It Ain’t Easy Bein’ Breezies
The murmuring in front of city hall lasted only a moment longer after Ms. Mare came up and tapped her hoof on the podium. After doing so, everyone in the crowd turned their attention forward. A moment later, she cleared her throat and then began.
"Thank you all for attending this week's Ponyville Debate. As always, our two debaters who will be taking up today's topic are Sean Hinny-ty on my right and Alan Cobs on my left. Today's discussion...what is the real lesson we can all take home from Fluttershy's recent incident with the Breezies? Starting us off will be Sean. Sean...what's the lesson we learned from seeing this?"
"Well, it's pretty clear, Ms. Mare. I'm not sure how much clearer it has to be. The lesson we should all learn from this is in practicing tough love and not sheltering ponies or keeping them from growing as individuals. In the long run, we're only going to be hurting them. And this point was made perfectly clear by the entry that Fluttershy wrote in her journal once this was over."
"Alan? Do you agree?"
"Once again, Ms. Mare, Sean is focusing only on the most generalized picture and not seeing what else happened. The main point we can take home from this is that you should treat ponies the way you want to be treated. Not tear them down with verbal abuse and hate-filled venom to the point where they don't even believe they can do anything anymore. That sort of behavior drives ponies to not even ever dare to take risks."
"Sean, your counter-point?"
"Alan, it was more than clear through this entire incident that Fluttershy attempting to help the Breezies out only led them to become lazy and incompetent and eventually be incapable of doing anything except wanting to be 'nursed' by whoever was willing to be altruistic. Not only did it run the risk of keeping the Breezies from ever getting home, but it clearly showed how if you simply give and give to ponies without expecting them to do anything, they eventually become fully dependent upon others, which ruins them as ponies and makes their caregivers caught being 'perpetual mothers'."
"Al-"
"Sean, Sean...listen. No one is denying that it would have been a bad thing for the Breezies to stay with Fluttershy. The point I'm making is that Seabreeze was only ever cracking the whip and yelling at them whenever they fell short. He was basically trying to motivate them with a dog-eat-dog philosophy. And what happened when he ended up getting in trouble, Sean? He learned what it was like to be on the other end when Fluttershy had to come bail him out. Do you think it would have been better if Fluttershy flew up to him and yelled at him for being too stupid and weak to keep from getting in trouble and then left him with the bees? Of course not. He learned that it's not a bad thing to show a little empathy for those weaker than you. And that, ultimately, is what had to be validated here as we all know Fluttershy is the kindest pony in town and basically had her kindness called into question."
"Uh, Se-"
"You know, that's just typical for you liberal ponies. You think that unless you're coddling someone and giving them all this free stuff, you're not being 'kind' to them. Well that sort of 'kindness' is toxic, and it simply means one thing: you're being an enabler. You're sustaining a childish lifestyle. Alan, let me ask you a question. If my filly tries to touch a hot stove, am I being 'unkind' if I angrily snatch them away and tell them not to? Would you rather I let my filly burn his hoof and then I just hug them and kiss them and say, 'There, there...poor little guy.'? Since when is practicing 'tough love' not kind? It's perfectly kind in the right situation, it's just harder. It takes ponies with guts and, I'm sad to say, there aren't many modern ponies with those guts. Our culture is 'do whatever you like; let someone love you and kiss you and hug you when things go wrong'."
"I thin-"
"This is apples and oranges, Sean. I've already said I'm not focusing on them staying in Fluttershy's house. I'm focusing on the bigger picture. And the fact of the matter is not only did Seabreeze never encourage the Breezies with him, he pretty much decided to abandon them when he got fed up. Is that the mark of a true leader? Or more like a spoiled child? Did he ever explain to them that they needed to get home? That the world was too dangerous for them? No, he defaulted into an angry rant and rave, insulted them all, pretty much told them they were all too weak to begin with to get home, and then expected them to be eager to try again. I'm not talking 'coddling', Sean...I'm talking about dealing with ponies in a way that builds them up instead of tears them down. When you got into the debate team if you messed up, did your parents say to you, 'Oh Sean, you're terrible at this, you're so stupid, you couldn't win a debate if your life depended on it, now get out there and do it again?' Because if they did, I feel sorry for you and I'm amazed you ever got this far. The problem with you conservative ponies is you think that ponies can just 'bounce back' automatically from years, decades, perhaps even generations of being demeaned as a pony and when you don't see an instant turnaround you get mad."
"Don't give me that, Alan. Don't even start. I'm not letting you tie this into the plight of zebras in Equestria so you can start playing the 'species card'. Your problem is you want everyone to get a handout instead of ever feeing any pressure to change, which is why our economy is in the gutter."
"Our economy is in the gutter, Sean, because we've tried doing straight capitalism for years and all it's done is created an ever-widening gap between the rich and the poor."
"You know what? You're right. Our income gap is so bad compared to more socialist countries where pretty much it's 10 guys in government who own everything and everypony else starves. Why don't you tell the apple farmers in this town you want price caps on their produce? See how many of them like that?"
"Well, do you think they like it any better than having their jobs outsourced to ponies in Pacesia who make 1 bit a day? Maybe if your party would stop getting so obsessed over two mares or two stallions becoming each other's very special somepony and actually do something about that your point would have a bit more weight."
"Oh, now you're going to try and tie the Breezies into that, aren't you? Especially since you can't tell whose gender is what looking at them..."
"Well, seeing as you tried to use this as another excuse to get rid of Stable Security..."
"GUYS!"
Both ponies froze and turned to the audience. The rest of the crowd and the Mayor, a bit exasperated by now, did the same. Soon after, they saw a green stallion with a Find-the-Difference picture for a Cutie Mark, standing next to a blue stallion with an odd lump for his, having risen up and holding his hooves in the air.
"Listen! You're both wrong! The lesson wasn't about practicing tough love or being kind to people!"
Everypony stared back silently for a moment, waiting for him to explain. However, his friend was the one who did a moment later, holding up a bunch of "Breezie" toys in his hooves that looked suspiciously like a certain six ponies who lived in town.
"It was to sell toys like these!"
---
Welp…that was a controversial one.
I’ll say. Apparently people just don’t find pundits funny even in parody…
Luckily that’s all fixed now, Carl.
Oh?
Yeah. Now that Princess Twilight Sparkle is the unquestionably absolute monarch of Ponyville, all free speech has been rendered illegal. If you debate policies or royal degrees you go straight to the dungeons, so no more pundits.
…Uh…yay?
…That sounded more pathetic than Fluttershy.