//------------------------------// // Bridle Gossip // Story: The Jack of All Trades // by Lord Zalgo //------------------------------// Sunlight flooded Phoenix’s room as he began to stir and wake. He looked to the sun with mild annoyance before turning to his bedside table to see his alarm clock with the time: 8:56 plastered on its face. He groggily emerged from his bed and looked out of his window to see that the entire town was deserted. It took him a moment to realise what was going on. Zecora had come to town. Phoenix quickly showered and got dressed before leaving his house and into the empty street. He looked around before seeing a robed figure walking towards the Everfree Forest. He galloped after the figure as it began to disappear into the darkness of the forest. Eventually, he spotted the figure in between the trees and finally caught it. “Zecora.” Phoenix said to the figure. The figure turned around to reveal the face of a female zebra. “Ah, Phoenix, you startled me. But, your face is one I’m glad to see.” Zecora said in a somewhat deep voice and a lyrical tone. She continued to walk as Phoenix walked with her. “Thank you, Zecora. It’s good to see you too.” Phoenix replied kindly. “I really should have known you were near. But, how did you know I was here?” Zecora asked. “I saw the town was deserted and I looked for you. Still no luck winning over the townsponies?” Phoenix asked sympathetically. “I’m afraid not, my friend. When I arrive, all activity seems to end.” Zecora replied sadly. “I tried to convince them that you’re kind-hearted, but they were convinced that you corrupted me. I had to let them perform an exorcism on me.” Phoenix said sadly. “I’m sure you did the best you could. It’s more than most ponies there would.” Zecora replied with a bit of spite. “Please, don’t give up on them, Zecora. Everypony fears what they don’t understand.” Phoenix implored. Zecora sighed. “I have given chance after chance for the town. But, their continued reactions cause me to frown.” Zecora said depressingly. Her eyes then shot open as she looked to Phoenix’s hooves. Which were hoof-deep in numerous blue plants. “My stress didn’t need this mighty stoke! You’ve stepped into Poison Joke!” Zecora exclaimed. “Poison?!” Phoenix exclaimed. “It’s not fatal, so don’t feel sorrow. But, I can’t cure you until tomorrow.” Zecora calmly explained. “What are the symptoms?” Phoenix asked, more at ease. Zecora gave him a discomforted look as she responded. “It’s always different, but none are cruel. But, they may make you seem the fool.” Zecora said uneasily. “...But, you can cure me by tomorrow?” Phoenix asked. “It’s not hard to brew, make no mistake about that. But, there are a few ingredients that I seem to lack.” Zecora said. “Well, the marketplace opens at daybreak. I can pick some stuff up on the way to your hut.” Phoenix offered. “So, they won’t flee is what that means. However, with the effects, you may not want to be seen.” Zecora replied. Phoenix thought for a moment. “Have you got a spare cloak that I could borrow?” Phoenix asked. Zecora removed the one she was wearing and hoofed it over to him. “I have others at home. This one however, I’ll give you to own.” Zecora said with a smile. “Zecora, you needn’t do that. Are you sure?” Phoenix asked reminding her of his intention to borrow rather than keep. Zecora merely nodded and wrapped her forelegs around his neck. Phoenix moved the folded cloak from his hooves to his magic and hugged her back. A moment after they let go of each other, Apple Bloom emerged from the bushes. “Apple Bloom! What are you doing here?!” Phoenix asked in shock. “Ah was followin’ Zecora when everypony else was talkin’ about how bad she was. Ah jus’ wanted to see for mahself.” Apple Bloom explained in a confessing tone. “But, this is the Everfree, Bloom! It’s dangerous to go alone!” Phoenix said as he looked around, but was shocked to see that Zecora was nowhere in sight. “She must have slipped away while you were explaining.” Phoenix said to Apple Bloom. “Yeah... What’s that in your pocket, Phoenix?” Apple Bloom pointed to Phoenix’s jacket. He pulled it out with his magic to discover it was a folded up piece of parchment. He unfolded it to see a list of different herbs. ‘These must be the things she wants me to pick up.’ Phoenix thought. He then turned to Apple Bloom. “It’s nothing, Bloom. Let’s just go back. Watch out for those blue flowers.” He said as they began to walk back the way they came. As they reached the edge of the forest, Phoenix spotted the girls on the horizon running in their direction. Phoenix knew they’d question why he was there and the cloak he was carrying. “Bloom, can you promise me that you won’t tell anypony that I was speaking with Zecora just now?” Phoenix asked. “Why?” She replied. “Just promise me that if anypony asks, you just say that you haven’t seen me. Alright?” “Okay.” Apple Bloom replied with a confused expression. Phoenix then ran off in a different direction. Apple Bloom was about to follow him, but was caught by Applejack. Phoenix hid behind a nearby house to listen and see if Apple Bloom would keep her promise. She told the girls that she saw Zecora go into the Everfree Forest and decided to go no further. As they left, Phoenix did the same. He went back to his house and dropped off the cloak before going back to town to meet the girls. After Apple Bloom received a little scolding from the girls while Twilight remained sceptical. Phoenix stopped Apple Bloom when nopony was around and thanked her for keeping her promise. She merely smiled and hugged the stallion, instantly realising what everypony meant by Phoenix being huggable. As the day went by, there was a feeling of dread and fear within Phoenix as to what symptom would befall him, due to the Poison Joke. He decided to push those thoughts aside as he simply enjoyed the day. As Phoenix watched the sun begin to set on the horizon from his bedroom window, all of his anxieties returned in full-force. He had to run the same thought through his mind to keep himself calm. The memory of Zecora telling him that it wasn’t fatal. Phoenix knew that Zecora wouldn’t lie about something so important to his face. That was the only conclusion that he cared about. As the moon rose and the stars began to shine, Phoenix set his alarm for six in the morning and tried to get some sleep. But, it didn’t come to him easily. His whole body felt... ...Strange... Phoenix awoke to the sound of the alarm clock. Rising from the bed and moving to the mirror, she saw something terrifying. A grey coated, black maned, blue eyed... mare. Phoenix realised that she was no longer a stallion. One check to a specific place confirmed that. So, she did what anypony would do in that situation. She screamed. True, it wasn’t loud enough for anyone to hear, but for Phoenix it was the loudest she had ever yelled. After she calmed down, she tested her voice as she combed her mane into something more presentable. Her voice was definitely a higher pitch than it used to be, but remained relatively deep, not unlike Zecora’s. Her mane and tail were at least twice as long as she was used to, meaning it took her twice as long to finish combing it. ‘I’ll never complain about how long it takes for a mare to get ready ever again.’ Phoenix thought to herself. She then threw a pair of her saddlebags on her back and then Zecora’s cloak which covered most of her body. Phoenix emerged from her house and head towards the marketplace, where numerous ponies were just beginning to set up their shops. Phoenix looked over her list before heading to the appropriate shop. Once there, she paid for the herbs she picked out and moved to the next one. She eventually reached the final stand which sold various plants. She picked out a Dragonbell plant and dropped the correct amount of bits onto the counter. The stallion in charge of the stall, however looked at Phoenix with half-lidded eyes. “Y’know, I could probably give you a big discount on that... if you do something for me first.” The owner said with a flirtatious look and a sultry tone. Phoenix merely frowned as she shook her head. The owner’s horn began to glow as he created a magical construct to slap Phoenix on the flank. “C’mon.” The owner persisted. Phoenix reached into her bag and pulled out her revolver and aimed it right at his head. “The bits or the bullet. Take your pick, arsehole.” Phoenix growled. Despite the gender switch, Phoenix didn’t lose a hint of her intimidation skills. The stallion nodded fearfully and quickly swiped the bits as Phoenix put her gun and the plant in her bag. She then walked away towards the Everfree. Suddenly, she heard a loud gasping noise coming from the area that her house was in. She turned to see the girls all seemingly looking for her, and were shocked to see her house completely empty. Phoenix threw her hood up and trotted towards the Everfree. Reviewing the plan she came up with, she realised it was a bad one. As she seemed to resemble a certain zebra, was suspiciously running towards the forest and was wearing the cloak Zecora was wearing the day prior, the girls spotted her and galloped after her. “Oh, fuck.” Phoenix cursed to herself as she increased her pace into a gallop. She attempted to lose the girls in the trees as they continued to run. After a while of the girls being on her tail, Phoenix decided to slip out of sight and hide. The girls continued to look for Phoenix as she quietly continued to move towards Zecora’s hut. Eventually, she reached the Poison Joke again. Annoyed about what it did to her, she picked them all, placed them in a pile and turned them into ash in a small fire. Elsewhere, the girls actually reached Zecora’s hut first to see the shaman herself stood by a bubbling cauldron. They strained their ears to hear what she was saying. “Hmm... It has been a while since the hour of six. Where is that man, Phoenix?” Zecora wondered aloud, however the girls took it as a confession of Zecora’s witchcraft and ponynapping. They were about to confront her, but Fluttershy pointed out a pony in a cloak coming towards the hut. The girls leapt into several bushes and shrubberies. The cloaked pony knocked lightly on the door, to which Zecora opened. The pony seemed to lift their hood slightly and was immediately let inside. The girls immediately returned to the window. Inside the hut, Phoenix used her magic to remove her bags without removing the cloak. Zecora looked inside the bags and nodded in satisfaction. “It pains me to see you this way, my friend. I trust you had no trouble in the end?” Zecora said with a hint of worry. “Well, I nearly had to use my gun and I had to outrun six mares, so I’d rather we get this over with as soon as we can please, Zecora.” Phoenix replied bluntly, but politely. “Well, the brew here is near its completion. All it needs now are those items and some secretion.” Zecora explained. “What kind of secretion?” Phoenix asked. “Bodily secretion.” Zecora replied. “I have a vial of blood, actually.” Phoenix reached into her bag and picked out said vial. “Why do you even have that?” Zecora asked, too confused to rhyme. “You never know when you’ll need one.” Phoenix replied. “I know these questions seem quite old-hat, but when would you ever need that?” “Now. We need it now. Who’s crazy now?” Phoenix said as she laughed. The door suddenly burst violently open to reveal Twilight and the girls with a look of fury on all of their faces. Zecora and Phoenix watched in shock as the girls filed in and tensed up in preparation to strike, like a snake stalking a mouse. “We're onto you, Zecora! And your lackey! Where’s Phoenix?!” Twilight demanded. Rainbow then made a dash for Zecora before Phoenix pushed her out of the way and taking the full force of the strike. Unfortunately knocking her into the side of the cauldron, knocking it over and spilling its contents all over the floor of the hut. “No! The special brew! It was the stuff meant for you!” Zecora exclaimed a she emphasised towards Phoenix, who scrambled out of Rainbow’s reach. Phoenix watched the bubbling green liquid as Rainbow grabbed her again. Twilight then held both of them aloft with her magic while they had defeated looks on their faces. “I won’t ask again! Where. Is. Phoenix?” Twilight growled. Phoenix’s eyes never left the ground as Zecora looked over to her. “The poison in your veins may now never end. I... I’m so sorry... Phoenix, my friend.” Zecora said as she began to tear up a little. The girls gasped before Twilight removed the cloak from Phoenix, revealing her female form. Twilight dropped them both onto their hooves, but Phoenix merely turned to the spilled brew and sat on her haunches. Silence fell. “...What did you mean by ‘may never end’?” Applejack surprisingly broke the silence as she politely addressed Zecora. “Poison Joke has a deeply hidden wrath... It’s permanent effects are its last laugh.” Zecora sadly replied. “How long before it becomes permanent?” Pinkie worriedly asked. “There is a very short delay to the last laugh. The effects are only temporary for a day and a half.” Zecora replied. “If she... he was infected yesterday, then surely we should be able make another cure.” Twilight said optimistically. Zecora merely shook her head. “The ingredients I need can’t be easily found. I used up my stocks the first time around. Buying them at the market is a route most plausible. But, the shops are always closed, making it impossible.” Zecora replied causing the girls to look slightly guilty. The looks of guilt, however were replaced with ones of determination. “We’ll be able to convince them that you’re alright! Twilight’s the protégé of the princess herself!” Rarity announced. To this, Phoenix turned. “So, they’ll believe you first time, but when I try, they had to exorcise me? Charming.” Phoenix said in her usual sarcastic way. She stood up and walked up to the girls, then turned and looked to Zecora. “Come on, Zecora. You’ve never let me down in the past. Please, don’t do it now.” Phoenix implored. Zecora sighed before smiling slightly as she nodded and lead them out of the hut. After a minute or so of walking, Fluttershy addressed the elephant in the forest. “Phoenix? Do you think it feels strange to be a mare?” Fluttershy asked innocently. “Well... I don’t feel as heavy, but I do feel more... curvy.” Phoenix replied. “Well, Phoenix, you’re hot as mares go.” Rainbow said confidently. “What, I wasn’t as a stallion?” Phoenix asked. “Eh.” Rainbow replied. Nopony chose to comment further. Minutes later, they reached Ponyville. It took a little while to convince Aloe and Lotus that they had an emergency on their hooves. The girls spread themselves across the market to purchase the ingredients that Zecora required. Zecora remained in the spa in order to avoid causing another panic. Zecora began brewing the cure in a large hot tub with the ingredients that Phoenix had bought for her earlier in the day. Aloe and Lotus seemed sceptical of Zecora’s actions, but they also seemed surprised of how different she was from what they had heard about her. Within minutes, the girls returned with the herbs and vegetation required. The unicorns helped Zecora ground up the rest of the ingredients and poured them in. Ponies watched in silence as the powders fizzled for a moment before dissolving. Finally, Zecora poured in the vial of Phoenix's blood and watched it seemingly disappear in the concoction. Silence fell. “What now?” Twilight asked. Not one second after the last syllable passed Twilight’s lips, Zecora shoved Phoenix into the water. A large number of bubbles reached the surface at an alarming rate. Seconds later, Phoenix emerged from the water, trying to catch his breath. He continued to splutter as he reached for the side with his hooves. He checked over himself to discover that the change had been completely reversed before sighing with relief and climbing out of the tub. He immediately shot Zecora an unamused look. “A little warning next time, Zecora?” Phoenix questioned, clearly annoyed. She merely chuckled before the spa ponies emerged to feel the water for themselves. They shared an excited smile before Lotus Blossom began to speak to Zecora. “Miss Zecora, I would love to get the recipe for this bath. It's simply luxurious!” Lotus said politely, but with enthusiasm. Zecora responded with a smile. “There you go, Zecora. These two are loved around Ponyville. If they say you’re alright with us confirming it, you’re guaranteed to be accepted.” Phoenix said. Zecora smiled as the spa sisters blushed at the praise. The girls then began to enjoy a spa session as Phoenix decide all he wanted to do was sleep. He departed and returned to his home and to his bed. Once again, he saw a blurred, navy blue figure as he was losing consciousness. A moment later, the figure moved and Phoenix was in the dream realm.