Chemical Ex

by Majin Syeekoh


Advanced Party Planning: Setting up the Venue

Twilight Sparkle was sitting in Applejack’s kitchen, Applejack ladling cider from the stove into two mugs. Applejack picked them up and brought them to the table, Twilight taking one of them in her magic. She nodded and took a long, slow sip.

“Thank you, Applejack. Your cider’s the best,” Twilight said. Applejack smiled and sat down, taking a sip of cider upon doing so.

“Darn straight,” Applejack said, “so what’s eatin’ you?”

Twilight looked into her cider mug. “Well…”

Applejack looked at Twilight. “It’s about Vinyl, innit?”

Twilight looked up, shocked. “How did you—”

Applejack shook her head. “What did she do to you?”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Do to me?” She then blushed at what Applejack was inferring. “Oh, no, you misunderstand. She hasn’t tried to assault me or anything like that.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow this time. “Ya sure?”

Twilight nodded and sipped on her cider. “Yes, I’m certain. I think I would know when somepony was trying to assault me sexually.”

Applejack took a sip of her cider, then rubbed her chin. “Hmmm...so what’s your problem with Vinyl, then?”

Twilight stared back into her cider. “It’s not a problem, per se, it’s more of a concern…”

Applejack sipped her cider. “Concerned about what?”

Twilight sipped her cider as well. “Well...I went to check on her at Fluttershy’s, and I caught her taking marijuana.”

Applejack spit her cider back into her cup upon hearing that, stifling a giggle. “You serious, Twi?”

Twilight shot a glare at Applejack. “Yes, I’m serious!” she said as she took a swig of cider. “Smoking’s bad, and she got Rainbow Dash into it as well!”

Applejack could hardly contain her giggling at this point. “Really, Twi? Ya know, fer being so smart, sometimes you miss the most obvious things.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“Ya ever wonder why Dashie’s so lazy all the time?”

Twilight furrowed her brow at Applejack until it softened in realization. “Ohhhhh,” she said as she sipped on her cider, “that actually explains a lot.”

Applejack grinned as she sipped on her cider. “So, what’s the problem?”

Twilight glared at Applejack. “Like I said, they were smoking it!”

Applejack narrowed her eyes at Twilight. “And how are they supposed ta do it?”

Twilight looked down. “Well, all the papers I’ve read on it use ingestion as the primary route of action, so I deduced that they would eat it.”

“Who’s they?” Applejack asked as she sipped on her cider.

“Vinyl, Rainbow Dash, Trixie, and Angel. Pinkie Pie laughed afterwards, but I’m not sure she understood why.”

Applejack glared at Twilight. “Angel was there? So I’m guessing Flutters was there, too.”

Twilight nodded. “Yeah, but she was sprawled out on the ground.”

Applejack gritted her teeth. “I’m gonna have words with Rainbow Dash about this.”

Twilight nodded as she sipped her cider. “Well, enough about that. We have to count ticket sales.”

Applejack nodded. “Uh-huh. So where are the tickets?”

Twilight smiled as her horn glowed. Many envelopes popped into existence and buried Applejack. “Right here!”

The pile of envelopes shuffled as Applejack unearthed herself, frowning. “Alright, let’s get these tickets counted.”

----

Three days later, Vinyl was sitting in Carousel Boutique. An errant breeze passed by her.

“Rarity?” she asked. Another breeze blew by. Vinyl looked around. “Rarity?” Vinyl stood up and trotted over the canvas that she had been previously sitting on, looking around. “RaritAAAAAHHHH!” she strangled out before her neck was sewn straight through. The breeze coalesced into Rarity, who paused to look over her accidental handiwork.

“Hmm, it seems you’re in quite the bind, Vinyl,” she said.

“Not funny, dude,” Vinyl replied.

Rarity held a hoof up to her mouth and stifled a giggle. “I disagree. It appears I have you in stitches right now.”

Vinyl rolled her eyes. “Just shut up and unstitch me.” Rarity nodded, still giggling, and unstitched Vinyl in no time flat, panting afterwards. Vinyl winced as the holes in her neck closed up. “So, anyway...why I came here.”

Rarity nodded again. “Yes, why you came here,” she said as she raised an eyebrow, still panting.

Vinyl stared at Rarity as she stood up. Rarity sat on her haunches and teleported a tub of ice cream with a spoon in front of her and dug in. Vinyl looked around nervously, then sat on her haunches as well. "Well, Rarity, I kind of wanted to explain why I did what I did to Fluttershy."

Rarity raised an eyebrow as she brought a spoonful of ice cream to her mouth, chewing on it slowly. She then swallowed it. "Oh, really? Why don't you just explain it to Fluttershy and be done with it?"

Vinyl scratched the back of her neck and smiled weakly. "Well, you see, I already did. I just wanted to explain it to somepony to who it'd have more meaning."

Rarity eyed Vinyl down. "So, why me? Fluttershy’s intelligence is through the roof.”

Vinyl looked around nervously. " Well, to be honest, it felt like I wasn't in complete control of myself when the whole shebang went down, and Twilight said that you have experience with that sort of thing," she said, eyeing Rarity’s curved, red horn.

Rarity nodded as she swallowed another spoonful of ice cream. "That I do. But what happened to me was a full-scale possession. Yours just sounds like you acted on your base desires."

Vinyl shook her head. "More like my base desires were acting through me. Like I said, I wasn't in total control."

Rarity stared at Vinyl, chewing her scoop of ice cream slowly. She then swallowed and sighed. “You know, I think I kind of understand,” she said, “although my loss of control was total. I can’t imagine what was going through your head when your body just assaulted Fluttershy.”

Vinyl nodded. “Yeah, exactly. I mean, what was I going to do? Say ‘It’s not me, it was the drugs!’ Nuh-uh, not me.”

Rarity giggled. “You know, for a lecherous disc-jockey, you’re rather honorable.”

Vinyl smiled and patted her barrel. “Yep, that’s me.”

Rarity nodded as she stood up and poofed away the tub of ice cream and the spoon. “Now that we’ve had that talk and recharged, I must really get back to finishing this tent.”

Vinyl nodded and stood up. “You go ahead and do that, Rarity.” Vinyl then trotted out the door, upon which Rarity disappeared in a flash, stitch-work appearing on the canvas in her boutique.
----

Three days later, Twilight entered Vinyl’s house. She looked around expectantly.

“Vinyl?” she called out, trotting into the kitchen. “Vinyl?” she called out again. She noticed a note on the counter. Curious, she grasped it with her magic and read it.

Twilight, I’m downstairs.
~Vinyl

Twilight smiled as she chuckled to herself, putting the note down. She used a tilde, she thought to herself as she trotted over to the basement door, I love tildes. She opened the door with her magic and carefully trotted down the steep stairway to come across Vinyl sitting at a console of some kind, wearing headphones. She prodded Vinyl with her magic, upon which she jumped and looked around, finally setting her eyes upon Twilight. She smiled and took off her headphones, from which loud music was blaring.

“Hey, Twi,” she said as she offered the headphones to Twilight, “wanna hear what I’m mixing up?”

Twilight shook her head. “No thanks, I can hear it from here just fine.”

Vinyl frowned. “But you won’t get the full musical experience! Come on, please?”

Twilight looked around uneasily. “Okay, fine.”

Vinyl grinned and slid the headphones on Twilight, who screeched at the inequinely loud noise that was blaring into her ears. Vinyl winced and turned down the dial, upon which Twilight could make out a song. She listened intently.

“Is this...Pinkie Pie Wonderbolts Rap?” Twilight asked. Vinyl nodded. “Hmmm...it’s nice,” she said as she slipped off the headphones and handed them back to Vinyl. “Was that a saxophone?”

Vinyl nodded while grinning. “Yes it is, Twi.” Twilight then spotted a second chair next to Vinyl, which she gratefully sat down in.

Twilight nodded. “By the way, what was the volume on that?”

“Twenty-two,” Vinyl said as she put the headphones on, covering only one ear so as to hear Twilight.

Twilight’s eyes popped open. “Twenty-two? I didn’t even know they made record players that loud.”

Vinyl shook her head as she played with some sliders. “They don’t. I had to make it myself.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “But wouldn’t that shatter your eardrums?”

Vinyl grinned. “Well, they did the first couple of times, but I think they got the message and stayed put.”

Twilight giggled. “Oh, right. Immortal.”

“Yup,” Vinyl said, turning the dial back up, upon which Twilight could hear the music again.

“You know, Vinyl, you really shouldn’t do that much damage to your body.”

Vinyl shrugged and pressed a button. “What’s the harm? Luna said it was perfect.”

Twilight, realizing that she had no answer to that, quickly changed the subject. “So, I worked on this project that Discord suggested—”

“—Discord?” Vinyl asked.

Twilight nodded. “Yes, Discord. He suggested that I enchant a banana to aid in long-range communication. It’ll be great for talking to each other during the rave,” she said as she pulled out a banana and floated it over to Vinyl, who grasped it in her magic and slid it into her saddlebag.

“What’d he say when you showed it to him?”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “When I showed it to him, he froze, then fell to the floor rolling around in laughter wheezing out, and I quote, ‘Oh my god she did it I can’t believe she actually did it.’”

Vinyl shrugged. “Huh. Weird.”

Twilight blew a strand of hair out of her eyes. “I know, right? Sometimes I think he has all of these jokes that he keeps to himself.”

Vinyl giggled while pressing another button. “I still can’t believe you befriended him.”

Twilight shook her head. “Oh, no. That’s mostly Fluttershy, although I’d like to think the he considers us friends.”

Vinyl nodded her head. “For all of our sakes, me too.” She then turned to Twilight. “Oh, next time you see her, could you tell Applejack that I had no idea that she and Caramel were a thing?”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “A thing? Aren’t we all things?”

Vinyl chuckled while shaking her head. “That they were dating.”

Twilight’s eyes widened. “Why?”

Vinyl rested her forehead in her hoof. “Well, you see, it was the funniest thing. So, I make a pass at Caramel, Caramel resists my advances, so I turn up the charm. Just then, Applejack trots in, sees me getting cuddly with Caramel, then pounds the shit out of me,” she said while rubbing her jaw, “must’ve broken my moneymaker about four times.”

Twilight nodded as she stood up. “I’ll...get right on that.” She then trotted up the stairs, leaving Vinyl in front of her console with her knobs and sliders and buttons.

“Yeah...that’s it...give it up,” Vinyl whispered lewdly to the machine as she turned a knob.

----

Three days later, Princess Celestia was sitting on her bed enjoying a smoothie made of boysenberry and açaí berries, savoring the flavor, when she heard a knock at her door. She gently put the smoothie down.

“Enter.” The door opened, revealing a gray stallion with a black mane wearing gold armor. Celestia smiled warmly. “Hello, Obsidian Shield. What is it?” Obsidian Shield bowed, then rose. He then procured a letter and floated it to Celestia, who grasped it in her magic. “Thank you. Is this all?”

Obsidian Shield nodded. “Yes, your serene highness.”

Celestia smiled and nodded. “Very well. You may take your leave.” Obsidian Shield nodded again and cantered out, closing the door behind him. Celestia stared at the envelope, then tore it open and pulled out the contents, reading them silently.

To Her Serene Highness, Princess Celestia,

We would formally like to invite you to Ponyscape, Ponyville’s first rave. There will be twelve hours of music, food, and drinks. It is being held on June First from eight P.M. to eight A.M. Your presence would be greatly appreciated. Enclosed is a ticket enabling your entry.

Cordially,
Ponyville Liason

Princess Celestia stared at the letter, confused. Why was she being invited to a rave? Royalty normally weren’t invited to these sorts of things. She then heard a knock at the door. Celestia sighed.

“Enter.” Princess Luna trotted in, holding what appeared to be a letter in her magic. “You were invited as well?”

Princess Luna groaned and flopped onto the bed next to her sister. “It sucks that we can’t go.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t we be able to go?”

Luna huffed. “Because we have that meeting with the CEO of Transpicuous the next day.”

Celestia hung her head. “Oh, right.” She then raised an eyebrow. “Why would you want to go to this...rave?”

Luna turned her head to Celestia. “Really?”

Celestia nodded. “Yes, really.”

Luna turned her head back and sighed. “It’s a party...at night. That’s like my thing...it’s my ish.”

Celestia stared at her sister. “Ish?”

Luna rolled her eyes. “I heard some of my night guard use it. I figured that it fit in the context that they used it in.”

Celestia giggled. “I suppose it does.” She then sighed. “Well, why don’t we go for a little bit? I’m sure that would be enjoyable.”

Luna sat up and shook her head. “There would be no point. Nopony goes to a party like that for an hour. With a festivity like that, it’s go big or go home.” Celestia raised an eyebrow. “More slang,” Luna explained.

Celestia giggled and pulled her sister in for a hug. “Tell you what. Next time there’s a...rave, we are most definitely going, no qualms about it.”

Luna returned the hug tightly. “Thank you, sister.” She then disengaged the hug and floated the smoothie over to her, taking a sip. “Hmmm. Boysenberry,” she said as Celestia grasped the smoothie in her magic, “weird choice for a smoothie, but whatever rings around your rosie.” She then hopped off the bed and trotted out, closing the door behind her. Celestia giggled as she sipped on her smoothie.

“Rings around your rosie...haven’t heard that one in forever.”

----

Fifteen days had passed mostly without incident. Rarity’s tents were set up in Applejack’s field and Twilight and Rarity were helping Vinyl set up her equipment on the stage they had set up. Rarity quickly grew frustrated with the devices and went to Applejack, who was still setting up her liquor stand. Twilight, however, enjoyed the challenge of figuring out which wire went where and helped Vinyl plug in her equipment.

“So, is this everything, Vinyl?” Twilight asked.

Vinyl nodded with a smug grin on her face. “Yep! Thank you so much for your help.”

Twilight grinned and nodded. “No problem, Vinyl. Anything for a friend!” She then trotted off the stage and over to Rarity and Applejack, who were chatting over martinis. Twilight glared at them. “Girls?”

Rarity turned her head to Twilight. “What? It’s after four o’clock, so I don’t see the problem,” she said as she sipped her martini.

Twilight facehooved. “Not that, just...find something to do!”

A voice then yelled across the field. “We have a delivery for a Miss Fluttershy Posey!”

Twilight’s eyes shot open as she turned and galloped towards the voice. “Right here!” she called out. She reached the edge of the field just as Fluttershy did. “So, you have them all?”

A brown unicorn stallion holding a portable toilet in his magic nodded. Twilight soon noticed that there were sixty-two other unicorn stallions all holding portable toilets in their magic. “Yes, we do, ma’am. We just need Fluttershy to sign right here.”

“Um, okay,” Fluttershy said as she grasped the proffered pen in her mouth and signed the clipboard that was held in a cerise glow. The stallion nodded. “Thank you, Miss Fluttershy. Where would you like us to put them?”

“Wherever you think is okay…” she said.

The stallion nodded, then turned his head back and yelled. “Come on, boys! Let’s place these potties!”

The sixty-two stallions saluted him and barked back, “Yes, sir!” and swarmed the field, placing toilets everywhere.

Fluttershy turned towards Twilight. “You know, I don’t remember ordering any toilets.”

Twilight grinned. “That’s because I had Pinkie forge your signature!”

Fluttershy’s eyes popped open. “How much did this cost?”

Twilight looked up into the air. “Uh, three thousand, seven hundred and eighty bits.”

Fluttershy facehooved. “Rainbow Dash and Pinkie owe me a cartload of money after this.”

Twilight chuckled. “Don’t worry, Fluttershy. After this, we’ll be swimming in bits!” Twilight then sighed. “It’s a good thing I ran into you. I wanted to check on the medical tents.”

Fluttershy nodded and led Twilight to a white tent. “Here we have Rarity’s medical tent,” Fluttershy said, “it’s stitched from polybenzimidazole, making it fire retardant. Let me show you inside.”

“Okay,” Twilight said as Fluttershy led her inside. Inside were many bottles of water along with pouches lining the inside of the tent.

“I’ve stocked the tent with lots of water, because dancing can be dehydrating, not to mention the methylenedioxymethamphetamine,” Fluttershy said as she gestured to the bottles of water. She then trotted to one of the pouches and pulled out a roll of gauze. “And here we have gauze and medical tape to treat all sorts of injuries, big and small.”

Twilight nodded. “Looks good.”

Fluttershy smiled and nodded. “Thank you, I try.”

Twilight smiled. “Nice to see that our medic still has what it needs.” Fluttershy blushed. Twilight nodded again and trotted out of the tent to see Rainbow Dash showboating in the air. Twilight facehooved.

“Rainbow Dash! Get down here!”

Rainbow Dash did a loop-de-loop, then glided down, skidding to a stop in front of Twilight. “S’up?”

Twilight glared at Rainbow Dash. “I left you in charge of the chemicals.”

Rainbow Dash guffawed. “Oh, I’ve already got that taken care of,” she said. She then held her hoof to the side of her mouth and yelled, “Fred! Come here!” A mule wearing saddlebags that Twilight hadn’t noticed before trotted up to them.

“Yes, Rainbow Dash?” Fred said.

“Just stand there,” Rainbow Dash said to Fred as she waved Twilight over. Twilight trotted over as Rainbow Dash flipped open the saddlebag to reveal various amounts of ketamine, LSD, cannabis, and MDMA.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What’s this?” she asked.

Rainbow Dash grinned smugly. “You see, I figured instead of having all the party favors at a tent, which’ll cause a way long line, I’d load up the goods on mules who’ll wander around the rave selling their wares.”

Twilight stared at Rainbow Dash. “So, they’re drug mules.”

Rainbow Dash nodded excitedly. “Exactly! I’m glad you see things my way.”

Twilight shook her head. “Well, while I can’t exactly deny the efficiency of this approach, you do realize this will create more work for me, right?”

Rainbow Dash waved a hoof at Twilight. “What, sign a few more papers? We got this in the bag, Twi. Don’t you worry your pretty little head.”

Twilight stared at Rainbow Dash again. Twilight blinked. “You think my head’s pretty?”

Rainbow Dash chortled as she slapped Twilight on the withers. “Turn of phrase, girl. Now why don’t you go check on Pinkie and Discord?”

Twilight’s eyes popped open. “Did you say...Pinkie and...Discord?

Rainbow Dash nodded. “Yup?”

Twilight grabbed Rainbow Dash. “Where are they?

Rainbow Dash looked away. “Behind the barn…”

“Thanks,” Twilight said as she galloped off to behind the barn.

When she reached it, she found nopony or nodraconequus there, much to her confusion. She then heard giggling coming from inside the barn. She shook her head and teleported inside.

Inside was unlike anything she had ever seen before. There were various objects, all glowing. Pinkie then popped out of the pile wearing a pair of flashing sunglasses.

“Look at me, I’m Vinyl!” she shouted, “I wear my sunglasses at night!” Twilight facehooved and giggled. Discord then popped in, along with various colored shafts which dropped on Pinkie.

“So,” Discord said, “what do you think of my haul?”

Twilight looked around in wonder. “What are these? I’ve never seen anything quite like it.”

Discord chuckled. “They’re glowsticks, silly!”

Twilight stared at Discord. “Where did you get these? I don’t think anything like this exists in Equestria.”

Discord looked around uneasily. “...somewhere?”

Twilight shook her head. “I knew I wouldn’t get a straight answer from you. So, how do they work?”

Discord smiled with glee as he picked up a fifteen-inch pink rod. “Like this,” he said as he cracked the rod, whereupon it glowed with an intense brilliance. Twilight’s eyes widened in awe.

“How does that work?”

Discord shrugged. “Search me. You’re the sciencey type, after all.”

Twilight shook her head. “What I mean is, are they dangerous?”

Discord stared at Twilight and crossed his arms. “Now why would that be a problem?”

Twilight grunted. “Discord, we have earth ponies attending. What if somepony breaks it open and drinks the liquid inside?”

Discord tapped his chin and furrowed his brow. “Hmmm, hadn’t thought of that.” He then snapped his fingers, teleporting Vinyl into the room, who looked around confusedly.

She said, “Huh?”

Discord floated over to Vinyl and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Vinyl, would you be a dear and drink the contents of one of these glowsticks?”

Vinyl lowered her sunglasses and squinted at the various glowing objects. “Huh. Cool. Okay.” Discord smiled as he cracked a green glowstick open and poured the contents inside Vinyl’s mouth, which she swallowed. They all stared intently at her for a few minutes. “So, what’s supposed to happen to me?”

Twilight smiled. “Nothing, I guess.”

Vinyl grinned, her teeth glowing green. “Okay. Could somepony teleport me back to my equipment?”

“Done!” Twilight said as Vinyl popped out of the room. “So, how long are these things supposed to last?”

Discord put on a pair of reading glasses and popped a tablet into existence. “Well, according to the documentation on their website, they’re supposed to last eighteen to twenty-four hours,” he said as he slid his talon across the screen.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What’s a website?” Twilight then peered to the tablet that Discord was holding. “More importantly, what is that?

Discord’s eyes popped open as he snapped his fingers and the tablet disappeared. “Nothing you need to worry about,” he said with a nervous laugh.

Twilight facehooved. “Discord, I swear you are so random sometimes!”

“No swearing!” Pinkie shouted, “that’s rude!”

Discord nodded. “I agree. It’s very unbecoming of a Princess to swear.”

Twilight shook her head. “No, I wasn’t actually swearing—”

“—then why did you say you were?” Pinkie asked.

Twilight gritted her teeth. “It’s just an expression.”

“An expression of swearing,” Discord said.

Twilight facehooved. “No, it’s just–you know what, forget it. Having this conversation with one of you would be taxing enough. Both of you, forget it. I’m out.” Twilight then teleported out of the barn when she spotted somepony that made her smile with glee. Grinning from ear to ear, she teleported to her target.

“Shiny! I’m so glad you could make it!”

Shining Armor smiled and tousled Twilight’s hair. “Me too, Twiley.”

Twilight stared at the box that Shining Armor was towing in his magic. “What’s that, Shiny?”

Shining Armor looked up at the box, then back at Twilight. “It’s a special delivery from Crystal Empire Foods. It’s apparently liquor that doesn’t cause a hangover.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “How does it work?”

Shining Armor shrugged. “I have no idea. I kinda zoned out when Cadance was explaining it to me.”

Twilight giggled. “I bet she was pretty mad when she realized that.”

Shining Armor shook his head. “She had no idea. I just smiled and nodded. You know how she gets with all that sciencey stuff.”

Twilight nodded. “Don’t I know it!” Twilight then looked at the box. “You should probably get that over to Applejack so she can set it up.

Shining Armor nodded. “Will do!” He then trotted over in Applejack’s direction.

Twilight smiled. This night is going to be perfect!