Pony bound

by Shortcourt


Crew

“I thought you said you would kill me with one blow.” I snarled, blowing a string of mane out my face.

“Hmmm... that wasn’t a punch though.” He raised his fist as his lips pulled back into a smirk. “This is!”

My brows arched. Oh, I’m supposed to be intimidated by that? If a punt can’t finish Kaise, then one punch won’t hurt me. In fact, let me see how Kaise is coping with that kick.  

I looked across the room and spotted Kaise lying on the floor in a similar fashion to a drunk person who blacked out. Oh, who am I kidding? She is probably unconscious right now. I mean, that was a pretty sharp punt to the head.  His reflexes are really out of this world, no pun intended.

 Next thing I knew, he started rushing towards me with his fist wide out. My eyes widened as I spiked back onto my hooves. Out of this world or not, I’m not gonna let this bastard get the best of me.  I charged right back at him in an accelerated pace.  Finding an opening, I clenched my teeth and ran right between his legs at full speed. I didn’t look behind me and continued running until I was in Kaise’s distance, who was still knocked on the floor. I didn’t want to do this, but it’s all I can think of. I bowed my head and ran headfirst into the fallen pony.

*Boom*

"Ugh…” I moaned, opening my eyes to see Kaise directly under me. Okay, maybe this wasn’t the best idea, but at least I didn’t get caught.

“Hey Kaise, you okay?”

She sighed. “My nigga, if you don’t get off me...”

I obliged, wiping my fur off before I took to my normal posture again. I offered to support Kaise off the floor, but she slapped my hooves away. “What’s your problem?”

“Neva in your life run up on me!” she warned while recovering from the ground.

My eyes broadened as I spotted something uncanny in Kaise’s nostrils. “I think you’re bleeding.”

“Oh yeah?” Kaise wiped her nose gently. She then confirmed my suspicion shortly after by lifting her hoof up to show the blood soaked appendage in all of its glory.

“Damn…” I muttered.

Kaise averted her head from me and directed a malicious glare towards the alien in disguise. “OOOOO, now you fucked up!”

“Woah, such harsh language from a cute little pony…” he said mockingly.

“Don’t let the big eyes fool you, punk, because I will knock the kool aid out your mug!”

“Do it.”

 “Bet!” Kaise’s horn ignited as she levitated the closest object, which was a trashcan, in the air. She threw the miscellaneous at the faux man, in which he caught with his left hand, and threw it right back at Kaise’s direction.

“Shit!” Kaise grunted while jumping out of the way to dodge the flying storage of junk.

My eyes shot open when I saw him lope towards us.  Damn, I can’t get a little time to discuss the plan? “SPLIT UP!” I shouted, running from an opposite direction of Kaise.

“Huh?” Kaise mumbled in perplexity, staying glued on the floor. Before she could make sense of the situation, she was kicked into the wall… once again.

“Kaise!” I blew my cheeks out and stood straight, feeling my tail flick form all the impending exhilaration. I held my head down and charged straight at the man, who was still focusing on Kaise. The steady thump of my steps echoed in my ears as I felt my eyebrows instinctively furrow in determination.

“Take this you mother-ahh!” my sentence was cut short as I felt a fist stop me in my tracks. I then felt a tug on my tail, which then escalated to me being lifted from the ground. I had a split second view of the floor as I was thrown across the room shortly after.

“Really? You thought you could step in my square?” he snickered, shifting his attention to Kaise. “This is getting boring; I’m just gonna end this and I’m gonna start with the white one.” The alien was slowly but surely approaching Kaise, who was struggling to crawl away. Matter of fact, she couldn’t because he had her cornered.

I frowned. C’mon legs, move! 

“If you know what’s good for you, get away from me…” she said darkly.

“Or what? What are you gonna do? What can you do!?” He yelled while reaching out to Kaise’s face.

“Fuck off!” she shouted while slapping his hand away, a light blue flash suddenly encompassing her horn.  The flash didn’t only appear on her horn but also around the man’s body.  

“W-what a-are you doing?” he stuttered while looking around the room anxiously
.
Kaise’s only response was flinging his body at the wall in a lighting fast pace. He crashed into the wall in a similar fashion to a baseball player trying to catch a ball.

I blinked in bemusement. H-how did Kaise have enough magic to do that? “Damn, is he still moving or-“

I talked too soon as the blue aura surrounded the hospital bed. I squeezed my eyes shut and used my hooves to muffle my ears, priming myself for the noise of the hospital bed crashing that is soon to come.

*BOOOOOOOOM*

I slowly opened my eyes, seeing the bed that was once stationed on the floor now squashing the alien/man. I rubbed my eyes about three times to confirm that I wasn’t hallucinating.   Nope, I’m not.

The unicorn turned towards me and sticked me with giant bug eyes that mingled surprise and amusement. “I did that??”

I confirmed the question with a mystified nod. “Were you scared or pissed off?”

She shrugged. “Semi. I was mad shook the moment he touched my face, son. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like people touching my face.”

“How about when he kicked your face?”

“That’s different, son; it means he wants to hurt me. But touch? I’m not Alicia Keys: Don’t touch my body, face, teeth, stomach, etc…”

I facehooved. “You’re retarded.”

“Haters be like. What do we do now though? He’s gone, ain’t he?”

I shook my head. “Nope. If he died, he would have disappeared. Remember?”

“Oh… yeah, you right. So, why don’t we kill him?”

“Because we need to ask him a few questions.  After that, depending on how I feel, I might let him slide.”

She frowned. “What do you mean let him slide? Don’t tell me you’re thinking bout letting him live.” I scraped my hoof against the floor while turning my head, deciding to keep my mouth shut.  “You are aren’t you?” she said bitterly.

 I held my hooves out defensively. “C’mon Kaise, just think about the-“

“Think about what? You did many retarded things, but this tops it with a cherry. No, not a cherry: a goddamn apple!”

I chewed my cheeks in frustration.  “Your head is an apple! Look, take the alien out the equation and it’s a regular human being, okay?  Besides, if he tells us everything we need to know, we can find a way to save him…”

 “Look, I’m not dissing what you’re tryna do, but I’m not feeling it. If you don’t kill him, what you gonna do with him? You can’t run into shit and not expect to get shit stains. Do you  feel me?"

That was actually a good point. We can’t keep him here, and we definitely can’t keep him in this room. This is going from difficult to strenuous…

I shrugged. “Get the police?”

“You know how much I hate the opps.”

“C’mon, the police saved your pop’s life. Be more grateful.”

“Exactly! Fuck a coppa just because of that!”

I deadpanned. “Don’t say that, your pops is a good man, just confused. Anyways, scratch my plan because it might look weird if a bunch of cops come out of nowhere in the hospital.”

 “Exactly,” she sighed, “we might as well stick to my plan. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Cann weeee fixxxx it? NO WE CAN’T!” Kaise exclaimed, mimicking the melody of Bob the builder’s theme.

I held my hooves up. “Calm down you ass. I don’t know, alright? I’ll think of something. I’m just one person you know.”

We just stared at each other in awkward silence for the next few seconds, creating a taut environment. What makes it even tauter is Kaise’s bloody horn.  It would be crazy if blood miraculously enhances Kaise’s magic. Wait, that reminds me of something.  

“What do you want to do until he wakes up?”

She grimaced. “No one got time for that! Let’s just tie him up with something, than splash him with cold water."

Kaise exercising impatience is a good thing because I would have never thought of that. “Wow, you’re on point today.”

She winked. “Something light. Be honest, without me you would be nothing. I’m the glue that holds you together, the shoes that hold your feet, and I’m especially the one that keeps you in line.”

“I get it I get it, Kaise…”  I admitted shamelessly. “You’re my third eye, okay?”

Kaise cringed. “Third eye? What, are you apart of the Illuminati now? Fuck outta here!”
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After moving the bed off the man/alien, we rested him on the floor. Due to the lack of strings/ropes in the hospital, we weren’t able to tie him up and restrain him from moving. However, that doesn’t mean we didn’t think of a different way to restrain him.

Kaise walked over to the alien whilst levitating a cup of water. I slightly backed away from the fallen alien so no water would splash on my fur. Kaise released her magic, causing the cup to drop on his face with the water splashing all over it.

“Gah!”  he exclaimed while propping his head up instinctively. Good, now that he is up I can finally do what I’ve been itching to do.
I lifted my right hoof over his left kneecap and slammed into it with force. The sound of his bones cracking was heard as I rotated my hoof on the now cracked kneecap.

“Aihheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” he nearly squealed, but I quickly shoved my hoof into his mouth. Be it as it may, there are doctors and nurses around these parts. Can’t have them come in, can we?

Shh…calm down…” I said in an appeasing tone, feeling a laugh clouding in my lungs. Shortly after, Kaise replicated my action, and took out his other kneecap. To be honest, a part of me feels bad, but this is strictly business. He also nearly choked the life out of me, so yeah.

After waiting a few seconds, I removed my hoof from his mouth. “Ugh… where the hell am I!” he shouted while curling his fingers into a fist.

I took a step back just in case he planned to throw a punch. “You’re in the same hospital. Nothing changed, except you have to look up to us now.”

He smirked. “Oh yeah? That’s because I’m lying down, but when I get up I-AUGHHHH!”  He groaned in excruciating pain while pressing the same fingers he bawled into a fist to his lips.

“Don’t be a pissant and try to fight back. We took out your legs, so don’t make us take your arms next,” I muttered.

His lips still twisted into a smirk. “Aww, isn’t that cute? You’re going to try and get interrogate me, aren’t you?”

“Congratulations! You just proved to me that you alien pricks do have some life in that brain, or should I say that antenna of yours?” I sneered.

“I’m telling you you’re not getting anything from me. You can kill me if you want, haha! Don’t you know I don’t actually die? This body does, I can just take the form of someone else! So go ahead, kill me! I’m not afraid! Kill me! Kill me! Kill me!” he taunted.

 “SHUT UP!” Kaise yelled while striking him across the face.   “Damn, you talk too much.”

 “Heh heh… as you earthlings would say: U MAD BRO?”

My right eye twitched.  Now I am mad. Even though I hate memes with a fucking passion, I hate it even more when creatures that don’t even belong to earth use it! That’s it, I didn’t want to do it, but we’re getting information one way or another. If it doesn’t come from his mouth, then it will come out of his ass.   I smiled cynically. “Well, since you’re such a smart ass, I think you heard of the term ‘drop the soap’ yes?”

“No, I haven’t. Why?”

I started giggling like a kid who just received a dollar. “You sure? You aliens don’t wear clothes, so when you bend over you’re very vulnerable, right?”

“What?” his expression fell flat from bemusement.


“Shawn, you good, b?” Kaise queried.  I walked past the unicorn disdainfully, ignoring her question so I can provoke the alien further.

“You wanna play a game?” I asked the alien while accosting him.

“What game?”

“Sex. Anal sex,” I specified.

He smirked sardonically. “How you plan to do that, kid? I don’t think females have the equipment for that!”

 “No problem, because that one has a horn!” I said while pointing towards Kaise’s magic utensil.

“Who’s that one?” Kaise asked naively, in which I ignored again.

“Yes, a horn! It’s better, faster, and stronger!”

 “Hell no!” I inspected his face carefully, noticing the change of his expression. His once smug smile was replaced with a mask of fear that made the man’s eyes open so wide it almost matched the size of Kaise and mine. Haha, priceless!

“No? Great, now the game is called ass rape! Let’s start.”

He held his hands out in attempt to defend himself, but I slapped it away.  “I’m telling you one last time, tell us what you know. If you tell us, not only do you get to keep your butt free of foreign objects, you’ll get to keep this awesome human body! I’m sure you’ll scoop a few chicks with this body.”

“I don’t want to scoop any ugly cows walking on two feet!”

I frowned. “Insulting human females? My Mom and sister are females you slice of shit! Kaise, crucify his ass!”

Kaise looked at him and smiled creepily. “We were doing it this the easy way, know we’re doing it the Eazy E way! By the way, the E is for enema.”

His eyes bolted open as he struggled to back up, swinging his fists frantically. Kaise knocked his fists on the floor and step-, no, stomped on them. The sound of his bones crushing was heard as Kaise rotated her hooves on them.

“Ughhhhhhhhhh!” he nearly squealed while turning on his side instinctively, making it easier for Kaise to access his back.  

I snickered. “You know what’s good about horns? It’s so sharp it can penetrate through pants.”

His eyes flashed the moment ‘penetrate’ rolled of my tongue. “Okay okay, I’ll talk! Please don’t do it, man! You earthlings are sick, man!”
I smirked. “I thought so. Kaise, you get to ask him the questions because I don’t feel like it.”

 “Really?” she squeed. Next thing I knew, she put her muzzle in front of the fallen alien’s face with vigor. “Alright, chief, what color is my underwear?”

“Uhhh…”

Before he can respond, she decked him in the cheek. “Wrong! I don’t wear underwear, fool! They call me Commodore Perry because I’m always going commando!”

I facehooved. See, this why I can’t be nice. “Kaise, if you don’t stop messing around, you will soon be finding underwear up your ass cause I’m going to give you a wedgie so painful you will start walking like a penguin!’”

“Okay, zaddy, haha!” Kaise turned her attention to the frightened alien. “Ight, chief, what planet do you come from?”

“A planet that you won’t be able to find at all! It’s too deep, deeper than Pluto. If you can’t put it on your map, why should I tell you the name?” he responded with resentment, probably angry that U.S. didn’t recognize his tiny planet. Hey, it’s not our fault his planet, including him, never went through puberty.

 “Um, next question: Why are you taking people’s bodies? That’s retarded, bro. If you want war, why not use your real form and stop tryna frame innocent people?” Kaise catechized.

“Because, I’m sad to say it, but our real form is inferior to humans. We might be superior when it comes to intelligence, but anything else is a no.”

Intelligence?  Hah, not even in his dreams!  At least he admitted his species weakness though. It seems we aren’t going against such a strong enemy after all.

Kaise shot me a quizzical look before she went back to asking questions. “Okay, ya’ll wussies for that. That’s all I gotta say. Next question, why are people turning into ponies? I mean, I like being a pony and shit because of magic, but I still want to know why.”

“To be honest, I don’t know. All I know is it makes you humans weaker! Except the unicorns though, which is a good thing because the more unicorns we recruit in our crew, the easier it will be for us to take over this whole world!” a slight smirk smothered over his face. “It will be just like our home planet, just bigger!”

“Hmm… does your planet have any alcohol?”

“No, it doesn’t. Why?”

“Oh, because you sounded drunk for a second,” Kaise quipped. “You not taking over nothing, buddy.”

I rubbed my head in confusion. “So, you’re saying you don’t know why we’re ponies? Aliens need to be transplanted in a needle, but people turn into ponies naturally?”

“That’s because we control people. You ponies still got control, just different bodies. Hence the reason why a needle was created for ponies.”

I see.

“Okay, final question: Who’s ya leader?”

“Classified,” he muttered.

 “What do you mean classified?” I snorted.

“I mean classified because I can’t tell you! I don’t even know who he is. All I know is our objective, that’s it.”

“You dead ass? So you’re carrying out orders for someone you don’t even know? Son, your ‘leader’ prolly stole something from you and you’re still doing what he says!” Kaise pressed.

 “Yeah, just like you’re doing everything that yellow one says!” he retorted. “You probably will die for her!”

 Why do I have to be in this conversation?

“Of course I would, that’s my day uno. Unlike you, doing what next mon says and you don’t even know  they name!” she asserted. “You’re a sheep, bro. Mary had a little lamb, and her inbred sister had a sheep, a.k.a. you!”

“Fuck you, bitch!” he erupted.

“Ey, watch ya mouth.”

“You watch yours! Just because I’m on the floor doesn’t mean I’m gonna kiss your fat, smelly ass!”

“Fat smelly ass? Just because I don't have fingers don't mean it's not too late to give you a prostate exam!” she growled while lifting a hoof up.

I grabbed the risen hoof while it was in motion. “Calm down, Kaise. Don’t let this clown get you mad. He’s ashamed of his own species so he shouldn’t be talking.”

“You right. He’s a fake fuck, like a vibrator.”

"Haha!" I exploded with laughter. Perfect simile though.

“Haha, funny. Now that we’re done, what do you horses planning on doing with me?”

I scowled this time. “Stop with the smart comments, because it’s not too late to give you a prostate exam with a horn. Anyways, where is this pony crew you speak of?”

“Well, there are plenty. The main and closest one is in Manhattan.”

Manhattan? Wait a second, I remember something about a pony land on TV. Yeah, I saw a field of different ponies mingling. Is that what he’s talking about?

Kaise nudged me in the shoulder. “What he’s talking about, Shawn?”

“I’ll put you on later. But, I think we found out what we need…”

 “So, what about me?” The crippled alien inserted.

“Like you said, killing won’t hurt you right?” He nodded. “Well, nothing will happen. We’re just gonna leave you like this.”

“What am I gonna do?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know, what can you do? We broke all your vital body parts already. I mean, you still have your wiener, but I don’t think you can play with it without hands, no?”

Kaise looked at me with unease. “I don’t know, Shawn, I don’t think we should let him live. What if someone sees him?”

“And do what? What will they possibly do, huh? Besides, if we kill him, he will tell his whole squad about us.”

“You two are trapped either way. Just kill me because even if the man who lives in this body gets his soul back, he will be a cripple! I don’t think you want that!” he croaked.

I sighed. “He’s right though. We really did a hell of a lot to his body. Okay, Kaise, we can do it your way. But, I get to be the one that kills him since you got a few hits in already.”

“Go ahead. Remember, don’t cry like last time.”

I ignored the wisecrack and rubbed my hooves together, priming the surprisingly brawny yet soft things for some dirty work. “Any last words?”

“Yeah, I wanted to say that-“

I rocked him in the face before he can finish his sentence. I then wrapped my hooves around his head, gritted my teeth, and snapped his head to the left side of his neck, throwing his dislocated head on the floor shortly after.  Suddenly, Kaise used her horn to stab him in the back of the neck for extra measures. The small, deep hole that was created in his neck slowly started to drip purple blood, which began to leave stains on the ground. His eyes rolled to the back of his head as Kaise yanked her horn out his neck.

“Well,” I drawled, “that was a calm ass murder.”

“Indeed; rest in piss. Anyways, do you want to wait until the alien comes out of the body like last time or nah?”

Even though it sounds interesting, I rather not. I am really getting tired of this Allah damned room.   “Let’s just get outta here before someone enters the room. Even though we’re in the empty part of the hospital, there are still people downstairs,” I said.

 “Okay, but, we have a problem right now.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? I’m not Einstein, so I can’t solve that.”

“Stop playing with me! I can’t go in the hallway with blood on my horn! They gonna know there’s something up.”

“Okay, when Kurt Cobain killed himself, did anybody ask why?”

She gave me a look that implied I was crazy. “…No shit.”

“Did he answer?”

“He was dead, so no.”

“Exactly! So if anyone asks you what happen, don’t answer. Or, if you’re feeling blunt: Tell them mind they damned business!” I exclaimed.

“What the fuck type of analogy is that- ugh, never mind. I can’t do that, anyways. That’s disrespectful and mean.”

I deadpanned. “But you are disrespectful and mean, so it fits.”

“Hmm, ain’t that bullshit like a three dollar bill. You’re the one that blacked on that man for no reason last week,” she retorted.

I shrugged. “He was looking at me funny.”

“No, he was looking at you with interest!  You should be thinking of it as something positive, like they’re embracing you as art or something.”

I face hooved. “We're not criticizing me today! I forgot there is a sink in here, so just wash your horn off and call it a day!”

“Oh snap, I almost forgot!”

“Mmm hmmm, yeah. Like I said, ‘third eye.’”

“Like I said, I don’t worship no Illuminati so shut up with that third eye shit!” She pointed at her horn while continuing, “See this? This is white and represents angels, fool!”

“It looks purple to me,” I muttered.

“And the purple represents Kush! And yes, smoking Kush is Christianity at it’s finest. I’m tryna get high so I can reach God. The higher I get, the closer I am to my real father! I am-” Kaise stopped ranting  and sniffed. “Hey, what’s that smell?”

“It’s the alien. Apparently, it’s starting to die.”

“It smells good. I know what I'm eating for dinner...”

My countenance darkened. “You’re a disgusting fuck head.”
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