Simple Ways
Within one of the larger buildings in Ponyville, right in the midst of the "Ponyville Dayz" celebration, a quiet bit of orchestral music was playing on a record phonograph. At the same time, the interior of the building was filled top to bottom with dignified-looking stallions and mares, all appearing very "highbrow", snouts turned up, in elegant dresses and suits. They were going about to the various stations within the building, each of which seemed to be offering samples of various vintages of local ciders. Some of the ponies would take glasses with small amounts, swill it around and hold it to light, drink it, swish it around in their mouths, and eventually spit it out again in a bucket. All before they would occasionally make a marking on the sheets nearby.
Among the crowd were two rather bored looking stallions trying to make the best of the situation. The blue one at least had a reasonable suit on as he looked over the various ciders uncomfortably, but the other one, his suit far more out of style and obviously secondhand, was far more miserable. He took up one glass, drank it straight without swishing, thought a moment, then merely gave a shrug. He looked down to the sheet nearby...and his eyes bulged.
"'Minimum bet: 300 bits'?!"
Sam, grimacing at Carl's sudden outburst, quickly grabbed him and began to lead him out of the building before he could make a bigger scene. Already, all of the other stallions and mares had dropped what they were doing and turned to him in surprise, and he was eager to get out of there.
In moments, they were out back into the street, where the blue stallion gave him a glare.
"Carl, do the words 'silent auction' mean anything to you?!"
"I've had it with this crap, Sam!" The green stallion retorted as he ripped off his tie and threw it to the ground...revealing it to be a clip-on. "This is, without a doubt, the worst 'Ponyville Dayz' I've ever been to! Look as this crud! Silent auctions...galas where they're playing violin music...fashion shows?! Do I look like I need a new dress, Sam?! I can't believe they closed Sugarcube Corner for this! Besides, yesterday they claimed there was going to be bull riding and a country fair! Now this morning I find out I have to get a suit to fit in?!"
"What can I say, Carl? That's what the coordinator wanted."
"And since when did Ponyville Dayz become the one day a year we basically have to cater to somepony else's demands? Instead of a beergarten, we get this overpriced discount-winery? They could have at least picked someone better! Why didn't they give it to the pink one?"
"...Pinkie Pie, Carl. Her name is Pinkie Pie. And she already does everything...literally. Birthdays, holidays, marriages, baptisms, bar mitzpahs, bat mitzpahs, funerals, school awards, Cutie Marks, losing teeth... Even every time someone gets one of those 'you may already be a winner' pieces of junk mail she throws a city-wide party..."
"Then why not those guys dressed in armor?"
"They were LARPers, Carl. You really wanted to spend the whole day hitting people with plastic swords and arguing over whether or not they used a potion of healing before or after you ran them through? Or doing medieval jail-and-bail where some foal, just to be a d**k, spends their allowance on tossing you in a cardboard cell?"
"Or that guy with all the planets on his head! That looked cool."
"Ugh...Carl, that guy was the head of the Ponyville Astronomer's Club. The events would have been stargazing, launching model rockets, and a beginner's expo on horology..."
"...We still perform horology?"
"...Carl, we still practice magic. For crying out loud, the local weatherpegasus still sacrifices a goat and looks at its entrails to see what the weather should be for this week."
"Come on, shooting off some rockets could have been fun. Anything with fire and the risk of death would be better than this... Or Derpy! We should have let Derpy handle the whole thing!"
"Dude, she destroyed City Hall last time she tried hanging a banner! And her only suggestions for events were 'eat muffins', 'eat muffins', and 'I can't think of a third event, but something that involves eating muffins'."
"You would really rather see a fashion show than eat muffins, Sam."
As the two continued to argue, however, Carl suddenly spotted somepony coming by. It was none other than Ponyville's oldest citizen and member of the Ponyville Dayz committee: Granny Smith. She seemed on her way to the gala in the square at the moment. However, on spotting her, Carl frowned and called out.
"Granny Smith, come on! You're a country woman! How could you pick the local fashionista to run the entire Ponyville Dayz event?"
The old green-gray mare paused in midstep, and turned to look to Carl and Sam. She smiled a moment later.
"Why, 'twere an easy choice, sonny. What other day o' the year can ah' sell bottles of Sweet Apple Acres' cheapest crap fer 300 bits a pop?"
Both Sam and Carl stared dumbfounded as Granny gave a chuckle and kept walking.
"...Sam?"
"Yeah Carl?"
"I'll never trust the elderly again."
"Me neither, Carl. Me neither."
---
And so, we all learned a valuable lesson that week: Never trust old people. Ever. They’ll use what wits they still have to take advantage of you.
…That’s a pretty crappy lesson, Carl.
Oh? And the ‘real’ lesson about ‘being yourself’ went over so well?
…Good point. I guess Applejack/Rarity weeks just don’t work.
What about that one with the Sisterhooves Social?
That didn’t count, Carl. It was more Sweetie Belle and Rarity.
Ah.
“Hey you guys!”
Huh? Who’s that?
The brick mason for the fourth wall, Sam.
“Right! Stop knocking holes in it faster than I can patch it!”
Er…moving on…