This was going to be the best night ever, thought the teenage draconequus, with hearts and stars sparkling in his eyes (literally). He had had some difficulty getting a tux to rent in his size, so he'd had to make his own, but he thought the pink and blue had more pizzazz than a typical black and white tux anyway, and he thought the corsage of flowers that played music was a nice touch.
Sweating slightly, he teleported to Celestia's bedroom door, bypassing all the annoying guards who probably would try to keep him out, and knocked loudly.
And then knocked again.
And then manufactured a number of hands, feet, hooves, paws, claws, and tentacles to continue to knock on the door, incessantly, until his date for the prom finally opened the door.
Discord had a speech prepared for this, but the beauty of Celestia in her prom dress, with her mane styled perfectly and glittering gemstones hanging from her ears, caused him to completely lose track of what he was going to say. "My beet swootiful Celestia! I, uh, I'm here, and you're here, and we're both here, so, um, that prom! Yes! The one that we were going to go to!"
"Oh, um--" Celestia coughed. "Discord, I'm so terribly *cough cough* sorry, but I've just suddenly gotten *cough cough* sick! With, um--" Her entire white-coated body suddenly turned blue. "With the blue flu! *cough cough* It's, um, very contagious, so I *cough* can't go with you!"
Discord stared at her in utter shock, his dreams of the most perfect night ever breaking. But of course it wasn't Celestia's fault that she was sick. "Oh, you poor thing! I could come in and help take care of you--"
"Oh no *cough cough*, I wouldn't want you to get sick! *cough* Luna's taking care of me. *cough* Because she's *cough cough* blue already, so she can't get the blue flu!"
"I could turn myself blue, would that protect me? And look, my tux is blue!"
"No, *cough* only a naturally blue coat protects you *cough cough* from the blue flu. But *cough* I'm so sorry I'm going to *cough cough* make you miss the prom! *cough* Maybe you could come by *cough cough* in a few days when I'm better, and we could, um, *cough* go hang out in the woods? Where, um, it's private and nopony will see us together *cough* I mean because privacy is romantic, right?"
"I--um--yes, of course, that sounds, uh, great. I--I'll see you in a few days."
He reappeared at his home, all by himself, in the middle of nowhere, because that's angsty and tragic. "I was really looking forward to going to the prom," he said sadly, tossing the flower corsage on the floor, where it turned into a mound of ants that immediately began scurrying off to go found a new colony in his pantry. All the ponies at high school that teased him about being an ugly draconequus and having no friends would see that he hadn't brought Celestia as his date to the prom, as he'd said he would, and laugh at him. If he managed to find some filly willing to go with him at the last possible second, which seemed really unlikely even for the Master of Chaos, then they'd laugh because he brought a date who wasn't Celestia after he'd been bragging that she'd agreed to go with him, and if he didn't go at all, they'd know he couldn't find a date.
Hmm. He thought about that. One of the rules of the prom was that you couldn't go if you didn't have a date. But he was Discord, and he didn't play by the rules. He grinned to himself. He'd go anyway, invisible, and watch everything. Then he'd claim tomorrow that he'd been to the prom with Celestia and the reason no one saw him was that he and she spent most of their time in the coat closet making out. And he'd know about everything that happened at the prom, so he could prove he'd been there!
Perfect.
Proms were unbelievably boring, it turned out.
All the ponies he hated from school were there, milling about and having inane teenage conversations. He longed to spice things up, maybe change the punch to something more interesting, or unleash a bunch of rats into the middle of the dance floor, or make the chaperone, old Miss Dried-Up Pruneface (this was actually her name), suddenly start dancing the tango instead of sneering at fillies whose hemlines were too short and demanding that they submit to her magical dress alterations. But there would be time for that later. If he did it now, he'd prove he was here, but then the ponies would start looking for him and Celestia and too many of them were sober for that. If he did it later, he'd prove he was here, and the fact that none of them would be able to find him would have more to do with the fact that a veritable plethora of them would be too busy making out in coat closets with their significant others, and many of the rest would be drunk after some prankster who wasn't him inevitably spiked the punch. (Discord never did anything so jejune and boring as putting alcohol in the punch. He'd never need to; somepony would always do it for him. His idea for the punch had revolved around hot sauce.)
And then a pony who looked startlingly like Celestia arrived, accompanied by that jerkface Prince Sombra.
Wait a minute. That was Celestia.
She was wearing the dress he'd helped her pick out (well, that he'd accompanied her to pick out anyway; she hadn't taken any of his ideas), her mane styled just as he'd seen it an hour ago, and she was laughing and smiling and most certainly not coughing. And she was not blue.
Prince Sombra said something stupid, and Celestia giggled. "Oh, Sombra! You have such a sense of humor!"
Sense of humor? That was what Celestia always said she liked most about him!
Discord materialized in front of her in a rage. "Blue flu, Celestia?"
She gaped at him. "D--Discord! What are you doing here?"
"I could ask the same of you, Princess Celestia," he sneered. "You told me you were sick with the blue flu!"
Sombra had the nerve to laugh. "The -- the blue flu?" he chortled. "And you believed her? There's no such thing as the blue flu!"
"I -- uh, I was just feeling nervous --"
"Oh, no, Princess, I see how it is," Discord spat. "You could have just said ‘no' when I asked you out, but instead you string me along, pretend you'll be my date, then beg off sick so you can go with some jerkface unicorn instead. What's the matter, was it too embarrassing to imagine being seen with me? Am I too ugly for you?"
"Um, well... frankly, yes," Celestia said. "I like you a lot as a friend, Discord, but, um, you're not exactly a pony, and well, I'm just not attracted to you..."
"Then why were you willing to make out with me in the woods all those times?"
Celestia turned red. "I was experimenting! I'm a teenage filly, I've got hormones! Besides I wanted to let you down easy!"
"Wait, you made out with him?" Sombra said, startled. "You never even let me get to second base!"
"Well, because you and I might get married!" Celestia said. "I didn't want you to think I was fast!"
"You'd better be fast," Discord snarled at her, and threw a pie in her face. Strawberry rhubarb, her least favorite flavor.
Rhubarb, and strawberry, dripped all over her expensive, fancy new dress. Celestia's face contorted with rage, and while Discord was giggling at how stupid she looked with the strawberry rhubarb plastered all over her face, she fired a bolt of magic at him, throwing him into the punch bowl. It crashed over his head, drenching him with punch that hadn't even been spiked yet. All around, ponies stopped what they were doing to stare, point, and laugh hysterically.
Discord got to his feet, slowly. "Stand me up for the prom, will you? Dump me for some loser unicorn, will you? Ruin my tux? Oh, Celestia, you don't know what you've started, my dear." He began cackling maniacally, throwing his mismatched hands out as the ceiling transformed into thick pink stormclouds. "From this point forward, chaos will reign free all over Equestria! I will be your DOOM! Hahahahahahahaha!!!"
Fluttershy stared at Discord as he got to this point in his story. "Um... are you saying you turned evil because Princess Celestia stood you up at the prom? Isn't that... um... totally lame? Not that that's so bad or anything..."
"I was young!" Discord said defensively.
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