February 13, 1:17 PM
Ponyville Detention Center
Visitor's Room
After a few hours at the court house, the trial had ended for the day to allow everypony involved in the case to get ready for the next day and they were all busy. Twilight Sparkle had to leave Ponyville to investigate the murder of Pinkie's uncle Shepard, Hope Ray had to get the details of the second murder declassified, and lastly, Star Cestus had to investigate the attempted murder of Apple Bloom.
After making a deal with Twilight, Cestus agreed that he would lean towards Twilight and the defense to give her an advantage, even though he's suppose to be working solely for the police and the prosecution. He put a lot at risk to do what he was doing.
Damn it fatcat. How did you talk me into this? Cestus asked himself. Oh right. Five hundred bits. I'm officially a dirty a cop, but at least I can't go any lower
Not willing to let his actions let him feel bad, Cestus got started on his investigation, and the first thing he did was speak with the defendant, Pinkie Pie. He had just brought her back to the detention center from the courthouse, so he was already able to start his interrogation before Hope or the other officers would arrive. Since Pinkie sat on the other side of the visitor's room with a sad look, Cestus had to start it off soft.
"Hey pal, what's wrong? You looked insanely happy at the trial earlier." Cestus said.
"Twilight left Ponyville without really talking to me that much. She was more interested with you." Pinkie answered.
She's being accused of murder and THAT'S what she's sad about? Cestus asked himself. "Look, she left town so she could look for some evidence to help you. She even has me to help you girls out. I'll even ask questions that I'm sure she would ask you."
"Oh! So it's going to be like talking Twilight? Or a guy version of Twilight?" Pinkie asked as she quickly got back her smile. "Alrighty then. Ask anything you want, Guylight!"
She certainly recovered fast, but something tells me I'll be the one needing recovering soon.
Since Cestus had a number of questions he needed to ask, he sat down, made himself comfortable, and got himself ready to talk to Pinkie. He found it weird how she was able to keep smiling as much as she did, but he didn't question it.
"You seem awfully happy for somepony on the verge of a death penalty."
"Meh. I've lived a good life. Have you?"
Note to self: Don't expect to get any real answers out of this mare. Cestus thought, feeling that he would have to be as detailed as possible. He began by taking out and showing his police badge to Pinkie. "I know we've already met, but lets be formal. I'm Inspector Star Cestus and I'm in charge of this case."
"Hi. I'm Pinkie Pie. I'm the defendant of the case." Pinkie said with a smile.
"Yes, I already...ugh...never mind. Look, don't tell anypony, but I'm going to see if I can help you and Twilight win the case, so if I ask you a question, I want you to answer me truthfully. Alright pal?"
"Yep."
There we go. She's odd, but thank heavens that she's at least simple minded. I should probably just ask simple questions. Cestus thought.
Cestus wasn't entirely sure where to start since there were so many mysterious and Pinkie was so random. He decided to start off casually so Pinkie wouldn't get intimidated, but he still kept it serious by talking about the crimes.
"So you're fairly certain that you didn't actually kill those ponies. You don't even look scared. Why are you so confident?" Cestus asked.
"Easy. I have the bestest best lawyer in the world." Pinkie said with glee. "After all, Twilight has never lost a trial in her life!"
"That's because she's only ever been in one trial before this one."
"It's still a perfect record." Pinkie said as she smiled with a squee.
She is technically correct. It's not the best kind of correct, but oh well. Cestus thought, but he quickly dismissed it to talk about something more important. "If you didn't commit the murders, then I guess you didn't try to murder the little girl either. Is that what you're claiming?"
"Apple Bloom? Never!" Pinkie Pie said as she lost her smile. "Applejack is like a sister. Well actually, we might even be sisters. Actually, I might be her forth cousin twice removed by a fifth cousin, but if that's the case, then Apple Bloom might by my forth cousin twice removed by a fifth cousin too, and I would never try to hurt family. Especially when they might possibly by a forth cousin twice--"
"ALRIGHT! ENOUGH!" Cestus shouted in anger. My Celestia, now I know how Prosecutor Hope felt when that old lady was on the witness stand.
As silly as Pinkie was being, between her claims and her trust in Twilight believed in, Cestus started to believe that Pinkie may of been innocent after all, but with the lack of evidence, he couldn't acknowledge it as a police pony. It didn't help that there was evidence that proved Pinkie really was at the crime scene.
"The owner of the farm, Granny Smith, saw you walking on the farm with the kid. And your so called sister three times removed or whatever saw you stabbing her too." Cestus explained. "Are you denying that you did any of that?"
"I don't know." Pinkie bluntly answered.
"It's hard to deny it. The evidence is...what do you mean you don't know?"
"It's actually the weirdest thing." Pinkie Pie said. As she talked on, she didn't try to put on a goofy face like she did before, showing that she really was willing to cooperate. "On the day I got arrested, which was when Apple Bloom got hurt, I was asleep for most of the day. I had a normal morning, but I suddenly got tired and didn't wake up until five. I went to bed early the night before, so I thought something was wrong with me."
"You don't say." Cestus said. So Pinkie Pie was asleep for most of the day. Very odd. I should keep a mental note about it.
Pinkie's nap: Pinkie was supposedly asleep during the time of Apple Bloom's stab attack.
Evidence is the only absolute way to prove something, but finding evidence alone will not help me. As the head of the investigation, I also need to use logic. If I keep oddities like this in mind, I should be able to find leads and evidence that I'd otherwise miss.
"Hey Mr. Star! Are you alright?" Pinkie asked. "You've been quit for a while now."
"Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about something." Cestus said. She must feel the same I do when I talk with Twilight.
Cestus was happy that he was making some progress, but he needed more information. Pinkie clearly didn't know anything about the crime, so he decided to next talk about the crime Pinkie claimed that she did know.
"You seem insistent that you poisoned the guard that was stationed here yesterday, even when it's clear that it was Applejack."
"No, I actually did do that one. The guy was a jerk." Pinkie said, but cestus didn't believe a word she said. "Sure, I talked with him a few times and he snuck a cupcake for me to eat, but he was still a jerk."
How come the guards that work for me don't give ME cupcakes? Cestus asked himself. "But this pesticide bottle was found at Applejack's home."
"Of course it was. It's HER pesticide. She uses it for work."
Okay, I walked right into that one. Cestus thought.
"Look, I know we're not at the trial any more, but if you want to, I can argue with you on how I'm the criminal and Applejack is innocent. Deal?"
"Hmm...as a matter of fact, that's a good idea." Cestus said in agreement. "Miss Pie, feel free to give me your testimony on why we should believe you."
"Huh? But we aren't at the trial anymore?"
"That's perfectly fine. You may not be under oath, but I am more than willing to listen to a testimony, by you, right now. If I see no contradictions in your logic, I'll surrender on the topic. Deal?"
"Oh yay! I only got to play witness once today, but Applejack got to do it three times!" Pinkie said, being surprisingly excited about the idea. "Okay Mr. Star. You have a deal."
Perfect. If I can prove that she couldn't of been the poisoner, maybe I'll find some new information.
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--Testimony: Why I'm the poisoner--
-I'm the poisoner because I'm the only one who was anywhere near the guard.
-I'm Pinkie Pie. You know I can get anything, do anything, and be anywhere.
-It's easy for me to smuggle in the poison, pore it on the apple, and kill anypony who eats it.
-And that's why I'm your girl!
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"See? Isn't it obvious?" Pinkie asked.
Cestus nodded in agreement. "Yes. It is very obvious that you are a big fat liar."
"Hey, you said you would give up!"
"Only if I didn't see any contradictions. If I may, I'd like to share you my rebuttal."
Pinkie began to laugh at the word Cestus used, once again making light of he situation. "Re-butt-al. Wait, what's a rebuttal?"
"It's an argument. It's like when Twilight corss-examined you. After you give me your statement, I'll try and counter it with one of my own. As it so happens, I've actually found a flaw in your testimony."
"Oh, so now you're going to expose the truth? Cool. Let's hear it!"
Does she realize that what I'm going to do is will call her out on her lie?
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--Rebuttal--
-I'm the poisoner because I'm the only one who was anywhere near the guard
HOLD IT!
"You make it sound like you were the only one in a jail cell that day." Cestus said.
"That's because I was. Ponyville has a strong empathize on community, so crime is fairly low." Pinkie explained. "In fact, anypony who would have to go to an actual prison I think has to be sent somewhere else."
[It seems that every moment I spend here, I'm given more reasons to move. Yet again, no crime means no work for a cop. Cestus thought. "Alright, so crime isn't a typical issue. But that doesn't explain why or how you could try and hurt somepony without a reason."
"Oh, that's easy." Pinkie Pie said, which was followed by a giggle.
-I'm Pinkie Pie. You know I can get anything, do anything, and be anywhere.
HOLD IT!
"With that logic, you could easily be the killer I've been after for the last six months." Cestus said.
Pinkie had to brainstorm from Cestus's argument. The more she thought about it, the more she agreed with it. She began to ponder about some things, but Cestus didn't like where she was going.
Shoot! I almost forgot that I'm suppose to be HELPING her! Cestus thought as he got angry with himself. "Never mind! Forget what I just said! NO! Don't literally forget everything I said!"
As Cestus began to panic, Pinkie started to look at him funny. "You're a really weird pony, you know that?"
AAAAGGGHHH!!!
Before he could punch himself out until he was unconscious, Cestus got his act back together and allowed Pinkie to continue her testimony. He was only one step away from exposing the contradiction, which he was thankful for since he was afraid of making another mistake. It goes without saying that arguing with Pinkie can drive anypony mad.
-It's easy for me to smuggle in the poison, pore it on the apple, and kill anypony who eats it.
FREEZE!
After shouting out his version of the usual "objection", Cestus called out on Pinkie's logic with utmost confidence. "Sorry pal, but you're way off there."
"I've been told I'm off in many ways. Can you be more specific?" Pinkie asked.
This girl ain't right. Cestus thought, feeling bad for Pinkie. "Ahem. What's off is that you said you covered the entire apple with the pesticide used to poison it.
"Yup. Best way to make sure it gets eaten, right?"
"Exactly." Cestus said in agreement. "But if that's the case, there would've still been a bit after it was eaten, much like Twilight argued in court earlier. But if there really was poison on the apple, why would you willingly eat it?"
As Cestus countered Pinkie's argument, the mane on her head briefly jumped off of her head before landing back on, despite the fact that she wasn't wearing a wig or anything.
"Tell me Miss Pie, how did you survive getting poisoned when the guard had to get hospitalized?" Cestus asked. "Please. I want to help you. Me helping you means Twilight is helping you."
While Pinkie smiled at Cestus, she was sweating like she ran a marathon. She had a secret she wanted to keep, but she didn't know how to hide it much longer. She eventually realized that since Cestus was putting in so much effort her and Twilight and became a little more cooperative. A little.
"Now I still insist that I tried to poison that guy, BUT, I think I know why I lived." Pinkie said. "It's because I'm--"
FREEZE!
"I swear by the name of Princess Luna, if you say something like "Because I'm Pinkie Pie", I will--"
OBJECTION!
"That's only half of the reason. To be perfectly honest, I eat that pesticide all the time!"
Note to self: Have Pinkie serve jail time at a looney bin. Cestus thought. "Alright, now you have more explaining to do, and while I know I'll regret saying this...please explain in full detail."
"Well..." "Pinkie said with a smile. "I don't usually eat any apples other than those at Sweet Apple Acres since they get SO big, juicy, and delicious that eating anything else just taste like bleh. On top of that, they grow hundreds, if not thousands of apple trees and I could just eat them all! Especially the Apple family's personal orchard, but I know I can't eat those."
Times like this, I wish we Equestrian cops were allowed to wield guns. Cestus thought. "Alright pal, what does this have to do with you and the poison?"
"Applejack's personal apples are SOOOOO big and yummy looking, but I know I can't eat it because then Applejack and her family wouldn't have any food themselves. So I instead lick their apples. The apple skin tastes so good. Though it could've been the chemicals from the pesticide they used. or maybe both! Or maybe its from the gum I chew on when I lick them."
I want to shut her up so badly, but I REALLY don't want a repeat of the Blueblood incident. Cestus said, suffering more and more from each of Pinkie's words. However, there was a glorious light at the end of the tunnel of questioning. "Wait, are you telling me that you regularly ingest the pesticide?"
"Yep. I got sick a few times and had to get my stomach pumped once, but it's worth tasting those apples." Pinkie said.
"Interesting." Cestus said calmly, finally having an understanding on Pinkie's situation. "While I have a friend who can make a detailed list on why it's NOT worth getting your stomach pumped, it appears that you have somehow built an immunity to this type of pesticide. How you haven't died before that though is still a mystery."
"Meh. I'm Pinkie Pie. It's normal." Pinkie answered as she shrugged.
Pesticide has been updated
This won't exactly help me since it all it means that the pesticide can't hurt her. As long as I can actually use this information, I should be able to get my pay. Cestus thought. Oh, and we'll be able to get Pinkie off the hook too.
Since Cestus couldn't think of any more questions to ask where he would expect to get a clear answer from, he decided to get up and get ready to leave to continue his investigation elsewhere. He hoped to find a witness who was a bit more "normal" than Pinkie Pie.
"Well, I need to get out of here, pal. So many ponies to question and so little time."
"Okie Doki--" Pinkie began to say, but gasped loudly before she finished. "Wait! Can you do me a HUGE favor?"
"I guess...or maybe I shouldn't." Cestus said, being afraid of the favor. "What is it?"
"Ever since Applejack got here, she's look really, REALLY sad." Pinkie said. As she brought Applejack up, she began to look sad since she felt bad for her friend. "She looks naked without her trademark cowgirl hat. Think you can find it for her?"
"Ehh, she probably has a closet full of them." Cestus answered.
"Please? PLEASE!?" Pinkie asked. "Please, please, please, PLEEEEESE!?"
I'm not even going to fight this. But she really seems to want to help Applejack, even though Applejack tried to kill her. I guess I've been really hard on her. Cestus thought as he began to feel bad for Pinkie. "Alright. I'll keep an eye out for it."
Applejack's hat was added to the evidence.
"Oh thank you, Mr. Star! If I could, I'd hug you! OH! Or maybe I'll make you a cake. NO WAIT! A party! After I throw a party for getting released, I'll throw a party for you helping me! And if you decided to move to Ponyville, I'll throw you a welcoming party, and then I'll throw a party for..."
I think I'll just leave now.
With Pinkie Pie preoccupied with party throwing plans, Cestus began to slowly sneak away from her so that he could leave and get starting on the actual investigation. He suspected that by the time he would leave, Pinkie would still be talking up a storm.
As he left the visitor's room and made his way to the exit, he walked into a pony he didn't expect to see so soon. As he tried to leave, he saw Twilight Sparkle walking into him.
"Twilight? What are you doing back so soon?" Cestus asked.
"Ah! Inspector! Yeah, I just wanted to ask Pinkie Pie something important." Twilight answered.
"Well you better ask quickly before Prosecutor Hope gets here. I'll see you when you get back."
Cestus had a busy day ahead of him, so he couldn't stay behind to talk to Twilight anymore. He learned something new about a piece of evidence, promised to look for a hat, and even had a mental note of something worth thinking about. Since he plan was to investigate the stabbing, he decided the next course of action was to check out the crime scene.
He hoped something was missed at Sweet Apple Acres, but if something wasn't, things would not look good for Pinkie Pie, which in turn would not look good for Twilight, which in turn would not look good for him. On top of all that, he had to keep it a secret that he was favoring the defense. One little mistake and he would be useless to Twilight.