//------------------------------// // Chapter 6 // Story: Princess Luna's Suicide Solutions // by kudzuhaiku //------------------------------// Tall buildings stood all around him. Noctilucent knew that he was dreaming. All around him were casinos, hotels, the glitter and glamour of the Las Pegasus strip. There was no sound however, the world was strangely silent. Which is how Noctilucent knew he was dreaming. He began to look around for Princess Luna, knowing that she had to be around here somewhere. Cabs passed on the street, drawn by enterprising ponies, making bits from ponies that didn’t want to walk. Street walking mares and stallions passed by, smelling of tawdry sex and cheap liquor. Tourists mingled and formed large moving herds. And Noctilucent was somehow all alone in the middle of this. Nopony saw him, nopony seemed to know he was there. He was a non entity. There was still no sign of Luna. None at all. Noctilucent began to walk down the dazzling strip, the road jammed with cabs and wagons, the sidewalks crowded with ponies out debauching themselves or offering to be debauched if bits were offered. After walking for a while, he saw a large glittering sign, a neon sign, and there was a neon outline of Princess Luna. In big blinking letters made out of hundreds of tiny bulbs where the words “One night only! Princess Luna!” Noctilucent made his way to the door, pushing past all the other ponies on the crowded sidewalk. There was no line, none at all. Nopony seemed interested. There was a pony at the door though. A pony that Noctilucent recognised. “I need to talk to Princess Luna!” Noctilucent said to Gate Crasher. “Get lost punk. I don’t deal with non entities,” Gate Crasher replied. “But-” Noctilucent found himself shoved backwards forcefully, almost falling over. Saying nothing, he began to walk away, his head down, feeling quite dejected. After walking several steps, something ignited in his heart. He turned. “I demand to see Princess Luna,” Noctilucent growled, his pegasus nature taking over. “Get lost twerp. You’re a non entity,” Gate Crasher warned. “Motherplucker,” Noctilucent growled. “Big words coming from a non-pony,” Gate Crasher growled, his fangs now visible. “Get lost before I hurt you for implying that I preen my mother. She doens’t even have feathers you horseapple.” “I am somebody!” Noctilucent protested. “Piss off,” Gate Crasher snarled. “But I am somepony! Princess Luna said she loves me… Love makes me somepony!” Noctilucent argued. “Not in my book, now get lost you pissy little wanker,” Gate Crasher snorted, tossing his head in a haughty manner. “Your mother is a whorse!” Noctilucent said, baring his own flat peg like teeth and pawing the sidewalk with a hoof. Gate Crasher resumed standing at attention and made no reply. The lunar pegasus might have well been a statue. No movement, no nothing. Noctilucent moved to go past the bellicose lunar guard and found himself shoved again, almost falling on his plot. Noctilucent turned, snorted, and kicked out with his hind legs, aiming for the truculent lunar pegasus’ skull. His hooves connected with nothing. Nothing at all. The door stood waiting, unguarded. Cursing, nearly crying, Noctilucent pushed his way indoors and went in search of Princess Luna, hoping to have a word with her about everything that was going on. He stood in a deserted hotel lobby, and arrows pointed to tonight’s main attraction. The pink feather boa around Princess Luna’s neck was utterly fabulous. She sat in a gaudy looking bowl shaped chair, looking at Noctilucent with laughter in her eyes. Her face was done up in garish makeup, hideous mascara and clashing lipstick. Princess Luna looked a little whorsey. “Sit,” she commanded, gesturing at a large comfortable looking cushion on the floor. “Make yourself comfortable,” she invited. “Gate Crasher is a plothole,” Noctilucent mumbled. “Gate Crasher?” Princess Luna asked. “He was at the door, being a real prick,” Noctilucent said, forgetting his language. “I didn’t post Gate Crasher at the door. This is your dream. I’m just a visitor here,” Princess Luna replied. The blue and white dappled pegasus sat flummoxed, wondering if Princess Luna was being honest with him. Princess Luna was checking herself out in the mirror, making kissy faces at herself. “Settling in?” Princess Luna inquired. “I hope you are not in too much pain. Tomorrow, some low grade pain killers will be delivered for you. I want you to have a clear head for your task. We cannot have you all dopey around Cactus Blossom, she would eat you alive.” “I like Cactus Blossom,” Noctilucent said. He dismissed Princess Luna’s words with a sniff. “I am actually very relieved to hear you say that,” Princess Luna said, relaxing a bit in her comfy chair. “She is very difficult to love. She is as prickly as her namesake.” “I know what you are up to,” Noctilucent said, no longer beating around the bush. “All of these orphans, leftovers from suicides.” “Yes, most of them,” Princess Luna confessed, batting at her wispy feather boa with her hoof as she spoke, blinking her long mascara covered eyelashes a few times. “This is manipulative!” Noctilucent protested. “Well of course it is,” Princess Luna said, stating the obvious. “I failed myself, I don’t see how you can think that I can help them,” Noctilucent protested. “But you are. Already, dour little Graves sleeps a little easier,” Princess Luna replied. “And Biscuit feels comforted.” “What is the deal with Biscuit?” Noctilucent demanded. “Biscuit has been badly wounded,” Princess Luna admitted. “But what happened?” Noctilucent inquired. “If you really want to know, you will have to get him to tell you somehow,” Princess Luna answered, shaking her head sadly. “So he can talk?” Noctilucent asked. “He has the potential to talk again,” Princess Luna said slowly, speaking her words carefully. “And you are not going to tell me?” Noctilucent asked. “No,” Princess Luna said dismissively. “You want me to help him but you tell me nothing,” Noctilucent argued. “I also want you to help yourself,” Princess Luna retorted with a snort, nearly sucking in her feather boa. She sneezed violently, sending feathers flying. “This is why you are not the popular Princess,” Noctilucent snarked. “Ooh… anger. That’s good. Summon more of that. I want you motivated,” Princess Luna replied, smiling faintly. “I just… I just insulted you and you are not angry?” Noctilucent questioned. “No,” Princess Luna replied. “Because, like I said, I love you. And you are hurt right now. So I will forgive you almost anything. Just do not call me Moon-Butt or something foalish.” For a moment, Noctilucent was tempted to do just that. A moment later, he realised that he could say it if he chose to, there was no magical compulsion holding him back. Realising this, Noctilucent choked back his words and said nothing. “Wise choice,” Princess Luna said, smirking faintly. “You are infuriating sometimes,” Noctilucent grumped. “I know,” Princess Luna admitted. “So Biscuit can talk, or has the potential to talk, and something has happened to him that is so awful that he can’t talk about it. He can’t talk at all,” Noctilucent said to the whorsey looking alicorn sitting in front of him. Princess Luna said nothing, just nodded. Her swirling ethereal mane drifted through her feather boa, a tiny star igniting a feather briefly, causing a whiff of smoke to rise and a terrible smell filled the room. Princess Luna remained deadpan somehow throughout all of this, never once reacting to her plight. “I don’t know if I can face this,” Noctilucent said, turning away from Princess Luna’s gaze. “I lost my way somewhere. I disconnected. My life is one long string of mistakes and failures. I had to quit going to the hospital and volunteering. I know it was a mistake to quit, but I had to. I hope you understand. One of them died while I was reading. And the nurse made me keep reading to the others as they wheeled her out. And so many other reasons. After that, I guess I just drifted away and cut everypony off. I’m not totally sure what happened. And at some point, I couldn’t figure out a reason to keep going,” Noctilucent confessed, feeling a need to bare his soul. It was why he came here, why he wanted into this building in the first place, why he had to get beyond Gate Crasher, who hadn’t even really been there. “So don’t face this alone,” Princess Luna suggested. “Find others. No, you cannot face this, what lies ahead. You will break again. I can promise you that. But others will help you if you let them. Do not underestimate the resilience of these foals. They are survivors. They are hurt, they are damaged, they may seem fragile, and some are, but they are the help that you need, and you are the help that they need. So stop wallowing in self pity, quit navel gazing, accept your depression for now, you cannot change it for the time being, and find a way to secure yourself to another. Our time grows short Noctilucent. Be patient. Continue to be your gentle self. Now listen to me carefully. Something is about to happen that is going to hurt you a great deal. In just a few minutes. If you turn this pain inward, it will wreck you. Even as we speak, events are in motion. Remember, I do love you and I want you to be happy. Somepony does love you and somepony cares about you enough to lift you up, dust you off, and try to help you. Now be ready,” Princess Luna said. Her horn flashed, and the hotel all around them exploded. Noctilucent awoke to the sound of a bell ringing. He heard a commotion out in the hall. He stumbled from his bed and went staggering down the hall, half awake, staring around him, bleary eyed. “Orphan incoming!” Sassafras cried, fluttering her wings. “Foals, behave,” Holly instructed as she made her way to the stairs and began to climb them. Noctilucent followed her up the stairs, little foals all around him. He was utterly baffled about what was going on. Candy Corn was crying, and Cactus Blossom was actually comforting Candy as Candy led Cactus up the stairs. Graves looked grim. Arroyo simply followed the herd, yawning, his horn providing light. Holly climbed up another set of stairs, moving towards the front door of the orphanage, her horn glowing to light the way. Sassafras had picked up the pace and now was walking with Holly, still flapping her wings with excitement. Noctilucent stopped suddenly, halting, looking around for Biscuit. Little Biscuit was nosing Cactus Blossom along, walking on the other side, keeping Cactus close to Candy. “Oh dear,” Holly said in worried tones, opening the front door and emerging out into the frigid night. Her breath came out in visible puffs. She looked both ways, searching, checking the road, and seeing nothing. Across the street there was a tiny shed with a long pole, and a bell hanging from a strut. A rope hung from the bell. Holly crossed the road, her hooves clattering on the paverstones, now moving quickly to reach the shed. A faint wail was now audible. Noctilucent began to rapidly understand what was happening, and felt something inside of himself shattering. Having reached the shed, Holly opened the door and pulled out a basket, levitating it with her magic. She looked worried and angry, her movements jerky. She set the basket on the ground, pulled back the blanket and pressed her nose inside. “Milk breath,” she muttered, “not weaned. Cold.” She lifted up the basket in her magic again and began to cross the road back to the orphanage, Sassafras on her heels. Noctilucent hurried after her, worried, a terrible pain in his chest, and an ache in his mind. Arroyo brushed up against his leg, and he paused, taking a moment to nose the foal comfortingly. Much to his surprise, he felt a little better. Once back inside, Holly pulled the foal from the basket. It was tiny, helpless, and and shivering. “Cactus, come here, I need you, you are the warmest little pony I know,” Holly said. Cactus, hearing her name called, carefully made her way to Holly with Candy Corn’s help. Holly gently scooped up Cactus with her magic, lay her on a blanket on the floor, placed the foal on the blanket, and then wrapped them both up together. “Thank you Cactus,” Holly praised. “No problem! Oh, hey, that’s a cold hoof!” Cactus said, squirming somewhat as she tried to get comfortable. “Well, we have a new guest,” Holly announced. “I don’t see a note or any indicator of a name. Noctilucent, it falls on you to name this foal. Also, I am going to fit you will a harness so you can carry her around while I take care of the day to day stuff with the older foals. The harness will not bother your wing, I promise.” Holly vanished heading off to the kitchen. “It is all the gas,” Graves explained. “It has to be. Cactus stays as warm as a furnace,” the little grey donkey said, giving words to his thoughts. Noctilucent sat down and after he did so, he felt Biscuit hugging him. He hugged Biscuit back, pulling the small foal to his barrel, taking some small comfort from the foal. After a moment of hugging, Noctilucent actually swept the foal up from the floor in his foreleg, squeezing him close, tears stinging at his eyes. He felt Biscuit’s forelegs slowly slide around his neck and squeeze. He felt better. Whatever had shattered earlier didn’t hurt as much. The hug made the pain bearable. Noctilucent was certain though that the pain would return in force later.” “It is another earth pony,” Cactus announced, cuddling the foal. “And she’s cold. Candy, get over here!” Candy did as she was bid, laying down beside the blanket bundle, and huddling close. Holly returned a short time later with a bottle full of warm formula, which she fed to the now well bundled foal being squashed between Candy and Cactus, Cactus actually being wrapped in the blanket with the foal. “Been a while since the last orphan bell. That foal got adopted out to a nice older couple,” Sassafras said to Noctilucent. “He was tiny and adorable. We’re big, and not adorable. Nopony wants us.” “All of you, head back to bed. Now,” Holly instructed. “Go, no arguing. Go back to your warm beds, tell each other goodnight, and don’t backtalk. I am not in the mood,” warned Holly. The foals headed for the stairs in a hurry, Arroyo leading the way with his horn lit, except for Biscuit, Cactus, and Candy, who stayed behind. Holly reached down and gave Cactus a loving nuzzle, and then Candy. When the foal finished the bottle, Holly used her magic to burp the foal, which made Cactus giggle. The foal, now much warmer, was unwrapped and taken away from Cactus, re-wrapped, and held aloft by Holly. “She will sleep in my room, in a crib. Tomorrow, we’ll get you fitted Noctilucent. You three, let’s go. We’re all going back to bed,” Holly said, moving towards the stairs. Noctilucent gave one final squeeze to Biscuit and set him down. Saying nothing, he followed the foals down the stairs and went back to bed, thinking of Princess Luna and the things she had said.