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// Chapter 2-1 
// Story: Can't Let You Go 
// by FoughtDragon01 
//------------------------------//

Lexxus had never been to Ponyville’s library, a fact that, while unusual even to her, wasn’t necessarily surprising. Yes, she’d gone a whole month without visiting one of the town’s most notable landmarks, but with everything that she was already going through, coping without the queen and adjusting to this new life in general, she had far too much on her mind to even sleep peacefully at night, let alone engross herself in a book. 

However, given her most recent developments, she decided to make the time for a visit. Of course, the circumstances in this particular instance were a smidgen more different than simply visiting to borrow a few books. A window of opportunity had finally been opened wide enough to give her a fair chance and she wasn’t about to spurn it.

It was a bit silly, honestly. Ever since her little chat with Spike, she actually had a bit of difficulty finding ways to distract herself for the rest of the day. It was that annoying sense of anticipation that made time suddenly tick by at a snail’s pace even if it was flying by mere moments before. As for what the anticipation was for, Lexxus liked to believe that it was simply because she finally had a decent chance at landing a job. However, she knew deep down that it wasn’t that simple.

There was just something brewing in the pit of her gut that didn’t sit right with her. Something about that dragon simply wouldn’t stop bothering her. Perhaps it was his genuinely friendly nature, perhaps it was that painful past of his, or perhaps it was something else entirely. What it was, she didn’t know, nor did she feel she needed to find out. She had found the closest thing to a friend since she came to this town, and that was enough. The most she could do was push those other bothersome thoughts to the back of her mind and focus on the task at hoof. So, as she flew over Ponyville’s busy streets, that was exactly what she did.

The actual trip to the library was a fair bit longer than she expected. Having to travel to Ponyville proper from the tree that doubled as her bed was already a bit lengthy, but it seemed that the library was a fair ways outside the town limits as well, which was a bit odd. Then again, ‘odd’ might not have been the right word to use, at least not when one knew the history behind the town. 

During its long trial through time, Ponyville had several of its buildings torn down and rebuilt. Of course, the positions of some of these buildings changed during their reconstruction, so in a sense, the town ‘crawled’ from its original position throughout the decades. However, certain buildings, such as the library, persevered, withstanding the test of time and remaining untouched. This, of course, meant that they were left behind while the town moved further and further away. As a result, Golden Oaks Library sat quite a distance away from the town proper. 

An interesting piece of history, one that Lexxus only discovered through talk from her colleagues, but ultimately inconsequential as far as she was concerned. The library was still in reasonable reach, and that was all that mattered. 

Still, as the grand, repurposed tree came into view, she couldn’t help but note that it did look rather… lonely, for lack of a better term. Yes, it looked as though it was taken care of, still maintaining that bright, warm color to it, but there was still an air of isolation about it. Somehow, Lexxus found a way to relate to that lonely feeling. 

Touching down in front of the library, Lexxus trotted up to the door. However, just as she was about to knock, something stopped her. Stranger still, she recognized that ‘something’. It was the same ‘something’ that she felt during her journey here. The same one she felt during her short talk with Spike.

Even though it felt like it came back in full force, it was still the subtlest of feelings, something that she couldn’t exactly place a hoof on. Her heart was fine. Her breathing was fine. Her body wasn’t shaking or trembling in the slightest. But something still felt… not necessarily wrong, just unfamiliar.

Lexxus blinked, focusing back on the present. She was just overreacting. No doubt, it was just her nerves getting to her. It wouldn’t have been the first time. Goodness, she couldn’t even count the amount of times Queen Chrysalis had left her absolutely terrified. 

Chuckling at that little thought, Lexxus knocked on the door. Taking a small step back, as well as a deep breath, she casually crossed her forelegs and waited. 

And waited. 

And waited.

After spending a sufficient amount of time waiting without receiving a response, a small frown cracked onto Lexxus’ face. Stepping back up to the door, she knocked again. 

“Hello? Spike? It’s me, Lexxus. From… from yesterday? Anyone?” Still nothing. He must’ve been there. He told her yesterday that he’d be. Perhaps he just couldn’t hear her from wherever he was. Or he simply wasn’t there at all. That was another very possible fact, inconvenient as it was. Still, she wasn’t going to find out standing out there. After all, though it served as a home, it was a public library.

Placing a hoof on the door, Lexxus pushed. Sure enough, it was unlocked, and gently eased open, granting her access to the building and all that was inside it. However, that may not have necessarily been a good thing.

As soon as the door opened, she was met with an intense blast of bitter emotion in the air. It wasn’t simply lingering about in trace amounts like it did outside. No, the air was completely flooded with the stuff. Not just that, but it was potent, contained and concentrated within the library walls. With the door open, it all poured out, washing over Lexxus like a tidal wave, practically choking her. 

An absolute cocktail of negative emotion—sadness, pain, regret, anger—sent her to her knees as she fought back the urge to vomit. Using whatever senses she retained during this emotional assault, she staggered off to the side of the door. It wasn’t far enough to completely escape, but it at least got her away from the worst of it. 

As the library emptied itself of its payload, Lexxus leant against the library, hoping that the cool bark would quell the absolutely pounding headache she was suffering. Now her heart was racing. Now her body was shaking. She couldn’t even get two breaths out before she broke into a coughing fit. In all of her life, during her exposure to the world outside of the Hive, never had she experienced such a powerful blast of emotion, positive or negative. 

That all couldn’t have been from Spike. After all, with it being a public building, any number of ponies could’ve stopped by in a sour mood, inadvertently adding to that emotional maelstrom. Still, she couldn’t deny that it all felt far too similar. Far too similar to that pained nostalgia she felt coming off of him yesterday. She couldn’t even imagine how it must’ve felt inside.

Thankfully, more than enough time passed to let the library ‘air out’, so to speak. With the emotions back down to more bearable levels, Lexxus steeled herself and took those first tentative steps into the library. 

The air inside was still bitter, unsurprisingly. Not enough to send Lexxus back to her knees, but still enough to make her uncomfortable. It was a shame. If it weren’t for that, she’d have immediately felt comfortable in the library’s interior. 

Though it was no doubt around for decades, it still had a rather homely feel to it. Of course, various shelves lined the walls on either side of her, all of them filled to the absolute brim with books, but it was the personal touches that really made it feel like a home.

It did have a bit of a ‘lived in’ feel to it. Numerous stacks of books, some short, others tall, dotted the sides of the lobby. Lexxus likely would’ve wondered why those weren’t shelved as well, but she quickly noticed that all of the shelves were full. There seemed to be a few blank places along the wall where more bookshelves were supposed to go, but it didn’t look like any of them had been set up yet. The average pony might’ve felt a bit cramped in the admittedly messy room, but for Lexxus, it hardly felt any different than living in the Hive. At least the library had livelier splashes of color. 

Of course, all of the little, quaint decorations in the world wouldn’t be enough to distract Lexxus from a single, obvious fact: Spike was nowhere to be seen. Not on that floor, at least. Her eyes drifted over to the stairs leading to the upper levels, no doubt where the owner’s personal quarters would be. If there was ever a place to check, that’d be the one. 

Slowly, being careful not to knock over any of the book towers, Lexxus inched towards the stairs. “Um, Spike?” she called. “A-are you up there?”

This time, she received a response, and it was immediate. “Uh, coming!” Heavy footsteps and creaking floorboards rang from the library’s upper floor as Spike made his way towards the stairs. 

As she stood there, Lexxus’ mouth curled into a small, concerned frown. If she didn’t know better, she’d have said that his rapid footsteps sounded a bit frantic, but she was likely just getting worried over nothing again. 

In almost no time at all, Spike appeared at the top of the stairs, looking down into the lobby below. He fixed his mouth into a welcoming smile as he laid eyes on his sudden visitor. “Oh, hey. Uh, Lexxus, right?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Heh, I knew you sounded familiar,” Spike said, descending the stairs. “So, I’m guessing you wanna have another hour long chat on changelings?” he jokingly asked. 

Thankfully, in spite of her nerves, Lexxus found it within herself to chuckle. It seemed like Spike’s playful demeanor managed to rub off onto her. “Only if you wouldn’t mind another lecture.”

Sucking his teeth, Spike waved a nonchalant hand. “Please. You wish you could hear the stuff I’ve had to sit through. Or sleep through.” 

Though the two shared a quick laugh, it wasn’t long before Lexxus’ mouth curled back into a small frown. Spike may have been wearing a smile, but he was completely leaking sorrow. “Um, are you okay?” Lexxus meekly asked. 

“Hmm? Uh, yeah, I’m fine. What made you ask?”

Lexxus opened her mouth, but no words came out. For a moment, she considered confront Spike about these emotions that she kept sensing from him. In the end, however, she decided that that was his business. “I… was just curious, is all.”

She could tell from his dubious expression that he didn’t completely believe her, but he dropped it all the same, instead taking a cursory glance around the library. A slight grimace cracked onto his face as he noted the numerous book piles waiting to be shelved. “Man, I’ve really been slacking,” he muttered. After clearing his throat, he turned back towards Lexxus. “So, what can I do for ya? Wanna check out a book or two?”

As soon as he asked the question, Lexxus’ eyes went wide as though it caught her by surprise. Her sense of casualness was promptly overridden by a familiar sense of anxiety. “Oh, um, about that,” she nervously muttered. “I’m… I’m not actually here for books.”

At that, Spike arched a curious eyebrow. “Really? Then what are you here for?” It likely wasn’t his intention to make Lexxus feel nervous or intimidated in the slightest, so when she seemed to shrink down under his gaze, her eyes finding their way to the floor, it was hardly surprising that he felt a tad confused. “Hey, are you okay?”

“No, no. I’m fine,” she quickly said. “It’s just that… Well, I was wondering. It just seems like you could use some help keeping this place tidy.” She motioned towards the numerous stacks of books surrounding them. 

Spike took another glance at them as well, a hint of embarrassment flaring up in his cheeks. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. I’ve been having trouble keeping up.”

In an instant, Lexxus perked up, a wide smile on her face. “Great! I-I mean, not great that you’re having some difficulty with the library, but great that you could use help keeping it…” She trailed off as Spike’s confused gaze bore right into her very being. Quickly, she cleared her throat, regaining a calmer, more professional posture. She finally managed to shove that anxiety out of her system, so it was in her favor to just get it over with before it returned. “I just wanted to know if you’d be willing to let me help you. Around the library.”

Spike’s eyes went wide, his confusion giving way to surprise. “Really? You wanna help me? With this?” he asked, making a wide wave towards the entire library and the absolute mess it was in. Lexxus simply nodded, her face flat and stoic, effectively hiding the nervous, desperate wreck just underneath the surface. Spike took a step back, his hand finding its way to his chin. “Huh. Nopony’s ever asked before. Hmm…”

While Spike contemplated on his decision, the slightest of frowns made its way onto Lexxus’ face. She didn’t like that tone. It was a tone that she became very acquainted with during her search for a job. It was a tone that always signaled her inevitable rejection. Hearing that same tone from Spike, admittedly, was worrying, but Lexxus couldn’t show it. Not the slightest sign of weakness. To do so would’ve only hurt her chances. She needed to remain calm and composed.

Spike still kept his gaze skyward, still trying to make a decision. Finally, he just shrugged.  “Eh, alright.”

Lexxus’ calm mask shattered under the disappointment as a tired sigh passed through her muzzle. “I see,” she said, voice low and somber. She honestly didn’t know what else she was expecting. Wishful thinking, she supposed. “Regardless, thank you for considering.”

Spike nodded, a warm smile on his face. “Yeah, don’t mention it. I just hope you don’t mind dust, ‘cause—” In the blink of an eye, his smile turned into a confused frown as his brain finally processed what he had just heard. “Wait, what?” It wasn’t every day that Spike found himself far too confused to properly speak, but as he watched Lexxus’ drooping, defeated form slowly shamble towards the front door, he promptly found himself far too confused to properly speak. “Was it something I said?” he muttered.

“Well, if you do change your mind,” Lexxus continued, growing closer to the door, “as I said before, you can find me up in that single, lonely—” And just like that, she came to a halt right before the threshold, her head snapping back up as she finally registered Spike’s answer. Eyes still wide with disbelief, she looked back at him. “Wait. You said ‘yes’?”

Slowly, cautiously, Spike glanced to his left. Then to his right. For a moment, he actually wondered if he did actually say what he thought he said. “Um… yes?” he finally said, the uncertainty finding its way into his own voice.

“Oh.” Clearing her throat, Lexxus quickly turned back towards the dragon in a horribly futile attempt to save face. “Well… thank you.” In her mind, Lexxus was joyously screaming bloody murder, putting on a little song and dance as a month’s worth of stress and worry practically flung themselves from her shoulders. She wanted to hug Spike so tightly that she left imprints on his scales, she didn’t care how ‘unprofessional’ it may have seemed.

On the surface, however, she was just as quiet as she was when she first arrived, that calm mask of her hiding the absolute mayhem occurring right behind her eyes. To even attempt any form of speech would’ve been akin to breaking down a dam. Spike was silent as well, though that was likely just because he hadn’t the slightest clue what to say next. As a result, the two stood in a fairly awkward silence that was occasionally broken by a random cough or the shuffling of nervous hooves against the hardwood floor. 

Finally, after she was completely certain that she had herself back under feasible control, Lexxus took in a deep breath. “So,” she began, finally shattering the silence, “what exactly do you want me to do?”

“Oh, uh…” Spike scratched the back of his head as he took another glance at the library around him and the mess that it lay in. “Well, business has been pretty slow lately, so I guess now’s as good a time as any to clean the place up. I’m guessing you won’t mind any manual labor, right?”

“Not at all,” Lexxus answered, an eager smile finding its way onto her face. “Just tell me what needs to be done.”

Spike heaved a heavy sigh as he put his thoughts together. “Right. So… before we put all of these books away, they’re gonna need a good dusting. But even after they’re dusted, we won’t be able to put them anywhere until we set up the shelves down in the basement. They’ve been down there a while, so they’re gonna need dusting too. And they’re heavy, but I can take care of that. As for the books that are shelved? Well, they’re kinda, maybe, sorta, really unorganized, so we’ll have to fix that too. After we dust them off, of course, ‘cause they’ve been sitting there for a while. Actually, now that I think about, the whole library could use some cleaning. Place has been a giant dust ball for a couple of months now.” Spike very well could’ve kept listing off that large number of tasks that needed to be done, but he promptly stopped himself when he set his eyes back on Lexxus. “Uh, does that sound alright with you?” he sheepishly asked.

Lexxus’ smile didn’t falter in the slightest as she nodded. “Will that be all?”