//------------------------------// // Damned Robots // Story: Brony in Black // by Gray Compass //------------------------------// Brony in Black Weeks have passed since my first day here in the Pony Mesa compound, naturally, I enjoyed my day off after Lyra's unexpected visit, but just between us; there's no much a secret agent can do to have fun aside from the usual 'walk around the park'. We never know when our presence will be requested. Peculiarly, the last few days have been relatively calm and without any relevant occurrences. A few magical objects spotted here and there, some reports of pegasus sightings in New Haven (We couldn't confirm anything yet) and paperwork; tons of paperwork. I spend most of my work hours inside the underground facility, we share the place with a huge team of scientists and researchers, sometimes MIB agents come here to talk to Senior Redwood, or just hang out with the pony ambassador (I'm pretty sure one of our agents has a crush on her) I don't know what the interdimensional laws regarding inter-species relationships says about official ambassadors rights, but I believe I'm about to find out judging by the way that Silver Words looks at him. Anyway, last night agent J2 handed me a box filled up with random objects; from shoes to electric toothbrushes. The reason of course, was related to magic, you would be surprised to know how many enchanted objects the government apprehends every year in airports around the country. (Most of them come from Pennsylvania, don't ask me why though; we really don't know) I had to check one by one and categorize each object by threat level. Several shrinking shoes, flying spoons and invisible knifes later I fell asleep over my table. I'm such an irresponsible bastard. A faint beeping sound interrupted my slumber, and I had no idea for how long I've been asleep. We have some shutters here, but Pony Mesa Is an underground facility so they don't truly lead anywhere besides the artificial sunlight system that simulates the day and night cycle. I suppose it was already day out there, since my room was tenuously backlit when I woke up. I rubbed my palms against my eyes to send the sleepiness away, checked my clock at the desk and it said 06:37 am Looking to myself I noticed I was still dressed in my traditional black suit, I sighed. Something constantly beeped inside the box, it couldn't be my Twicanelizer; the silly thing was inside my pocket. Oh well, I can deal with this later... I thought. I stood up from the chair and walked towards the bathroom to start my morning routine and have a refreshing shower. The box coukd wait. What could go wrong? Wrapped in my towel and with my relatively long hair still dripping from the previous bath, I turned to clean the fogged mirror while brushing my teeth. It was Saturday and my shift only started after noon, so I wasn't in a hurry to do anything useful. (Which was a rare thing) I turned on the small screen at the mirror to watch the morning news; as ever there was nothing really interesting happening around the world. '..and today starts the fifth edition of the World Equestrian Fairm which this year takes place in Tokyo, Japan. The festival that attracts millions of visitors every year since its first edition in 2018, expects to break last edition record of 2 million attendees-' Oh the reverse psychology... I have to admit, agent F has done an excellent job when she turned alien equines into a tv show. I mean, who would have guessed that the innocent Hasbro Corporation, and its cute colored ponies were nothing but a well articulated plan? How many of those so called 'Bronies' would faint if they discovered the real truth behind Friendship is Magic? "...the festival will count with the presence of Daniel Heartz creator of Equus Life, the revolutionary software for Oculus Rif-" A loud noise drew my attention out from the newscast and to the bathroom door. As if something had bumped against the wall. "What the hell?" I muttered. I rested my toothbrush over the sink counter and walked towards the door, slowly opening it just enough to put my head outside. I hastily ducked just in time to protect my face from a flying pony toy. This wasn't a normal toy though, it was a robot Twilight Sparkle plushie, the fact it was a robot wasn't a problem for itself; you can get one of those in any toy store. But If this piece was inside the box, they must have placed it there for a very good reason- "Don't you wanna be my friendzdzdzdzdz *beep* Don't you wanna die?" As I said, a very good reason. "Holy fuck-" I tried to close the door but the demonic robot crashed against it and swung it open. I jumped over the counter desperately trying to protect myself from the cursed machine while it tried to pierce me with its uncovered horn. "Ha ha ha, I'll teach you the beauty of harmo- blood and pain" She said with a corrupted robotic voice. I plucked the mirror out from the wall and threw it on Twilight's head, the robot emitted a creepy groan and collapsed on the floor giving me just enough time to escape from the bathroom and lock the machine inside. I rushed directly to my desk, searching for my magic inhibitor gun. Where... Where's this damned gun- Wooden and glass shards flew everywhere when the bathroom door exploded, the knob landing dangerously close to me. "I'm Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia faithful-" She turned her head 180 degrees like a horror movie haunt and stared at me "murderer" Twilight added with a terrifying cute voice. "Help! Someone help me!" I screamed and ran toards the front door, unfortunately, she had wings. My body slammed against the shelves with full force, knocking the air out of me, her horn still fuming after the powerful spell. I stayed there on the floor, my sore back leaning against the wall. Twilight approached me and placed a hoof on my shoulder "To be a good student you must learn how to stay quiet..." Her artificial horn started to flicker. "Learn this!" In a sudden move I grabbed the first object I found by my side and hit her head. And look! It was a dictionary. A large, Oxford dictionary... "Ahhhhhhh- What-what-what have you done to me!" She rocked her head violently, her sparkling horn was cracked by the blow. Wasting no time, I grabbed the robot by its neck and threw her over my desk, as the only way to deactivate it was ripping the spine circuits. Jumping over the machine, I searched for a compartment under the artificial fur; it was the main circuit box. I didn't realized that her hooves were still fully operational. Until she kicked my balls. "HOLY CRAP!"I screamed, releasing the pony and curling up in fetal position. My towel was gone, and a maniac robot was still squirming over my work table. With her horn broken, she was completely unpredictable and out of control. After I recovered from the shock, I walked back to the table and with some difficulty, turned over her body so I could access the circuits hiding between her neck and her wings. "Hmmmmmmmmph release me! I'll destroy you!" It screamed. "Shut the fuck up!" I struggled with the convulsing wings to reach the right place, she contorted and kicked, cursing my name while I tried to switch her off. To worsen my situation, the pathetic A.I started to scream and moan on purpose. "Noooo please, you're hurting me! Please sir, d-don't" When I finally reached one of the wires and was about to yank it out, my chamber's door swung open. "Ahhhhnnn nooooooo, you're being too harsh!" "... I heard some noises, is everything alright agent- Jesus Christ Agent S! Contain yourself!" J2 quickly covered his eyes. "Please, don't do it sirrrrr" The machine finally died. "Agent J2! I-It's n-not what it looks like, I swear!" I looked to myself; I was naked, dripping in sweat, holding a moaning pony droid by its wings over a table. I don't even want to know what it looked like. "S... Please, at least cover yourself!" He said, turning his face away from me. I picked up my towel from the floor and wrapped myself again. "Man, I was just deactivating it!" I tried to prove my point, showing the mess around the room. "So that's how they call it today? Deactivate the plushie?" He pointed to 'Twilight' "The princess wouldn't approve this you know?" "I-I... I don't need- It's not a plushie! It's a robot, and It was enchanted. I was brushing my teeth when it attacked me!" I threw the thing back inside the box "Do you really though I was- Never mind..." I face palmed. "I really don't want to know Agent S." He observed the destroyed room around him, and stared back at me. "Just put some decent clothes and meet me in Redwood's office, something really bad happened in Equestria... And they want us to go there."