//------------------------------// // Mudmania // Story: Guy Talk // by JonRS //------------------------------// Guy Talk Mudmania Chapter 16 “I’m Snips.” “I’m Snails.” Spike sighs heavily. “Come on, Spike. This where you introduce the show.” Vinyl Scratch whispered. “I’m Spike. This is Guy Talk where we…. where.. I‘m sorry, guys. I thought I could do this, but I can‘t. This place reminds me of Apple Bloom. It‘s where we started dating.” He said sounding rather dejected. “It’s okay, Spike. Take your time.” Scratch said comforting the glum fellow. Snips was less sympathetic. “Come on, Spike. It’s been a week. Don’t you think it’s about time you let her go?” Snips said frustrated. “Give him a break, Snips. The guy got dumped. I can‘t imagine how hard it must be for him.” Snails countered. “Yeah, I bet it’s so hard for him. Fighting off all those fillies who want to take Apple Bloom’s place. Ever since every filly in town found out about Spike’s breakup, they’ve been approaching him nonstop. I can‘t keep feeling sorry for him when he‘s got fillies flocking to his side.” Snips huffed. “It doesn’t matter. Apple Bloom was all I wanted. There‘s no one like her.” He sighed again. “Why don’t you try talking to her again? Maybe you can work things out.” Scratch said. “Every time I try to talk to her it’s the same thing. I guess it‘s just over.” “Is she mad because you kissed Rainbow Dash?” Snails asked. “No, she was okay with that. It’s the way I reacted when Rainbow Dash first transformed she’s worried about.” Spike explained. “I don’t get it.” Snails said scratching his head. “She thinks I’m going to leave her as soon as I see a female dragon. I told her that‘s not true, but she doesn‘t believe me.” “To be fair, you were kind of staring at Rainbow Dash as a dragon… a lot.” Scratch mentioned. “I had never seen a female dragon before that doesn’t mean I’m going to leave her for one the moment I see one. I just wish I could prove that to her.” Spike said. “Alright, I’m sick of all this Apple Bloom talk. It seems like we spend half of every show talking about Spike and Apple Bloom. It’s over and talking about it isn’t the way to help him through it. Luckily, I know exactly what he needs.” Snips said hopping out of his chair and walking towards the door. “What are you planning, Snips?” Scratch asked suspicious of the colt’s intentions. “It‘s a very special surprise for Spike.” The colt said flinging the door open and waving to someone in the hall. Two stallions came in and lifted the table up and placed it against the wall. Snails and Spike barely had time to move out of the way as the stallions walked outside and carried a foalie pool inside and laid it in the center of the room. “What the hay are they doing, Snips?” Scratch said as she watched one of them carried a bag of dirt and poured it in the pool. The colt in question was sitting in the corner cackling gleefully as he rubbed his hooves together. “It’s almost complete.” He said to himself as he watched the stallions walked in carrying a huge tub of water and poured it into the pool. “That’ll be all fellas. Tell them we’re ready.” Snips said ushering his friends into a corner to get a good view. “Ready for what? And why is there a pool full of muck sitting in the middle of the studio?” Scratch asked upset at this turn of events. “Ladies, gentlecolts, and dragons of all ages! I welcome you to Guy Talk’s first annual mud wrestling open invitational. This is Mudmania!” The colt proclaimed. “We are not having a mud wrestling competition in the studio!” Scratch told him. “Aw, come on! It’s to cheer up, Spike.” Snips explained. “I wouldn’t mind seeing it. It sounds pretty interesting.” Spike shrugged. “Well, I guess. I can’t believe I’m being the responsible one here. You guys are cleaning up any messes left after this.” Scratch huffed. “Introducing our first contestant all the way from Ponyville, she’s not afraid to take charge and get down and dirty. She’s the mistress of mess. It’s the Dirty Diva!” Snips announced as a blue pegasus filly in a red mask trotted in and stepped into the pool. She winked at Spike as she threw her hooves up proclaiming her victory. “You and me, hot stuff!” She said pointing to Spike. “Ummm, what does she mean by you and me?” Spike asked nervously waving at her. “I may have promised the winner a kiss from you.” Snips whispered. “You what!” The dragon said shocked. “And her opponent who also hails from Ponyville, she maybe a lady on the outside, but she’s dangerous in the mud. It’s Madam Mud!” Snips announced as a filly in a beautiful white dress and large white hat over her head. She walked slowly and carefully to the ring. As she approached the edge of the pool, she threw off her attire revealing her identity. Everyone except Snips was surprised to see Sweetie Belle standing there. “Whoo! Alright, let’s do this!” She said jumping into the mud with a splash. “Sweetie Belle wants to kiss me!” Spike said shocked by another reveal. “What? I’m not going to kiss you. I’m here to make sure no one else does. Apple Bloom won’t admit it, but she really misses you. I‘m doing this for Apple Bloom!” The unicorn proclaimed. “And she’s not alone!” Scootaloo said walking in and standing near the edge of the pool. “Hey, that’s not fair!” The Dirty Diva complained. “I’m not fighting. I’m here in a managerial role.” Scootaloo said. “Yeah right! She can‘t do that.” The challenger complained. “I’ll allow it!” Snips shouted. “What does she need a manager for?” “It’s wrestling. The rules are really loose on this sort of thing. If I see her interfere, it‘s an automatic disqualification.” Snips shrugged. “Whatever! I’m not leaving without that kiss.” She said digging her hoof into the dirt and staring the Sweetie Belle down. “Not if we have anything to say about it. Right, Madam Mud?” Scootaloo said raising a hoof into the air. “You got that right!” Sweetie Belle responded slapping hooves. “Alright, it’s time to start. The rules are simple. Throw your opponent out of the ring, pin them to the ground for a three count, or force them to submit to win. As soon as I drop my hoof, the match‘ll start.” As Snips raised his hoof, Sweetie Belle walked over and held her hoof as a show of good sportsmanship. “Let’s have a good match.” She smiled. The Dirty Diva looked at her before smirking and waiting for the signal. “Sure.” She said extending her hoof and grasping hers. As Snips signaled the start of the match, she pulled the filly forward and tried to whip her to the outside. Sweetie Belle managed to pull herself free at the last moment. “Hey, that’s dirty!” The filly said stumbling back. “It’s wrestling! The rules are really loose on this sort of thing.” She said copying Snips‘ statement from earlier. “I‘ll allow it.” Snips nodded. The filly’s squared off as they paced the circle. “I still can’t believe you promised I kissed the winner.” Spike said watching the two of them lock hooves in the center of the ring. “In my defense, I tried Snails at first but they wouldn’t bite.” “Hey!” Snails complained. Sweetie Belle managed to push the filly into the mud, but the pegasus quickly rolled her over. “Give up! You can’t win!“ The Dirty Diva told her as she pinned her to the pool. “One!” Snips started the count. “Use your magic, Sweetie Belle!” “Two!” “Of course!” The filly’s horn started to glow as a bit of mud flew into the Dirty Diva’s face. The filly released the unicorn as she tried to wipe the mud out of her face. “You can’t use magic! That’s not fair!” She complained trying to wipe the muck out of her eyes. “It’s wrestling. The rules are kind of loose when it comes to this sort of thing.” Scootaloo said mocking her statement from earlier. “I’ll allow it.” Snips nodded. “Get her while she’s disoriented, Sweetie Belle!” The unicorn grabbed the Dirty Diva behind and grabbed her in a head lock. “Are you making this up as you go along?” Spike asked. “Actually, it’s how it is. You can get away with tons of stuff if you know how. Even the good guys cheat sometimes.” Scratch added. “Wrestling sounds pretty confusing. What‘s the point of the rules if everyone just cheats all the time?” Spike said scratching his head. “It’s all really one big show. The rules are just part of it. Everything is usually planned out ahead of time. Everyone in the ring knows what going to happen anyway.” Scratch explained. “Is this planned out?” Snails asked. “Nope, this is pure unadulterated drama, my friend.” Snips said as they watched Sweetie Belle cut off the filly’s air supply. “Give up!” The filly demanded as she increased the pressure. “You’re not the only one with a few tricks up your sleeve.” The Dirty Diva said as she began to flap her wings against Sweetie Belle’s belly. The filly couldn’t help bursting into the laughter as her opponents feather brushed against her sides. As the filly laughed her grip weakened, the Dirty Diva took the chance to slip loose and pushed her face first into the mud. “Whoa! That was way out of line!” Scootaloo shouted. “It’s-” “Yeah, yeah, we know the rest! Get up, Sweetie Belle.” Scootaloo called out to her friend. “I think it’s time we let the boys get a better look at Madam Mud.” The Dirty Diva said as she stood over Sweetie Belle. Sweetie Belle placed her hooves between her legs in an attempt to hide her privates. “No! Please don’t!” She said trying to scramble away but the filly was quick to hold her legs down. “Aw! Don’t be like that! All you have do is submit and I’ll stop. Sounds fair, right?” “That’s not fair!” Scootaloo said looking to Snips who was practically drooling at the prospect. “I’ll-” “I swear if you say you allow it!” Scootaloo growled at Snips who put his tongue back in his mouth. “It’s not against the rules how she makes her submit.” Snips squeaked. “If you won’t quit, you leave me no choice.” She said grabbing her legs and lifting them back. Her naughty bits on display for all to see. The filly was about to cry when she heard Scootaloo’s voice. “Don’t worry, Sweetie Belle. I‘m blocking their view so they can‘t see a thing. Hurry up and take her down!” She said standing with her wings out in front of Snips and company. “Hey, that’s outside interference. I win automatically!” The Dirty Diva said releasing Sweetie Belle to proclaim her victory. “Actually, outside interference is defined as physical contact with an opponent that affects the outcome of the match. The only thing she interfered with so far is our view of Sweetie Belle’s naughty bits.” Snips sighed. “That’s right! Looks like the match is still on.” Scootaloo said. “I’ve heard just enough out of you!“ The Dirty Diva scooped a hoof full of mud and slung it directly into her face. The filly watched with joy as the pegasus went down. “That‘s going too far!” Spike said rushing to Scootaloo’s aid. “You just keep those lips warm. This‘ll be over in a few seconds.” She said puckering her lips. Suddenly, she was grabbed her from behind. “Nopony messes with my friend.” Sweetie Belle said trying to lift the pegasus up. The Dirty Diva laughed at her as she attempted to lift her up. “Are you serious? You’re a unicorn! You couldn’t lift me in your best condition and you’re all beat up. It‘s over. Just give up already!” She said trying to shake her off. The unicorn’s grip wouldn’t waver. “This… is… for… my friends!” She said miraculously lifting her up. “What the -!” The pegasus said as she found herself lifted off the ground and slammed onto her back into the mud sending dirt and water everywhere. “Madam Mud hits her special move, ‘The High Society Suplex’!” Snips shouted. “She has a special move?” Snails wondered in amazement. “No, but it was so cool!” Snips said as Sweetie Belle pinned her hooves to the ground. “One, two, three! Madam Mud wins!” Snips proclaimed. “That was amazing, Sweetie Belle!” Scootaloo said jumping into the ring and holding her hoof up. “Are you alright?” Sweetie Belle asked as her legs started to give. Scootaloo put her hoof around her neck so she could support her. “I’m fine.” Scootaloo smiled at her friend’s concern. She had given her all to win and was still worried about others. “Sweetie Belle! Scootaloo!” Apple Bloom said walking in. “Apple Bloom? What are you doing here?” Scootaloo asked. “Applejack told me what was going on. You didn’t have to do this for me.” “You were so sad after the breakup. It’s obvious you want to be with Spike again.” Sweetie Belle told her. The earth pony sighed at her friends words and actions. “I really appreciate it, but I broke up with Spike for a reason. I‘m not getting back together with him.” She broke the news to her friends who were stunned. “You’ve been moping around ever since you broke up with Spike. It’s obvious you want to be with him and he wants to be with you! Why are you fighting it?” Sweetie Belle shouted upset at her friend’s reluctance. “It’s alright. If Apple Bloom doesn’t want to get back together with me, I don’t want anyone to force her to.” “Hey, Spike.” Apple Bloom said not looking at him. “Apple Bloom.” Spike said looking down. “Grr! Is this because Spike kissed a dragon? He doesn’t want to be with another dragon. He wants to be with you. Why don’t you understand that?” She asked her friend. “I… I haven’t been honest about the reason I broke up with Spike. I was too embarrassed to tell him the real reason, but I guess I don’t have a choice.” “What are you talking about?” Spike asked. “Do you have any idea how popular you are, Spike?” She asked the dragon. “I don’t know. I guess a couple fillies like me a little.” “My… kiss.” The Dirty Diva mumbled weakly as she tried to reach for him before drifting back into unconsciousness. “Spike, you could be with any filly in Equestria. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be with someone so amazing when you don’t even have a cutie mark?” “I don’t care about your-” “But I do, Spike!” She interrupted him as she started to cry. “You deserve someone every bit as amazing as you. Someone who isn‘t me.” “All I want is you. I don’t care about what I’m missing.” Spike said as he tried to stroke her cheek but she turned away. “You’re everything I could hope for Spike, but when I think about our relationship, I feel like I‘m holding you back.” She asked. “I’m going to prove that’s not true. Scratch, we‘re going to do that episode.” Spike nodded. “Are you sure? You‘ve been pretty adamant about not doing that one.” “Yeah, I’m sure.” “Next week’s guest is Rarity then.” “Whoa! The drama and action is nonstop at Mudmania. Madam Mud’s big sister enters the ring and faces-” “No more mud wrestling, Snips! Besides, I think you’re going to be busy. Fellas!” Scratch called as the same stallions who set up the ring brought him a bucket and mop. “Aww, man!” Snips sighed as he started to clean the mess. “Do you want to do the sign off, Spike?” Scratch asked. “Yeah, I guess.” He reluctantly volunteered. “I wouldn’t mind doing for a change.” Snips said holding up his hoof. “I don’t mind.” Spike shrugged. “Go for it, Snips.” “This is Mudmania Live from Ponyville bringing you the dirtiest and naughtiest in quality female wrestling entertainment signing off!” Snips shouted with gusto as the show ended.