//------------------------------// // The Best in Spelunking Entertainment // Story: Appledashery // by Just Essay //------------------------------// “It's... It's...” Rainbow Dash squinted. Large rusted tanks filled an enormous cavern that stretched for well over fifty meters across. Underneath a series of horizontally cascading pipes, bathed in steam and errant vapors, several gruff canines pushed carts full of machine parts back and forth, retreating towards a compartment beyond a heavy door at the very rear of the place. In the meantime, thinner and more gangly canines shoveled heaps of coal into furnaces that powered the bubbling tanks. Rainbow's ears folded as she muttered, “It's a boiler room.” “Damn straight, it's a boiler room!” Iron Will grunted from where he and the petite pegasus squatted behind a heap of rusted junk. “Only the best place for a throwdown, if you ask Iron Will!” “Is that what we're gonna do?” Rainbow Dash asked. “'Cuz most of these dogs seem... I dunno... kinda buff.” “What?! Is the pint-sized pony scared?!” “Huh? No!” Rainbow Dash frowned. “I could take any one of these punks on—hoof to snout—no problem!” “Because if your feather dusters are trembling, prissy-pants, you can skedaddle on home and check yourself into the—” “Yeah, I get it! First Class into the Smackdown Hotel! Yeesh, you're almost as cliché as the tooth fairy.” “I've given motivational seminars to hundreds of thousands of ponies in packed-out stadiums between here and San Antonioats! And you know what's the most common thing I've noticed?!” “Eeeeeeeuuughhhh...” Rainbow Dash rolled and rolled and rolled her eyes. She slinked her neck back to limply gaze at him. “What?” “Ponies are afraid to take risks! But when they do, and they get a taste of assertiveness' pie...” He smirked. “They realize that it's just... too... sweet!” “I'm not afraid of taking risks... or pies!” “Hmmm... what about strudles?” “I just happen to know a thing or two about biting off more than I can chew!” Rainbow Dash squeaked. “Punk guards minding the slave pens is one thing. But this?” She gestured into the misty cavern looming beyond. “One slip-up, and it's Next Stop: Grand Central Coma.” “You know, I'm starting to like this guy,” Lancie whispered from her saddlebag. “It's like he's the one soul in Equestria who makes you look like a conservative chess player.” Rainbow Dash ignored him and said, “Look, can we at least lay down a plan?” “Iron Will... mmrrnngh... is not good at plans.” “Well, what the buck, dude?!” Rainbow squinted at him. “I thought you did bigflank seminars all the friggin' time. Y'know? Selling out stadiums between here and Los Santoats?” “San Antonioats.” “Whatever.” “That is... m-mostly the job of Iron Will's manager...” “Euggghhh...” Rainbow Dash face-hoofed. “Don't tell Iron Will you've never heard of the Muzzle of the South Jimmy Hay—” “Fine.” Rainbow Dash gestured. “I'll do the planning. Seems like Top Dog is located somewhere beyond the far end of this room. We gotta make our way there somehow. As much as I hate to give it up... nnnngh... I-I think it's best that you do the heavy hitting, okay, pal?” “Awww Tartarus yeah!” The minotaur punched his palm and smirked. “Just point and click, and Iron Will shall give the Stone Colt Stunner!” “You have any experience in fighting your way through crud of this magnitude?” “Iron Will once emptied a Manehattan bar full of drunken sailors. How about pint-size?” “I once kicked a dragon in the face and another time I single-hoofedly drove a giant basilisk and a slobbering cyclops out o their lair.” Iron Will blinked... then blinked again. “What?” “Uhmmm...” Iron Will nervously wrung his hands together. “About that last one... was it a handicap match or a triple threat?” “Ungh...” Rainbow Dash sighed and trotted forward. “Just follow me...”