Rarity and I were now back in the dogcart on our way back to the hotel. The night had been one of revelations to say the least. A part of me had suspected things from the get go, but I had been unwilling to admit the possibility. Applejack liked me, more than a friend. I sat in silence next to Rarity, not really sure what to feel. All through my life, I had pretty much known what I was doing; I had a plan for almost every occasion. Even my arrival in Equestria had gone relatively smoothly. It was how I coped with everything life had thrown at me. But, I wasn’t prepared for this, I wasn’t prepared for love, the loss of control scared me in a way. In an attempt to lighten the mood, Rarity spoke up.
“I just realised something, Blade Star,” she said, looking over to my sombre form.
“Oh, what’s that?” I replied cheerlessly.
“This is probably the first night out, where I’ve been less well-behaved than the stallion I was with. I caused quite a scene back there didn’t I?” It was true, between knocking Blueblood out and smacking me across the mouth for my incompetence, she had pretty much single hoofedly killed the party. Unless of course, you count Luna shouting loudly enough to shatter glass as a contributing factor.
“You still had a nice time though, right?” I asked. That was my mission for the evening after all. I felt a hoof on my own, another lifted my head up.
“Of course I did.” After that, the silence returned. My mood remained low.
I watched Canterlot roll by, lamps flickered in the streets and every now and then we would pass a Thestral or unicorn of the Lunar Guard out on patrol in the city. Everything was peaceful, silent and calm. Everything that is, except my mind. Finally, I could take the silence and inaction no longer.
“So what the hay do ah do now, Rarity?” I asked, looking her in the eye. The alabaster unicorn was startled for a moment. “Do ah go and talk to her about it, do ah just try and stay friends?” I sighed. “What do ah do?”
“Do you like her?” She asked me, her tone serious.
“Of course ah like her, but,” I sighed. “But ah don’t know.” I ran a hoof across my face. “Ah just don’t know.”
“I can’t answer that for you, Blade Star. You need to find that out for yourself.”
“How?” I answered with a monosyllable. Rarity tittered half-heartedly.
“Spend time with her. Talk to her, take her out somewhere, see what happens. But trust me, when you know, you’ll know.” I raised my head.
I could work this out, I was sure of it. I had crossed dimensional barriers and probably broken half the laws of physics just getting here. I was not going to be stumped by love of all things. I was reminded of the incident with Fancy Pants; it brought a smile to my lips.
“You’re quite the romance guru aren’t you? Ah suppose ah can see why Fancy Pants thought we were together.” Rarity spluttered. “Don’t worry, ah asked him to straighten out the rumours.” She relaxed herself again. With that, we arrived back at the hotel.
After riding up in the lift for what felt like the umpteenth time, we arrived back in our room. Closing the door behind me, I lay down on my bed, letting out a long sigh that I had apparently been holding. Rarity shook her head with mock disapproval.
“Honestly, Darling, I don’t understand what you are getting so worked up about. It’s not as if you are with somepony else. If I were to judge, I’d say this is the first time you’ve even considered a relationship. What’s got you so rattled?” I turned over on my back to look at her.
“Rarity, how do ah say this? Ah’m not the romantic sort. Ah’m not looking for love right now. Hay, ah doubt ah’m ever gonna go out lookin’. Even back on Earth, all ah wanted was to get a decent paying job and enough to satisfy my wants, ah wasn’t lookin’ to share it with anypony. It’s not that ah’m not returning AJ’s feelings, it’s just that it’s not something ah want to do.” Rarity looked at me in confusion, an awkward silence prevailed.
“Blade Star, you’re not a gelding are you?” She asked hesitantly.
And with that, all my troubles vanished, replaced with uproarious laughter. It wasn’t just a chuckle either, for the first time in years I was overcome with uncontrollable belly laughter. Finally, after much effort, I managed to quieten myself and dab my watering eyes.
“No, Rarity, no.” Again I forced down yet more laughter. “Ah can assure you all the equipment is there a fully functional.” The mare blushed profusely. “Ah’m just aromantic*.” She tilted her head in confusion. “Look, ah like AJ, but, it just doesn’t work for me, love ah mean. Ah don’t expect you to understand, hay my folks don’t even get it.”
Luckily, before I could launch into a long and undoubtedly boring lecture on why I could not even consider pursuing a romantic relationship, the clocks in Canterlot struck midnight, reminding me of my role for the evening. I re-entered my part that I had played throughout the evening.
“Ah, midnight, ah fear the spell is broken, Miss Rarity. Perhaps you should get some sleep. No need to concern yourself with trivial matters.” The unicorn looked ready to counter me, but fortunately for me, tiredness overcame her, and she agreed to retire to bed. With her settled and soundly asleep, I headed out onto the balcony. I didn’t feel like sleeping.
I sat out on the balcony, once again with a glass to hoof. I was still thinking about my predicament. Any other being in my position would probably be happy as could be. A kind, honest, gentle and friendly, if slightly snarky at times, female was seeking my affections. We were already good friends as it was and there were certainly grounds for something to happen. Yet here I was drinking as if I’d been shot down in flames.
It had never really bothered me before; in fact my ‘condition’ as some called it had been quite advantageous through my teenage years. My disinterest in love had allowed me to rise above the crowd of hormone crazed morons; I was able to retain my intelligence and sanity. Girls didn’t really give me much attention, nor did I wish them to, and while I may have had some issues in high school, my ability to sit through the Sex-Ed classes without giggling or embarrassment made it a little more bearable. I simply was not fazed by the concept of love; I regarded it as something of a fake. After all I had just spent the evening pretending, rather brilliantly if I do say so myself, to be Rarity’s date.
As I got older though, and became more jaded, my disinterest in love turned into hostility. For example, I’d never been comfortable with physical displays of affection. In my younger years I simply avoided things like hugs, but as a young man the mere idea made my skin crawl. I knew that some of this hostility spawned from them, but I was not sure really why I reacted so strongly against such emotions. After all, I was as human as the next man.
You know what I mean.
But, that was beside the point. What mattered now were my options. I had two options. Either I could enter into a possible relationship, and most likely break a mare’s heart when I could not do all she wished of me. Or I could reject her advances, achieving the same result. I couldn’t envision a scenario where me and love would end well. Love had dealt me a Kobyashi Maru, a no-win scenario it seemed. For the first time in my life, I regretted the way I was, I wanted to go back home tomorrow and throw my arms around her and just enjoy being back. Now though, the whole thing would be an awkward attempt to avoid the issue.
I would have to deal with it sometime, but for the moment who knows? Maybe I could continue to plead ignorance for a while. All I wanted was a friend, and AJ was my friend, the best I could ask for, but no, love had chosen to rear its ugly head. As always it had ruined a previously decent situation. Good for nothing bug food.
I stopped thinking at that point, or rather; thinking became difficult if not impossible, as the world began to lazily tilt from side to side. Evidently, my mortal coil had decided it had had enough. I passed out on the deck chair before I was able to get up, I would probably be sore in the morning.
I woke up with a noticeable hangover the next morning, my head throbbed with each beat of the heart, and every single one felt like a hammer strike. Still, Uncle Jim used to tell me that hangovers build character, at least, that was the excuse he used to justify his somewhat excessive intake when he was in the CID.
Today we would be going home, back to Ponyville, back to Applejack. Dammit. As I came to I remembered what had happened last night. Rarity was absolutely certain that Applejack liked me, though Celestia only knows why. I’d told her that I was aromantic and consequently was unwilling to pursue such a relationship. Rarity had then gone to bed, and I’d drunk myself into a stupor. This time though at least, these revelations did not bring about the same level of concern as they previously had. I had a rough idea of what I was going to do.
While it might have been obvious to others, I had not really been aware of what was happening until Rarity told me. So, I would just keep doing what I was doing. Applejack didn’t know that I knew and hopefully Rarity would not attempt to play matchmaker. For the time being, nothing had to change. I could cross, or jump off, that bridge when I came to it.
I staggered out of the deck chair, my body expressed its dislike for this action very quickly, my head swam and all of my joints felt stiff. I shook my legs a few times in an attempt to restore blood flow; at least I was steady on my hooves. The sun wasn’t too high up in the sky yet, though it was irritatingly bright; I guessed it was probably somewhere around six, my body clock was still waking me up for work. I had not been full on drunk last night, but I’d certainly had a fair bit to drink, the bottle on the table next to me only had about a third left in it. Appleloosa’s finest whiskey had gone down a great deal smoother than it was probably intended to.
Turning around, I headed back inside. I’d luckily had the sense to close the balcony door behind me last night. Had I not done so, Rarity would have most likely been pretty chilly. I opened the sliding door and found Rarity sitting on her bed; she’d been waiting for me. If she had arms to cross, they would have been. As it was, she settled for her forelegs.
“Please don’t tell me you spent the night out there, Darling,” she said, worry evident in her voice. I sighed and rubbed my temples.
“Alright then, ah won’t tell you,” I replied. She immediately got up and glared irritably at me.
“Blade Star! It’s almost winter, it must have been freezing out there last night!” She looked past me, undoubtedly spotting the bottle. “I see you found some method of warmth though.” Any concern evaporated in favour of slight disappointment. I needed to change the subject.
“Look, don’t you go worryin’ ‘bout me, Rarity. Ah’m fine, now at least. C’mon, we’ve got a lot of packing to do. The train leaves at eleven doesn’t it?” While it wasn’t particularly convincing, Rarity let the matter drop and levitated her suitcase over and began to pack her things. I also cast my horn aglow and began to replace my possessions. Looking over to the wardrobe in the room, I saw the suit I had worn last night. That needed to go back. Rarity had the same thought as I did.
“Oh, Blade Star, do you think you could take that suit back to the shop?” I smiled.
“Sure, where is it?” I asked in reply. Rarity gave me a quick guide on where to go. The place was actually not too far from the Officers Club, maybe I could drop in on Strong Shield if he was there.
“Be back here by ten o’clock, alright,” Rarity said as I headed out. I laughed a little, lifting my spirits, and probably hers.
“Yes, dear,” I replied jokingly.
Thanks to Rarity’s clear directions, I quickly found the rental place and returned the suit. I’d been quite careful and in spite of the events of last night, it was deemed to be in a sufficient condition to warrant the return of Rarity’s deposit. Taking the small sack of Bits in my aura and placing them in my saddlebags, I thanked the manager at the desk and headed out.
It was only half past nine, I had bags of time before I needed to head back, pack and check out of the hotel. So, I headed to the nearby entertainment district once again. I passed Steers on the way and wove my way down to the Officers Club. As luck would have it, Strong Shield himself was just walking up to the door. I called out to him.
“Hey there, Rookie!” He replied jovially after turning around and spotting me as I approached. “What are you doing in this neck of the woods? I thought you were heading back today.”
“Not for another hour or so, Captain. Besides, ah kinda need your advice on something.”
“Oh what’s that?” He asked as he rapped a hoof on the door to the club. His gaze met my own, and he evidently saw all he needed to see. “It’s a mare isn’t it?” He said smiling. Before I could reply, the small inspection port slid back to reveal the doorpony. I had evidently made an impression last time, as I was also recognised and allowed access. The dark blue guard captain motioned for me to follow him.
“Well, if we’re gonna be talking about mares, there’s only one thing for it.” He quickly led me in the direction of the bar.
“Tried that already, Captain, and all ah got is a hangover,” I said, pre-empting his offer of a drink.
“Well, it’ll do me some good at any rate,” he replied. He quickly got himself a cider. “Now, what seems to be the problem?” I cleared my throat.
“You know Applejack, back in Ponyville?” I asked.
“Sure,” he nodded. “You’re living with her family right?”
“Right, now, she’s a great pony to be with, and I’ve been friends with her since I got here. But last night, Rarity told me she reckons that ‘Jack likes me more than a friend.” Strong Shield cracked a wry smile.
“’Jack?” He repeated.
“Shorter than saying Applejack all the time,” I replied. “Plus, it’s a way to get back at her callin’ me ‘Bones’.” The instructor across from me began to chortle.
“Oh, so you’ve both given each other names. Well, you are pretty far along.” I sighed in frustration.
“So she likes me?” I asked, knowing the answer already.
“I’d say so, Rookie. And by the sounds of it you like her.” I spluttered at that. “So what’s the issue here? I know a bunch of guys who’d jump at the chance to have a mare like that one in their life.”
“The issue is, I’m not sure if I like her back.” Wait, why did I say that? Yesterday, I was certain that I couldn’t return her feelings.
“Why the hay not?!” Strong Shield replied, his eyes wide in confusion. Again, I sighed.
“Promise this don’t go no further than us?” He nodded. “Ah’ve never loved anypony, Strong Shield. Never, not in my whole life. The whole idea repulses me. All ah want is a friend.”
“Sweet Celestia. And I thought I was married to the job,” Strong Shield muttered. “So you want to let her down easy, right?”
“Ah suppose so, but, ah don’t want to hurt her. Plus ah want to live afterwards; her brother could probably take you down.” Strong Shield let out a low whistle.
“Okay, does she know you know?”
“No.”
“Then wait, see if this thing passes. If it does, no more problem. If not, I’d think about puttin’ your own feelings aside, Rookie. And, just for the record, that’s what I’d recommend, trust me, the life of a bachelor ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
I looked up as the clock on the bar began to chime, it was quarter to ten. I had to be ready to catch the train home in fifteen minutes!
“Oh, horseapples! Captain, ah’ve gotta head back. Thanks for the advice!” And with that, I dashed back toward the hotel. Strong Shield called after me about something, but I didn’t hear what it was. Once again, I was racing to catch a train.