"Need another towel, AJ?"
"Uhm..." Applejack sits on the end of my sofa, bundled in two fluffy cloths already. "Thanks, but no thanks. I believe this is all fine and dandy."
"Alrighty, then. Feeling any drier?"
"Sure thang. Not sure why yer so worried about me, though. After all, it's the hoodie that I got soaked when I tried to clean yer dishwasher."
"Well, I could go dry the hoodie, but I can't without taking it off of you. And we both know what would happen if I did that."
"Erm... right..."
"Unless, of course, you want to be tossed violently back to your world where you might land randomly on a rooftop or a treebranch—"
"Eheheh... no thanks, darlin'. I get enough of tossin' around whenever Rainbow decides to buzz me and my orchards."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Y'all heard me. The little devil likes to swoop by real fast when I'm in the middle of apple buckin'. She may be a petite little thang, but she goes so darn fast that her flyby's have a habit of pickin' me clear off my hooves and throwin' me halfway across Sweet Apple Acres. Whew-wee!"
"Wow. Rainbow Dash sounds like a grade-A rectum."
"Awwwwww—she's alright. I might get plum angry with her from time to time, but she's always a real hoot to have around."
"Even when she turns your world upside down?"
"Well, that's one of the many thangs you gotta take in stride about havin' a real loyal companion. On some days, she might be the most helpful marefriend you could ever call upon. Then, on other days, she's a royal pain. But at least y'know y'all can count on her to be by your side through thick n'thin."
"So, in the end, you're not even mad at her?"
"Heck, no! Rainbow Dash is plum awesome!"
I walk into the room, drying my hands with a towell as I smirk. "So, is it that hard to believe that I'm not mad at you?"
Applejack bites her lip. "Yes, well..." She glances down, fidgeting with her towells.
"Hmmm?"
She looks up at me with a smirk. "She ain't half as cute as I am." A wink.
"Heh..." I stroll back into the kitchen. "Now that's the spirit."
"Y'all nearly finished with scrubbin' all the bubbles away?"
"Yeah, sure. It wasn't really that hard in the long run. That's why it helps to have compressed vacuum units."
"Wow-ie, yer technology sure is interesting."
"Doesn't beat having magical horns or horse wings, I bet."
"Well, back where I come from, we ain't got either of those."
"Whoops. My bad."
"Nothin' to it. Earth ponies get along fine without havin' to fret with flight or magic spells or any of that nonsense. We're just good tillers of the earth and we get things done with strength and commitment."
"Sounds pretty snazzy."
"Well, sure, when it happens to work." Applejack sighs. "I really am sorry about what happened in the kitchen earlier, sugarcube. Truly, truly I am. I swear... that sorta thang never happens back home. I'm actually quite competent in everythang I do."
"And I believe ya."
"It ain't just braggin'! I swear! I do more than half the chores around the house! I mean, shucks, the rest of the gang have things to do too. But Apple Bloom's just a lil' filly and Granny Smith has most of her years behind her, so she's super delicate."
"And what about Big Macintosh?"
"He does all the hard stuff that requires a lot of strength. But they take extra time, which leaves me with the bulk of the tasks to do. Does that make a lick of sense?"
"Licked and slurped, sure."
"And then... well... I come here, and it's like I'm a cockeyed mailmare with no proper balance and... shoot, that wasn't a very proper way of puttin' it. Uhm..."
"Applejack..."
"Y'all ever worked so hard throughout the week that you can't even stand straight to do the simplest of thangs once the weekend rolls around?"
"Applejack." I walk back into the room and lean against a wall. "Tell me. Are you even from this world?"
"Well, no, but—"
"And do you honestly, seriously think you come here to work?"
Applejack chews on her lip. She looks down to the carpet.
"Hey..." With a smile, I walk over and tilt her chin up. "Look at me."
She does so with a vulnerable pair of eyes.
"There's only one thing I expect of you for whenever you visit."
"And wh-what's that?"
"Well, okay, make that two things." I smirk. "Be happy... and relax."
She simply blinks at me.
I stroke my hand up and scratch her behind her left ear. "You think that's hard to do?"
"Mmmm..." She sighs through her nostrils. "It's... r-reckon it's a lot harder than I can ever explain it..."
"Then don't bother. Unless, of course, you really want to try, AJ."
"Naw..." She shakes her head. "To be perfectly honest? All I wanna do right now is... is..."
I raise an eyebrow. "Relax?"
She simply sits there, shivering.
I lean my head aside. "How about 'get warm?'"
She looks up, teeth chattering. "H-huh?"
"My bad. I didn't even stop to think that getting the hoodie all wet probably made you cold."
"Nothin' I can't handle back at home. Trust me."
"Did you want to go back home?"
"Mmmm... I've got things to do, I suppose... or at least if I thought really hard about it I could find somethin' that needs doin'."
"I take it that's a 'no.'"
She sighs, smiling. "Ya read me like a book, sugarcube. I... uhm... I-I suppose I wouldn't mind a lil' somethin' to warm me up. I dun suppose you've got the makin's for soup around here."
I'm actually proud of her for asking that. About as sad as I am to say, "Sorry, Applejack. But you know the rules."
"Right... heh... maybe I should have brought my own soup over."
"It'd be pretty hard to slip a steaming bowl in the hoodie's pouch."
"Heh, yup, I reck—reck—reck—" Her face adorably scrunches, writhes, and—"Achooo!"
"Zoram bless you."
"Euuugh... I swear. I feel like a pathetic lil' foal." She sniffles and wipes her nose with a hoof, shivering. "Maybe I should head on back to the farm."
I glance around the apartment. Swiftly, I walk over to the closet and pull a blanket out.
"Watcha doin'?" she asks with a tremble.
"It's what we like to call eliminating the middle-man." I remove the damp towels from her body and spread the blanket over her, wrapping it around until she's bundled like a little orange caterpillar inside a cocoon. "There... how's that?"
"Heh..." She squirms inside the bundle with slightly rosy cheeks. "Like a pig in a blanket."
"Heheh... you know, around these parts, that's the name for—" I pause, fidgeting.
"Hmmm? Name for what?"
"Sorry. Uhm... not a joke to say around vegetarians."
"Oh..." Applejack winces. "Right. I forgot about that."
"But we don't eat ponies, though."
"Y'know, the less said about it, the better."
"I whole-heartedly agree." I stand in place, then gasp. "Oh, I know!"
"Hmm? Y'know what?"
"Something we could watch together! Something I've been wanting to share with you for a while now..."
She gasps. "Ya don't mean...?"
"Yup!" I'm already slipping a glove on and flipping through various holographic folders in front of me. "And I think I know just the airing to start you out with. If you're not laughing or vomiting by the end of this, then I don't know what to say." At last, I pick the file and fling it against the wall. An intro consisting of a run-down warehouse with explosions and fire bleeds into an enormous arena filled with yelling people.
"Wow... real human wrasslin'!" Applejack coos. "Uhm..." Her green eyes squint. "Why's the footage so grainy and stretched—Whoah nelly!"
I've picked her up so that I can sit on the couch in her place. "Because it's really super old. I do believe the exact date is 1998, back when wrestling was good." I sit her in my lap, adjust the blanket around her figure, and drape a pair of protective arms around the pony so that she can stay warm. "Also, this original recording was using something called 'VHS.'"
"What in the heck is that?"
"Beats me. From the way Aynrandy, my next door neighbor, describes it—I'm guessing it was a step up from papyrus."
"Wow... look at all them angry, angry people."
"Angry happy people." I say with a smile. "Humans find it enjoyable to indulge their carnal rage in ways that aren't permanently damaging and consequential—well—at least to the audience, that is."
"That's not the way ponies enjoy wrasslin'."
"Yes, well, ponies never had Vinnie Russo."
"Didn't y'all say that this here recordin' is from the year 1998?"
"Yup."
"Yer tellin' me that we're watchin' somethang that's over three hundred years old?"
"Hey..." I frown. "Wrestling has sucked for a very, very long time. Ya hear?"
"Reckon I'm fixin' to believe y'all..."