Wake up. See this. What do? - Part 2: Raise the Flag (comment driven story)

by RazortheAwesome

The Inquisition

You let out a sigh as he speaks to you. You've spoken to him plenty of times sure, and you've never had any real problems with him up until this point, but the sound if his voice it just.... just..... You can't really describe it. It just irritates you.

"Please, rise," you say to him, ignoring the awful pun that you just made with his name. He seems to ignore it too as he stands back up and looks straight at you.

Find out every possible inch of this incident. Have testimonies of somepony who was a part of the riot or someone who also knew what's going on as well. If there are contradictions, pry the truth out of him! Summon somepony whose preferably a neutral voice, and one who knew all the details.

Ask "Why?"

Ok, before you ask your questions, calm yourself. And don't tell me you're calm; I saw that barely contained rage inside your mind. Breathe in, breathe out.

Celestia don't destroy him right off the bat you have to remain calm and collect about this first ask him about the events that took place down in Ponyville while he was down there. Then ask him why he shot Derpy Hooves in the head which then lead to a mass riot in Ponyville. If anything that really isn't keeping the peace in politics. And finally the most important question you should ask him is why he didn't run this by you and the senate first. Sure he may have killed a traitor, but the situation got out of hand pretty fucking fast and more ponies got hurt in the process if anything he should be impeached from the senate for his actions.

Celestia, he is so obviously evil because of this most recent act that he should be removed from office, locked up, banished, assassinated, turned insane and then hung drawn and quartered. But you are a fair ruler. You extend a precise 30cm and always give a straight line. As such, you will listen to his side, calmly explain his mistake, then crush him into atoms and spread him like jam upon the universe.

Actually, that's stupid for contextual reasons... Celestia asks Risen Flagg a question.

With that, you close your eyes for a moment, and then breathe in.... and out..... and then in.... and out one last time as you try your best to remain calm. Granted the key word in that sentence is "trying". Every particle of you wants to incinerate him for what he did, but you are better than he is, you know that. You've been ruler of this nation for well over 1000 years. You've had experience, good and bad, and that experience has taught you more than anything, not to sink to his level.

"I assume you know why you are here?" You say to him before anything else.

"Yes," he responds. "I believe that I do." By You, you hated his voice.

At that, you take in one more deep breath. If you're going to do this, best to get it over with now.

"Very well," you say to him. "Then my first question must be, why did you publicly execute Derpy Hooves?"

“Why my dear Princess," he begins, "of course the mare was the one guilty of all the charges, and more specifically of the destruction of a very expensive research facility, one that was paid for out of the kindness of the tax paying citizens of Equestria that elected myself to office.”

Question the legitimacy of the execution. Was the evidence even legit? What's up with the riot? Those guards who were a part of it weren't real guards either.
Most of all, what is Risen's motive? What was his deal with him and the government?

Amongst other things, this'll probably come up, so you might wanna ask "Were you truly certain that mare was her?" when the picture will be brought up. I'm pretty sure you're aware of Changelings, at least.
Other than that, I got nothing. Just stay calm

Point is, ask him out about everything that is related to Derpy's death.

How do you know she was the one who did the crime?

“Are you absolutely certain of this?” You ask him. Of course you don't show it, but you really would love to know just how in tartarus he explains this.

“Yes," he says to you. "We had the recording of her voice compared and tested against previous voice samples gathered by the CIA during some of their.... Less than positive monitoring activities during Ponyville’s, shall we say, colorful history. Granted, I know that you are thinking through several scenarios in which I was wrong, I mean after all, I am but a single lowly politician with dreams of a truly safe and secure Equestria with nothing else on the mind. You, on the other hoof are a princess, no, the princess of Equestria. Your gaze knows no bounds and your knowledge of the known world is unparalleled.” By You, you really hate it when he talks like that, and he often does.

“Flattery does not work on me, Risen Flag," you say to him.

“And then you shall have none," he responds "For I have none to offer but words of the truth, dearest princess of the risen sun. The world as you know it faces a calamity brought about by enemies that lie within your very borders.”

“Which is the point I was trying to reach," you say to him, now with more authority. "Are you absolutely certain that it wasn't perhaps was a changeling in the guise of Miss Hooves and not Miss Hooves herself?”

“Certainly,” is the only word he says to you.

“Then why did you execute her!?" you ask him, using practically all of your willpower not to use the royal Canterlot voice. "Capital punishment is stricken from Equestrian Law for a reason, because it is too severe a punishment to fit any crime, even treason.”

“Celestia," he says, as if to calm you down. "You fail to see the very corruption that lies beneath your hooves, that lies beneath your eyes, even though they are all seeing. Conspirators are trying to destroy this world, this society, the very fabric of the culture you have carefully constructed to ensure the safety of all lives. The changelings have infiltrated society.”

Question the legitimacy of the execution. Was the evidence even legit? What's up with the riot? Those guards who were a part of it weren't real guards either.

“Then why was Miss Hooves not tested?” you ask him. Since their last attack on Canterlot, you figured that they might return, and thus, preparations were of course made.

Well... Celestia, you are clearly not incompetent. More than 1000 years of rule attests to that. ROLL DIPLOMACY AND SENSE MOTIVE!!! Also, what sort of creature could forge surveillance footage? Possibly a certain species with a proclivity for changing? Remember to keep all of this close to the chest, so to speak. That Risen Flagg has gotten where he is and violated the law so casually speaks volumes about what his so-called "evidence" must be. Also, a bit of a TRUTH spell may be in order if things get out of hand. Specifically look for anything that registers as too true. Flagg may have something up his sleeve.

If he shows Video or other "Evidence" of Derpy's involvement, ask him if he's ever heard of friggen Changelings before. The dumbass. Review the footage and see if her eyes flash like changelings do. If not, still tell him he couldn't have known for sure.
Tell him that whether he feels justified or not, he still publicly executed someone without sanction, and that that is grounds for his status as Senator being Terminated and being put on trial himself.
This is your country Damnit, not his.

“Because she was brainwashed and hypnotized to work for them!” he practically shouts back at you. This..... you were not prepared for.

“What?” is all you can say.

“Recently, it has come to my attention that certain members of society have disappeared and then reappeared acting strange and somehow completely out of normal character, or at least the information that I have gleamed from CIA reports," he begins explaining to you. "The strangeness of such culminating when I brought my concerns to the CIA’s lead investigators, only for them to turn me down and refuse to investigate my claims. As such, I cultivated my guards, those that acted in character according to all records of course, and tasked them with the performance of my own private investigation of which the findings are truly disturbing.”

At that, the moment he was finished with that explanation, almost like he practiced it, Risen Flag suddenly produced a folder from a satchel he was carrying with him. Slowly, you take it from him with your magic, and opened it up. Inside, the folder was filled with various images of new machines and more specifically, of changelings working on said machines with pencil sketch schematic drawings.

“What is this?" you have to ask him.

“The changelings know that we can identify them by their eyes and the green blood so their queen has devised a new method by which to mimic ponies: hypnosis," he begins as you turn to an image of a pony being fitted with the head harness and the activation of the machine. "These ponies are captured, and then brainwashed into a suggestive state wherein the commands are imprinted before the ponies are put to sleep. They wake up hours later and go about their daily lives as if nothing happened, but there are after effects that do arise, though those vary from pony to pony.”

“How are you certain of this?” you ask him. You.... you cannot believe what you are seeing. This can't be true.

“We tried it on a guard pony," he tells you.

“What?” You say as you almost drop the folder.

“We reconstructed the machine and tried it on an ordinary guard, of which you will find the research notes on the next page,” he explains, at which point you notice a series of paperclip bound pages. “We suggested that when we whistled he would break out into a song and dance routine of Little Teapot, which he did once we whistled the following day.”

“But that still doesn’t explain the outright killing of Derpy Hooves!" You shout at him as you practically throw the folder back at him, which he catches with his magic. "Even if all of this is true, as you claim it is, her execution is still unanswered for.”

“One of my private guards found a series of commands with ponies names next to it and managed to take a photograph of it before he escaped.” At that, Risen Flagg opened the file back up and floated a certain page to you. Slowly, you look down to see a photo of hoof written notes, which, of course, had Derpy Hooves' name on it. However, more horrifying than that, next to it, on the right of it next to her name, ‘Command a team to infiltrate the research and manufacturing center, await further instructions from team members.’ Next to that however, much to your shock and horror, was the command ‘Kill Princess Celestia.’ “Are there any more questions, Princess?”

“No," you say to him as you slowly look away from his and bring a hoof to your face. It just.... it couldn't be true. "No I just have to digest all of this."

"I understand, your majesty," he says to you as he puts the folder back in the satchel. It takes you a moment, but you do manage to regain your composure.

First inquire what kind if acts he accused derpy of. Then ask him about the riot. Then find out how he wants to mend the damage he did. THEN INCINERATE THE FLYING FUCK OUT OF HIM CAUSE YOU ARE CELESTIA, GODDESS OF THE SUN AND.... I watched too much Ponies reanact Yu-Gi-Oh (awesome vid. Go check it out if you haven't yet).

What made you think this was a good idea?

"But what about the riot?” you have to ask him. "How-"

“Started by that human, Mister Jason Morgan after he witnessed the death of Miss Hooves," he says to you before you could even finish. "Regrettable, but unavoidable in order to save the beloved life of your majesty. He just didn't understand that sometimes in order to prevent a greater tragedy, a little tragedy must be committed, though if I could do it over, I would like to rethink my actions.”

"As you should," you say to him, though.... as much as you want too.... you can't think of anything else to say to him. You.... you just-

"Will that be all, princess?" he asks you, as if waiting for something.

"What-," you say, somewhat distracted by all of this new information. "Um, yes, that will be all for now. You may return to your office."

"Thank you, your majesty," he says as he unceremoniously turns around and starts walking out of the throne room. You..... you don't want to believe him, you really don't, in fact your better judgment is telling you to incinerate him right now, but... There have been a lot of ponies that have suggested that you use truth detection spells on ponies when you, or others, interrogate them like this, but you've always been against it for varying reasons, mostly because it does rob them of their free will somewhat, and you don't want to make your subjects afraid of you.

But the truth is... with this.... you cast that spell on Risen the moment he walked in the room. Thankfully he didn't seem to notice it, or even if he did, he pretended not to notice, but you know what you did. You cast the truth spell on him. You've tried it on countless others, others whose willpower was stronger than you could have believed, and it's worked on them, so.... so there is no reason it wouldn't work on Risen Flagg.

It's just.... It's just.... you need a moment.

You are Clustershine, a thestral (more commonly known to others as a batpony) formerly of Princess Luna's royal guard, and second in command of the Canterlot Intelligence Agency, otherwise known as the CIA.

With everything that's been happening lately, you haven't been able to catch anything remotely resembling a break in the past week, and the incident in Ponyville was the straw that broke the camel's back. Word of it had already reached Canterlot, and you couldn't even begin to predict how long it would take before the rest of Equestria heard about it. Now, like any pony would act in a situation like this, the ponies of Equestria are worried, they want answers, and you, in your position, are the one who has to help give it to them.

This task has been...... well, extremely difficult would be an understatement, but you couldn't think of a better way to describe how hard it's been for you. You're too tired. Tartarus, you can't even remember the last time you slept right now.

The incident in Ponyville was one thing, but the AIA, he had to claim that they were somehow involved too. This fact, among other things, was what was making this more difficult for you. The more you thought about it, the more you couldn't help but think of Grey Rebl, your former partner. The two of you were closer than brothers during your time together as agents, but that was years ago. The last time you saw him was.... he had just attained his position as head of the AIA. Even right now you still wore the necklace he gave you. He wears a matching one. If the rumors of the AIA's involvement is true, then...... You didn't even want to think about any of this right now, it was only making your head hurt.

Even right now as you walked through the hallways of Celestia's royal palace on your way to the office of the one pony you knew who could give you answers right now, it was all just too much for you right now. You don't even think as your body just goes through the motions as it's supposed to right now, just like a robot.

Without even thinking, you raise a hoof and knock on the door as you reach the office of the one you came to see.

"Come on," a rather droll voice says from the other side. You unceremoniously push open the door and walk in the moment those words hit your ears. You don't look, but you hear the door close behind you as you walk in.

There is only one other pony in the room that you can see. Currently he's looking away from you out his window at the city of Canterlot.

"You wanted to see me?" you say to him to make your presence known.

"Clustershine," Risen Flagg says as he turns around to face you. "Yes, in fact I did."

What do you do?

Sidestory
~~~~~
The secretary knocked on the Director's office door.

GreyRebl: Come in.

There, the secretary saw him staring intently into his computer. He sipped on a cup of coffee, absent mindly giving her a mere glance, but only to stare back at the computer screen. In her telekinesis was a file of measureable importance.

Secretary: I see you've already moved the computer back. I take it something interesting had come to light?
GR: Yes. Actually, there were more questions. As of right now, one of the hackers have given me a typed report. The ship had been attacked apparently, and the crew members have suffered casualites during the time we were disconnected. Swimming Dalek is recovering from his insanity that resulted in the confrontation. The Ensign's captain and his medical and biological experts had returned from a recon in Ponyville, of which we weren't properly informed of. They accidently arrived with an Equestrian, a zebra no less!

The Director frowned at the last bit, and so did the Secretary, but a moment later he grinned.

GR: I'm willing to be that he met one of our agents. Their sunglasses were made to detect almost anything, they are bound to see them as suspicious. I hope to inform them both of each other's presence. Nana is aiding medical staff on healing him and BRP.
S: Almost exactly what I was briefed with the workers. The lab ponies are working on the clock to make up lost time and are trying to discuss with the aliens about ways to prevent this from happening again. The Daleks and Hackers were... eccentric with their ideas. So were our workers.
GR: Oh, and the Bomb?
S: The team is finishing up investigation. It'll be confiscated or be ready for use, depending on how the Head Research likes your idea. Anyways, sir, about why I'm here...

Grey Rebl finally looked away from the screen.

GR: Yes, what is it?
She laid the files on his desk. Curious, Grey Rebl pulled out the papers from inside.
S: There were reports of strange activity among the populous up in the surface in Appoloosa. Even the tribal buffalo had noticed. Ponies testified that the townsfolks were acting... out of nature. There were also contradictions in their habitul patterns. Family members are getting worried. One of our agents had a good eye on several of the other details.
GR: Does the pony happen to go by the name "Sunglasses"?
S: One of your eccentric students? Yes. The surface agents are waiting for your decision.
GR: Hmm... Funny, I have just received news that may or may not be related to this.
S: From whom?
GR: Agents and Operatives Braeburn and Little Strongheart via P-Mail. Their report is sent to my computer.
S: Ah, yes, their mission. How did it go?
GR: Failure, this "Doctor" didn't exist.

She frowned.

S: Oh. That's too bad...
GR: That's not it, though. Apparently, Risen Flagg had made a public execution.
If Grey noticed the secretary's bewildered face, he ignored it.
GR: Not only that, but the accused was said to be the one who helped send that huge bomb from Los Pegasus. There happened to be evidence of it. Going by the name Ditzy Doo, or Derpy Hooves, she was simple mail mare, and it was likely that she wasn't the one who did it, given the personal accounts from third parties. She was killed on the spot by the Senator himself with a firearm with no trial whatsoever. He accused the AIA of going against Equestria. The CIA is probably gonna have a headache over this incident. A riot ensued, and the royal guards who were present did little to stop it, rather, they added to it, maliciously. It was confirmed that "sickly green glow was present around them"... And what a coincidence, we have reports of "strange behaviour" on our end.
The two locked eyes, their minds clicked in place when they connected the dots. With the symptoms present, they made a conclusion:
S: Changlings... Here? With Risen Flagg involved even... But what could this mean?
GR: More than likely, they've already infiltrated Appoloosa, maybe trying to find our base... Risen planned this. With the way it was all prepared and organized, I'd say the changlings and him are under an alliance. That bomb that was sent to us? The changlings in the surface are trying to create evidence of us having the bomb! It's practical proof that we ARE the bad guys! Perhaps he had BEEN doing this with other agencies...

It was then the two figured it out. Politcally, Risen may be trying to take control of the Equestrian government. The power that could be in his hooves... Publicly, and Nationally... In stunned silence, the two took the time to gather up their resolve. It was time to plan.

S: This is a mess... Insane... We need to get rid of that bomb.
GR: ...In an unrelated note, there's more news to be said on here.
S: What?!
GR: Applejack, the Element of Honesty, have found Braeburn out...
S: One of the famed Apple Clan. And Their daughter no less...
GR: It was time that she learned the truth of the Apples and her parents anyways. After all, we are in a national crisis. She may be an asset, and could help turn this in our favor. Not mention that other human, who was now hospitalized.
S: ...What should we do, sir?
Grey took out a piece of paper and a quill with ink, he scribbled upon on it and hoofed it over to his secretary. With a brief read on the note, her eyes widened, jaw dropping.
GR: Send this to the CIA.
S: S-sir, is this?
GR: Yes, it is. After the sudden shut downs of other agencies, there's only the AIA and the CIA. WE are what's left! There's no pony else to do this, but us and our allies up in the skies! We are going to make a full scale operation in PONYVILLE, and we are going use what we have made here in this facillity to get it done! Tell the staff and operatives to make a "surprise" for our fellow invading insects.

He grins widely.

GR: They're not the only expert infiltrators in this world. And it ain't big enough for the both of us. I'm very sure that they think the same. Otherwise, I'm making us combustible lemons.

*Grey Rebl's secretary enters his office to see that some of the lab ponies have hooked up a computer to his desk so that he doesn't have to move to the communications room to talk to the aliens. By our standards it's ancient as far as technology goes, but for them, it's a brand spanking new thing. Anyway, that's not important, Grey Rebl was staring absent mindedly at the screen and only gave his secretary a meek glance as she walked in. In her telekinesis was a file.*

Secretary: I take it something interesting had come to light?

Grey Rebl: Yes, though a lot of it only raises more questions than I'd like. As of right now, one of the hackers has given me a typed report of what happened up there. The ship had been attacked apparently, and some of the crew members have suffered casualties during the time we were disconnected, including, Swimming Dalek and BRP, both of whom are presently recovering. Not only that, but The Enterprise's captain and his medical and biological experts have just returned from a recon in Ponyville, of which we weren't properly informed of. Apparently when they were pulled back they accidentally took an Equestrian with them, a zebra no less. Nana is aiding medical staff on their recovery.

*Grey Rebl paused for a moment at that as he had to explain that to her.*

GR: I'm hoping bet that they at least met with one of our agents. Their sunglasses were made to detect almost anything, they're bound to see them as suspicious.

S: Yes, I was briefed on that with the workers. The lab ponies are working double time to make up for lost time and are trying to discuss with the aliens ways to prevent this sort of thing from happening again. Registered Anonymous' hackers were... eccentric with their ideas. So were our workers.

GR: What about the bomb?

S: The team is finishing up investigation. It'll either be confiscated or be ready for use, depending on how the Head Research likes your idea. Anyways, sir, about why I'm here...

*At that, Grey Rebl finally looked away from the screen.*

GR: Yes, what is it?

*At that, his secretary laid the files on his desk. Curious, Grey Rebl pulled out the papers from inside.*

S: There've been some reports of strange activity among the populous on the surface in Appoloosa. Even some of the tribal buffalo have noticed a few things. Ponies testified that the some of the townsfolk were acting... out of nature. There were also contradictions in their habitul patterns. Family members are getting worried. One of our agents had a good eye on several of the other details.

GR: Did the agent happen to go by the name "Sunglasses"?

S: One of your eccentric students? Yes, the-

*Suddenly, from the door to the office, one of the other AIA workers, a common errand colt, ran right into the office without knocking first, he seemed... out of breath.*

Errand Colt: SIR!

GR: What is it?

EC: This just arrived from Canterlot.

*At that, the errand colt suddenly dropped what looked like a rather large report on the director's desk. Grey Rebl and his secretary looked at it for a moment before they both turned their attention to the errand colt who brought it in. While he was out of breath, that wasn't the only thing they saw, but they couldn't place it. Grey Rebl then looked back at the report. While his instinct fully warned him that something was up and that he shouldn't open it, against his better judgement, he opened it and proceeded to read. Over the course of a few minutes, as he read the file, his eyes progressively got wider and all the color seemed to drain from his face.*

S: Sir...

*Grey Rebl didn't even give her a chance to say anything else as he closed the file and looked back at the errand colt.*

GR: When did this happen?

EC: Y.... Yesterday sir.

S: Sir, what's going on.

*Grey Rebl had to take a moment before he could say anything.*

GR: Risen Flagg.....

S: Yes, sir, what about him?

GR: He... He made a public execution.

*If Grey even noticed the bewildered look on the secretary's face, he ignored it.

GR: He claimed that the accused was the one who helped send us that huge bomb from Los Pegasus. One Derpy Hooves, a was simple mail mare, despite personal accounts from third parties, including her husband, he had evidence against her and.... She was killed on the spot by the Senator himself with a firearm with no trial whatsoever.

*At that, the secretary's eyes seemingly went as wide as his.*

GR: That's not all... He claimed that she was working with us. That she deliberately sent us that bomb.

S: Why?

GR: According to him..... because we're trying to overthrow Equestria.

S: WHAT!?

GR: I don't want to believe it either, but it's all there. This report wasn't written by anyone associate with him, at least as far as I know, so for now we have to believe that there is a possibility that it might be true.

*There was silence between everypony there for a few moments.

GR: It gets worse. After he executed Derpy, a riot ensued, and the royal guards who were present did little to stop it, rather, they added to it, mali-

*Suddenly, a spark went off in the director's eyes, both the secretary and the errand colt saw it. They watched him for a moment as he seemed to connect a bunch of dots in his head.*

GR: Your report!

S: What!?

GR: Your report, the one you just gave me!

S: It's still on your-

*Grey Rebl didn't even wait for her to finish before he pushed the report on what happened in Ponyville aside and pulled out the file his secretary had just given him again. He read it for only a few moments before a look of horror struck his face.*

GR: No...

S: Sir...

*Without even letting her say anything else, Grey Rebl took out a piece of paper and a quill with ink, he scribbled upon on it for only a few seconds before he quickly hoofed it over to the errand colt.*

GR: Send this to the CIA!

EC: Sir...

GR: NOW!

EC: Right!

*At that, the errand colt took the note from Grey Rebl and ran out of the room as quickly as he had came in.*

GR: You!

S: Yes!

GR: Get agents on the surface. I want eyes on the ponies in this report. Tell them not to let any of them out of their sight, I don't even want them to sneeze without us knowing it!

S: Um, yes sir, but why?

*The director had to take a moment and take in a deep breath before he could say the next few words.*

GR: I fear we may have changelings in Appaloosa.

R.A.: *busts out of the medical room he was in making bootleg medicine* BRP are you all right!? *punches the medical redshirt out of the way* Don't worry i got just the thing for ya! *pulls out a syringe filled with an explainable mixture of medical ingredients* This'll get ya back on your feet in no time, I learned how to make this from some science dude who made adrenaline shots. I think he was from a group called CEDA or something... *pauses to think about that time*

*Registered Anonymous keeps raiding through some random... storage... place, looking for chemicals and other things he can use to help heal BRP. He keeps taking things off the shelf, he looks as if he can't really carry anymore, but he still keeps grabbing stuff.*

Random Red Shirt: What do you think you're doing?

Registered Anonymous: GETTING THINGS TO HELP BRP WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE!?

RS: You do know that that's the broom closet right?

*Registered Anonymous pauses for a moment to look at the red shirt, and then back at where he was raiding. After only a few minutes of looking, he sees that it is, in fact, a broom closet, and that the things he had been grabbing were, in fact, cleaning supplies. One of which was even labeled "Pure Sodium Borate".*

RA: So it is..........

*Registered Anonymous looks back at the redshirt for a moment. Then, suddenly, he punches the red shirt in the face, knocking him out cold before he starts putting back everything he just pulled out.*

*BRP (sans his armor), Gordon Freebrony, and Zecora are all sleeping on three individual med stations while Dr. McCoy and Nurse Ratchet look after the three of them. Bronze Statue is sitting in the corner half asleep, waiting for something to happen. Next to where he is sitting, in a nice little pile, is BRP's armor.*

*Swimming Dalek, who is still bolted to the wall of a specialized cell, has gotten unusually quiet.*

The Brown Dog sits in a motel room he holds a Supernatural poster with three signatures on it.
Cortana: Well that could have gone better.
BD: You kidding me? That was awesome!
Cortana: They tried to kill you!
BD: As if they could, but it’s the thought that counts.
Cortana: What?
BD: Sam and Dean Winchester tried to hunt me…I feel so honored (The Brown Dog smiles with a tear coming out of his eye)
Cortana: Because you teleported into their room you idiot!
BD: Ah yes, I remember it like it was yesterday
Cortana: It was 10 minutes ago!

10 Minutes Ago, or Maybe Yesterday? Who knows.
Sam and Dean Winchester are doing research on a string of murders in the town caused by a trickster. Then the Brown Dog teleports into the center of the motel room startling them.

BD: Hey Guys!
Dean: What the hell?! (Both he and Sam raise their pistols and aim them at the Brown Dog) A talking dog?
Sam: With sunglasses?
BD: Oh man I can’t believe it’s actually you! Big Fan! Big Fan! (Fangasms on the inside)
Sam: What are you!
BD: Excited!
He teleports in front of the Brothers with a very excited smile on his face, to them though it looks like he’s bearing his teeth

BD: Can I get your…
Sam and Dean both start shooting the Brown Dog since it looked like he was going to attack them. The bullets hit but don’t do anything. After they stop firing he finishes his sentence
BD: …Autograph? (Summons a Supernatural Poster with Sam and Dean and Castiel on it into his paw)
Dean: Autograph?
BD: Ya you guys are awesome! I got a lot of your memorabilia.
The Brown Dog Snaps his fingers….Somehow and a shit ton of Supernatural merchandise appears in the room.
Sam and Dean see this massive summons and jump to a logical solution.
Sam/Dean: Trickster!
Sam tackles the Brown Dog to the ground and starts punching him while Dean grabs a stake dipped in the blood of a recent trickster victim. Being punched though doesn’t hurt the Brown Dog as he kind of just takes it.

BD: Hey Sammy this is fun and all but I’m not actually a trickster
Dean: Bullshit! (Shoves stake into Brown Dog’s heart, which again, does nothing)
BD: See, told you.
Sam and Dean panic a bit and get up off the Brown Dog.
Dean: With the glasses, maybe it’s a demon!
They throw holy water at him, but nothing happens.

BD: Ha, just like the show, now do you want to check and see if I’m a Leviathan?
Sam: A what?
BD: (Eyes widen) Oh wait, unless this is before Season 7? Then forget I said anything.
Both Brothers are confused as all hell.
BD: Soooo….autographs? (Holds up poster again)
Dean: No, first you tell us what the hell you are poochie
Sam: Ya, if you’re not a trickster or demon then what? The only other thing that can do what you do is...
Castiel appears in the room behind the Brown Dog.
Castiel: An Angel?
The Brown Dog whips around in excitement

Castiel: He is no angel, I can tell you that much
BD: Cas! Oh Hell Ya, I Friggen love you man! You are just the best! (The Brown Dog spasms and wags his tail and jumps around like Pinkie Pie as he says this)
Castiel: That…is nice…I suppose.
Dean: Cas, what the hell is this thing?
Castiel: This is The Brown Dog
Dean: Yeah, no shit it’s a brown dog
Castiel: No, not A brown dog, THE Brown Dog
BD: OMG you know who I am (Squee)
Sam: Okay… what the hell is THE brown dog then?
Castiel: He is a cross dimensional traveler, one who can move throughout the different universes with ease. And he carries great power, as do all the travelers like him.
BD: Ain’t no one quite like me Misha (Smiles)
Dean: Okay, so what do we do about it?
Castiel: I would recommend doing as he says.
Sam: What, really?
Castiel: Travelers have the power to reshape entire universes, and The Brown Dog is said to be unpredictable and insane.
Cortana: You got that right
BD: Shut up blue Bitch!
(The Winchesters and Castiel look at his sudden outburst)
BD: Sorry, talking to the blue lady in my glasses. Please continue.
Castiel: …As you can see, it wouldn’t be wise to upset it.
Sam:…So…you want us to sign your poster?
BD: Eyup, and make it out to your biggest fan ever.
Sam picks up the poster and signs it with his pen then hands it Dean

Dean: This is so stupid. We have friggen insane gods as fans?
BD: Oh Dean, Sanity is over rated.
Dean: Whatever
Castiel then signs the poster by just waving his hand over it. The Brown Dog then shakes hands with everyone there because he wants to, and then takes a group photo since they don’t have a choice.
BD: Thanks guys, and now none of you will remember I was here. Until next time that is, Bye!
Dean: What?
The Brown Dog teleports out and the two humans and the angel look around confused
Sam: Ummm….
Dean: Cas?
Castiel: Yes?
Dean: What were we just talking about?
Castiel: I don’t know

Present time, or as present as one can get when Dimension hopping.
Cortana: And why did you mind wipe them?
BD: They got a lot on their minds right now, might as well keep them thinking in canon, for the time being that is. Besides, I got what I came for…(Holds up poster and just admires it)
Cortana: Well while you were gushing over your three man crushes, I’ve been doing work
BD: Oh, got any news on our next trollific journey? (asks excitedly)
Cortana: No, but you’ve made the news in one of the cross universes
BD: What?
Cortana displays the news report about Solid Snake knowing who he was.

Cortana: Well, there you have it, your dumbassery has made you wanted again.
BD: pfft…pfffttt…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Cortana: and what’s so damned funny about this?
BD: HA HA HA… They think…HA HA you’re the one in charge. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Cortana: Damnit this is serious!
BD: I know, you better get a good lawyer
Cortana: Brown Dog!
BD: heh heh heh…OK, sorry but that was just too rich. Besides, I only burnt down most of the things they claimed. And some of them were justified
Cortana: The two schools?
BD: The Equestria Girls school and the one from Saved By the Bell
Cortana: The apartment complexes?
BD: Crack heads, Alien Gorillas, and Mardi Gras
Cortana: and the statue of Cecil Baldwin?
BD: That was not me, someone is framing me on that one.
Cortana: Seriously?
BD: Ya, I love that guy, he’s hilarious, why would I burn down his stuff?
Cortana: Well whoever it is, they may not stop with the statue, and do you really want Night Vale angry at you?
BD: Not especially, I love my shack by the bluffs.
Cortana: So…plan?
BD: Yes, but I’ll need some investigative types to help with clues.
Cortana: And what about Snake?
BD: What about him?
Cortana: What if he gives anything away?
BD: Like what? All I ever did was talk videogames and buy the guy In and Out Burger once in awhile, that’s it. You were there you know how he was a Castlevania nut. He thought I was a hallucination half the time too, but maybe that was because of the drugs. Oh and drugs, I gave him lots of drugs.
Cortana: Why?
BD: Because I accidentally ruined his career, and drugs food and games seemed like a suitable apology.
Cortana: How did you ruin him?
BD: I told him to invest in Blockbuster a few years back.
Teleports into the Multiverse.

Roseluck, when you get a chance please be a dear and contact me at the office, we have somethings to discuss. Additionally, please make sure to .....
Connection lost....

Meanwhile in New York City, 1989:

DXIV: I’m telling you, Integra, the food here is to die for.

Integra: If you say so. (looks skeptically at the large crowd swarming around the front entrance and inside of the foyer of the restaurant) I don’t think we’ll get a table here.

???: You would damned lucky if you can. (The couple turns to see a man in his mid-twenties standing next to a hardbody blonde waiting anxiously and vapidly looking around at the crowd).

Integra: Patrick Bateman, wasn’t expecting to see you until…

PB: Tomorrow at his (points to Daedaltheus) tribunal, I know. Therefore, you think that you can get a reservation here, please. I have been trying for months just to get a single seat at the bar.

DXIV: (smiles and turns to the host standing behind the counter) Hi, reservation for two.

Host: Name please.

DXIV: Daedaltheus Atriedes, party of two.

Host: (looks down the list) Ah, yes, reservation for two at nine, right this way, sir.

PB: YOU LOATHSOME SON OF A BITCH! HOW THE FUCK DID, YOU MANAGE TO…

DXIV: They always have a table for me at Dorsia. Ciao, Bateman.

PB: You’re a real asshole, you know that!

Integra: At least he’s not a serial killer.

PB: (looks nervous) Listen babe, I’ve got to go return some video tapes.

Daedaltheus and Integra sit down at the table, menus placed in front of them, Daedaltheus slipping the waitress what looks to be three hundred dollars and asks for drinks.

Integra: Managed to find your saboteur, yet?

DXIV: Not quite. The LeBouf lead proved to be a bust, and the footage was tampered with severely.

Integra: I see, so what does that mean for your investigation.

DXIV: I have top women working on it. (smiles but quickly draws to a frown as he gazes upon his lady friend) But they are not more top than you, my sweet darling of the night.

- Elsewhere just outside of a gas station –

Rip: (walking back to the car) So, I ask ze attendant if he know anything about ze man in ze box.

Asuka: And…

Rip: Says that his name is Solid Snake und he comes by ze area sometimes asking for money and ranting on about ze dog.

Asuka: And…

Rip: He says, go three blocks down und six blocks over by ze old GameStop.

- Five Minutes Later –

Asuka and Rip walk down an alleyway littered with various boxes and trash, as well as posters hanging about the brick clad walls of the neighboring buildings. On one poster is the Omni International Corporation logo, a single hand composed of dozens of smaller hands holding aloft the world, and others wanted posters for enemies of the state. The pair walked past the faces various characters, ranging from memorable to forgettable declared enemies during the Salvation. The two stopped when they came across a set of boxes, one with a reddish black robot with a specifically golden disc shaped head, shaking and jittering on about presumably nothing important. The other contained an aged old man in black and gray combat gear, though considerably faded with time.

Asuka: Huh, Snake and Alpha the fucking robot of Zordon in one nice package, this day just gets easier by the second.

Alpha: What do y…y…you mean by…by…that?

Rip: (BANG) Alpha, wanted on the crimes of annoyance and shear all around incompetence as well as contributing to rebel UN forces during the Salvation by appearing from your respective dimension. Crime according to the Ordinance of 1994, death.

Snake: (jumping out and making the alert noise) What the hell are you doing here! And where are my Cheetos?

Rip: Vat the hell?

Snake: Wait, you ain’t that dog.

Asuka: Jackpot (draws her pistol) so you are the one associated with the Brown Dog.

Snake: He brings me snacks!

Asuka: All the same, old man. Tell us where he is or at the very least where his base of operations is and we will let you go.

Snake: (leaps forward snatching the gun from Asuka and immediately turns on them) Ah no. I ain’t saying nothing to government spooks, haven’t since they let me go.

Rip: Vait, ve just vant some simple information, nothing more, nothing less, soldier.

Snake: And you, you seem all too familiar, even to this tired old dog.

Asuka: Rip, we have to do something or he’ll shoot us.

Snake: Yeah, you’re looking really familiar now, Rip Van Winkle.

Rip: I have an idea. Vozmozhno, vy pomnite , chto missiya yeshche v shestidesyatyye gody , tot, gde umer Bol'shoy Boss , pravil'nyy . (Perhaps you remember, that mission back in the sixties, the one where Big Boss died, right.)

Snake: Wait…

Rip: YA nazhal na kurok. YA vzyal yeye na prikazu moyego bossa , chtoby motivirovat' vas. (I pulled the trigger. I took her down on my boss's orders in order to motivate you.)

Snake: NO! (pulls the trigger as Asuka pulls out a knife and stabs Snake in the shoulder) AGH!

Asuka: (twisting the knife) Talk, now!

Snake: You killed Big Boss! You killed her!

Rip: She was a goddamned traitor and you know it.

Snake: She, she….

Rip: She betrayed you und if I hadn’t killed her, she would have killed you and the world would have devolved into a nuclear war.

Asuka: Now talk.

- Five minutes and some crying later –

Snake: He’s got no real base, just hops from here to there, always with that same woman.

Asuka: I see, so how can we track him?

Snake: Follow the path of crazy that should get you closer to him. Oh yeah, he does like to hang out around the In and Out Burger. He’s also got that AI thing that’s hardwired into his sunglasses so you might be able to track that using a unique tracking software that pings his unique AI signature using the satellites around any given planet.

Rip: (taking notes) Anything else?

Snake: He likes that TV show Supernatural.

Rip: Thank you for all of your help, Snake und sorry about your robot friend, he was a wanted criminal.

Snake: No worries, he was just kind of there.

The pair walk to the end of the alleyway but Rip stops just short, looking back at Snake, she unslings her rifle.

Rip: Tinker, tailor, solider, sailor – My bullet punishes all vithout distinction. (the single round bursts forward and twists around the alleyway before shredding the former spy’s body) Solid Snake, vanted for crimes against the State including espionage, treason, selling of secrets and attempting to overthrow the State in 1997.

Asuka: So what do we do now?

Rip: Easy, ve go to Glados and get her to the write the program for us.

Asuka: And then the hunt begins.

- Meanwhile in Russia, August 1979 –

Daedaltheus walks into a rundown yellow house where several figures wait for him, including one rather perturbed man in a finely tailored suit. The others included a short blonde man in a white suit, a blonde tall woman in a rather militaristic looking suit, a man in a lab coat and goggles, an alligator, and a penguin.

Councilman Swan: Gentlemen, let us call to order the RED Council and commune to order this tribunal.

Councilman Doctor Billy Horrible: The date is August 9, 1979, in the Strugatsky variant of Russia, located in the Zone.

Councilman Gummy: (blinks)

Councilman Patrick Bateman: We are here to commune the tribunal of the director of Division 42, also known as the Vault, for crimes against the organization and for violating the laws of the story.

Councilman Integra Fairbrooks Wingate Hellsing: Director, step forward and state your full name for the court to convene the tribunal.

DXIV: Daedaltheus Xenophon Ichabod Vladistov (XIV) Atriedes, Director of Division 42 of Read Extract Destroy, former assistant director and student to Sutter Cane.

Councilman Gunter: Wahn, wahn, whan wahn, wahn wahn. (Let us begin the trial of Daedaltheus).