ain’t enough food there ain’t enough food.’
‘I guess you have a good point. Good luck keeping everything well stocked.’
‘Thank, Twi. Enjoy yer floating rock concert.’
‘Uh... Miss Twilight.’ Big Macintosh mutters. ‘Do y’all have room fer...’
‘Oh no ya don’!’ Applejack interrupts. ‘Y’all ain’t gettin’ out o’ work that easy.’
Twilight heads out of the barn while Applejack continues to lecture Big Macintosh.
‘Oh... a cruise.’ Fluttershy instinctively shrinks away from thought of large crowds in confined spaces and her poor flying not being able to help her escape.
‘It won’t be for too long. I promise,’ Twilight pleads.
Fluttershy starts kicking at her seat, a clear sign she is upset. Twilight sighs and gets up.
‘It is okay. You don’t have to come.’
‘Oh. It is not that. I just have...’
‘Fluttershy. You don’t have to make excuses. I know you are not good with crowds and strangers, and this would be an overload, even with your ability to fly away.’
Fluttershy looks down. ‘I am sorry. I shouldn’t be such a scaredy pony.’
‘It is fine,’ Twilight assures. ‘I just hope Mr Wanderer found others to come.’
‘Mr Wanderer is coming?’
‘Yeah. Him, Pinkie, and Rei so far.’
Fluttershy instantly grabs Twilight’s hooves. ‘I’m in!’
Back at The Power Block, Twilight is meeting with The Wandering Physicist to compare whom they have recruited. Rei is speedrunning a 100% run of Wind Waker on main display since she was told that cruises were exactly like that. In just the couple hours since she started, she has gotten the Master Sword and is on her way to fight Ganondiscord. Lucas is the only pony actually working.
‘Nopony? You got nopony?’ Twilight is shocked.
‘Not unless you want to share a boat with Droll, and I’d drop him under the prow before we left port. Everypony else was busy or had obligations. Derpy even pulled that “nor rain nor sleet” line on me,’ The Wandering Physicist complains.
‘Well, I only got Fluttershy, so I guess I didn’t do too much better.’
‘At least it is somepony.’ The Wandering Physicist checks his mobile. ‘Actually, I think we might have a recruit if you are willing to set my neck in a few minutes.’
Twilight raises an eyebrow. ‘Oh?’
At The Chaos Theater, Rip gallops back and forth making sure all of his music equipment is in working order. Off to one side, Vinyl Scratch is enjoying the show while Octavia is looking bored. Vinyl puts her mobile into her hoodie pocket.
‘Can’t we just go back to your place, Vinyl?’ Octavia moans. ‘At least there we can fight about how much your taste in music sucks.’
‘You know I have to help Rip get ready. We are going on that trip soon,’ Vinyl explains.
‘I thought that was why we were hanging out now? Because you were going to be leaving soon.’
‘We are hanging. This is hanging.’
‘Ugh. If this is your idea of hanging, I’d rather make out with the next pony to walk through the door.’
‘Octy! Vinyl! Rip! How’s it going!’ The Wandering Physicist cheers as he walks through the door with Twilight in tow.
Octavia shudders. Vinyl falls over laughing. Rip barely looks up to nod ‘hello’ before going back to his equipment.
‘I hope you brushed,’ Vinyl laughs. ‘Both of you.’
‘I hate you both so much,’ Octavia seethes.
‘What did I do this time?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.
Octavia turns to him and stares into his eyes and glances at his lips. She does not act on what she said to Vinyl, not that she would or anything. She turns away and makes an angry squeal.
‘I guess it is a bad time to ask if you wanted to join us on the cruise.’
Octavia grimaces. ‘You’re going too? I hope the boat is attacked by a kraken and sinks. Seriously. Be rid of both of you.’
‘Vinyl, you’re going too?’ Twilight asks.
‘Yep! Rip and I are guests of MC Frontatrot.’ Vinyl beams.
‘I didn’t see your name on the performer list...’
‘DJ Pon3 and MC RC.’ The Wandering Physicist explains.
‘Ah!’
‘Anyway, Octy, we were wondering if you would like to join our group. My treat, of course.’
‘Stop calling me “Octy”. Only Vinyl can get away with that.’
‘Because she is your waifu.’
‘Right! ... No!’
Vinyl gasps for air as she laughs. Octavia shrieks and turns away again.
‘Mr Wanderer, I think this is a lost cause,’ Twilight says.
‘That is right,’ Octavia snorts. ‘As if sharing a cabin with you would have been bad enough, the only entertainment would be some of the lowest, basest music imaginable. And I don’t mean bass in a musical sense. I know what good bass sounds like, and that is not it.’
Octavia peeks one eye to see if The Wandering Physicist is still there. Instead, she is getting the full force of Vinyl’s uncovered eyes glaring into her soul.
‘What was that about my music?’ Vinyl growls.
‘I just...’ Octavia shrinks away from her friend.
‘You just what?’ Vinyl glares her friend to the ground.
‘I just... was saying... that I would love to be trapped on a boat kilometers from shore where the only music was your amazing beats. Right, James?’
‘I never get between couples fighting,’ The Entertained Physicist says as he offers some popcorn he seems to have found to Twilight.
‘You’re going to pay your own way too, right Tavi? Miss court musician?’
Octavia nods in terror.
‘Good.’ Vinyl replaces her sunglasses. ‘I can’t wait to see you at all of my shows.’
Octavia whines, looks back at The Grinning Physicist and The Ashamed Twilight then back at Vinyl and sighs.
After the bon voyage celebrations, The Wandering Physicist is in his element wandering the ship in search of the group’s cabins. The rest of the group is following the lone male as he leads them down rows of cabins and around the various amenities. Fluttershy is extra nervous with nowhere to easily hide from all of the new ponies.
‘Are we anywhere close to our cabins?’ Octavia gripes.
‘Oh. We passed them twice already,’ The Wandering Physicist states. ‘I just wanted to see some of the ship.’
Everypony else moans, even Fluttershy. A cello bow narrowly misses The Wandering Physicist’s head.
‘Oh look. We’re here,’ Another cello bow misses him.
The Wandering Physicist and Twilight open the doors. Everypony looks around the rooms. They are a little cramped since there are so many, but that is offset by having two rooms. Their luggage is placed randomly based on booking.
‘So...’ The Wandering Physicist starts.
‘Who is in which room?’ Twilight finishes.
‘Well, I should stay with Rei to keep her out of trouble.’ The Wandering Physicist volunteers.
‘That makes sense, but you should stay with one other since you paid for such a large room.’
‘So, who are you picking!’ Pinkie asks with a huge smile.
The Wandering Physicist looks at the four options in front of him. Pinkie has a wide grin. Twilight smiles kindly. Fluttershy gives a weak smile and tries to look impassive to the whole affair. Octavia expertly looks impassive, but she nervously makes eye contact before looking away again. This won’t end well.
‘Ooo! Pick Octy!’ Rei cheers. ‘She’ll be fun to bug.’
‘What does that mean?’ Octavia shoots back.
‘Well, at least you won’t fool around with Wander-san like those two will,’ Rei nods to Twilight and Pinkie.
The Wandering Physicist moans. Not helping, Rei...
Twilight and Pinkie blush and look away. Fluttershy shoots both a hurt look. The Wandering Physicist groans and closes his eyes to think for a moment. He looks at Pinkie and makes a complicated series of ear twitches and blinks.
The ever observant Twilight notices. ‘What was that?’
Pinkie returns another series of ear twitches and blinks.
‘Seriously. What are you doing?’
The Wandering Physicist shrugs. Pinkie nods. Twilight growls.
‘Fluttershy, want to bunk with us?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.
‘Really?’ Fluttershy squeaks.
The Wandering Physicist nods. Fluttershy beams a big smile. She quickly gets her luggage and moves it to the new room. Octavia’s bags are unceremoniously dumped in the hall. Octavia seethes as she starts picking up her bags.
‘Let’s take to ten unpack and then start taking in what there is to take in.’ The Wandering Physicist suggests.
Before Twilight or Octavia can respond, Pinkie answers, ‘Sounds like a great plan! Let’s get unpacking, girls!’
Pinkie grabs a couple of Octavia’s bags and trots into her cabin. The Wandering Physicist gives Twilight a sheepish grin before going to his room. Twilight groans again and enters her cabin. Pinkie helps Octavia with her things.
‘Okay, Pinkie! What was that?’ Twilight demands.
‘Oh? That.’ Pinkie takes a deep breath and sighs. As she sighs, her hair goes limp, but retains its color. Twilight gets a little nervous. ‘Well, we worked out a system of signaling each other covertly and in code just in case we needed to talk while somepony was watching.’
‘Why would you ever need to do that?’ Octavia asks.
‘Wanderer James Hayate and I have a pact where if either of us are feeling down, we would do everything in our power to cheer each other up.’ Pinkie gets a small smile. ‘It is a private thing between us.’
‘Pinkie... I didn’t know...’ Twilight says. ‘You could have come to any of your friends at any time... Are you fine now? I mean, your hair.’
‘This? Yeah. I just felt like relaxing and not worrying about parties for this week.’
‘You sure?’
‘Positutely!’ Pinkie cheers.
There is a knock on the door. Twilight answers.
‘Hey,’ The Wandering Physicist greets. ‘We’re all set up in our cabin. Need some help?’
‘We’re good,’ Octavia answers. ‘Just having some girl talk.’
‘Ooo! I am good at that!’ Rei chimes in. ‘Uh... y’all catch the lasts Colts game? Ya know, football?’
The Wandering Physicist pats Rei’s head. ‘That will do Rei. ... And that is not real football.’
‘James! There you are!’ a familiar voice calls out.
Those in the hall turn. Twilight looks out to see Selene happily prancing up. Twilight scowls. Rei gets a big smile.
‘Sel-chan!’ Rei cheers as she shoots for her friend and grabs Selene in a hug.
‘Rei! Great to see you too.’ Selene returns the hug. She looks over everypony else. ‘Twilight, nice to see you.’ Twilight turns and heads into her cabin. ‘Fluttershy, it has been a while. Same to you, Pinkie. Love your mane.’
‘Oh. Nice to see y...’ Fluttershy starts.
‘Hi Selene! You should come by to party more! You are way overdue,’ Pinkie greets.
‘I have been busy lately. Only time for short visits.’
‘What are you doing here?’ The Wandering Physicist asks. ‘A week isn’t really a short visit.’
‘Oh, I had some time saved up and when I heard you were going on this trip, I pulled a few favors and got somepony to cover me so we could spend some time together.’
‘Do you have a cabin near ours?’
‘No, I was able to get a suite on one of the upper decks.’ Selene leans in close to The Wandering Physicist and not so quietly says, ‘Feel free to join me any time.’
Twilight magics the pair apart. ‘He will do no such thing!’
Selene looks into the cabin. ‘Well, he is definitely not sleeping with you. I can tell since it is a mess in here.’
Twilight glares. ‘We were in the middle of unpacking.’
‘You are supposed to put your belongings in the dressers, not the floor, darling.’
Twilight growls, and she and Selene lock in an intense stare.
‘Who is she?’ Octavia whispers Pinkie.
‘She is a friend of James Wanderer Hayate. She and Twilight don’t get along very well.’
‘Is she related to Rei? They have similar cutie marks.’
‘I thought so too, but I was there when Rei just poofed up.’
‘Just “poofed”?’
‘Yep! Just poof! Then splat!’
‘You are by far the oddest bunch of ponies I have ever met,’ Octavia comments.
‘We’re leaving to go look around,’ The Wandering Physicist says to try and break the stare. ‘Feel free to join us when you’re done.’
The Wandering Physicist trots away. Fluttershy follows. Rei looks between the combatants, sighs and heads away too.
‘Truce for the rest of the cruise?’ Twilight offers.
‘Deal, since I know I will be the one to uphold it,’ Selene laughs.
Twilight growls. Selene growls back. They slowly leave the room while keeping an eye on each other. Pinkie and Octavia are the last to leave.
‘James is right. It is fun watching other ponies fight for once,’ Octavia laughs.
The groups have split up to explore. Rei is off zooming around the ship, literally. Octavia ran into Vinyl and is getting shown around the stage and introduced to the performers. Twilight and Selene found something to compete in and are in an all-out competition. Only The Wandering Physicist, Pinkie, and Fluttershy are looking around still.
‘This ship is so big, but there are so many ponies. How can they live like this?’ Fluttershy says while trying to hide between her friends.
‘So many new ponies to meet! It is great!’ Pinkie adds.
‘Did anypony else just see The Doctor?’ The Wandering Physicist worries.
‘Why would he be here, silly?’
‘Whatever the reason, I’d be scared.’
‘Eep!’ Fluttershy ducks behind The Wandering Physicist.
Her friends look back then forward to where Fluttershy is looking. They see two familiar faces approaching, one earth pony, one unicorn.
‘Hey Bon Bon! Hey Lyra!’ Pinkie greets.
‘Fancy meeting you here,’ The Wandering Physicist says. ‘Hope you can keep your hands out of our business this time.’
Lyra grimaces at the comment.
‘Good to see you too, James.’ Bon Bon rolls her eyes. ‘Pinkie, always a pleasure. And, is that Fluttershy back there?’
Fluttershy just squeaks at Bon Bon.
‘She says “hi”,’ The Wandering Physicist interprets.
‘She knows I am not going to hurt her, right?’ Lyra asks.
Fluttershy gives a long squeak.
‘She says it would be best if you two still avoided each other,’ The Translating Physicist replies.
Lyra frowns and sighs.
‘It will still take time, dear,’ Bon Bon comforts.
‘Are you here for the party too?’ Pinkie asks.
‘She means the Cruise Crazy,’ The Interpreting Physicist corrects.
‘Oh. No. We’re just here to get away for a bit and have a romantic time together,’ Bon Bon says while rubbing against Lyra.
‘Does this Cruise Crazy invol... OW!’ Bon Bon kicks Lyra before she can finish.
‘Actually, the main performer has a number of songs about monkeys.’
‘Bon Bon! Can we...’
‘They are sold out,’ The Wandering Physicist interrupts.
‘Thank Celestia,’ Bon Bon sighs.
Lyra snorts at her wife. ‘Just for that, I am going to do what I came here to do.’
Bon Bon sighs and shakes her head. ‘Why can’t you have a normal hobby?’
‘What is she hunting this time?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.
‘I’m going to discover sea ponies!’ Lyra cheers.
Everypony in earshot gives Lyra a worried look. The Wandering Physicist facehoofs. Even Fluttershy looks out from cover to give Lyra a concerned look. Bon Bon grabs Lyra by the ear and drags her away.
‘I thought I told you not to talk about that in public!’ Bon Bon growls through clenched teeth.
The couple head away to find a private place to argue.
‘They have the oddest foreplay,’ Pinkie comments.
The Wandering Physicist winces at the comment. Everypony else who heard the comment looks at Pinkie and shakes their head.
‘I am not going to get that image out of my head. Thank you, Pinkie,’ The Wandering Physicist moans.
‘You’re welcome!’
Fluttershy sighs. ‘I think I would like to find a quiet spot to rest for a bit.’
‘Too many ponies?’ Fluttershy nods. ‘It is okay. We have a week to cause trouble and have fun.’ The Wandering Physicist starts looking for a place for the group to sit.
‘I’m am going to get us some drinks! Want anything special?’ Pinkie offers.
The others shake their head and look for a table. They find an empty one and sit down. Soon, a figure approaches.
‘Excuse me, but that is my table,’ a demanding voice states.
‘Hate to burst your bubble, but we were here first.’ The Wandering Physicist turns while Fluttershy hides.
‘You!’ The Wandering Physicist and The Great and Powerful Trixie exclaim.
‘Great. If you are here, then Twilight is here too,’ Trixie moans. ‘Here to see my show?’ She adds hopefully.
‘We’re here for JoColt,’ The Wandering Physicist answers.
‘and Wheaton...’ Fluttershy squeaks.
‘Good. Then you will see me perform. Just make sure you keep your girlfriend from ruining my act this time.’
‘Why would I do that?’ Fluttershy squeaks to herself.
‘Why would I do that?’ Pinkie demands as she walks up with a plate of drinks on her head.
‘Oh ho!’ Trixie gloats. ‘The plot thickens.’ She looks over the drinks. ‘And where is mine?’
‘I didn’t get one for you since you are not with us and if you were, I wouldn’t since you are a meany pants!’
The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘Trixie. These are my friends. You don’t want to spend another long night searching the woods for your idiot cousin just because you need to apologize more.’
Trixie sighs. ‘Trixie apologizes.’ She says with a bow to Pinkie. ‘I did not mean to intrude. In fact....’ She looks Pinkie over. ‘You have just the look I would like to incorporate into one of my illusions. Would you mind meeting me later to discuss it?’
‘I don’t know...’
‘Go for it, Pinkie,’ The Wandering Physicist encourages. ‘Trixie may have a bit of an attitude...’
‘A bit of an attitude! The Great and Powerful Trixie is shocked.’
‘Okay, a pretty big attitude...’ ‘HMPF’ ‘but she is a generally decent pony if you give her a chance.’
Pinkie thinks hard. ‘Hmm... I will on one condition...’ She cackles.
Trixie raises an eyebrow. ‘Trixie is intrigued...’
Twilight and Selene are locked in combat over a chess table. Luna, as Selene, has never met a foe this worthy in over a thousand years. Twilight has never met another pony that knows all of the obscure, thousand-year-old strategies she learned from her books. Both stare at the board intensely. Around them, a small group of ponies watch the intense game. Twilight finds her move, picks up the piece with her magic and starts slowly moving the piece when... KABOOM!
A number of small firework explosions go off behind the chess players. ‘I am... THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!’ is yelled right beside them. Twilight screams and her piece ends up flying off into the ocean. Selene panics and the rest of the board mysteriously ends up in lunar orbit. Both mares turn and glare at Trixie with the hatred of a million suns. Trixie laughs nervously and backs away. Beside Trixie, Pinkie is rolling on the ground laughing and hiccuping from either the laughter, the fireworks or both.
‘That was HIC! great! You should have HIC! seen your faces! HIC! You looked HIC! like you were ready HIC! to kill somepony! HIC!’
‘Miss Pinkie... They still look that way,’ Trixie warns.
‘Pinkie....’ Twilight growls in a manner that Pinkie would have recognized from Froggy Bottom Bog if she was not too busy laughing.
‘Miss Pie....’ Selene rages in a manner similar to the accidental intimidation she showed when she first met Pinkie, but this time with actual intent behind the imposing visage.
‘Yes? HIC!’
Twilight and Selene advance, ready to rage, but then stop and sigh. They shake their heads at their friend.
‘Pinkie, you shouldn’t have scared us,’ Twilight scolds.
‘It was very rude of you to interrupt our game as well,’ Selene adds.
‘Especially since I was about to win,’ both mares say at once. They instantly turn and glare at each other.
‘Lighten HIC! up!’ Pinkie hiccups. ‘We are minutes into HIC! our trip, and you HIC! are already fighting. HIC! Are you going to HIC! fight for the rest of the week? HIC!’
Both mares sigh again.
‘Truce? Again?’ Selene offers.
‘I’m mare enough to give peace a chance if you are,’ Twilight replies.
‘Enough to HIC! Pinkie Swear on it?’ Pinkie interjects.
Twilight and Selene’s eyes go wide at the prospect of one of the most binding contracts in the universe (the others being higher level Pinkie Swears). They glance at each other then turn their noses up.
‘I was just going to suggest that,’ Twilight covers.
‘I was going to do one even if you didn’t bring it up,’ Selene tries to top Twilight.
‘I was already saying it in my head,’ Twilight attempts to win.
‘No you weren’t,’ Pinkie calls Twilight out. She frowns at both of them. ‘It is not nice to lie about something like that. Now, are you going to make nice or...’
‘She is going to have to make cupcakes with you!’ Rei shouts as she flies past. Pinkie looks for the offending pegasus.
Twilight and Selene raise a hoof. ‘We promise not to fight for the rest of the trip.’ They start miming what they say. ‘Cross my heart. Hope to fly. Stick a cupcake in my eye. OW!’ Both poke their eyes too hard.
‘Good!’ Pinkie cheers. She quickly scowls. ‘I’m watching you.’
‘FOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!’ Rei disappears out of sight around the ship. The white and blue streak returns. ‘EEEEEEEEEEEEEVER!’
Rei disappears on her flight again. Pinkie growls and heads off to find the pony who keeps stealing her lines. Trixie approaches Twilight and Selene.
‘I am sorry for scaring you.’ Trixie bows. ‘Miss Pinkie said that so-called prank was the only way to get her to help with my act.’
‘You were the one who performed at the royal children’s day for the orphans a while back, are you not?’ Selene asks.
‘Why yes. The Great and Powerful Trixie was honored to be a guest of the princesses.’
‘I thought you looked familiar.’
Trixie examines Selene. ‘Strange. I am usually good with faces, yet I do not recognize you from that event.’
‘Oh. Uh. I am pretty good at not being seen,’ Selene dodges. ‘I have a bit of a, uh, night cloak to help shield me.’ She grins unconvincingly.
Trixie stares into Selene a bit more then grins. ‘Okay. I believe you.’ She turns and trots away. ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, Mr Wanderer and Miss Fluttershy are waiting for me.’
‘Is there anypony out there that isn’t chasing after him!’ Twilight shouts.
Twilight and Selene give chase. From the back of the dispersing crowd, a gray earth pony mare with a long gray hair watches and covertly follows.
Octavia boredly listens to Vinyl and Rip talking with a bald orange unicorn wearing thick-framed black glasses. Octavia looks for something to do and notices an acoustic guitar sitting off to one side. She picks it up and looks it over. She has never played a guitar, but a string instrument is a string instrument so she gives it a pluck. An ungodly sound is produced. Obviously, there is something wrong with the guitar. All of the other ponies are staring at her.
‘Sorry.’ Octavia sets down the guitar.
‘Sorry, Tavi,’ Vinyl apologizes. ‘We have been ignoring you.’
‘Yeah. We were just telling Frontatrot here how you’re an awesome cellist,’ Rip says.
‘If you’re free, maybe we can jam,’ Frontatrot adds. ‘Also, call me Damian. Frontatrot is my stage name, but Timmy here keeps forgetting.’
‘Dude!’ Rip hisses. ‘Not in public!’
‘Timmy? Really?’ Vinyl laughs.
‘You didn’t even tell Vinyl? Geez.’ Frontatrot moans. ‘Not even his real coat and mane color too. Did you know that?’
Octavia rolls her eyes at the gossip. Vinyl giggles at her friend. A bearded earth pony enters.
‘Damian, we’re going to start setting up soon,’ Colton advises. ‘Ready to work?’
‘Let’s do this, Jon.’
Colton, Frontatrot, and some of the other performers start getting to work on the stage. Vinyl shrugs and starts getting to work.
Octavia sighs, ‘Anything I can help with?’
‘Scratch’s friend, right?’ Colton asks. Octavia nods. ‘Yeah. See if you can find Trixie and that stallion friend she wanted me to meet of hers. She said she was going to be around the main deck or the lounge or somewhere with drinks.’
‘Stallion friend?’
‘Yeah. Met him once. Friend of Rip’s.’
‘Black on brown. Video game nut?’
‘You know him?’
Octavia grimaces. ‘He’s the reason I am on this damn trip.’
‘So... You can find him?’
‘Why is he so important?’
‘We could tell you...’ Colton starts.
‘...but that would ruin the show,’ Rip finishes as he carries an amp across the stage.
Octavia raises an eyebrow and heads out to look for The Wandering Physicist. She takes a look back and gets positive signals from the rest of the ponies.
At the first show of the cruise, a special tribute is being held. The Wandering Physicist is up on stage with Colton, Wheaton, Paul and Storm and the other bearded performers. The performers are bowing their heads. A screen next to the stage is displaying a card reading: ‘The Wandering Physicist’s beard ~ Nov 27 - Dec 7’. Paul and Storm are playing an elegy on their kazoos. At her seat, Twilight is facehoofing. Off to one side, Trixie is bowing with her hat over her chest.
The next card comes up. It has a picture of The Wandering Physicist with a bit of stubble and reads ‘Day 1’. ‘Day 2’ has him with a full goatee. ‘Day 4’ has him with a full beard. ‘Day 6’ has him with his massive beard and Rarity in the background with hearts over her head. ‘Day 8’ has him with his maximum beard but with Twilight freaking out in the background. ‘Day 10’ has him running towards the camera as a wild Rapidash appears. ‘Day 11’ has him running from Twilight as she levitates all sorts of scissors and razors around her. ‘Day 12’ has him clean-shaven and looking sad as Twilight sits proudly behind him. Rarity is holding the remains of the beard and crying. The last card reads: ‘Dec 7, a date that will live in infamy.’
The kazoo music stops and Colton puts an arm around The Wandering Physicist.
‘Stay strong,’ Colton advises.
The audience claps and stomps their hooves. Twilight opts to attempt to bash her skull in on her seat back. After the applause ends, The Wandering Physicist shakes hooves with all of the performers. The crowd cheers again when Trixie gives him a small kiss on the cheek. The Wandering Physicist waves to the audience one last time and retakes his seat between Twilight and Pinkie.
‘That was fun.’ He beams.
‘Sniff! Your poor beard!’ Pinkie cries.
‘I hate you so much right now,’ Twilight growls.
The Wandering Physicist laughs and settles in to watch the rest of the show.
The next morning, The Wandering Physicist and his cabin are sleeping in a bit. There is a knock on the door.
‘Ja~mes? Are you up?’ is asked through the door.
After getting no response, the door lock glows with a magical aura and the door opens. Selene steps into the room and closes the door behind her. She looks around the room. On one bed, The Wandering Physicist is sprawled out inelegantly. Selene smiles as he itches his belly. Unlike her guardian, Rei is not sprawled out on a bed. She has apparently fallen off her shared bed with Fluttershy and sleeps upside down on the floor. Fluttershy is comfortably curled up on their bed under all of their blankets. Selene quietly laughs at Rei as she sneaks past to The Wandering Physicist’s bed and climbs in. She smiles as she snuggles up to his chest. The room returns to silence as Selene settles in. A few minutes later, there is another knock on the door.
‘Mr Wanderer?’ The door is unlocked, and Twilight looks in as she levitates a spare card key under her wing. ‘We’re heading to breakfast. Do any of you want to come?’
‘Breakfast!’ Rei shoots out of the door and over Twilight upside down.
Twilight looks around the room. Fluttershy stretches out from under the blankets and tries looking around. She panics briefly thinking she is blind, but the blankets fall and she gives an embarrassed giggle. Fluttershy notices her friend glaring at something and looks to see The Wandering Physicist and Selene in bed together. Fluttershy gasps while Twilight growls and advances.
‘Mr Wanderer!’
‘Just five more minutes,’ The Wandering Physicist moans.
A magical force grips both of the sleeping ponies. Both wake with a start before Twilight can do anything to them.
‘Remember your promise!’ Pinkie shouts from the corridor.
‘Many apologies, Twilight,’ Selene says as she sits up. ‘I let myself in and just couldn’t help myself.’
Twilight growls. ‘I should report you for breaking into somepony else’s cabin.’
‘Don’t tell me you never wanted to just cuddle up against the most wonderful stallion ever,’ Selene teases. She sees a new face at the door. ‘Octavia there knows what I am talking about.’
Octavia blushes and looks away. ‘Leave me out of your weird fantasies.’
Twilight growls and readies a spell for blasting.
‘Cruise ship!’ The Wandering Physicist yells as he tries hiding.
‘Pinkie Swear!’ Pinkie shouts as she rushes to stop Twilight.
‘Eep!’ Fluttershy squeaks as she hides under a blanket again.
Twilight disappears in a flash. They hear the door in the next cabin slam, followed by a loud scream. Everypony groans.
The Wandering Physicist turns to Selene. ‘You’ll have to do a lot to fix this, Selena.’ Fluttershy catches the changed syllable.
‘What? Why me?’ Selene protests.
The Wandering Physicist shakes his head. ‘It is like your social skills were developed on the moon or something.’
Before Selene can thrash her friend, Pinkie interrupts. ‘You are the one who broke in and then made it sound like Twilight was the one being rude.’
‘You also intruded on me and Rei. Meanie,’ Fluttershy glares from under a blanket.
‘Oh Sagan! Where’s Rei!’ The Wandering Physicist panics.
A porter knocks and looks in. ‘Do one of you own a bear that looks like a white pegasus? One just ate all of the room service leftovers that were left out in the hall for cleanup just now.’
After a delayed breakfast thanks to having to get Rei’s stomach pumped (which did nothing to abate her hunger) The Wandering Physicist, Pinkie, and Fluttershy are lounging around planning their day. Behind them, Rei darts back and forth carrying something. The Wandering Physicist seems distracted by his kid and watching the other ponies.
‘So tabletop lounge until your lunch with Twilight then bum around until the show?’ Pinkie says looking over the itinerary.
‘I think I will just go back to the cabin until the show,’ Fluttershy adds.
‘You have to at least eat with us,’ Pinkie pleads.
‘I guess...’ Fluttershy concedes. ‘If we go as a group...’
‘Of course! Auntie Pinkie Pie will do anything for her Fluttershy. You in, Mr Wanderer Hayate James?’
‘Sounds good,’ The Wandering Physicist replies as he watches a pony pass. ‘I swear that he is here.’
‘Everything is fine. My Pinkie Sense would tell me if something bad was going to happen.’
‘That wouldn’t give us a large enough window if something was really brewing.’
‘Why don’t you ask a steward or somepony to check the manifest for you?’
‘Unreliable. He wouldn’t travel conventionally. We need somepony better than that.’ The Wandering Physicist grabs a passing pony at random. ‘Is The Doctor on the ship?’
Lyra nearly drops a box she is carrying. ‘The Doctor? Let me check.’ She is released. She gets out a notebook. ‘Doctor... Doctor... Nope. You’re the only alien on the ship.’
‘Hmm. Thanks. And you and Rei are not going to catch anything.’
‘They exist, damn it!’ Lyra argues. ‘Besides, this is my only time to hunt while Bon Bon is distracted.’
‘While who is distracted?’ a voice asks from behind Lyra.
Lyra freezes. ‘If I can’t see you, you can’t punish me.’
Bon Bon growls and drags Lyra away by the tail. Rei stops her random flying and hovers after her current mentor. The Wandering Physicist sighs. He looks back at his friends.
‘Break until we meet up again?’
The others nod. Fluttershy scurries back to her cabin, avoiding all of the strangers. The Wandering Physicist and Pinkie head off to the gaming area. The grey pony from the other day makes a note in a notebook then gives chase.
Octavia has found her way to the bar and is making herself well-acquainted with the bottom of her whiskey glass before she decides if she wants to do anything else for the day. Beside her, Vinyl has yet to begin partying. She is more worried about the night’s performance.
‘Come on, Tavi. It would really help us out.’
‘Hmm.... No. I have some important work to do around here.’ Octavia sets down her glass and looks for the bartender.
‘Jon would really appreciate it.’
‘Nope.’ Octavia contemplates reaching over the bar and serving herself.
Vinyl sighs. ‘I’ll owe you one.’
‘Ooo. I like the sound of that.’ The bartender arrives. ‘Jura, please! And leave the bottle.’
Vinyl groans at her friend. The bartender returns with the drink. He set it in front Octavia. Before Octavia can have her fun, Vinyl snatches the bottle.
‘I’ll owe you only if you qualify.’
‘But I need the liquid magic to make the music better,’ Octavia pleads reaching for the bottle.
Vinyl pays for the bottle and carries it away. Octavia gives chase, doing everything she can to get her drink, even walking on her hind legs. Vinyl leads them to the stage. There Colton, Wheaton and Frontatrot are waiting.
‘I got her! The search is over,’ Vinyl declares.
‘Are you sure she is the best choice?’ Wheaton asks as he watches Octavia flailing for the bottle that Vinyl is holding over her head.
‘She can play her own instrument and sing beautifully. She just needs the right motivation.’
Octavia parkours up Vinyl’s back and snatches her prize. She takes a very uncivilized swig, straightens her hair and misaligns her bowtie. ‘Let’s do this! Where’s my cello?’
‘Cello?’ Colton asks.
‘Cello. Double bass. Koto. If it has strings, I can play it.’
‘She does know we have to hear her sing, right?’ Frontatrot asks Vinyl.
‘Just give me an instrument!’ Octavia demands.
Colton brings over a guitar and offers to take the bottle from Octavia. He gets a mean glare in return.
‘Let’s do this!’ Octavia raises her bottle above her head and looks around. ‘Where’s my sheet music...’
The four other ponies all facehoof. Octavia shrugs and starts playing Greensleeves on the guitar. The doors to the stage open, and an unicorn is dragged in by an earth pony.
‘Sorry to intrude,’ Bon Bon says with Lyra’s tail still in her mouth. ‘I saw your announcement this morning, and I know we are not part of your event thingy, but I really think you should give my friend a chance.’
Octavia stops playing. ‘Hey Lyra. How’s the wife?’
‘I never met her before in my life!’ Lyra pleads.
‘It is totally cool that you want to help out, but you are intruding on a private affair,’ Wheaton explains.
‘Actually, she is pretty good too,’ Vinyl muses.
‘Can’t be any worse than whiskey before noon,’ Frontatrot shrugs.
Bon Bon gets Lyra an ukelele. ‘Remember to play and sing as good as you normally do, dear.’
Bon Bon gives Lyra a kiss and goes to the audience. Lyra tunes the instrument a bit then goes to the mic next to Octavia. She shakes her head at the offer of whiskey.
Lyra starts playing. ‘THis waS a TRIumph!’
Bon Bon instantly rushes the stage and drags Lyra to the back.
‘I thought she was good,’ Octavia says after a drink.
Vinyl drags Octavia to the back as well. Both Vinyl and Bon Bon are heard yelling at their significant others. A moment later, Octavia and Lyra are shoved out on stage.
‘And play good or I’m dumping you!’ Bon Bon and Vinyl shout.
♫
And believe me I am still alive.
I'm doing science and I'm still alive.
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.
While you're dying I'll be still alive.
And when you're dead I will be still alive.
Still alive
Still alive
♫
Lyra stops playing her lyre. Octavia puts down a violin and bows. The crowd clap and stomp for the song. In the back, Vinyl and Bon Bon watch the show. Vinyl passes a bottle to Bon Bon.
‘At least we got them to stop being a pain,’ Vinyl sighs.
Bon Bon finishes the drink. ‘Don’t tell her I saw a sea pony after lunch.’
Lyra and Octavia come backstage after their last bow. They set aside their instruments.
‘Where’s my booze?’ Octavia asks.
Vinyl takes a step back and prepares to call for security.
After the evening concerts, The Wandering Physicist and Twilight are trotting along the outer decks and watching the sky. The mare still seems frazzled from the morning.
‘I know I said this earlier, but it is still great that you came out of your cabin.’
‘If Fluttershy hadn’t come back, I probably would have still been in there.’
‘Selene didn’t make any headway in apologizing?’
‘I had an easier time negotiating with a dragon than getting her to admit she was wrong.’
Makes you wonder how well she does on diplomatic missions... The Wandering Physicist thinks.
‘I guess Fluttershy used her stare or said something to get her to behave.’
The Wandering Physicist stops and looks out over the ocean. Twilight stops next to him.
‘I traveled this way to get here from Neighpon after I came to this planet.’
‘You didn’t TARDIS over?’
‘I was trying to keep a low profile. After catching up with The Doctor when I arrived in Ponyville, I realized how smart that was. Kept me out of the war.’
‘That would have been a loss if you had been called back.’
‘I would have lost something good that I have now. That is for sure.’
Twilight blushes and looks over. ‘What would that be?’
The Wandering Physicist looks back with a large smile on his face. ‘The best friends ever. ... And Rei.’
‘Hey!’ gets shouted from above them.
‘You do know that prolonged use of your “Moon Armor” makes your magical aura resonate,’ Twilight says to nowhere in particular.
‘Also, incessant giggling is a dead giveaway,’ The Wandering Physicist directs at nopony.
A snort is heard from above and nothingness flies away. The couple sighs and returns to watching the ocean. Twilight leans into The Wandering Physicist. He leans back. The grey mare in a porter disguise makes a note in her notebook.
The next morning, Pinkie and Fluttershy head to breakfast together, chatting as they go. Behind them, the grey mare is following them as covertly as possible.
‘... and then I yelled “Q!” as loudly as I could! It really threw Paul and Storm off.’ Pinkie relates a tale from the last concert.
Fluttershy giggles. ‘So that is why Wheaton was laughing so much. I couldn’t see you from that far back.’
‘Oh. We had a great time together. You should really join us up front some...’
Pinkie stops as she senses something. She presses against a wall and looks back.
‘What is it?’ Fluttershy asks.
‘Did you just see a palette-swapped version of me following us just now?’ Pinkie replies as she scans the hall behind her.
‘No...’
‘Hmm....’ Pinkie watches the crowds passing. ‘Aha!’
Pinkie quickly spins around and faces a random pony. The new pony shouts and drops his leftover breakfast. A white blur quickly devours the food before it hits floor then disappears. Pinkie glares at the pony before letting him pass.
‘Did you see somepony you knew?’ Fluttershy asks nervously, trying to get a handle on the situation.
‘I thought I saw... No. She wouldn’t be here. How would she know?’ Pinkie thinks for a moment. ‘Never mind. I’m just being random again.’
‘But it looked like...’
‘I was just being random again. Wink. Wink.’
‘Oh!’ Fluttershy gets it. ‘You said “wink wink” out loud...’
‘No, I didn’t. She’s on to me.’
Fluttershy sighs. ‘That will do, Auntie Pinkie Pie. That will do.’
The pair continue on to breakfast. The grey mare climbs out of the nearby bin she was hiding in, sighs, and resumes her observations.
Twilight happily trots to lunch. Despite Selene’s intrusion the other morning and Rei’s interruption last night, she has had plenty of alone time with The Wandering Physicist and this lunch was going to be another one of those times. Or so she thought. As she gets to the restaurant, she finds her date already sitting with another mare. The Wandering Physicist notices Twilight’s arrival, and he and Trixie wave her over.
‘It is so good to see you,’ Trixie coos as Twilight takes a seat. ‘We didn’t get a chance to catch up that first day before the show so when I saw James just now, I had to come over.’
‘Great. I was so not looking forward to a private lunch,’ Twilight moans.
‘Twilight, be nice,’ The Wandering Physicist says. ‘Trixie just wants to catch up with you. We ran into each other over the holiday as you know, You have to hear her stories.’
Twilight scowls. ‘I head the only story I needed to hear.’
Trixie grimaces. ‘Not going to forget that...’
The Wandering Physicist frowns. ‘Twilight. Trixie made a mistake and wants some forgiveness.’
Twilight sighs. ‘I am the one being rude now. Sorry Trixie.’
‘The Great and Powerful Trixie accepts your apology and hopes you will accept hers. As I understand it, you went to Canterlot for your holiday. How did you find it?’
‘Turned left at Trottingham,’ Twilight quips.
Trixie rolls her eyes. ‘How droll. Oh! I just remembered that I got you some small gifts from my travels.’
‘You did?’ Twilight is surprised.
‘Well, James said it would be a nice thing to do, and who can say no to his face?’
Twilight looks over at The Wandering Physicist. He is currently leaning on one hoof looking over his glasses at something going on at another table.
Twilight groans. ‘It gets harder every day.’
‘Anyway, I left all of my things at my cart. I’ll have the shipped when we are back in Equestria.’
A waitress comes up. She is a grey mare with her mane tied in a bun.
‘Are you ready to order?’
After the night’s show, the performers are backstage swapping stories before heading back to their cabins. Suddenly, Fluttershy stumbles backstage. The performers look at her. She squeaks and freezes in place. She slowly starts moving forward as The Wandering Physicist pushes her with his head.
‘Wil, sorry to intrude, but this was the only way I was going to get her to come and see you.’ The Pushing Physicist says as he tries navigating Fluttershy around the room. ‘She is a huge fan, but she just needs a little motivation to tell you such.’
‘Uh... Mr Wanderer, aren’t you being a little forceful?’ Wheaton asks.
‘With Fluttershy, this is the minimum we need to do to get around her shyness.’
‘Okay...’ Wheaton turns to Fluttershy. ‘Is there something you want me to sign?’
Fluttershy looks down and nervously starts kicking at the ground. Wheaton looks at The Wandering Physicist.
The Wandering Physicist nudges Fluttershy. ‘Go on.’
Fluttershy looks up. She takes a deep breath. ‘I love you so much in all of your roles! You are totally handsome and cool and have been that way since you were a young colt. I really love you as Fawkes and sometimes wish I was Codex. I was a big supporter of Team Parrish. Do you have to be so mean to Sheldon? Also, I made you this cape with The Axis of Anarchy logo on it.’ She shoves a wrapped object forward.
The Wandering Physicist puts a book on top of the package. ‘Here is her copy of Just a Geek.’
Wheaton opens the package. ‘Whoa! This is an awesome cape. Thank you! I am totally wearing it to the next show!’
Fluttershy lets out a happy squeak and faints from pure joy.
The Wandering Physicist takes a picture of the fainted Fluttershy on his mobile. ‘First time for that.’ He turns to Wheaton. ‘Tell the others I’ll meet them after I take her back to our cabin.’
Wheaton and The Wandering Physicist brohoof before The Wandering Physicist starts dragging Fluttershy back to their cabin.
The next morning, The Wandering Physicist is passed out in bed. Despite everypony’s best efforts, even Rei’s daring stunt that ended with a throat punch, The Sleeping Log defiantly guards his pillows from all outside intruders.
‘Don’t worry. I’ll watch him.’ Fluttershy offers.
‘You sure?’ Twilight asks. ‘I don’t want you to miss out on anything fun.’
‘Yeah. He was up pretty late with us last night.’ Octavia adds. ‘Got us all back to our rooms safely too.’
Rei’s mouth moves, but no sounds come out. She puts her hoof to her throat and winces.
‘I really think she should see a doctor...’ Octavia worries.
‘She’ll be fine once she gets some waffles!’ Pinkie cheers.
‘Waffles!’ Rei rasps.
‘See!’
‘We’ll be fine.’ Fluttershy smiles at her friends.
‘Okay...’ Twilight worries. ‘I’ll check in later if you don’t come see us first.’
‘Okay. Go. Have fun.’
Fluttershy waves as her friends leave.
Fluttershy sits on her bed knitting something when The Sleeping Physicist groans and stretches. He looks around the room.
‘Whatcha making?’
Fluttershy flips the knitting on to her head. It is a orange and yellow cap with an orange pom-pom.
‘For Rainbow since she gets cold working winter weather.’
‘Pony walks down the street wearing that hat, ponies know she’s not afraid of anything.’
Fluttershy giggles. ‘The hero of Cloudsdale. The pegasus named “Rainbow”.’
The Wandering Physicist smiles. ‘Whatcha doing here? I heard tale Aeofel was hitting the tables this afternoon.’
Fluttershy starts nervously playing with her knitting needles. ‘It is still early enough. Besides, I wouldn’t want to bother him twice in one trip, and he has been so nice already...’
‘It has been half a week. Are you still scared to go out of the cabin without us around?’
Fluttershy looks down and starts picking at a spot on the bed.
‘Did you tell Twilight or Pinkie?’ Fluttershy shakes her head. The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘Do you want me to talk with them?’
Fluttershy gasps. ‘Oh no! I don’t want to worry them.’ She smiles. ‘Besides, when was the last time we got some quiet time together?’
‘You know I always have time for my friends.’
‘No. I mean quiet time. Together.’
‘Ooo.’ The Wandering Physicist makes room and pats the bed next to him.
Fluttershy relocates herself. She leans against The Wandering Physicist and gives a content sigh as she returns to her knitting. The stallion gets out his mobile and starts checking in with the rest of the world.
Pinkie and Trixe are backstage after Trixie’s performance. They are watching as MC Frontatrot sets up for his performance. They both have drinks, and Trixie is fanning herself with her hat.
‘Thank you so much, Miss Pinkie. I am certain our performance went well.’
‘It was fun!’ Pinkie cheers. ‘How did you create that illusion of me in the audience so well?’
‘Oh. A magician has her secrets,’ Trixie grins.
Suddenly, the grey mare who has been following everypony around walks backstage.
‘Great show, Trixie. It was fun.’ She walks past Pinkie to get a drink. ‘Hey Pinkie.’
‘Hey Inkie.’
Both Pinkie and Inkie freeze. They turn and look at each other.
‘You do know each other! I thought so when I saw your last name.’
‘Inkie.... What are you doing here?’ Pinkie asks.
‘Uh... Hi Pinkie! Long time! How have you been?’
‘I have been fine. In fact, I recently saw my family over the holiday. What are you doing here, Inkie?’
‘Oh nothing. Nothing at all.’ Inkie tries hard to avoid eye contact with her sister.
‘If you are here, then that means....’ Pinkie gasps. ‘You wouldn’t!’
‘Can’t you assume I am here for reasons other than what you think?’ Inkie pleads.
Pinkie gives Inkie a stare. Inkie returns the stare. The stares go on for several moments. Then they lean in and narrow their eyes at each other.
‘Okie. Doki. Loki....’ Both say and back away.
After both mares have left, Trixie lowers her mobile. ‘This is definitely worth a few thousand hits.’
Luna watches the night sky from her suite. She has her perception filters off and just enjoys her night. There is a knock on her door. She quickly lifts her glasses perception filter on and answers.
‘Yes?’
The Wandering Physicist holds a small box forward. ‘Peace offering.’
Luna lets him in and closes the door. ‘Why James. You didn’t have to get me anything.’
‘Not from me. From Twilight.’ Luna starts looking the box over. ‘I was with her all day, so I have no idea what it is. Might be caesium for all I know.’
Luna opens the box and inside is her. She levitates a small Luna figure out of the box.
‘So cute!’ Luna squeals. ‘Makes what I got her seem petty.’
Luna nods at a book. The Wandering Physicist checks it out.
‘First edition Star Swirl. Her idol.’ Luna says. ‘I was going to give it to her first, but... Whoops.’
The Wandering Physicist nods. ‘Uh huh. She told me that she exchanged several letters with Princess Luna today asking her to be an intermediary between you two.’
‘This is hoofmade... When did she have time?’ She sets the figure down. ‘Please give Twilight my thanks. I know I will when I see her again.’
‘I’ll tell her before I head off, since she is about to one-up you again.’
‘You mean....’
‘Yep.’
Luna tackles The Wandering Physicist in a hug. ‘O MOST WONDERFUL OF NIGHTS!’
‘Indoor and outdoor voices, princess,’ The Choking Physicist croaks out.
‘Many apologies.’ Luna sets The Wandering Physicist down. ‘I am just so happy to get you all to myself for a while. Now, you get to the bed, and I’ll get the rope and candles.’ The Wandering Physicist glances to the open balcony. ‘Kidding!’ Sorta!
Octavia wakes to a sharp rapping sound. She looks around, but everything is tinted purple. She sits up and Vinyl’s sunglasses fall off her face.
‘Oh no. Not again,’ She moans.
‘What happened again?’ Pinkie asks from her bed.
‘N-nothing.’ Thankfully, the ocean makes disposing of a body easy.
‘Pinkie, don’t tease her. Vinyl and Mr Wanderer do that enough,’ Twilight says as she answers the cabin door. ‘Besides... ack!’
Selene lifts Twilight into a hug as soon as the door opens. She even gives Twilight a kiss which gets a giggle from Pinkie.
‘Thank you so much for the glorious gift,’ Selene coos. ‘You are no doubt the greatest Element of Friendship since Luna first wielded the Element.’
Twilight breaks free. ‘That is great that you liked the figure. It was just something simple since I didn’t have much time.’
‘It was the thought that counts and obviously you think a lot. Oh!’ Selene gets the book from under her wing. ‘Just some of my holiday readings I thought you might like.’
Twilight takes the book and reads the title. Her eyes go wide. ‘A wha ba ga ga!’
‘You broke Twilight’s mind!’ Pinkie cheers. ‘In a good way for once, too!’ She looks around. ‘Did Mr Wanderer go back to his room without saying “good morning”?’
‘What?’ Selene asks. ‘He was not with me. He left my suite many hours ago.’
‘He wasn’t with you!?’ Pinkie exclaims. Her eyes narrow. ‘Inkie.’ She turns to Octavia. ‘We’re going to need your crazy ninja assassin skills if we are to see him again.’
‘One, what crazy ninja assassin skills? Two, is it really so bad if we never see him again?’
The second question is enough to get Twilight out of her stupor, and all three mares glare at Octavia.
‘I mean... Let’s go save him?’
The Kidnaped Physicist wakes to find himself tied to a strange bed. He looks around for a clue to where he could be or at least to find his sonic. He hears somepony approaching.
‘Luna?’
‘Your princess cannot save you now, Mr Wanderer.’
Inkie comes into view with her long hair covering most of her face.
‘Sadako!’
Inkie parts her hair. ‘What? No! I am Inkie! Inkie Pie! Nice to meet you!’
‘Pie? As in...’
‘Yeppers! Pinkie is my big sister.’ Inkie pulls on one of the ropes and they all come undone. ‘You’re free to go now.’
The Wandering Physicist sits up. ‘What is going on?’
‘Oh. Pinkie spoke so highly of you over the holiday, the family just had to check you out to see if you really were as good as she said. I think the word “love” was mentioned no more than seven point three times,’ Inkie explains.
‘What?’
‘Since Pinkie holds you in such high regard, I was asked to investigate to see if you were of good enough stock for her.’
The Wandering Physicist is perplexed. ‘One, what the hell does that mean? B, am I good enough?’
Inkie shrugs. ‘I just had them send the samples back to the mainland for testing. I’ll be in touch.’
‘What? What samples?’
Inkie sighs. ‘For a three-hundred-year old pony, you aren’t that bright. You see when a stallion and a mare love each other very much...’
‘WHAT! No! I mean... Wait, did we...’
Inkie blushes.
‘You didn’t...’
‘No... I just with a...’ Inkie blushes even more and drops her head down. Her hair covers her face again. ‘I was only asked to do this since I am the scientist of the family...’
The Ashamed Physicist buries his head in his hooves. ‘You get to be the one to explain this to Twilight Sparkle if she asks. I am going to be the one attempting to escape to another time and planet.’
Inkie looks up. ‘But I was very gentle and I cleaned up the mess afterwards!’
‘I don’t want to hear it! No more talking!’
Suddenly, the door to the room flies open. Two very angry mares stand at the entryway seething with anger. Before today, the colors pink and lavender were not associated with negative emotions.
‘INKIE PIE!’ Twilight and Pinkie shout as they rush the younger mare.
The two furious mares start shouting at Inkie. Selene and Octavia enter to watch the show. Outside, Fluttershy peeks in. The Wandering Physicist climbs off the bed and joins the group at the door. Selene gives him a small hug.
‘So glad you are safe.’
‘Yeah. I am off science for a while now.’
‘What happened?’ Octavia asks.
The Wandering Physicist motions them in and whispers his interpretation.
Fluttershy blushes. ‘Oh. My.’
Selene laughs. ‘So Octavia wasn’t the only one that got lucky last night.’
‘Hey!’ Octavia snaps. ‘I have no idea why I have these.’ She adjusts Vinyl’s shades on her face. ‘I just need some magic memory water to help me remember and get rid of this headache.’
Selene raises an eyebrow. ‘You mean vodka?’
Octavia is instantly calm. ‘That would be great. Have any?’
‘...And if you ever pull something like this again, I won’t be held responsible for my actions!’ Twilight and Pinkie shout as they finish their yell/lecture.
Inkie nods. ‘Okay.’
Twilight and Pinkie snort at the younger mare. Twilight goes back to the group as Pinkie stays to lecture her sister more. Twilight puts a hoof on The Wandering Physicist’s shoulder.
‘I know she didn’t do anything too bad or... yeah, but still...’ She shakes her head. ‘I think I am off science for a while now.’
Pinkie escorts her sister over. ‘Say it.’
Inkie looks down and kicks the ground for a bit. She looks up and parts her hair. ‘I am very sorry for kidnaping you and...’
‘Don’t say it!’ Fluttershy cries.
Inkie blushes. ‘Anyway. I am sorry for causing all of this trouble.’
The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘Inkie... I can forgive you. It will just take time. Also, I am not going to touch anything you offer me for a while. You know why.’
Fluttershy faints from the shock. The others just grimace. There is a crash as Trixie falls over Fluttershy.
‘I heard something potentially scandalous was going to happen. Did I miss it?’
The others just moan and shake their heads as they leave the room. Twilight levitates Fluttershy with them.
‘Isn’t anypony going to offer to help me up?’
Inkie offers her hoof. Trixie starts reaching for it.
‘No don’t!’ everypony shouts.
The Wandering Physicist is relaxing in a jacuzzi, his reasoning being that the chlorine and bubbles will help him feel unclean faster. Colton, Storm and Rip are relaxing with their friend.
‘I know that is probably nothing compared to what your fans do, but it was still a very shocking experience.’
‘We’ve all been there, bro,’ Rip comforts.
‘I once had a fan show up at my hotel dressed in cake.’ Colton says. ‘I had to convince him he was a lie to get out of having to sample it.’
‘I cannot even begin to list the things thrown for Opening Band,’ Storm adds.
‘I, uh, once had, um... Damn you guys for being famous,’ Rip curses.
‘Cheer up, Timmy.’ ‘Yeah, Tim.’ ‘Hang in there, Tim.’
‘I am never going to live down my real name, am I?’
The Wandering Physicist turns to the others. ‘I wonder what his real colors are.’
‘I am guessing sky blue on periwinkle,’ Storm says.
‘Maybe that is not really his real cutie mark.’ Colton postulates.
‘Let’s see if we can turn up the heat and boil the truth free.’
‘I’m out of here.’ Rip gets up to leave.
‘Tim! Wait!’ Rip turns back. ‘Once you accept your true self you can...’
Rip yells and storms away from the laughing stallions. Frontatrot steps into the tub.
‘What is he on about?’
‘Nothing,’ Colton says. ‘Mr Wanderer here just had an epic fangirl encounter to share with you.’
‘It was awesome sauce,’ Storm adds. ‘Literally.’
‘Sounds fun,’ Frontatrot replies. ‘I’m all ears.’
Selene treats the girls to a massage to help them unwind after the morning.
‘I don’t see what the big deal is,’ Trixie states. ‘Trixie has gotten far stranger receptions from various admirers. Not all of them from stallions either.’
‘But it was kidnaping and assault,’ Twilight protests. ‘It was one step short of Misery!’
‘Please. That ended in heartache and pain. He at least got some pleasure from the ordeal,’ Trixie protests.
There is a squeal and a thump as Fluttershy faints off her table.
‘For a pony versed in animal care, she can’t stand the basics too well,’ Selene comments.
‘Actually, when father asked me...’ Inkie starts.
‘Inkie. No. Just no,’ Pinkie interrupts.
‘Sorry.’
There is a mutual silence among the group for a moment.
‘You know they say opposites attract, but it seems the nerd god attracts mostly similar types,’ Trixie comments.
‘Actually, according to studies...’ Inkie starts.
‘Inkie. What did we tell you about talking?’ Pinkie asks.
‘You said not...’
‘There you go again, Inkie.’ Pinkie sighs. ‘Kids these days.’
‘Try copying Fluttershy and practice for the next “Shh” competition,’ Twilight suggests. ‘She’s the world champ, you know. I was there.’
Inkie just moans and shuts up.
♫
Well it's gonna be the future soon
And I won't always be this way
When the things that make me weak and strange get engineered away
It's gonna be the future soon
I've never seen it quite so clear
And when my heart is breaking I can close my eyes and it's already here
♫
Colton finishes the song to much applause. In the front row, The Wandering Physicist is still in a bit of a haze of joy from hearing his favorite song. On either side of him, Twilight and Selene sigh contently as they rest their heads on The Wandering Physicist’s shoulders.
‘I hate to do this,’ Colton says, ‘but it is time for the last song of this trip.’
‘Play Freebird!’ is shouted from the audience between the moans of complaint.
‘See, you say that to be ironic,’ Colton starts, ‘but you are not being ironic. You being a bit of a dick. And by me pointing that out, I am a bit of dick too. Thus, you making me be a dick is a dick move too. It is this whole vicious cycle of... Let’s just leave that there.’ He tunes his guitar a bit. ‘Now, the last song is...’
‘ARRR!’ the audience shouts.
‘No, not that one.’ He laughs. ‘No, the last song is basically a song about how I feel right now.’
♫
I get up early when the sleeping pill wakes me
I take a wake up pill and fill with energy
...
♫
The cruise is over. The ship has returned to port. Everypony is heading back to their homes. All the travelers from Ponyville are returning together in the same train car. Pinkie has even eased up on her sister, and she is traveling with them so Pinkie can show her around town. Most of the ponies are resting and swapping tales from their individual adventures. Octavia is passed out on bench and is resting her head by Vinyl’s side.
‘Somepony turn off the sun and make the headache go away!’ Octavia moans.
‘I second turning off the sun,’ a voice cheers from where The Wandering Physicist and Twilight are sitting. It is followed by a loud ‘Ow!’
‘Shut up! You’re making the headache worse,’ Octavia yells.
‘Want him to kiss it to make it better?’ Vinyl offers.
‘Yes, please. … … Wait! No! Shut up!’
Vinyl laughs and pats her friend’s head. Lyra plucks some strings on her lyre.
‘I had fun with the band...’ Lyra says.
‘That is good,’ Bon Bon smiles.
‘...but I didn’t see a single sea pony...’
‘You didn’t see a sea pony? Not one? REALLY!’ Bon Bon shouts. She quickly realizes that she is drawing stares. ‘We’ll talk about it when we get home.’
‘Want me to cover myself in squid guts for you, dear?’ Lyra asks with a giggle.
At their seat, Pinkie is telling Inkie all about the party she will throw. Pinkie’s hair has returned to its puffy state.
‘It will be great! We’ll have a “Welcome Home Party” and a “Welcome Inkie Party”! I am sure all of my friends would love to meet you. Well, all of my friends who you haven’t met yet anyway. We’ll just pretend you didn’t do anything untoward, okay?’
Inkie is not paying attention to Pinkie and is busy chatting with somepony more her age.
‘I fought a kraken!’ Rei brags. ‘It was all “Roar!” and I was like “Nope! Not in my backyard!” So I blasted it with lightning from my super spin!’
Inkie thinks. ‘A lot of that tale is suspect. First, while it is not unheard of for an Architeuthis to be seen in these waters, I doubt one would have come out of the water as you claim. Not to mention that the size and vocalizations are inconsistent with known species. The lightning part is the only believable part of your story, as pegasi are known to create weather effects with their flying.’
‘Awww.....’ Rei looks sad. ‘Wanderer-san, she doesn’t believe me.’
The Wandering Physicist looks from Rei to Inkie then to Pinkie. ‘Trade you teenagers.’
‘Wanderer-san~~~!’ Rei cries.
The Wandering Physicist laughs and turns back to where he and Twilight are resting. She is curled up with her book and looks half asleep.
‘Yep, another scientist for the family...’
The Wandering Physicist sighs and leans back in his seat. He looks across the way to see Fluttershy at her knitting again. She looks up, flips the hat to her head and playfully sticks her tongue out at him. Both laugh and go back to resting as the train speeds home.