Urohringr

by Imploding Colon


We Can't Have Nice Things

"Move to the far side! Don't let them touch you!"

Josho's frantic cries dissolved against the maelstrom of noise that filled up the hold. From wall to wall, rabid pegasi stampeded on ragged limbs. Several of them leapt up and skittered across the ceiling for a better angle on their fleeing targets. With wretched gurgling sounds, they leapt at random, pouncing on the backs of helpless ponies. Four equines fell to their charge in an instant. All the survivors could register was howling and the scraping of hooves against brick—and then the wave had advanced before the rest of their horrific fate could be witnessed.

Prowse finished priming his gun. Against Props' protests, the stallion spun about in mid-hobble and discharged his energy weapon at the swarm nipping at their tails. He blasted the attackers in two, taking a good chunk of the invaded hold along with it. Gaps in the floor appeared in random patches, filling the claustrophobic air with wind and rain water. The rest was a goop of purple mess, sloshing ever so dastardly forward.

Several ponies looked back, hung between shrieks and sobs. Arcshod, Josho, and several other warriors urged them along while a few Xonans and Ledomaritans dismantled the barricade to their last and only exit.

"Props!" Bellesmith shouted from where she hobbled beside Josho. "Props, you and your Uncle need to m-move!"

"Unky Prowsy!" Props tugged and tugged on the stallion as he held his ground. "Please! Let's g-get out of here!"

"Them bloody wankers ain't stoppin' for nothing!" He spat, priming his prosthetic with a dull bass hum. "We're all that stands between them and the others!"

"Unky, until that boomstick of yours reloads, it's useless to us too!"

"What are you two waiting for?!" Aatxe and two other ponies scuffled to a stop, panting. "We have to make it to my ship—"

A pegasus dove through the hazy air and pounced onto the stallion to Aatxe's side. Aatxe and his companion stumbled aside, gaping in horror.

"Gaaaa-aaaauchkkk!" The stallion flailed beneath the ravenous creature. Its every bleeding orifice soiled his quivering flesh with gallons of the deathly muck. As the thing bit and tore at his shoulder, he looked up with what was left of his tear-stained face and reached a melting hoof out. "Nnngrauhhhhkkk—pleeeease...!"

Aatxe sat, slumped in frozen horror.

Seclorum charged up, wide-eyed. He heard a rattling sound and glanced to the side. He stood next to Prowse's little hovel in the hold, and the nearest crate of junk held several explosive ordinances. Seclorum reached in, twisted a knob with his teeth, and tossed the object into the nightmarish scene. The explosive erupted in flames and shrapnel as soon as it landed. The monster and its victim were instantly incinerated while the wave of undead beyond staggered from the blast.

"Props! Prowse!" Belle hopped and craned her neck from a distance. "Come on! Run!"

"You heard her!" Seclorum shouted as he took two more explosives and shoved the crate towards the stallion at Aatxe's side. "We don't move? We don't live! Now get your flank into gear!" He looked fixedly at the stallion. "Will you lend a hoof?"

The stallion nodded and reached in for an explosive.

Seclorum was already tossing another. "Prowse! Get your niece and her manacrystals to the surface or I'm breaking both of your legs and dragging you myself!"

Prowse gnashed his teeth, shaking his half-charged prosthetic in frustration. He begrudgingly hobbled off, leaning on Props' shoulder for support while more explosives went off behind them.

"Burn in the Spark's abyss, you smelly bags of piss!" Seclorum sputtered. Once he had lobbed his last explosive, he shoved Prowse's crate towards the thinning crowd behind him and shoved the stallion along. The pony carried the crates along while Seclorum backtrotted from the flame and smoke. He bumped into Aatxe in the process, then gaped at the numb equine. "Hey! Hey!" He shook the pony's shoulders. "I wanna get out of here too! That's gonna be hella hard if I have to carry you! So wake the buck up!"

Aatxe nodded in a cold sweat. "Yes... y-yes..." He spun about and hobbled on, wincing. "Must... st-stay alive..."

As the shrieks picked up once more in volume, Seclorum spun and dashed down the hazy corridor just as the rest of the survivors poured through the empty barricade beyond.


Schwissssh! The rear door to the Noble Jury's cockpit opened to the rain and wind. Eagle Eye's soaked figure trotted through. He sheltered himself with a cushion of telekinetic force while Zaid yanked the door shut behind with a lever beside the cockpit. Slowly, with cold purple eyes, Eagle Eye looked up.

"There's the stallion of the hour!" Zaid beamed, glancing over his shoulder briefly as he drove the skystone ship through the soupy maelstrom. "Didja catch any fish?"

"... ... ..." Eagle Eye smiled. "You're a funny one."

"Nawwww, in a seriousness, though..." Zaid smirked. "It's great to have you back on board. We thought you were a goner, dude! Well, granted, we thought we were all goners, but—"

"The ship is in one piece?" Eagle Eye asked.

"Pfft. As good as it's ever going to be." Zaid motioned down below deck. "Poor ol' Floydien knocked his head up worse than a jackrabbit on her honeymoon. We think he's doing alright... for a giant space elk suffering a coma, that is. But, in the meantime, yours truly is having to pilot the ship so that we don't blow up. Then, maybe, we'll run into Rainbow Dash and the others... and then blow up. Ya feel me?"

"I do, Zaid," Eagle Eye said. "Is everypony else okay?"

"Uhhh... all I can tell you is that Kera's snug-as-a-bug in the observation room..." Zaid smirked with thin eyes. "...and Ebon's playing engineer in Props' place. Maybe you should go down there and say 'hey.' Help him grapple with levers... so to speak."

Eagle Eye smiled. He then smiled some more. "So he is in the engine room?"

"Yup! He'll be super jazzed to see you, among other 'j' words. Hell, I'm so happy to see you I just about j—"

"I should go check on the engine room," Eagle Eye said—then paused briefly. He turned to say, "And Ebon."

"Righto! Heheh! So nice to have you around, guy!" Zaid pivoted the chair just enough to stretch out his hoof. "Gimme some fetlock! Up top!"

Eagle Eye silently shimmied down the crawlspace.

Zaid was left hanging. He blinked, then frowned. "Hmmph... Just because I'm straight doesn't mean I'm gonna slice you up or nothin', bro." He pivoted towards the controls with a sigh. "Wonder if the poor sap even notices how much his mane sucks right now."