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A Different Kind of Problem
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After his awkward conversation with Applejack and Twilight, Alex was left alone in his room to think about just what the hell was going on, which was a truly through thought process for him.
He remembered his last moments on earth, from the news of his parents passing, to the girl kissing him, and him falling out of the massive blue box.
From there, he was cold… until he blacked out, and woke up in the bed… and accidentally tried to bang that rainbow pony.
These events ran on repeat, as he tried to escape from his situation, back in to his head.
Time passed, and before he knew it, the sun was going down out the window, and he was facing a problem.
He had to pee, and was scared to ask any of those girls to come back.
“What should I do…?” Alex mumbled to himself, feeling the pain on his bladder increase slowly, hoping he wouldn’t have to explain his wet bed to them.
But, on the other hoof, he would have to ask that purple pony to carry him to the bathroom… if they even used them!
What if he had to poop outside from now on?! He was shy!
One time a deer made eye contact with him while he was peeing, and he tightened up for the next three hours.
And now, every time he tries to pee outside, he thinks of those cold, prying eyes, staring right at that which made him a man.
“Why can’t I walk?” Alex groaned, not daring face plant again, lest he get the attention of the girls partying just outside his room.
So… this was it. This is how it was going to be for him.
He was going to pee in this bed, right here.
Here is comes…
“Heya!” A cheery voice called, bursting into the room, and closing the door behind her, “I’m Pinkie Pie!”
“Uh, hey, um… Pinkie?” Alex stammered, not having the time to ponder on her strange name, “Could you help me, by any chance?”
“Sure I can! That’s why I came in here, silly!” She giggled, seeing his face crunch in confusion.
“You came to help me?” Alex asked, figuring this must have just been another kind of magic, “How did you know I needed help?”
“My eyelid twitched!” She explained proudly, “See?”
Leaning to within an inch of his face, Pinkie closed her right eye, and demonstrated the muscle spasms she experienced.
“That told you that I, specifically, needed to pee?” Alex asked incredulously, amazed at the skill she had, and how it saved him from the embarrassment of everyone knowing that he couldn’t pee on his own.
“Oh nononono,” She shook her head, feeling she hadn’t been clear enough, “It told me that somepony nearby had to pee. So, I had to ask everypony first!
“So…” Alex began, hoping she wasn’t going to say what he thought she would.
“So, through process of elimination, and a little bit of help from Twilight and the gals, we figured it out that it was you!” Pinkie smiled brightly, as the sound of a rubber duck being squished seemed to emanate from her cheeks.
“So… how do I go about peeing then?” Alex asked, grossing his fingers—well, hooves that there would be a simple answer to this question.
“You’re a fella’, so you just need to stand there and let your thing do all the work!” Pinkie explained, elaborating by showing him the flow of pee from her invisible penis, to the ground.
“And I have to do it… outside?” Alex asked, grimacing.
“Oh, well, you can pee in the toilet I guess.” Pinkie rolled her eyes, “But I’m aaaaaaaall natural. I love being in the open air to get my business done!”
Alex felt his heart leap.
Not at the outside pee stuff. His heart wasn’t leaping because she pees outside.
It was the mention of toilets in a world filled with horses.
Not that other stuff.
Seriously, stop thinking that.
“Where’s the bathroom then?” Alex asked, knowing he was going to have to trek through the main room where the rest of the girls currently were, “How far do I have to crawl?”
“It’s right here, silly!” Pinkie laughed, having a lot of fun with his confusion as she opened a door that doubled as a bookshelf.
“Why would Twilight even have a door like that?” Alex asked, looking at all the rest of the bookshelves that were exactly the same as that one.
“I don’t think Twilight even knows this one is here,” Pinkie explained, “Twilight only just moved in here yesterday. So, both of you are new to the town!”
“I still feel a little newer,” Alex shrugged, as he started to slide his way off of the bed, and on to the floor, “I wish I knew how to walk as a horse.”
“Pony,” Pinkie corrected, as she watched Alex crawl himself over from the bed, “And haven’t you even tried to walk yet?”
“Well, I tried standing on my back legs, and if I can’t do that, I definitely can’t do four,” Alex answered, passing Pinkie on his way in to the bathroom, “I’ll work on it.”
“But horses can walk as soon as they’re born!” Pinkie said, as her right arm started to bounce.
“Yeah, that’s how it is in my world too,” Alex nodded, deciding to give this the old college try, as he placed his left front leg on the ground, followed by his right.
“Oh no,” Pinkie shook her head in response to his question, “Ponies can’t walk right when they’re born here. I was talking about your world!”
“Oh, well that makes sens—“ Alex stopped midsentence, analyzing what she had just said to him, but decided to shake it off, he had a feeling that this mare was a cousin to craziness.
Making his way on to all four of his legs, Alex started to move on hoof at a time, cautiously shifting his balance to avoid falling over, as he made the last few steps to the bathroom.
“You might do a little better at walking once you’re all done in there,” Pinkie chirped, her smile not wavering for a moment, “Sometimes I lose my balance when I have to go.”
While Alex appreciated the advice, something told him that wasn’t the case.
“Thanks,” He said simply.
“Need any help doin’ the deed?” Pinkie asked innocently, not even creeping him out with her forwardness.
“Oh, no,” Alex shook his head politely, happy to finally make it to the toilet, “I think I can work that out for myself.”
“Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie said, grabbing the large bookshelf in front of her, and pushing it closed to give him some privacy.
Alex was happy to finally sit down on the throne, he had been wishing for since he literally woke up in this world. The relief of his pressure was the best thing he had felt in literally months.
“Alex!” Pinkie whispered, “How’s it going? Can you walk better yet?”
“I- I don’t know yet Pinkie!” Alex called out nervously, feeling the stream abruptly come to a stop at her intervention, “Would you mind giving me a little, you know, privacy, if you don’t mind.”
“Oh, right! Sorry!’ Pinkie said, in the same tone of everything else.
Bouncing out of his room, Pinkie looked at her friends in the center of the room and beamed, “I taught him how to pee!”
Nopony had an answer for her, except a hanging open mouth from Fluttershy.
The next few moments were filled with awkward silence, as they all heard the water flush, and the door creak open in the other room.
Those noises were followed by the clicking of hooves, as he made his way to the door of the bedroom.
Everypony looked to the door, as Alex poked his head out, standing perfectly normally.
Sighing, Alex looked to Pinkie, and then around the room at the ponies he had met today, before looking back to Pinkie in defeat. “I can walk better now that I’ve gone…”
“I told you!”
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