//------------------------------//
// MLP Loops 90 
// Story: MLP Time Loops 
// by Saphroneth 
//------------------------------//

90.1 (Kris Overstreet)





Rarity's voice had gone so hoarse it could have been used to polish glass. "...ninety-eight... I am very sorry for being foalish enough to use a strange spellbook without asking Twilight first... ninety-nine... I am very sorry for being foalish enough to use a strange spellbook without asking Twilight first... one hundred." She flopped forward dramatically, legs splayed in exaggerated exhaustion. "Water, please?"

Twilight Sparkle levitate a glass over to Rarity. "What really kicks me in the barrel is, I knew this was coming. I'd seen what your baseline self did. 'Don't worry about it,' I thought, 'Rarity is Looping this time. Surely she won't be so stupid as to read an obviously evil spellbook and get trapped by its subtle but insidious mental suggestion! She's married to a bucking JEDI, for elm's sake! She's smart enough to at least wait until Diamond is around to spot her for the Element of Generosity, in case things go wrong!'"

"Spike wasn't Awake this loop, darling," Rarity said, her voice still sandpaper-rough. "It wasn't his fault. Ice cream, please?"

"The Loop's ending in a few minutes. You can wait," Twilight said. "But I think I need to bring this up with Sleipnir or some other friendly Admin the next time I run into one. I think you need a refresher magical course."

"Darling, magic is your special talent, not mine," Rarity said. "Oh, yes I can Ascend now, yes I have all sorts of Loop-learned abilities, but I really don't see the need to learn how to do more magic."

"That's not the lesson I have in mind," Twilight said. "I'm thinking of a school where they teach you NOT-"

And there the Loop ended.





Rarity next Awoke in a baseline Loop with a stealth Anchor and an unAwake Twilight. She entertained herself by converting Equestrian fashion from clothing-optional, clothing-utilitarian all the way to elaborate steedpunk fashions in under three years. Even Applejack had seen the benefits of a slimming waistcoat, though the pockets she insisted upon rather ruined the effect.

Thus, a few days after the end of the Foals and Fillies Faire, having mostly forgotten about her prior conversation with Twilight, she stood at a worktable idly sketching out designs and wondering what the next Loop would be like.

And in a blink, with the usual disorientation of Awakening, she found out.

The first thing she noticed was the Smell. It barged into her nostrils like a drunken uncle who's vacationing at your house for the week, has come back from the bar after midnight, and can't stop himself from smashing up half the contents of the living room because he's too proud to turn on the lights. Rarity's sense of smell shut itself down almost instantly out of shame and disgust.

Next came the noise. Everyone around her was shouting and talking and swearing. Carts were pushing their way through dense crowds, rumbling across large, uneven cobblestones. Rarity's ears requested permission from the brain to join the nose in taking a coffee break, but her sense of self-preservation vetoed it on the grounds that smell was not important while in the middle of an immense crowd, but hearing was.

The realizations that the immense crowd of market-day customers were humans, and that Rarity was yet another human member of the crowd(1), came in only third and fourth on the list of impressions.

As Rarity waited for her Loop memories to come to her, she looked in front of her at the huge gates she stood before. The name of the establishment behind the walls was written in two places- once on a small, tasteful, modern plaque mounted next to the gate by the city, and again in huge, ancient letters in the arch over the gates.

Unseen University.

Well, that was ridiculous, wasn't it? Rarity shook her head at the absurd name. The rooftops of several buildings were visible above the walls, including a tall structure which might be architecture or geography or about to fall down in the next ten seconds, have your choice. Worst. Kept. Secret. Ever, she thought.

Something pulled at her waist, just barely, just briefly. Rarity's hand flew to her belt, where a small coin bag had been and was no longer. She spun on her feet, seeing a mass of humans on criss-crossing paths and no clue as to which one had just clipped her purse.

"OooooooohhhhOOOOOHHHHhh!!" Rarity shrieked in frustration, clenching her fists.

Said fists glowed, and a quartet of small balls of light flew up from them, circled once around her head, and zipped down to ankle-level, making a beeline through the crowd. A moment later there came a loud fwoomp of flame, and a portly young man in what Rarity considered an objectionable derby leaped six feet into the air, shrieking with pain and shock, both hands clapped on the smouldering seat of his pants.

Rarity marched over to the wounded man, staring down at him where he'd landed on the cobbles. "Oh ho!" she shouted. "I believe you have something which belongs to me?"

"Beggin' yer pardon, lady," the thief said, raising a knuckle to his brow and leaning forward. "Din' know you were from t' University. 'Gainst Guild policy, stealin' from wizards." He handed back both Rarity's coin pouch and a card declaring him to be William Lampwick, member in good standing of the Ankh-Morpork Guild of Thieves.

"I see," Rarity said, handing the card back. "It is quite an understandable error; the University accepts very few female students or faculty." How had she known that? Were those Loop memories finally trickling in? "But don't let it happen again!"

"I rather think I could say the same of you, miss!" The crowd parted for a pointy hat, partly because most of humanity on the Discworld had learned on the instinctual level that not doing so was a risk to one's continued survival(2), partly because a wizard in a crowd often meant something interesting was about to happen, and Ankh-Morpork loved its version of street theater(3). Under the pointy hat was a florid face half-hidden in a beard that, despite being properly gray and quite full, put one in mind of a shrubbery in winter, covered with frost. "Unauthorized use of magic is frowned upon most severely by the University!"

"I do beg your pardon," Rarity said. "It was quite unintentional. It just... seems to happen..."

Ah, yes. Wonderful timing for Loop memories to return.

"Yes, well, I shall overlook it the once, as it was clearly provoked, and I hate to waste a good example," the large old wizard grumped, gesturing to the stricken thief. "But I advise you to take greater care in future. The punishment for unauthorized use of wizardry is such as to ensure a lack of repeat offenders. And it would be my sad but unavoidable duty, as Archchancellor of this University, to see that punishment carried out."

"Archchancellor?" The Loop memories had something to say about that. "Would that make you Mustrum Ridcully?"

"No, my mother and father made me Mustrum Ridcully," the Archchancellor replied. "But that is my name, and I am the Archchancellor."

"Then I have a letter of introduction for you," Rarity said, dashing across the cobbles and digging in the large carpetbag she'd dropped at her feet(4) after she'd had her purse taken. "From a colle... er, an acquaintance of yours."

The letter was a single page, folded at all four corners and sealed with plain tallow from a cheap candle. Archchancellor Ridcully opened it, turned it one way and then the other before deciphering the handwriting. Slowly, carefully, he read aloud:

"This is Rarity Belle of Ohulan Cutash. She has the wizardry magick. I can't be having with teaching magic to Loopy people what drops rocks on witches even if they are evil, so she's your problem now. I figure if your school took one girl you can take another. If you send her home I'll bring her back myself. Be told. Esmerelda Weatherwax."

The wizard folded the little letter back up, carefully pulled a drawer open on the hat(5), deposited the letter, and closed it again. "Impeccable credentials, Miss Belle," Ridcully said. "As it happens this is the second letter of reference I have had on your behalf. However, as the first one came from a failed-out former student whose whereabouts are currently questionable(6), I didn't think much of it at the time."

"Er... I see?" Rarity was a better liar than Applejack, but to lie well one has first to understand the truth.

"In any case, given the circumstances of your welcome to our fair city of Ankh-Morpork," Ridcully said, picking up Rarity's carpetbag, "allow me to welcome you to Unseen University. Here are the rules: no being outside the gates after dark, no magic except under supervision until you graduate, no lectures unless absolutely unavoidable, and no getting between the Dean and the dessert trolley if you value your toes. There are some other fiddly little details, but you'll pick all that up as you go along."

"Er... and you'll teach me how to do magic here?" Rarity asked.

"Good heavens, no," Ridcully snapped. "You've just demonstrated you know how to do magic. No, Unseen University exists to teach wizards how to NOT do magic." He leaned forward and whispered softly enough to awaken hibernating voles, "It's much harder than it sounds."

"I think I see your point," Rarity said, remembering those balls of light... and remembering what she'd done under the power of a certain spellbook.

Still and all, she thought as Ridcully slapped her carpetbag into the arms of a bledlow just inside the gates and led her on into the courtyard, I owe Twilight a bit of payback when I see her next. This is such an overreaction for one little slip-up...




Meanwhile, five hundred miles away in the tiny kingdom of Lancre, Granny Weatherwax stared at the other girl from Ohulan Cutash with magic pouring out of her pores.

"... but the screaming didn't begin until I imagined up the giant weasel who kept putting humans down his pants. Then Twilight shouted at me, took the spell book away from me, and said she was going to add me to the list of something or other." She shrugged and continued, "And then I Awoke here, shaped like a human, visiting my great-aunt Nanny Gytha."

"She's a devil of a baker, Esme," Nanny Ogg said, rocking in her chair, "and she's as good with children as anyone I've ever seen. But when she started talkin' this mornin'... well, I knew I had to send for you."

Granny Weatherwax couldn't rub her temples to ease the headache, not while people were watching. But that didn't mean the headache wasn't there...





(1) Still wearing the corset, bustle, ruffled blouse and skirts she wore in Ponyville just as the prior Loop ended, with minor anatomical correction, a fact which gave Rarity a brief sense of satisfaction.

(2) At least, a risk to one's continued survival in a form possessing opposable thumbs, the power of speech, and eating habits that preferred pork chops on a plate to flies on a lilypad.

(3) Unscripted, natural, and with an almost complete absence of greasepaint. The Patrician of Ankh-Morpork had Views on what passed for street theater elsewhere.

(4) Which the other thieves in the crowd, having observed what happened to Lampwick, wisely left untouched.

(5) Ridcully's hat was of his own design and mostly his own manufacture. He kept fishing lures attached to the brim. The drawers were for little sundries that he might want at one time or another. The tip of the hat unscrewed to reveal a small flask of brandy. As wonderfully useful as it was, the hat as a whole was such an offense to Rarity's sense of fashion that her mind refused to perceive it in any details other than "pointy," "broad-brimmed," and "burgundy."

(6) For those familiar with the broad literature about the Discworld, this notation places Rarity's arrival after Sourcery but before Interesting Times. Ridcully is only recently come into the Archchancellorship, For those not familiar with said literature, (a) we recommend reading the series(7), (b) the Discworld's Loop Anchor is Rincewind, a man who has raised cowardice, self-preservation, and running to such high arts that he is the only known Looper of more than a thousand iterations to have never, ever, EVER suffered death, and (c) Ridcully, while not a Looper himself, is the most open-minded and decent Archchancellor in generations(8), and thus understanding of temporal anomalies(9)

(7) Particularly if you like clever footnotes in the style which these struggle to emulate.

(8) A fact which in any other man would have given him a mayfly's life expectancy, except that Ridcully combined a mind like a steel trap, a body strong as a bull's, and a head harder than granite into one perfectly unkillable package- so unkillable that the previous wizardly tradition of advancement through stepping into one's predecessor's still-warm empty pointed shoes had gone from routine to unthinkable within a year of his election as Archchancellor.

(9) 'Understanding of temporal anomalies' is not the same thing as 'understanding temporal anomalies,' which Ridcully didn't and didn't care to. 





90.2 (ScootaLewis)





"STOP!"

Six Loopers Awoke, each momentarily disoriented as their loop memories asserted themselves.

Six Loopers skimmed those memories to see where they were. The last thing they remembered had been Pinkie Pie's voice.

Six Loopers felt a ping from Twilight, confirming their numbers. They realized they were on a stage. It was Equestria, at least. Good, familiar Equestria. Less familiar were the instruments before them.

Six Loopers recalled their current personas. Pink Valentine, the frontmare for the group, was of course scanning the crowd to see who, what and where they were playing for, which was apparently...Nightmare Moon. Twilight Nucleus was inspecting her guitar, eventually nodding as if to broadcast her comprehension of the situation, though inside she pondered the choice of instrument. Explosion World, the powder-blue unicorn, grinned as she recalled her ferocious drumming. She was pretty sure she could blow up something by the time they got off stage. Rainbow Da$hinal and Gil Da held guitars of their own, too, the gryphon clutching a scratched bass guitar and her adrenaline junkie pegasus friend grinning much like miss Trixie "Explosion World" Lulamoon at the sight of her rainbow-necked electric twanger. Finally, Apple Smörgåsbord sat looking confused at the grand assortment of keyboards she was apparently good at playing.

Six loopers converged to discuss the situation. According to the loop memories, this was a variant loop where the Elements had become the musical instruments they held. It seemed they were expected to defeat Nightmare Moon through the power of friendship-infused rock. They had already gone through several "band members" before Awakening, which meant they didn't have true bearers for each Element. Something told Twilight that this shouldn't ought to work, but hey...when in a variant loop, do as the variations do. This was an idea every single one of them was okay with, and as such they returned to their positions opposing a still-stunned would-be villainess. She had frozen when Pinkie "Pink Valentine" Pie had shouted an impromptu time-out, and was still trying to fathom the brashness of the mere earth pony before her. According to some quick figuring by Twilight, a large enough concentration of Harmonic sound should create a blast strong enough to totally clean out Luna.

Six loopers readied their instruments, holding a pose like an eternally-delayed conductor's baton. Pinkie "Pink Valentine" Pie uttered the time-in that fate had been holding its breath for.

"CONTINUE!" 





90.3 (misterq)




Cadence awoke and went through a quick checklist. Her hair was still pinkish red, that was good. She was human, and that was fine as well. She was shot and bleeding and on the verge of shock. That was less fine, but nothing a bit of healing magic and her own original alicorn nature couldn't take care of. 

She was being held in the strong arms of a rather dashing, if scuffed, gentleman. That was very good. 

They were inside what looked like a temple of some sort. Not the most romantic location, but there were worse.

The man holding her glanced down at her no longer bleeding wound and then back to her face, "So have you woken up yet?"

"I'm awake," Cadence smiled, "So what's going on? My memories are kind of hazy after I was shot."

"We managed to activate the elements of fire, water, earth, and air," said the old monk, Father Vito Cornelius. His eager assistant was looking on over his shoulder, "But we are having some trouble identifying the fifth.."

"It's love!" Cadance blurted out, "It's love. Oh my gosh, it's love! The hidden element is always something like love or magic, but this universe doesn't seem to have very strong magic. So it's love."

The assembled group stared at Cadence. The man holding her gently set set her down until she stood on her own. She nodded and smiled, reiterating, "It's love!"

Then she flung herself to the man named Korben Dallas, according to her new memories; and gave him the most passionate, most caring kiss the alicorn of love was capable of.

By the time they separated, the world was saved and the great evil was stopped far sooner than in baseline.

Dallas blinked as he recovered, "Okay, Leeloo never kissed like that."

Cadence smiled and shrugged, "If I ever see her, I can give her some pointers."

"Right, so tell me a little about yourself." Inside he was reassuring himself that Leeloo will probably be back next iteration, and hopefully they would both awake earlier in the timeline.

Cadance's smile turned into a mischievous grin, "Well, I'm normally a pony."

"A.. pony?" Dallas was stunned. Cadance was giggling on the inside. Newish loopers were so much fun.

"Yep. A married pony."

"Married?"

"Yeah, I was actually kind of thinking of him when I kissed you. Sorry about that."

"Lucky guy. Er.. colt?" Korben tried to correct himself. 

"Stallion, actually." 





90.4 (Jorge)





Twilight looked at the crater that used to be Golden Oaks Library, "Oops." Spike just raised his eyebrow at her. "How was I supposed to know that using a paradoxical prism to make a harmonic bomb wouldn't work?"

Rainbow Dash looked at the lake that used to be Cloudsdale, "Oops." Spitfire glared at her. "How was I supposed to know what the reverse button on the cloud generators did?"

Applejack looked at the apple tree lodged in the second floor of the Carousel Boutique, "Oops." Rarity scowled at her. "Okay, I ahdmit, usin' earthbendin' for applebuckin' ain't the best idea."

Pinkie Pie looked at the giant birthday cake that was currently crushing the town hall, "Whoopsie!" The Mayor's eye twitched. "I guess the Super Duper Extra Extra Ginormous Party Cannon (Trade Mark pending) is a teensy bit big."

Fluttershy looked at the hole in the side of Canterlot Castle, "Oops." Celestia blinked, slack-jawed, at her. "Maybe inviting an Ursa Major along wasn't a good idea."

Rarity looked at the magma oozing out of the hole in the floor, "Oops." Discord rolled on the wall, laughing. Rarity huffed, "Techtonium tea cups sounded like a good idea at the time!"

Derpy looked at the large soap bubble that used to be Canterlot, "Oops."
Twilight pulled out a notepad, "Well, this one's new. Ability to change large objects into soap bubbles."

Sombra looked at the snow sculpture that used to be The Crystal Empire, "Crystals?"
Twilight frowned thoughtfully, "Well, I suppose you could say snow is made out of ice crystals."

Discord looked at the perfectly organized filing cabinet that used to be a fish, "Oops." Luna couldn't help but stare. "I must say that I was getting a bit predictable for a moment there, but not even I expected that one."





90.5 (Masterweaver)

"Rarity, what are you doing with that book?"

The fashionista looked at the scholar dryly. "Trixie was able to master the Alicorn Amulet... eventually. Or at least get to a point where she could take it off at will. This--" she thumped the Inspiration Manifestation for emphasis-- "is my dark artifact from the baseline. If she can do it, why can't I?"

"The Alicorn Amulet is just an emotional amplifier," Twilight replied. "The Inspiration Manifestation has an actual lock! You won't be released until--"

"Until true words are spoken, yes. That's why I'm ONLY going to use this book when Spike is here with me."

Twilight turned to the dragon, who had the decency to look embaressed. "Don't tell me you're encouraging this. Please."

"Well..." He fiddled his claws awkwardly. "You know how when I first went Spikezilla I couldn't... exactly... control it?"

"And now you can because you.... practiced..." Twilight groaned. "But this is still different!"

"Twilight, I have to master this spell! I just...." Rarity sighed. "How could I call myself a designer if I couldn't control the ideas and put them in proper places?"

"No, just... Rarity, I... This is NOT a good IDEA." Twilight tried to come up with a good argument. "At your... with all the loops you've experienced, you could quite possibly crash Equestria before you got that under control!"

The white unicorn paused.

"...so... I should wait until I have Sleipnir on hoof?"

"You know what, I'm going to teleport us all into the badlands, you're going to throw it into the lava, and you will Pinkie Promise NOT to go to the castle unsupervised ever again OR to teleport items out without supervision. Alright?"

"But-"

"Rarity." Spike put a claw on his wife's shoulders. "I honestly think we should listen to Twi on this. I know... I know getting control means a lot, but..."

After a moment, she let out a long sigh. "...Alright, Twilight. I... I'm sorry." She held the book out. "I think I might have a problem...." 





90.6 (EdBecerra)





It was one of those quiet Loops where Celestia and Luna were both Awake and were chatting about past experiences.

"It was... quite different to be worshipped by humans, dear sister. Though I must admit, having tens, even hundreds of thousands proclaiming their love for me because I was dark was most endearing to me," Luna said softly. Then she giggled. "I would gladly encounter such a loop again. 'Tis ironic they knew my title without knowing that they knew it. Being adored for mine skills is far better than being feared for my actions. "

Celestia smiled knowingly. "Being known for one's skill in entertaining is all well and good," she whispered back. "But what is truly important is... what was he like? As hunky as he seemed?"

Their conversation quickly degenerated into giggles and things unfit for the ears of the innocent.

Hey, semi-omnipotent beings thousands of years old? They take their fun where they can find it.





Later that night, Luna entered her private quarters, set her wards, and erected a few shields against sight and sound that she liked to believe (well, hoped, actually) would keep her beloved sister from snooping.

An ancient helmet made of platinum floated out from a hidden chest and came to rest upon her brow, replacing her tiara. She took a deep breath, and struck a pose. Inhaling deeply, she burst into song.

I've got the stuff that you want
I've got the thing that you need 





In her own bedroom, Celestia smiled fondly at her sister's antics. "Eat your heart out, Whitney." 





90.7 (OracleMask)





Silver Spoon awoke (small 'a') in the middle of the night to hear the sound of hooves repeatedly striking against wood. Yawning, Silver went to the window and peered outside: just as she'd suspected, there was a familiar gray pony laying into the training log Zecora had set up for them.

...Still, this wasn't normal behavior for the ninja who had become Silver's training partner and friend. She slipped outside the hut and trotted over.

"Kakashi? What're you doing up so late?" Silver asked.

His hoof paused in mid-strike, and now that she was close enough to see him properly in the moonlight, Silver realized that Kakashi's coat was matted with sweat.

"...It's nothing," he eventually replied, "Go back to sleep."

"You're a bad liar," Silver said, sitting next to him, "How long have you been out here?"

Kakashi shrugged. When it became obvious that Silver wasn't going to leave anytime soon, Kakashi took a seat as well.

"...Did training with Naruto go badly?" Silver asked.

She'd been focused on Alchemy research today, since Kakashi was supposed to be working with Naruto on how to use chakra as a pony. Silver knew that she had to prepare herself for all kinds of ninja techniques, or Kakashi would flatten her the next time they sparred. But now Silver was starting to wonder if something had gone wrong.

"You might say that," Kakashi admitted, sighing, "If by 'go badly', you mean 'I now compulsively try to murder one of my students on sight'."

Silver's eyes went wide.

"We did all sorts of tests on it too," Kakashi continued, "Naruto demonstrated all the non-human versions of her he's ever seen. Most of them trigger my new 'reflex'. Twilight's trying to find a spell that will help, but nothing she's got will last past the end of the loop. Of course, either I'll kill an innocent version of her or the real one will kill me first, so Naruto's confident it'll work itself out somehow..."

Even in the midst of her surprise, Silver caught a hint of something...familiar in Kakashi's tone. Naruto was Kakashi's student in their baseline, and Silver had caught enough hints since the loop started that she'd figured out that it was Kakashi's more infamous student's fault he'd been...hurt.

"So you decided to beat up the training log until they figure something out?" Silver pressed.

"There's really nothing else I can do."

And Silver recognized what she was hearing. She straightened in her seat. She might not be able to help with the big problem Kakashi had right now, but Silver could do something, at least.

"Kakashi, do you mind listening? I want to tell you about something from my very first loop."

He waved a hoof absently, which she took as permission to go ahead.

"Before I started looping, my very best friend was a filly named Diamond Tiara. She and I did everything together," Silver said, "We really were inseparable."

"Sounds nice."

Kakashi was staring off into the darkened forest, sounding almost bored. Silver pressed on.

"And then I woke up in my first loop, and the Diamond Tiara that was my very best friend was gone. Instead, there was somepony I didn't recognize in her place. Somepony with the audacity to say that she was the real Diamond Tiara all along. As if the one I remembered was a fake! And she seemed to think I should just accept what was happening, because she'd been looping for longer and knew so much more about what was going on than I did."

She noticed that Kakashi was looking at her now.

"I told her I hated her," Silver continued, bluntly, "I told her she was just a fake and that I wanted my real friend to come back. I was horrible to her."

"...What are you saying, exactly?"

"Kakashi," Silver answered, looking him dead in the eyes, "I think part of the problem is that you're angry with your students...but you don't want to admit it."

Kakashi recoiled like she'd struck him.





Naruto looked up as the door to the Ponyville Library swung open and Kakashi walked in. He was having Twilight go over every single weird gadget and gizmo in his pocket that he'd forgotten the use of, on the off-chance that one might be helpful. No luck so far, unfortunately.

"Morning, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said, waving a hoof, "Want to lend a hand? I mean, a hoof? One of these things might be just the thing to fix you up."

"Thanks for the offer," Kakashi replied, "But I've decided to work things out on my own."

Twilight, who had been in the middle of a magical examination of a strange gear-shaped key, turned her head. Naruto's jaw had dropped.

"Wait, what? I mean, you don't need to be all macho here, Kakashi-sensei..."

The jounin lifted a hoof, interrupting him.

"Let me rephrase that: I don't want your help trying to fix this. I'm just going to go spend the rest of this loop elsewhere...wandering around while working this out. On my own. Alone."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea," Twilight began.

"Isn't this supposed to be a sanctuary loop?" Kakashi countered.

That stopped Twilight in her tracks. It was true, if he wanted to try to handle things on his own, then that was Kakashi's choice...she looked, saw how Naruto was starting to splutter, and decided to give it one last try.

"Have you spoke to Silver Spoon about this? She'll miss sparring with you."

"She might, if she hadn't already volunteered to be my tour guide."

He was eye-smiling now. Twilight couldn't help but smile back.

"Then it sounds like you're in good hooves," she replied, "But if you need anything at all, you only need to ask."

"I won't forget."

"And I won't allow it!" Naruto snapped, wings bristling, "You only just got better! Give me one good reason to let you go running off!"

Kakashi struck a thoughtful pose.

"One good reason..."

He tapped a hoof against the floor for a moment, before making an 'ah-ha' sound.

"...well, I am just a clone. Does that count?"

And with that, 'Kakashi' popped into smoke. 





90.8 (MasterWeaver)




Apple Bloom glared at the purple mare. "Seriously?"

Berry Punch glanced around the destroyed bar. "Well, I don't often serve robots, and... she wandered in on her own, you should have seen her." She paused. "I regret nothing, by the way."

"You don't think that giving tha sapient suit of magitech powered armor that is soulbounded to a walking technological revolution on tha anniversary of her wedding to her millennia dead husband was a bad idea?"

Berry raised an eyebrow. "...walking technological revolution?"

Apple Bloom summoned her Element with a flat expression.

"Still a bit arrogant."

"Ah can feel the hangover! And she hasn't even woken up yet! How tha hay is she even unconscious?!" 





90.9 (DataPacRat)

"Alright," said Twlight, looking around the group. "I've been noticing a trend... is there anypony who doesn't have a non-standard Element of Harmony?"

A few Loopers immediately summoned a necklace, tiara, or stranger piece of jewelry from their subspace pocket; then a few more... finally, not a single Looper in the bar wasn't adorned with at least one. Discord was just about buried a a pile of the things.

"And do any of them work outside their original Loop?" There was a general chorus that could be summed up as "Eenope".

"Right," said Twilight, summoning her notebook. "What's your weird element, and how'd you get it?"





Big Mac said, "Reliability. Being a shoulder you-all can lean on."





Discord said, "This one's for creativity, and this one's for creative destruction to make room for new ideas, and this one's for kumquat - don't look at me like that, it was a very fruit-oriented loop - and this one's for creative kumquat, and this one's for-"





Derpy said, "Innocence. I just don't know what went right!"





Apple Bloom said, "Well, there was a Loop where we were all part of the Apple Family, and Applejack said mine was for Brattiness. And Granny Smith's was for Patience."





Discord was continuing to run through his pile, mentioning "Kumquat, kumquat, silly in-jokes, and kumquat..."





(TheCentauress)

Derpy pulled out a second Faux-Element. This one was a crown, like Twilight's. Princess Twilight's. No crystals on the tiara and the focus stone appearing to grow out of the apex.

The focus stone, however, immediately caught the attention of everyone.

"And this," the walleyed mailmare stated, "was what I got, back when I Ascended to become Princess Ditzy..."

"Princess of Muffins?" the entire bar population chorused.

"How'd you guess?"





(FanOfMostEverything)

Pinkie produced a necklace that was almost indistinguishable from her usual Element of Laughter. The only difference was that the balloon was a yellow gem.

Twilight's memory stirred. "Isn't that—"

"The Element of Surprise!"

Everypony in the bar groaned at that.

Twilight shook her head and smiled. "No, no, that's what it's called. That was an odd Loop. The Elements didn't come from the Tree. Instead, they were a bit like the Advisor Devices. Not the preserved souls of great heroes, but created by and named after them. Pinkie had the Element of Surprise, Dash had Firefly, and so forth."

Applejack quirked an eyebrow. "Hold on a second. Wouldn't that mean Ah had th' Element o' Applejack?"

"Actually, you had the Element of Further Recursion."

"'Further' Recursion?"

"Yeah, I had the other one. As I said, an odd Loop."





(Crisis)

"The Element of Treason," Nyx explained, getting a few odd looks. "And no, it's not really an Element of Harmony. It's from a weird fused Loop where I was the seventh member of the Elements of Blasphemy for some reason. And yet, despite the name of my Element, they were still surprised when I turned on them and helped the heroes."





"The Element of Inquisition," Luna grinned. "None expected it!"





"The Element of Dubstep," Vinyl displayed a pair of headphones. "That was a rocking Loop. Not sure if I like it or the Element of Wubs better..."





"The Element of Muffins!" Pinkie grinned widely.

"Trade you for my Element of Cupcakes!" Ditzy offered immediately. “Can't have too many elements of muffins!”

"Okay, but only if they're the kind with frosting and no fleshy bits," Pinkie agreed.

"Ew!" Ditzy made a face. "Who'd want cupcakes like that?"





"The Element of Conversion," Sunset declared, putting a crown with a gemstone like a potion beaker on the table. "And, yes, I mean the Bureau."

The rest of the room took a step back before they noticed Sunset taking out a selection of hammers.

"Ten bits a whack, one whack at a time, single file line, no crowding," she informed them. 





90.10 (TokoWH)





Twilight liked to think she was prepared for any possible loop variant at this point. A lot of variants that tend to come up any more were ones that she had seen several times now, and if there was anything she hadn't experienced yet, she liked to think she had gain enough power and wisdom to easily short circuit it if it was something unpleasant.

Of course, as Twilight stood wide eye with a slack jaw, she began to remember one simple fact. These loops just love proving her wrong.

She wasn't entirely sure what had brought this loop on. Maybe Trixie's latest explosive ended up crashing the loop too hard. All she knew was, as she struggled to think of anything to say, was this loop was going to be a thing.

"This is so. Awesome!" Rainbow Dash said, trying her best to contain her excitement.

"I'll say!" the second Rainbow Dash said, a wide grin on her face. "First time this has ever happened!"

Twilight face hoofed. She was actually surprised by the fact that it took this long for a 'mini-me' loop to happen. Spike smirked, a sly look in his eyes.

"So, does this make this loop forty percent cooler?"

"You're not helping, Spike." 





90.11 (FanOfMostEverything)





Discord did so love it when the royal sisters weren't Awake. It was so easy to confuse them. Here he was, stretched out on a beach somewhere near the equator, and they were probably turning Equestria upside down looking for him. Havoc wreaked without even having to lift a finger. It was a beautiful thing.

With a snap, Discord conjured a pair of sunglasses and a smoothie. He smeared the latter over his face like a mud mask and sipped from an arm of the former. Pomegranate, bathroom grout, and malaise, his favorite as of three seconds ago.

"There you are."

The draconequus peeked through his frozen facial treatment. "Hmm. I suppose Twilight's tending to the terrible twosome?"

"Convincing them that you're really not up to anything, yeah." Gilda stretched her back, flaring her wings. "Ugh. I knew you'd be in the middle of the ocean."

Discord pouted. "Oh, come now. I haven't stranded anypony on a desert island in ages!"

"No, not that. I knew you'd be in the most inconvenient place I could think of." Gilda continued her stretches, wincing with most of them. "Ocean flying sucks. I'm part-eagle, not albatross."

The chaos spirit rolled his eyes (He got a fourteen.) "Yes, yes, I'll play you a sad song on the world's most indifferent violin. I keep telling Louise she can do better, but does she listen? Of course not." He coiled himself up into a pile that put him eye to eye with the griffon. "So, did you just come to ask me back in your refreshingly brusque way, or was there something else?"

Gilda flinched back for a moment. "Why would there be anything else?"

Discord smirked and quirked an eyebrow. "Well, I was just being polite, but given that reaction, it's fairly clear there's something on your mind." Suddenly, he was in glasses, a hideous suit, and a chintzy armchair. "Please, do share."

Gilda found herself perched on another piece of furniture. "Isn't this Rarity's drama couch?"

"Don't try to change the subject, dear. We're not here for me, we're here for you." Discord began doodling hypercubes on his notepad. "Now, tell me about your father."

"That's... actually kinda what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Hmm. Trouble in the Empire?" Discord scratched his beak. "Is there one this time around? I rarely keep track."

"Not that." Gilda tried not to think about how disturbingly attractive griffonized Discord was. "It's... Look, did you create griffons?"

"Sometimes," Discord admitted, back in his usual shape. "I've had the occasional very early Awakening, and at times some or all of the mix-and-match species don't exist yet. Griffons, minotaurs, chimerae, et cetera." He grinned. "Once, I even had to create pegasi! Naturally, the prototype was an attempt at Fluttershy, but she lacked a certain je ne sais quoi."

"What about the baseline?"

Discord paused. "This is unusually existential for you, my fine, furred, feathered friend. What brought this on?"

No props appeared. He didn't change shape. There was nothing but seemingly genuine concern. It took Gilda the better part of a minute to process that before she could answer. "It's just... Look, the ponies have a pair of sort-of-goddesses right there in Canterlot. Griffons don't, but we don't need some divine crutch."

"I'm sensing a 'but'."

"Besides your own?" Gilda grimaced. "Yeah, you're right. It's nice knowing where you came from, having someone you can ask and know you're getting the facts. Even when Celestia and Luna weren't there, ponies are..." She trailed off, looking at her own talons.

"Go on."

"Ponies are a big enough deal that there's always going to be some record or something. Like that Loop where you made pegasi. Bam. Primary source right there. But griffons...

"I guess it started when I was Ammy's student. Suddenly I had a goddess too. Suddenly it was griffons who were the big species on campus. But she didn't shape us from sunbeams in the baseline. I never really paid attention to the old stories, and now it seems like they change every Loop."

"I see." Discord looked off into the distance. "Does it really matter?"

Gilda squinted at him and tilted her head almost ninety degrees. "No. I just poured my freaking heart out because I couldn't care less about this. What do you think?"

The draconequus nodded, keeping his gaze on the middle distance. "Fair enough. Why does it matter?"

"Because every Looping griffon says it does."

That got Discord to reestablish eye contact. "You've talked to Silver Spoon about this?"

Gilda rolled her eyes. "I meant just me. Trying to be dramatic about it."

"Ah. Well, if you must know, I—"

"DISCORD!"

They turned to see an incandescent Celestia. Discord provided sunglasses for everyone. Celestia's began to melt immediately. "I'm afraid we'll have to continue this conversation later, Gilda. It appears there's a fusion device about to go critical, and I'm all out of blamable Trixies."

And then Gilda found herself back in Ponyville, an afterimage of an alicorn seared in her vision and a pair of sweet shades darkening it.





90.12 (Conceptulist)

It was not an unusual sight to see Vinyl Scratch sorting through her personal music collection, in search of the perfect song.

“Erg! None of this sounds right.”

However, it was unusual was for Vinyl to be dissatisfied with it. Normally she had the perfect music for any possible occasion. This time her standard fare just wouldn’t cut it.

“Why, in the name of Wub itself, did I agree to DJ a birthday party for Angel Bunny!?!” whined Vinyl.

Fluttershy had gotten Pinkie Pie to plan the Perfect Bunny Birthday Beach Bash. According to Pinkie, there was going to be carrot cake, and bunny balloons, and carrot flavored cotton candy, and a bunny bounce house, and all the cute bunnies Fluttershy could find were invited. As well as the not-so-cute ones. And the downright ugly ones. Pretty much any bunny Fluttershy could find had received an invite. It would be suffice to say that until all the party goers went home, the Everfree forest would be suffering from a severe lack of rabbit. The only thing missing from this Perfect Bunny Birthday Beach Bash? Music, and that's where Vinyl came into the picture.

Vinyl Scratch started to rehash her mental list of music genres. “No dub step. No rock or any accompanying roll. No metal. Double no on death metal. Bunnies apparently find hip-hop offensive. Karaoke is for the birds, but Angel Bunny can’t sing. Bears hate smooth jazz, and there is no way I am letting an Unawake Fluttershy listen to any of the rap I got. Maybe classical, if Pinkie wouldn’t get bored with it and make me play nothing but the Pony Pokey for the rest of the party. Again. Nothing works!”

Vinyl had already gone through all of her collection. Records, CDs, and cassette tapes were strewn all across her bedroom. It really was quite the mess, and Vinyl Scratch was not looking forward to cleaning it up. With a calculated blast of telekinetic magic, Vinyl cleared her bed off.

“And worst of all, it’s a theme party! I just don’t have that much bunny-centric music on hoof!” she ranted.

Vinyl hopped into bed, snuggled her pillow into her face, and proceeded to scream her frustrations into its downy depths.

Once she was finished, she glared at that which had come to represent the source of her ire. A pair of floppy felt bunny ears that she was to wear at the party. How embarrassing for her. With an indignant huff, Vinyl rolled over and started to mutter to herself.

“No good music. No alcoholic drinks. No way out of this, ‘cause I pinkie promise I would do it. And I’m gonna have to wear this stupid thing the entire time to ‘make the bunnies feel more at home.’ Ugh!”

Vinyl rolled off her bed, plucking the bunny ears off her nightstand as she did so. In short order the bunny ears were securely on her head and she was sarcastically bouncing around.

“Hey, Hey! Look at me! I’m the bunny DJ! Come on, let’s all bounce to the beat!" she sang.

"Yeah, right. I’m just going to wind up putting Little Bunny Foo Foo on loop or something, I just know it. I can’t find a single song that fits a bunny themed beach party,” the DJ complained.

With a roll of her eyes and an exasperated sigh, Vinyl flopped back on to her bed.

“I need something that will get everyone jumping and playing on the beach. Something that is going to make them stomp their feet to the beat. They gotta shake their bodies to a sweet little beat. And unless I write it myself, I got nothing that can do that!” ranted Vinyl Scratch.

Her thought processes screeched to a halt in a way that was reminiscent of her name. “Write it myself?” she asked herself. “Why didn’t I think of that earlier!?!” herself answered.
Positively bouncing with creative energy, Vinyl rushed to find a quill and some paper. Mumbling potential lyrics and humming a beat, she began crafting a song.

The unicorn composed well into the night. Creating a song from scratch was long and tiresome work, as long as a pony was not relying on the magic of Heartsongs to do it for them. However, the Muse was with Vinyl. A little after dawn, she finished perfecting the lyrics and stopped experimenting with the sheet music.

“Finished,” yawned an exhausted Vinyl Scratch.

Vinyl then started doing what earned her Cutie Mark. Etching music onto records.

“Wait, what?” Mumbled a now slightly more alert unicorn.

Looking straight ahead was pointless as there was a mostly blank record in the way. Looking up let her know that the record’s edge was currently aligned with her horn. A glow of magic was awash over both the horn and the record. The record was lazily spinning, with a groove slowly getting etched into the record.

Vinyl blinked in surprise.“Nowhere near as weird as the stuff Derpy gets for a special talent." 





90.13(Novusordomundi, with Spectrumancer)





"I can see your future!" Pinkie stated, decked in her gypsy clothing, waving her hooves around a crystal ball while holding a deck of cards in her hooves. Apple Bloom rolled her eyes as she sat across the table

"Pinkie, Ah don't think...

"Silence, mortal! Do you dare question Pinkamena Diane Pie, High Priestess of Pinkamena Diane Pie?"

Apple Bloom looked over to the side, and saw the God of the Round leaning upon the table. "How the hay do you become a High Priestess of yourself?"

"Mirror Pool." The headband of guisarmes supplied. "She is the goddess, priesthood, and lay-beings of her own religion! And I've lost the bet I had with her that she couldn't do that in one loop's time..."

Apple Bloom decided to not follow that train of thought, and resumed the conversation "Anyway, Ah don't think a deck of cards can predict my future. Besides, wouldn't you just use your Pinkie-Sense?"

Pinkie giggled, while shuffling the cards like a Vegas dealer. "I don't need Pinkie Sense to tell you your future..." And with a flick of a hoof, she put down the card. One look, and she gasped...

"Oh no, the The Repairman of Stars, in a reversed position! Something of yours is going to break in the near future, due to circumstances beyond your control..." Pinkie gasped, than flipped over a second card...

"Trio of Quasars! Three beings are responsible for the destruction of this item!" Pinkie put a foreleg to her head "Is there any hope for your fate?" Apple Bloom rolled her eyes as a third card was laid onto the table... and looked saddened.

"I am so sorry... The Engineer of Judgment Day. Your machine will be destroyed in totality." Pinkie said in a serious voice, putting a hoof on Apple Bloom's shoulder. "I mourn for your loss."

Apple Bloom just stared at the pink party pony as she removed the hoof from her shoulder. "Pinkie, Ah don't want to sound rude, but if you think I'm going to believe that something will happen to one of my devices just because you laid three cards on the table, than I'm..." She stopped when she felt the tap on her shoulder, and turned to see Scootaloo nervously standing next to her. "Hey, Scoots. What's wrong?"

Scootaloo fidgeted "Uh, 'bloom? Remember how you said you hadn't finished working on the hovercraft yet? Hadn't got the kinks out yet?

"Uh-huh..." Apple Bloom could already feel the headache coming on.

"And you know how Trixie wanted to use a hovercraft in her stage act this loop?"

"Yes..."

"And how Lyra and Derpy we're going to help her? And none of them knew to not press the red button yet?"

Applebloom sighed. "Alright. Tell me, how bad is it?"

Scootaloo fidgeted her hooves a bit and looked at the ground.

"How. Bad. Was. It?" 





(Meanwhile, at the Crater Formerly Known as Town Hall)

Ivory Scroll stood at the edge of the crater where her workplace used to be. She glanced over at the trio of her fellow loopers, looking sheepish and more than a little scorched. She looked back at the crater, shook her head, and reached into her Pocket for the appropriate set of incidence forms to fill out, idly musing on the fact that this series of events wasn't far from the norm, even for Baseline Ponyville. 





90.14 (WyldeHorse)





"Trixie is telling you!" Trixie declared, waving a small bag in Big Mac's face, "It is absolutely imperative that you plant these! If Applejack were Awake, Trixie would ask her, but as she's not you simply have to do this instead! Trixie only found these in her last loop! I MUST know what will happen when they're full-grown!"

"Eeenope. Ah' don't care what you've got to pay with, Ah' ain't planting your 'explosion vine' seeds. Ah'm thinkin' things would explode."

"Yes! That is EXACTLY Trixie's point! We must know WHAT SORT of explosion it will be!"

"Umm, excuse me please? Angle Bunny wants to know, if you're going to plant things other than apples, if you could grow some of these Giant Glowing Carrot seeds he found? If you don't mind?"

"Eeenope." 





(DrTempo)

From The Journal of Sunset Shimmer:




Once again, I've replaced someone. This time around, one Ahsoka Tano. Yes, that means Anakin Skywalker was my teacher this time.
Out of all the Loopers so far, he could really sympathize with my baseline plight a lot. He did teach me how to better harness my emotions and finetune my telekinesis..as well as fly a spaceship. 

Anakin'd actually been cooking up a plan for a good while when I'd Looped in. His plan was to publicly expose Palpatine as the evil he was. 
He was ready to give it a try, but my appearance threw him off. 

I did convince him to try the plan he had in mind, and find out the kinks in it.

His plan was a simple one: After I'd ended up in the same situation Ahsoka had which led to her ending her time as Anakin's Padawan, I'd 'turn' to the Dark Side..or just say I did. I'd then gather proof Palpy was playing both sides, and once the final days of the Clone Wars arrived, Anakin'd make his move, and expose Palpy.

To both our surprises, it worked...though we had to use abilities from other Loops to do so.

My time with Shinji and Ichigo'd really helped in knowing how to outwit a master of manipulation like Palpatine. Anakin telling me how Palpy tended to do things also helped. 

When the plan was enacted, during the moment where Anakin'd fall to the Dark Side in baseline, I'd used some magic to be unseen, as Palpy thought me dead by Anakin's hand shortly before Dooku'd been killed. We made the fight look VERY convincing, to our credit. I then saved Windu from his fall to the ground, and then helped Anakin fake the Jedi Temple slaughter.

When Anakin apparently left to finish off the Separatist leaders(he'd only pretended to leave), as Palpatine made his speech to the Senate as per baseline, I appeared. 

He acted the kind man, until I said the phrase that'd cue the unveiling of Anakin's surprise.

'Hail Emperor Palpatine the mighty. Hail to Darth Sidious, conquerer of Jedi, darkest of Sith Lords! All praise the man who leads from shadows, lord over Count Dooku, and true ruler of this Galaxy!'

As Palpatine acted shocked by this insult, the video I'd made of his revealing himself to Windu, as well as other evidence I'd collected, caused him to act utterly shocked. When Windu walked in, Palpatine fumed. 

I then tossed an empty Senate box at him, forcing him to use the Dark Side to defend himself...the coward. 

Padme quickly acted, declaring Palpatine a traitor, and the Senate soon followed. You do NOT piss off politicians. Anakin then made his arrival, adding the final pieces of evidence: Palpatine's own words to try to turn Anakin. That did it, and Sidious attacked. 

Deciding not to hold back, I summoned my Keyblade, and the brawl was on.
The Sith Lord pushed me, Windu, and Anakin to the limit. 

However, the timely arrival of Yoda and Obi-Wan, who'd learned of our masterplan right as it'd begun, turned the tide. Anakin delivered the coup de grace, and goodbye Sith Lord...until the next time Anakin Looped. 
I'd enjoyed this Loop, as it allowed me to put both my combat skills and my skills at outwitting enemies to use. 

Anakin himself saw bits where only my abilities from my travels'd allowed some of the plan to work, and was already cooking up ways to fix those holes. 

Anakin, I'm glad I met you. And Palpatine...rot in Tartarus. 





(DrTempo)

From The Journal of Sunset Shimmer:




After my try at villainy, and ending up getting chased by a guy in a bat outfit, I was ready to relax for once, and try being a normal girl for one Loop.
Then, I ended up getting charged for murder. OH COME ON! Can't I have one peaceful Loop? 

Then I met Phoenix Wright. He's a fellow Looper too; he'd even had to defend an unawake Rainbow Dash once in an early Fused Loop, though he didn't know what Loops were when it happened. It's a long story.

Anyhow, he'd noticed something off about me, and actually asked if I was a Looper. I lied, but somehow, he knew I was lying, and then showed me a picture of him with Twilight and her friends. That killed my lie instantly.

After he said he'd explain later, he got to defending me in court. He is good. VERY good. Despite everything pointing to me, he found all the holes in the evidence, and even found out who really did the murder. I thought I was doomed more than once.

After all that was over, he explained that he'd learned of the Multiverse from Twilight after his bad luck had him back there doing a case he technically'd already done...That's the Loops for you, I suppose.

Guess even in a 'Vacation' Loop, adventure still finds me. 





90.15

Spike jerked Awake. He stretched, paled, and stared at his clawed hands for a moment.

Whatever he saw, it wasn't what he wanted.

“Oh, no, oh no ohnoohno aaargh!” he groaned, slumping back with head in hands. “Okay, I'm dead.”

“What happened?” Twilight asked, looking around from the book.

“I...” Spike shook his head, with a wince. “I bucked up big time. I had my ring on last loop, because it's been a while since Rarity was awake and I was kind of feeling melancholy, and...”

Twilight made an ah of understanding. “Wasn't that the one in Krynn?”

“Yeah.” Spike nodded glumly. “And I took a dragonlance to the face when I wasn't expecting it, and I died, and I lost the ring. Rarity spent fifty years making that, she's gonna kill me.”

“Doesn't it have enchantments to detect that?” Twilight asked, putting the book down and trotting over with a frown. “You know, detects cessation of brain function, mix that with a moment-action precog layer... I can think of three ways easily. And then it can just drop into your Pocket.”

“Yeah, I know they're possible,” Spike confirmed. “But it didn't have them, Tiara was the one who did that abjuration set and they're only on the one she made. And... oh, no, Cadence is going to bury me for losing it once Rarity's done with killing me, and...”

He shrugged helplessly.

Twilight bent over him, and dropped the ring into his hand. “Good thing I thought to check, isn't it?” she asked with a wink.

Spike stared, dumbfounded, then leapt to his feet and embraced her. “Thank you! Thank you so much!”

Twilight smiled. “Just go see Diamond Tiara and get her to add the full protective enchantment set, okay?”





90.16 (Masterweaver)





"Twilight?"

"No, Rarity, I don't know why we're rabbits."

"Oh, no. I was going to ask how we were going to deal with Lord Caerbannog."

"Hope that Angel Bunny is Awake, that's how." 




90.17 (MasterWeaver)





"GET ME OUT GET ME OUT GET ME OUT GET ME OUT!"

"TRIXIE HOLD STILL!" Sunset growled, swinging her keyblade. "I can't unlock this if I can't hit the locks!"

"I'm TRYING! Clover isn't letting me!"

How is this MY fault?! Clover beeped angrily. You're the one that put me on without reading the manual!

"OW IT'S TIGHT IT'S TIGHT IT'S TIGHT!"

I'm trying to stop this, alright?! I don't know how! This has never--oh she's unconscious. Quick, Sunset, before I squeeze her to death!

"Why did she even swipe you anyway?" Sunset asked, tapping here keyblade strategically over the powered armor.

Well, apparently she wanted to be Iron Mare, whatever that means. I'm going to have to talk to Sweetie and Bloom about my security protocols... 





90.18 The One Butcher)





Subspace pockets are dangerous things to be caught within when the loop resets. But if you use the ability sparingly and with plenty of time to spare:

"Oh No! Pinkie Pie put hyperfrosting on the MMMM! Everyone out of the Universe!" With that about thirty Ponies, including the three Princesses and the Captain of the Royal Guard, a Pony of utmost bravery all seemed to eat themselves, leaving dumbfounded Canterlot High Society behind.

When the cake began to shake and warp and waves of plaid began to ripple from it the event dissolved into complete panic.

"How do you get out of the Universe?" Blueblood cried, trying to bite his own tail, "HOW DO YOU GET OUT OF THE UNIVERSE?"