"Next is...Who's Charity Sweetmint?"
"Oh, she's the antagonist in Rarity & The Curious Case of Charity. She started out as Rarity's apprentice, but then became one of those identity theft type of villains. She even tried to take Spike from Rarity!"
"Wait, what are you saying?!"
"Sparity is Canon in the Chapter books!"
"Holy dried shit soaked with piss! Are you kidding me?"
"No I am not sir, now here's Rarity's dialogue when Charity called Spike her Spikey-Wikey. Ahem: "Let's get one thing straight. That's my Spikey-Wikey. Capiche?"
"Whoa!"
"Yeah, G.M. Berrow is my fucking hero!"
"Alright, begin the story now!"
It was well...certainly a day in Ponyville. Hahaha, you see that I'm specifying what kind of day. So yeah, Spike was in the middle of eating a gem strangely shaped like a chicken wing while reading a comic book.
"Comic books Spike? How nerdy of you."
"Huh?"
Then Spike looked-up to see what he thought was Rarity.
"Ch-Charity?"
"Yes darling, it is I, the true Rarity! Also, I am sorry for trying to take you from Rarity using her looks."
"Oh, me & Rarity aren't a thing so everypony has a chance to drag me away, but believe me, It's a challenge to drag these eyes away from Rarity, the most beautiful creature in the world."
"That's why I'll steal you away without my former mentor's help!"
"Good luck." He said sarcastically as he walked away while still reading his comic book.
"Just you wait little boy, once I'm through with you, we'll become the new Sparity!"
Spike was in his new room, watching the new episode of a show.
"Hahaha, oh Mack, don't you know that you're not allowed to talk? My little Human is such a great show."
Spike turned the T.V. off and found Charity wearing a revealing night gown.
"Ah!"
Then she used her magic to silence him!
"Shush, Spike. Listen, is Rarity really the one you want?"
"Yes, now please leave before I call one of the guards."
"What guards? You have weak noobs protecting this place!"
"Hey, Deezutra & Veetrix are getting transferred here...in 4 and a half weeks!" Spike's earfins then drooped down in fear because Charity started inching closer and closer.
"Fufufufu, Spike, you're going to be my Spikey-Wikey again."
Charity then pounced, but Spike dodged and started running.
"Spike, get back here my love!"
Spike then started imitating Sonic the Hedgehog's figure-8 technique, but Charity used teleportation to catch-up. That's when Spike ran into a net!
"Gah! No, my security system has betrayed me!" Spike said while struggling to break free from his very own set trap, oh how irony eats Yak Penis! Just so you know, people actually do eat Yak Penis isn't that disgusting? Then again, I'm sure there's something much grosser than that.
"Catch of day for me!" Then they teleported back to his room. Then all throughout the night you could hear Spike's screams echoing through the sky, and where is Princess Twilight you ask? She was at Canterlot enjoying a drinking party.
"Aaaaaaaaaahhh!!!"
"Hey guys, *hic!* did you hear that?"
"Yeah, it sounded like Spike getting raped! *hic!* " Said Princess Celestia.
"How dare you make fun of my dear sister!?" Said Princess Luna as she returned from the bathroom. "I'll have you thrown into the bottomless pit, but for now, next letter!"