//------------------------------// // They say 'Friendship is Magic'. They're kinda dumb. Part 1 // Story: Twilight OP pls nerf // by SpiritDutch //------------------------------// Twiligh OP ples nerf Twilight Sparkle, mighty god alicorn, lay lazily on in the grass of Canterlot's garden. The shade of a tree and the cool stream nearby offered respite from the sweltering heat, but Twilight was a level 9.01*10^3 alicorn princess, so she cared little for such pettiness as the collision of atoms causing heat. Her casual interest at this moment was a history book. Being an omnipotent god did not make you omniscient after all, unless you willed yourself to be so, but Twilight didn't want to cheat like that. Finding the chapters about some chumps named Discord and Tirek to be boring, Twilight turned to a page entitled “Nightmare Moon”. As interested as one such as herself could be in such things, she read through the entire chapter. - Spike was lounging in the library of Twilight's wing of Canterlot Castle, snacking on jewels while reading comic books. If Twilight had been been born a moral unicorn instead of the kwisatz haderach in pony form, Spike would have been shelving books. However, Twilight could (and did) shelve every book in the entire universe with a single thought, so he had nothing to do. Twilight came into being in the center of her massive library. “Hello Spike.” She said. Spike looked up from his comic. “Hi Twilight. I thought you had set aside this time for reading?” “Apparently Celestia had an evil sister, whom she banished to the moon. This sister will be returning soon, so we're going to a village called Ponyville to greet her.” “Wow how'd you learn that?” “Well, I found an interesting tidbit about the Mare in the Moon in my book. When that book proved insufficient for me, I teleported every book in existence about her to my location, and read those. Then I asked Celestia about Nightmare... The Mare in the Moon's name is Nightmare Moon, by the way. So I asked Celestia, but she was reluctant to talk about it, so I read her mind. “Anyway, Nightmare will be let out of her lunar prison tomorrow night, at Celestia's old castle. I could postpone that date, but I don't feel like it. The closest population center to the castle is a village called Ponyville. We're going to go prepare a wondrous feast for her. Oh, and we'll be recovering an ancient super-weapon called the Elements of Harmony, in case the feast doesn't turn her from her evil ways.” “Couldn't you send Celestia to do this? Couldn't you do everything from here? Couldn't you just force her to be good?” Spike whined. “Why do we have to go?” “Common Spike, I can't solve every problem out of hand. Well, I could, but that would be boring.” Twilight replied. “So get up off your butt, I've already packed in the time you've been talking.” - Applejack moved from tree to tree, bucking them. The apples fell, and landed in buckets. Applejack took these buckets, emptied them into barrels, and returned to the orchard. Applejack moved from tree to tree... “Hello there.” Applejack head a voice. She looked up. Twas an alicorn, lavender of coat and purple of mane. Beside her was a very annoying looking purple and green dragon. “Hey there. Need somthin?” Applejack asked. “Honestly, no.” The alicorn replied. “But I'd like something. I'd like some food for a feast, and your establishment seems to be the biggest food provider in this hamlet.” “You need me to provide food fer feast?” Applejack asked. “You keep saying 'need'. I don't need anything. It's about wants. I want you to provide food for a feast.” The alicorn said. “I think flawed and natural food would be charming and welcoming. You are making this much more difficult than it has to be.” “What are y'all talkin about?” Applejack was very confused. The alicorn sighed. “Oh, you don't want to? Fine. I'll just magically create the food like always. So passé.” She evaporated before Applejack's eyes. “Ah really need to lay off the cider...” - Twilight and Spike reappeared in the center of Ponyville “This sky is abysmally kept. I'll fix that.” Every cloud above Ponyville disappeared in a subtle burst of magic. “AAAAAAA!!” A cyan blur fell out of the sky, landing in a muddy puddle at Twilight's feet. Twilight cocked an eyebrow. “Seems this road is hazardous. That'll need work too.” “What gives!” Yelled the mare in the puddle. “I was using that cloud!” Twilight looked over the mud covered pegasus. “My apologies, let me fix that for you.” A column of water from the river splashed over the muddy mare. Twilight could now see a light blue pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail. A sudden gale of wind ripped across the street, drying the water still on her coat. Spike broke into giggles at the frizzy windblown nature of the mare's hair. The mare sat on the road and crossed her forhooves expectantly. “Oh, you want your mane fixed too? Sorry, I don't do natural disasters.” Twilight said, brushing past the mare. The rainbow pegasus followed Twilight with her eyes. Once the alicorn was out of earshot Rainbow Dash whispered. “What a jerk.” From across the river and around a corner, Twilight's voice boomed. “THAT'S GOING IN THE BOOK.” - Twilight and Spike entered the town pavilion. At it's stage stood a white and purple unicorn, who was defiling the civic space with ribbons and glitter. “Hello!” The unicorn enthused. “My name is Rarity!” “Wow, you're really pretty!” Spike gushed. Twilight clicked her tongue reprimandingly. “No touching Spike, you have no idea what you might catch.” Spike turned away downcast, and Twilight faced the unicorn. “Is this your home?” “No.” Rarity answered. “Is this your workplace?” Twilight asked. “No, my work is in the same building as my home.” Rarity answered. Twilight inspected the ribbons disgracing the frames and fixtures of the pavilion. “Then why are you doing this? Don't you have anything better to do than desecrating this public space? What would happen Nighmare Moon saw this, right now? She'd be uncomfortable, and it'd be awkward, and I'd be humiliated, that's what'd happen. It should to be at least three times darker. And moodier. And just a bit evil as well.” Rarity was upset. “I spent all morning beautifying town hall, and I won't take any abuse from anypony, not even a princess.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “Yeah whatever.” With a wave of her horn, the pavilion was transformed into a sanctuary of the night, with black and purple banners hanging along the walls. Every curtain was drawn, and the only light where the candles suspended in midair. Rarity took one look and fainted. Twilight was confused as to why before she noticed the pony skulls mounted above every door. “Hmm, too evil?” With another pulse of magic, the skulls disappeared. “Please don't disturb any of the decorations or I will be rather upset.” Twilight said to the unconscious Rarity before leaving. - Fluttershy heard a knock at her door. “I'm coming.” She said, putting aside her needlework and picking herself up off the couch. Another knock. “I'm on my way.” She carefully weaved around the animals carpeting her floor as she worked her way towards the door. Instead of a third knock, a tremendous blast of energy impacted Fluttershy's door, disintegrating it. On the other side stood a purple alicorn and a purple dragon. “Does guest custom mean anything anymore?” The alicorn said, strolling through the empty doorframe. “I'm sorry.” Fluttershy said. “Eh.” The alicorn shrugged, seating herself on Fluttershy's couch. Her dragon accompaniment stood off to the side. “I'm Twilight Sparkle. I need a grand orchestra to preform for my feast for Nightmare Moon, but it seems your bird orchestra is the best I can do.” Fluttershy considered this. “I don't know, it's rather late in the day and I wouldn't want to pull my bird friends out of their homes.” Twilight lit up her horn, and every surface of Fluttershy house became covered in birds. Panicked by their sudden and unexpected teleportation, the birds scattered. Twilight looked impassively on as the room was filled with wings and deafening squawks. Fluttershy covered her ears and curled up on the floor to avoid the birdnado. Twilight was saying something, but Fluttershy couldn't hear. The whirlwind of birds slowly escaped out of the door and windows. “There go the birds.” Twilight observed. “I brought them right to you, and you let them slip through your grasp. I don't wonder if that's an analogy for your entire life.” Twilight sighed, getting off the couch. She and Spike disappeared in a flurry of magic. Fluttershy was left in the floor of her home, surrounded by alarmed animals and bird droppings. The door of her home remained in the aether where Twilight had sent it, and the room gradually lost it's heat. - Twilight flew low over the houses of Ponyville, Spike on her back. “I suppose you could built the castle over there, next to the windmill.” Spike pointed. “Right in range of the gem store.” “But then the mill will block my view. Unless I knock it down.” Twilight contemplated. “Twilight, you can see through walls, I'm sure mill blades won't bother you. Look at how big the yard would be.” Spike said gesturing over the green expanse at the edge of town. “I know for a fact you haven't spent a minute outside in two years I haven't been carrying you for.” “I think the riverside location would really add to the property value as well.” 'You're really trying to sell the mill lot aren't you.” Twilight sighed. With a deft swing of her horn, the Ponyville windmill was blasted apart into a million splinters. “Hey look, a tree house!” Spike squeaked. “I've always wanted a tree house.” Twilight looked down into Ponyville center, to an old oak with a home cut into it's trunk. “That'll work too.” She landed at the front of the great tree. 'Golden Oaks' the door read. “I can't complain about the location, but the tree lacks a certain scale I'm used too. Needs an upgrade.” Twilight charged her horn, and struck the tree with a fiery blast. In the wake of the blast were fifty screaming ponies, flailing and panicking to escape the flames around them. Somepony had apparently called a gathering in the tree library, and now the party had turned to ash along with some of it's attendees. “Oops, I should have checked for mortals.” Twilight brought a hoof to her face. “But you can see through walls.” Spike chided. “You did that on purpose.” “Well sometimes I don't see ponies if I'm not paying attention, Spike.” Twilight snapped at him. “You'll know what I mean when you control the forces of creation. Oh wait, you won't.” Spike groaned in annoyance. “Just put out those burning ponies then.” Twilight magically extinguished and brushed aside the ponies still alive, and resurrected and brushed aside the dearly departed. The charred remains of Golden Oaks Library were pulled up by the roots and tossed past the town limits. Twilight set about assembling a new tree out of magically conjured crystal and obsidian. “What happened? One minute Im partying and...” A pinkie pony wandered over to where Twilight was working. “I saw a bright light, and then a long tunnel.” “I accidentally killed you. Sorry about that.” Twilight replied without turning. “I saw everything, the junctures and fissures between worlds.” The pink one breathed. Four more ponies joined the pink pony (Who for narrative’s sake you now know is Pinkie Pie). “I made a feast like you asked.” Applejack said. “Where do you want me to deliver it.” “That's not until tomorrow. Great job on that.” Twilight responded, as she began to shape the height of her new crystal-tree-castle's battlements. “Can you please bring the clouds back.” Rainbow Dash pleaded. “I'm out of a job right now if you don't.” “Fine, just don't slack off again.” Twilight summoned a colossal nimbus directly above Ponyville, and soon the town was drenched in rain. “Some weird ponies are preforming satanic rituals in the darkness shrine formerly known as town hall.” Rarity informed Twilight. Twilight, who was inspecting prospective crystalline thrones, flicked her horn. “Not anymore.” “Thank you, I think.” Rarity looked in the direction of town hall, from which feint screams could be heard. Fluttershy approached slowly. “Um, it's raining and, um, you still have my door. So um, my foyer is, uhm, really exposed, and wet.” Twilight turned to face Fluttershy, and as she turned the mass of metal beams she carried turned with her, nearly hitting Pinkie Pie. “So you want me to stop what I'm doing then, to solve your problems?” Twilight asked. Fluttershy looked at the ground, the rain making it a much sadder scene than it'd have been otherwise. “N- No.” “Do you think your door and your foyer are more important than a castle.” Twilight chided. Fluttershy cowered, whimpering. “No.” Twilight scowl wobbled, then broke. She began to laugh, and the mass of metal beams she carried wobbled and bounced with her, nearly hitting Pinkie Pie. “I'm just messing with you.” Twilight ribbed as her horn lit up momentarily. “I just replaced your door, and I did it retroactively.” Fluttershy opened her mouth to speak but disappeared in a pop of magic. Twilight frowned, wondering offhand what strange knot of causality she had created. “I guess she didn't have a reason to come since her door is intact. Oh, wait, there she is.” Fluttershy approached the group, bogged down by a heavy bag. “I brought some more birds, like you asked.” She opened the bag, and a spate of birds erupted from within. Then the bag was empty. “Well I tried.” Fluttershy said sadly. “Is your door back?” Twilight asked. Fluttershy's eye's widened. “We do not speak of the door, everlasting guardian of the threshold of existence.” “I think you replaced the door more retroactively than you intended.” Spike said to Twilight. “Now it exists across all of space and time.” “My mistake.” Twilight mumbled, turning back to her castle construction. “What just happened?” Applejack asked. “Today I learned that messing with the flow of time has unpredictable and interesting side effects.” Twilight explained as she put the finishing touches on her balconies. “You learned that lesson already, when you propagated your original alicorn powers to the moment of your birth, thus causing a temporal-causal reaction the logical conclusion of which was for you to receive godlike power at every moment of existence.” Spike chided. “Well I learn better by example.” Twilight responded. “There, all done.” The Golden Oaks Library had been a tastefully humble building, perfectly suited to it's quant neighbors in Ponyville. Twilight Castle was a towering behemoth of a tree, made of glistening crystal and black marble. It's topmost spire punctured the nimbus cloud layer, and it's shadow would cover half of the town below it if it had it not been overcast. Truly it was a monument to arrogance and ego. “No pool?” Spike asked. Twilight ignored him, wandering into her new residence. Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy looked to each other, and then to the massive crystal tree-castle. “That's my maw callin...” Applejack said, retreating from the group. “I think I left my stove on.” Rarity turned and galloped back to her home. “I saw the light.” Pinkie Pie said emptily. “The light at the end of the tunnel.” “This is seriously uncool.” Rainbow Dash scowled at the castle and the layer of nimbus clouds over Ponyville. “I'm going home.” She dashed off. “I think I hear the door calling to me again.” Fluttershy flicked her ear towards her home. “It needs attention.” “The light... SO pretty.” Pinkie idly followed Fluttershy towards her home. Spike kicked at the wet dirt in frustration. “I really wanted a pool.” Eventually he followed Twilight into her unnecessarily large and obnoxious castle, and shut the door behind him.