Dashie: Twenty Percent Cooler

by Kieva Lynn

Carlteen

Early in the morning Brian woke and looked around his small room.  Even with everything that had happened in his life over the last fifteen years it was still hard to believe that he was actually in Ponyville. Stretching out the kinks in his limbs and back, he stepped out onto the room's balcony. Surprisingly, Dashie was already there. She was seated on the railing, clutching a large foam coffee cup in her forehooves. "You're up awfully early for you." Brain said.

"Yeah well we've got a big day right?"

Brian looked askance at his daughter. "I had to drag you awake the day we went to the Indy five hundred yet you're up for this? What gives?"

"Nothing!" Rainbow insisted. "Can't a mare get up early for once?"

"A mare, yes. The specific mare that is you, no. Dashie, have you been out here all night?"

"Of course not. You know I went home to check on Tank last night."

"And how long did that take?"

"Oh, about... Ten minutes."

"Rainbow..."

"And i went and got the coffee too! That took awhile. So no, I've not been here 'all' night. Just most of it."

"But why...?"

"This isn't the world you know. I was worried about you." Rainbow whispered.

"You were okay on earth for fifteen years and you're afraid of one night for me here?"

"Well... " Rainbow sighed. "For one thing, do you think for a second that i would have been okay if you hadn't found me when you did? A little filly all alone on earth? I wouldn't have survived the night."

"I'm an adult..."

"Yeah but... Okay look, the whole mob thing scared me okay? I mean, I get taken away from you, then get back, then that happens?"

Brian looked over at Rainbow in surprise. "You admitting fear? Wow."

"Yeah yeah, don't get used to it."

"I won't tell a soul."

"Good. Now let's get the others up and head over to the library."

XXXXXXX

Half an hour later five humans and a pegasus stood knocking on the library door. Given the time of day, they had encountered far more ponies than the previous night. Yet there had been no incidents, aside from a handful of bewildered stares. As Brian knocked a voice from inside shouted "We're not open yet!"

"Oh wake up and get out here Spike!" Rainbow yelled. "It's us!"

There was a sound of claws on wooden flooring, then the clacking of locks . The door opened to reveal a sleepy-eyed dragon. "C'mon in."

"Sorry to wake you..." Thomas started to say, but Rainbow stopped him.

"Don't apologize. He's worse than me. If we hadn't showed up he would've slept 'til sometime in the next decade."

"Ha ha."Spike deadpanned.

"Well it's true. Now help me fix breakfast before the girls get here..."

XXXXXXX

As it turned out there was plenty of time for cooking. The other three Bearers didn't show for another hour. Once everyone was present, though, they all sat down to eat and discuss the day's schedule.

"Before anything else," Applejack said, " Anyone seen Pinkie?"

The unanimous answer was no. "Could she have come back in Canterlot?" Fluttershy asked.

"That might make sense." Rarity mused. "After all it is where she last departed from."

Spike pulled out a quill and paper. " I'll write Twi and ask."

"Good. Now, on to our itenerary. I thought we'd start with the town hall, then the airship and balloon docks. After that, we could get lunch at Sugarcube Corner and plan out the afternoon."

"Sounds like a plan." Brian agreed.

Miri said " I wanna see Sweet Apple Acres on the afternoon plan though."

"Already accounted for darling." Rarity said, "And my boutique as well."

The first part of the plan went well. The town hall visit included meeting the mayor, and the airship docks fascinated all of the humans with the surprisingly advanced technology they represented. But as the group was making their way to the bakery, there came a sudden loud, high-pitched sound. "Squeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What the hell is that!?" Thomas asked.

They all looked around. It was Sara who saw first and pointed. "Incoming!" She exclaimed.

The group looked where she was pointing. A light green unicorn was barreling straight towards them at full speed, "Squee"-ing as she came.

"Lyra." Half the group sighed together.

Half a moment more and she was among them, bouncing like Pinkie in circles around them, "Humans! Humans humans humans humans humans humans!!!!!"

"Lyra! Calm down!" Miri shouted, then put her hands over her mouth as she realized her mistake of calling the pony by name.

Lyra's eyes opened even wider than they already were. She stared at Miri. "Oh. My. Gosh! Are humans psychic!? Is that how you know my name!?"

"Um, not exactly..."

"But... Then... How...?"

"That's a long story Lyr." Rainbow said.

"At this point y'all might as well come with us. We'll explain everything."

Lyra smiled widely. "Thanks A.J. You can't imagine how much this means to me."

"Oh, ah got an idea. This has been a big thing for you for years."

Another pony rushed up, breathing heavily. "Lyra! What do you think you're doing? Just running off like that?"

"Sorry Bonnie. But, look!"

Bon-bon stared up at the humans. "So? Leave these poor minotaurs alone, we've got things to do today!"

"Not anymore we don't." Lyra argued, "Because these folks here? Not minotaurs. Humans!"

"W...what!?" Bon-bon sputtered.

"That's right!" Lyra jumped up on top of Brian's head.

"Hey!!"

"Hey Ponyville!" Lyra shouted from her new perch. "Four things:"

"I"

"Told"

"You"

"So."

Lyra jumped to the ground and began bouncing up and down again. Bon-bon eyed the humans warily for another moment, then galloped off screaming about legends come to horrible life.

"So... How about we get moving before she comes back with an angry mob?" Thomas asked.

Lyra laughed. "Bonnie? Nah, she'll end up at home hiding under her bed."

"Still, just in case..."

XXXXXXX

Earth. Deep in the bowels of Fort Wyvern Pinkie Pie bounced to a stop. Her amblings had led her straight to a dead end. "Stupid military architects." She thought, "The layout of this place makes no sense at all. Clearly the designers didn't take into account the needs of extradimensional ponies on the run from hyper paranoid secret agent men! I should really file a complaint."

Hearing the sound of stomping boots, Pinkie turned just in time to see the soldiers come around the far corner of the hall. "We've got it now!" General Carver gloated. "Give up peacefully!"

"Not until I get my phone call!" Pinkie insisted.

"What is this about a phone call? Why do you want one?" Agent Helms asked.

Pinkie stepped forward. She crossed her eyes, reared up on her haunches, stretched her neck as far as she could, and held out a forehoof. (with a small led held inside to make it glow). In a thin scratchy voice she said "Phone... Home... Pin-Kie phone home!"

The disturbance this act caused among the soldiers gave Pinkie the opening she needed. She jumped forward, hopping from head to head over the top of the men, then trotted away down the hall once she was past them. "Get back here!!" Carver shouted.

"Not 'til I get my phone call screw!" Pinkie yelled back as she bounded out of sight.

"Well General, now what?" Agent Helms asked.

Carver scowled. "Now we give it what it wants..."

XXXXXXX

An hour later Pinkie was hopping down yet another hallway when she noticed a sign sticking out from the wall. It was clearly a telephone emblem, though how Pinkie recognized this is a mystery best left alone by those who value their sanity. "Finally!" She exclaimed and trotted up to the device.

"Now let's see... This shouldn't be too hard to use..."

As Pinkie reached up to pull the receiver off of it's hook, a man cleared his throat behind her. "You'll have to wait your turn sir." She said. The throat clearing sound repeated. Pinkie turned to find herself surrounded by the General and his men. "Wow, you don't give up easy do you? Well that's okay. You can recapture me just as soon as I finish this call!"

Carver shook his head. "You don't get it do you? This was a trap. That phone isn't even hooked up."

"Then why do I have dial-tone?" Pinkie asked.

"You don't. There can't possibly be..." Carver fell silent as Pinkie held up the receiver and he clearly heard dial-tone. " What the hell?"

Pinkie shrugged. "Don't ask me, I don't get all this fancy human technology... But since you're gonna be mean, I'm gonna make my call from somewhere else!" Before anybody could react, she tossed the phone onto her back and, evading the soldiers yet again, bounced away down the hall, the phone somehow staying perfectly balanced, trailing disconnected wires behind...

XXXXXXX

For the most part, the remainder of the grand tour of Ponyville went according to plan, save for the continued presence of, and endless stream of questions from, Lyra. The group eventually returned to the library. "So, what did you think of the town?" Fluttershy asked.

"Aside from being way bigger, it's almost exactly what I would have expected." Brian answered.

"Agreed mostly." Solomon said, "Though... I dunno, in some ways your technology is more advanced than i would have thought. I mean, no offense, but the show made this world seem almost medieval."

"It might look that way at first." Rainbow Dash said, "But we're really not all that far behind Earth in most ways."

"And I suspect that most of the ways that you are, it's because you've got magical alternatives that mean you don't really need the technology." Brian said.

"I bet Twi would still go nuts for the internet though." Dash said, laughing.

There was a loud belch from the kitchen, and Spike came running with a scroll. "Twilight finally answered!" He said. "Let's see..." He unfurled the scroll and read:

"Dear Spike, sorry I took all day to reply. It's been really hectic here. I'm sorry to say that there has still been no sign of Pinkie Pie here in Canterlot either. I am getting very worried now, as i assume all of you are too. The good news is that the gate will definitely be completed on schedule. I have arranged for your return tickets the day after tomorrow on the two p.m. train. See you soon, Twilight."

"Pinkie where the buck are you?" Applejack wondered aloud.

And then Brian's cellphone rang. Everyone stared as he pulled the device free of it's holder. "That's impossible." Sara whispered.

"Is it?" Solomon asked. "Can we be sure radio waves can't travel between worlds?"

The phone rang again as Miri said "Even if they can, there's no towers here..."

"That's right!" Dashie agreed. "So how...?"

Another ring, and another. Then Fluttershy asked "Um, shouldn't you answer it?"

"Right." Brian agreed, though uncertainly. He pushed the speaker button. "Hello?"

"Hi Dashie's Dad!"

"PINKIE!!!" Everypony and three humans shouted at once.

"Pinkie where are you!?" Rainbow Dash demanded.

"Yes dear, we've been worried sick." Rarity agreed.

"Oh I'm okay!" Pinkie replied, "Though I have to say these human army guys have no sense of humor at all! Real sticks in the mud..."

"Army guys!? Pinkie what is going on there?"

"Well, I'm in this underground base thingy, see, and they want to ask me all sorts of questions so I'm on the lam until we get to the next chapter!"

"Chapter... Nevermind. Look, why don't you just get out of there and pop back here?" Rainbow asked.

"Sorry Dashie, it doesn't work that way." Pinkie answered. "Even the things I can do have limits and rules."

"Could've fooled me on that one." Applejack said.

Miri leaned in close and asked "Pinkie, they haven't hurt you have they?"

"No... Well, the needle for the blood sample was an ouchie, but that's all."

No one said anything else for several seconds, until Pinkie said "Well I'd better go... I've got to get the 'Congratulations on Recapturing Me' party ready for the General."

"Hey wait!" Brian exclaimed. "How did you do this? Calling me in another world, I mean."

"Well duh. It's a phone. I just dialed 'Dashie's Dad.'"

"Of course you did."

"Okay, gotta go! See you in the last chapter!"

Brian closed up his phone, looked over to Rainbow. "Are you sure she's actually a pony, and not, like, an Old One or something?"

"Good question..."