What most will never know is just how much anger I deal with sometimes. Oh yes, many know me as a joyful, happy, cheerful pony that would never hurt anyone. What they don't know of me is how close, more often than I care to admit, that I come to completely destroying those around me.
Stop being melodramatic, most would say, if they were to hear my words. They have no idea the control I have to exert over myself, the forced smile I wear some days. There are days when I want to just lash out for no reason. There are days when I want to snap and goes berserk on somepony that offended or hurt me. Then there are the days that I fear the most; the days when I feel the urge to actually plan out the ways I think of hurting others. The days that the small part of me relishes in the thought of hurting others in deliberate, joyful glee.
Most will never know the struggle within to keep my anger in check. The fear that drives me just as much as the anger at my anger. Tis a wonder I haven't lost control yet, with all the things that go through my head. I do what I can, releasing my anger in ways that do not cause harm to others, but there are still days when I want to feel the bones of another cracking under my grip, when I want to hear a real cry of pain, a real plea for help and mercy.
Most days I am fine, most days I am truly happy.
I hope the day never comes that I lose the control I have worked for years to have, for that day would be a nightmare for me, and anyone involved.