"And so..." I ran a brush through Applejack's golden mane as we sat in the cool breeze of my apartment's lofty balcony. "...after the third and final nuclear salvo laid waste to the bloody continent, an armistice was jointly signed. Eastern Eurasian was handed over to the Chinese with no contest. In the meantime, the scant surviving fragments of the European Union shared police duty of the lands west of the Ural Mountains with the United States. In the end, World War Three cost the lives of about two and a half billion people—most of them dead from radiation poisoning."
"Golly..." Applejack sits up straight in my lap as I smoothe her hair into a rich golden ponytail. "And just to think that all of this mayhem and destruction started within months of the Sucky Olympics bein' held on the same future battlefield."
"That's Sochi Olympics."
"I beg yer pardon."
"It's quite alright. History is lame and boring." I make sure to catch every golden stand with slow, even brushstrokes. "Though I don't mind hearing about all the stuff in Equestria's past."
"Well, t'ain't as excitin' as ya might think." Applejack shrugs. "There's a sorceror. Some windigoes. Celestial Princesses. Bad guys who are plum forgotten about until it's time for them to rear their ugly heads a thousand or so years later."
"For the love of Zoram!" I exclaim. "I think I'd rather have the nuclear warheads."
"There was this one war with the griffons about one hundred years ago. That was pretty dang miserable."
"Oh yeah? How many ponies and griffons died?"
"None. We all fought with magic sparkles and water grenades."
"Snkkktt-hee-hee-hee!" I double over, giggling.
She nearly falls off my lap, turning to frown over her shoulder. "Don't y'all snicker! It was a very serious pony war!"
"Yes. I bet it was." I force her head to pivot forward, facing the purple night sky reflecting off the adjacent skyscraper windows. "Sit still. I'm almost done."
"Hmmmmmmmm..." She inhales deeply, her eyes calmly shut.
"Yeah? What is it, AJ?"
"It just feels right... s-somehow..."
"What does?"
"Havin' somepony else brush my mane like yer doin'..." A beat. She gulps. "Well, not somepony, I guess..."
"You don't say..."
"There's just somethin' about the way you do it. I feel... feel..."
"Pampered?"
"Secure, I reckon is the word I'm lookin' for. Besides, I dun have to fret about gettin' it all right."
"Oh?"
"Y'know just how darn difficult it is to fix yer mane just right when all you've got is yer clumsy hooves?!" She waves her forelimbs for emphasis. "What I wouldn't give to have... have... whatever them wriggly little things are called at the end of yer arms."
"What? Hands? Fingers?"
"Sure. Whatever." Applejack sighs, staring up at the swirling bands of Jupiter. "Don't care what they're called..."
"Just care how they scratch, huh?" A pair of fingers rub underneath her right ear.
"Awwww schucks..." She coos, her left rear leg twitching. "Con sarn it..."
"That's the spot, right?" I smirk, then bring the hand to just under her chin. "Or was this it?"
"Guhhhhh..." She shudders, her tail flicking, thwapping my chest in one swift motion. "That's enough, s-sugarcube!" Applejack nevertheless chuckles. "Ohhhhh golly. At this rate, I'll never leave!"
"Right." I nod, glancing at the tag from where it peaks out the lower edge of her hoodie. "Juice is almost gone."
"Maybe... uhm... perhaps m-maybe next time—"
"Yes, yes," I pretend to groan in exasperation. "I'll be sure to practice the fine art of ear scratching when the time comes." Then, smiling at my work, I place the brush down and reach to the patio table for a familiar red band. "Now hold still for just a few more seconds..." I take the end of her long mane and tie it neatly with the band, careful not to undo all the hard work. "Aaaaaaand... there." I pick her up and place her squarely in the center of the patio table. "I do believe we're done here."
Applejack turns and stares into the sliding glass window. With a toss of her head, she allows her ponytail to flop freely on either side of her neck until it comes to a rest against the back of her hoodie. The immaculate threads glisten with Jupiter light. Soon, the mare is smiling.
"That's dang-near perfect. Just... perfect." She trots around and stares up at me with a thankful smile. "So kind of you to lend a... well... a hand..."
"Only because I can."
"Sorry that it was such a fuss."
"Pfft. You kidding? It was my pleasure. I'm surprised your unicorn friends back home don't offer to do the same."
"Yeah, well..." Applejack blushes slightly, toying with the end of the mane in question. "Between you and me, I can't quite get myself to ask Rarity to do the favor. But... uhm... but with you..."
"Right..." I wink. "Well, your secret's safe with me."
"Secret?" She frowns. "Who says it's a secret?! Maybe I fancy havin' a good-lookin' mane from time to time!"
"Then stop messing with it!" I bat her hoof away. "I don't have the time to start from scratch!"
"R-right. I'm mighty sorry." She takes the time to look in the mirror again. "I swear... it's like a river of gold comin' out of my head."
"Hell, AJ, it always is. Don't sell yourself short."
Just then, a rhythmic chime sounds off between us, like some invisible elf is striking a bell somewhere.
"Awwww shoot." Applejack's orange ears droop in a melancholic fashion.
"That's the third time this hour." I get out of my chair and kneel before the table. "We can't wait any longer."
"I know... I know..."
"Besides, don't you have some chores to get to back at home?"
She rolls her eyes. "Darlin', I may enjoy comin' here, but that doesn't mean I'm fixin' to quit the farm anytime soon."
"Well, there's only one way to find out." I reach forward and grasp the strings dangling out from her loose hood. "Ready?"
She takes a breath and nods. "Ready."
"Remember to hold your breath. There's no actual danger of crossing the dimensional gap, but you could very easily pass out if you're not prepared—" I jolt.
She's leaning off the table, hugging my neck and shoulders. I feel the distinct, fuzzy warmth of her cheek nuzzling mine. "Yer too sweet, as always. It's been a real hoot, sugarcube, but I can take care of myself." She leans back with a warm smile, winking. "Okay?"
I stare at her. I nod. "Okay. So long, AJ."
She nods back. "So long, —"
Her lips are still moving when I pull the strings. Her hoodie scrunches up behind her perfectly groomed mane. Almost immediately, there's a low bass tone. The seams of the hoodie flicker with a neon blue light... and then the entire sweatjacket deflates like a loose flag to the tabletop.
Applejack's gone.
It's suddenly very quiet on this balcony. The breeze feels colder.
With a shudder, I stand up, draping the loose hoodie over my wrists. I turn it around and around until I'm grasping the tag in between two fingers. A lit string of digits read: '02%'.
"Heh... just in time."
I slide the door open, walk inside my apartment, and carry the sweatjacket towards the nearest outlet. After a little bit of research for work, I take a shower and sleep, perchance to dream of apples.