This Is SO Not Kansas

by ForsakenDraak66


Was It All a Dream?

I glance at Fluttershy and smile sheepishly. "I don't suppose you would know what dollar is, would you?"

Fluttershy shook her head slowly and turned to Mr. Cakes. She said softly, "May I get one cupcake please? And don't worry Pierce.. I can pay for it."

I nodded and mumbled my thanks as she dropped some gold coins on the counter, where she got them I didn't know, but I decided not to question it. Mr.Cakes picked up the coins and nudged a cupcake to Fluttershy. She took it and we started for an empty table. The ponies had long since lost interest in me and had gone back to their meals. As we sat down I thought back to the last time I ate. It had been a couple of peanuts at the bar before i got hammered. I gazed at the cupcake hungrily and swallowed the saliva forming as Fluttershy slide it across the table to me. Before I devoured the cupcake i realized that the yellow mare didn't get one for herself.

"If you want, I can split this. I don't like to eat in front of others." I said, moving to pull the cupcake in half.

Fluttershy shook her head and said softly, "No, it's fine. Go ahead Pierce.. I'm not hungry."

I shrugged and lifted it to my mouth and took a bite. I gagged and forced the bite down. The cupcake seemed to be pure sugar. I felt sick to my stomach, and i was sure that I just got diabetes from it. i shakily set the cupcake down and ran my tongue over the roof of my mouth to get the taste of the pink cupcake out of my mouth. Fluttershy watched me amused and giggled softly.

"Pinkie Pie can sure make a cupcake can't she?" Fluttershy said softly, a sheepish smile on her face.

I glared at her until she lost her smile and looked down. I gulped audibly and stood up. Fluttershy hopped down from the chair without a word and followed me as I waked to the door. I pushed out of the door and Mr.Cakes voice carried as he called, "You come back later now!"

I waved and called back, "If I ever get the chance." I glance at the forlorn cupcake on the table and shook my head. Sorry Mr.Cakes, but I am not coming back ever, unless a health inspector passes it for human standards. I let the door close behind me as Fluttershy and I walk along the road. As we walk along the road I notice that less ponies are staring at me or giving me curious looks. We continue walking in silence for a few minutes before I start to break. God I HATE silence. I looked down at the yellow mare beside me and said, "Hey Fluttershy, are you usually this quiet? And you seem pretty uncomfortable."

She nodded quickly and continued walking in silence for about a minute for mumbling, "You're scary..."

At first, I had to think about what she said, mainly because all I heard was mumble mumble, but it finally clicked and i understood her. I sigh and stop, placing a hand on her back, causing her to finch, but she stops and glances up at me before returning her gaze to the road. I knelt down and smile gently. I said, "Fluttershy, please look at me." When she finally did I continued. "I am not going to hurt you. You and your friends have been nice to me and I am in a new place and I feel scared. I don't know how I'm going to get home and I am relying on you and your friends on helping me, because I don't think I could handle this without you. As I told your princess, I'm not a violent person. So please don't be afraid of me."

I lightly pat her back and smile before standing up. I resume my walking and she follows. We walk a minute in silence before she nods and smiles softly. She relaxes a bit and says, "So where are you from?"

I look at her and say, "A small town in Georgia. It's called Lakeland. It was nice and quiet, though I had to do most of my work in Valdosta."

"So this is all in Kansas?" She replies softy.

I look at her confused for a moment before I remember my remark to Rainbow Dash. I start laughing, startling Fluttershy, until my fit has died down to chuckles and giggles and say, choking back any laughter left, "What I said to Rainbow Dash is a famous quote from a movie called The Wizard of Oz. It's about a young girl and her dog named Toto that get sucked up by a tornado and land in a magical place called Oz that is being oppressed by two evil witches. Her house falls on one of the witches killing her and they have to set out to kill the other so that the can find a way home."

Fluttershy opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by pink hoofs party Fluttershy's hair and a pink muzzle emerging and saying excitedly, "Ohhhhhh! I wanna go to Oz!!!!! Can you take us Pierce?! Please!!!!"

I however, did not hear what she said, for i was to busy screaming at what had just happened. Fluttershy however, seemed unfazed and said, "Oh. Hello there, Pinkie."

I stand there bent over and clutch my chest, breathing heavily as the two ponies talk to each other. At some point Pinkie had removed herself from Fluttershy's hair. I took a deep breath and let it out. Fuck this place. It was gonna be the death of me and I knew it. I regained my composure and said hotly, "Jesus, Pinkie! Your gonna give me a God damn heart attack!"

Pinkie just beamed at me and ignored what I said, and instead said, "So Pierce, do you waaaaaaannnnnnnaaaaa party?!"

I glanced at Fluttershy who just smiled. I turned back to Pinkie Pie to find she had gotten closer. i cleared my throat and said, "How about later? Fluttershy is still giving me the tour around town."

Pinkie Pie turned to Fluttershy and said excitedly, "You should take him to Sugarcube Corner!" I will make all of us some cupcakes!" I stared in horror at this and looked to Fluttershy with pleading eyes.

She seemed to get the message because she said, "We already went to Sugarcube Corner. We are headed to Twilight's right now." I sighed in relief. "But you can give him a party after the tour, he will probably be home by then." I stared at Fluttershy in horror as Pinkie Pie squealed. Fluttershy flashed my a dark grin but went back to her innocent self as Pinkie Pie started talking to herself, things along the lines of, "Gotta start preparing" and "wonder if I can get Vinyl here.." Pinkie Pie beamed and started bouncing down the road the way we were and she called back to us, "Bye Fluttershy! Bye Pierce! I have a party to get to work on!"

I glared at Fluttershy and she smiled back. She started walking again and i grumbled, "Traitor.."


The rest of the day passed uneventfully, except stopping at Applejack's and eating real food and being forced into extremely colorful and flashy clothes by Rarity. Well, that and the dreaded party. Finally everything settled down and ponies started leaving. I noticed that Twilight Sparkle was lingering behind. I shrugged and walked over to her. She didn't seem to notice me and was busy messing with my computer, so I tip toed behind her and grabbed her flanks and shouted, "Boo!"

She squeaked loudly and jumped, turning to me with a blush on her face. I smiled and said, "What's up Twilight? Why were you fiddling around with my computer?"

She looked at my computer and said, "I was wondering what this was.." She turned back to me and continued, "I wanted you to know that right now, me and the Princesses are currently looking for a way to send you back. Right now we know very little because we have no idea how you were sent here or where you came from, but we are trying to help."

I nod and smile. I was actually warming up to this place. Twilight's eyes widened and she bowed. I raised my eyebrow to her then realized she was bowing to someone behind me, so I turn, expecting to see the radiant white horse. Instead I am starring at another horse, smaller than Celestia, with a coat like midnight. I nod to her and offer my hand. "Hello, my name is Pierce Collins. And you must be?"

The mare looked at me hand and raised an eyebrow. She disregarded my hand and said, "I am Princess Luna, Princess of the Night. I believe you have met my sister, Celestia."

I nod and say, "Nice to meet you Princess Luna. And yes, I have. So what brings you by today?"

"I wanted to meet the human Sister was talking about. Twilight Sparkle is right, we are looking for a way to send you back to home. In fact," she turned to Twilight, "we need you back at the castle. We may have found a way." Luna turned back to me. "Excuse us Pierce."

I watched as Luna and Twilight left. I yawned and started cleaning up. About a half an hour later I retired to bed.


I awoke and yawned. I stood up and stretched, popping my back as I did. I shambled into the kitchen, repeating my daily morning routine. Make the coffee pot, check the machine, make a cup of coffee, and sit down to watch TV. I pressed the button on my machine and the first message started playing.

"Pierce, it's your mother, we just want to know if you will be joining us for dinner tonight. Last time you never showed up. I hope you come by. I love you. Bye."

I stared at my machine. That was basically the same message as yesterday, but without all the static. I frowned. Was last night a dream? I can't really tell. I shrugged and made a cup of coffee. I went to my favorite recliner and sat down, careful not to spill my coffee. I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. A colorful show came was one about colorful ponies, just like what happened yesterday, or if it really was a dream, then like my dream. I decided to stay on the show and watched the ponies solve problems. Then my alarm went off and I stood up, getting ready to go to work.


Luna and Twilight watched the bubble Luna created to monitor Pierce's thoughts. He seemed to regard the machine with confusion but Luna's horn lit up and he shrugged. He continued as if nothing was wrong.

"Um, Princess. Are you sure this is the best solution?" Twilight asked nervously. "I mean, he can always live in Ponyville."

Luna looked at Twilight and smiled sadly. "Yes Twilight. If he lived in Ponyville he would know true sadness, for he would be the only one of his species, and When I went through his dreams I saw that he would not be able to stand that kind of sadness, that feeling of loneliness. He would end up hurting himself or others. So yes Twilight, a never ending dream life is the best action, even if its all an illusion." Luna looked back at the bubble, "I'm just glad his memories were enough to construct this illusion."