//------------------------------// // 2. Starswirl the Heavy-hoofed (revised) // Story: Starswirl the Short-sighted // by Tired Old Man //------------------------------// 2. Starswirl the Heavy-hoofed (revised) Nononononono it is NOT fine! I regret everything! A cacophony of animal sounds echoed as a literal zoo of animals stampeded behind me. I tore through the hallways as fast as my legs could carry me, and above me two princesses laughed and laughed at my misery. It was my first day tutoring at the castle. I went to their bedroom to take them to a classroom I set up just down the hallway. Two desks, a blackboard, some rudimentary and advanced textbooks, everything I needed to teach these two some good old-fashioned magic. Only it seemed they performed their own magic trick by vanishing when I came to their room. It took me about twenty minutes to finally find them in the gardens, greeting all the animals. Did I say ‘greeting’? I meant ‘getting them riled up and irritated’ then turning them loose on me, turning me into nature’s punching bag. The birds that kept up with me decided to peck at me like I was a mobile birdfeeder. I almost felt my hind legs being stepped on by the deer chasing me… and was that a rhinoceros? Where did they even find one of those? Stop monologuing and keep running! I took a left turn at a split in the hallway and hugged the wall, seeing all manner of animals as they ran past me and deeper into the castle. I breathed a sigh of relief before casting my eyes upward at the two deviant sisters snickering above me. “You two… are nightmares,” I said as I caught my breath. “Aw, lighten up Starswirl! This is only the first act!” Luna said. “I don’t want to see the rest of the acts, and you two need a magic lesson THIS INSTANT!” “Well, what are ya gonna do? Make u--” Celestia began. I decided to shut both of them up by grasping both of them with my magic. “Hey! Let us go!” Celestia pleaded. Now it was my turn to smirk. “If you two actually bothered to study your magic, you might be able to on your own. Until then, I’ve got you right where I want you. Now, come along,” I said as I hovered the two down and next to me as we made our way toward the classroom. “But what about the animals we set free?” Luna asked. I stopped, then sighed and took in a deep breath before screaming, “HEEELLLP!” A few unicorn servants showed up almost instantaneously. Damn, Tidus wasn’t joking. They do show up fast. “Yes, sir? Is there a problem?” a servant asked. “These two decided to let the garden animals loose inside the castle. Do you think you could handle that while I handle them?” I stressed the last word heavily in reference to Luna and Celestia. “Of course, Starswirl.” With that, the servants tore down the hallway I pointed down where the animals went, leaving me alone with my two impromptu prisoners. Wait, I didn’t tell them about the rhinoceros… Eh, they’ll be fi-- “AAAAGH! My ass! My beautiful flank!” Somepony screamed from down the hallway. Just pretend you didn’t hear that, Swirl. “Are they going to be okay?” Luna asked. “Gods, the pain! The insufferable pain!” “...maybe.” “You’re not going to help them?” Celestia asked. “AGH! I-I think it pierced my spleen!” “If I help them, then who’s going to watch you two?” “We don’t need to be watched!” Luna complained. “To the contrary, you just set a horde of animals loose inside this castle.” “Yeah, but that was meant for you!” “Isn’t anypony going to get me off of this thing?!” “And what, you planned on putting the animals back when you were done having your fun? Pray tell, how did you think you could manage that when you can’t even break free of my magical grasp?” Luna opened her mouth to retort, but soon closed it, realizing my point. “I thought so. I’ll be telling your mother and father about this later, and they’ll decide on an appropriate punishment. For now, you two are going to learn magic.” I left the servants to their duties and walked down the branch to the classroom. It was a longer trip thanks to the detour, but I’d rather not subject these children to a poor pony’s sudden and horrific intimacy with a rhino. Despite my grasp, they still struggled to break free. I saw small flashes of light as their horns tried to cast some magic, any magic to get themselves free. Failing that, they flailed their legs and wings about, as if physical effort was enough to break them out. It was almost too cute to watch. Almost. I flung the door open with a hoof and plopped the two down into their seats before shutting the door and sealing it with my magic. A silver glimmer hovered around the door, signifying my spell was complete as I finally freed Celestia and Luna. “Now then, are you two going to give me any more trouble, or do you actually want to learn today?” They both huffed and crossed their hooves, laying them on the desk. Well, it’s a start. Not. Might as well try anyway. I walked up to the blackboard, holding some chalk with my magic as I scrawled the word “LEVITATION” on it. I made sure to make the chalk grate a little bit  to hurt their ears and keep their attention. I took my revenge in small steps. “Levitation. One of the most basic, if not one of the first spells unicorns learn. Do either of y--” I felt a small object hit me in the back of my head. I turned around, only to see the both of them looking away, whistling all the while. “As I was saying,” I continued through slightly gritted teeth, “do either of you know the spell?” “Of course we do!” Luna started. I gave her a knowing grin. “Oh? Well then, I’ve a little surprise for you.” I moved behind my desk and reached into a large duffel bag, pulling out ten different-sized black cylinders. I set them all in a row on the desk, in order of smallest to largest. “Why don’t you try lifting one of these up, Princess Luna?” She looked at the cylinders for a brief moment before saying, “Hah! Why should I lift only one? They’re all so small, I could lift them all easily!” “Really? Then go ahead and do so,” I said, my grin widening even further. A deep royal-blue glow surrounded her horn, and a similarly colored haze fell upon the ten cylinders I set on the desk. Luna craned her head upward while focusing intently on trying to move the cylinders, but none of them budged at all. She gritted her teeth and strained even harder to move them, but to no avail. Little beads of sweat trickled down her face. Finally, she released her grip on the cylinders, wheezing and panting. “What… is with… those things… you old coot?” “The name is Starswirl, Luna,” I corrected. She huffed and turned her head away. Celestia, on the other hoof, looked upon the cylinders with fascinated eyes that belied her earlier actions. “Those aren’t ordinary cylinders, are they?” “Why, that’s exactly right! How observant of you, Celestia.” My praise earned me my first genuine smile from her (at least, I thought it was). I smiled back as I continued, “These cylinders, while weighing little more than a few grams to a kilogram, have been magically altered to react to levitation spells. While levitating an object in the air makes it seem like it defies gravity, it doesn’t. You’re merely countering gravity by applying a constant force of your own to counteract it.” I levitated the ten cylinders in front of me with ease, causing both of their jaws to drop to their desks. “In regards to these cylinders, they amplify the strength of gravity around them when they’re magically handled using levitation. For each unicorn, the maximum strength of their levitation is normally determined using these.” “Whoa, so you can hold up all of them at once? Did you do that the first time?” Celestia inquired. “Oh, heavens no! I could barely hold up the third-smallest in this set. But with practice, patience and diligence, one can lift all ten of these with ease… and you two will need to bear much more weight than these little cylinders someday.” “What do you mean? Tell us! We demand it!” Luna yelled. “Only if you say please.” Luna fidgeted in her desk, clearly wanting to do something other than that, be it fleeing or throwing something at me again. “...Starswirl, please tell us,” she finally said, with a hint of defiance in her words. Oh, the joys of being an elder pony. “Thank you, Luna. What I meant by that statement is that you two will need to control the sun and moon one day.” “WHAT?!” they screamed in unison, almost blowing my ears out. I shook my head to clear it of white noise before continuing, “Yes, our very sun and moon. You didn’t know that your mother and father were responsible for ensuring that days pass in the land of Equestria?” “Well, we knew that…” Celestia said after a pause, “But we never thought we would have to do that ourselves someday.” I blinked a few times before raising an eyebrow. “And why not? You two are princesses, heirs to the throne of the king and queen of Equestria! What, did you think your parents were going to control the sun and moon forever?” “...yes?” I sighed. “What if something were to happen to them, and they can’t perform their royal duties? Say, they both get very sick and can’t move the celestial bodies. Whose shoulders does the burden fall on then?” I heard the gears spinning in their heads as they came to the answer I knew they’d reach. “Us,” they said together. “Precisely.” I nodded sagely. “There will come a day when this happens, and you two will need to be ready for it. You won’t know when it will come. You might not even know why it came. But on that day, you’ll need to do what you must to ensure that the sun rises and the moon falls, or vice versa.” They both shifted uncomfortably in their seats. “I know this is a hefty burden to bear, my students, but it is better that you have a grasp on your magic before this happens. This is why I am here. Your parents put me in charge regarding your magical studies because they have foreseen this eventuality, and want you two to be prepared for it. Do you understand?” “Yes, mister Starswirl,” they both said after a pause, their eyes downcast to the desks. The mood in the room turned very somber, and seeing those two look so downtrodden was something I wasn’t used to. I mean, all I knew of them was pranks, smiles, and laughter as their usual selves, but this? I didn’t want this. Acting quickly, I hovered the weights again and spun them around the fillies in a figure-eight pattern. Their eyes immediately lit up again as I intricately twisted the weights with my magic, bringing back the smile I saw from Celestia, and earning one from Luna as well. My smile completed the picture as their happiness brought out my own. Keep them smiling, Starswirl. Don’t forget to smile yourself, especially if they can’t. I spun the weights around a bit faster, and began to toy with them with little acrobatic stunts. Their smiles only grew. You don’t want to see those sad faces again. Hold your tongue lest their sour moods reappear. Satisfied that they were happy, I set the weights back down on my desk. “Now then, let’s get started with your levitation lesson.” And most importantly of all: Remember that they’re children. ~~~ I retired to my bedroom shortly after the lesson ended. Much to my surprise, the sisters were actually quite obedient after I told them about the responsibilities they were to bear someday. For the most part. There were moments where I almost blew my hat off my head, but those moments were few and far in between. I sat at my desk, heavily occupied with the lesson plans I had to sort out for the week, setting aside much more time for the lessons than I previously thought after today’s antics took place. A rather forceful knock at my door preceded the arrival of Queen Aura, who had a rather flustered and annoyed look on her face. Her mane was slightly unkempt, with a few strays fighting against the flow of her golden hair. She greeted me with a soft smile. “Good evening, Starswirl.” “Good evening, Queen Aura. How are the little troublemakers faring?” I asked, setting aside my lesson plans as I did so. “Confined to their room for the evening.” She took a moment to pause before continuing, “They... had a few choice things to say about your handling of them during the lesson today, and some of it concerns me.” I crossed my hooves. “Oh? And what might those concerns be?” “Putting a cap on Luna and Celestia and forcing them both into opposite corners.” I laughed. “They didn’t tell you why I did that? They almost started a fight because both of them lifted the exact same amount of weight and claimed that they were stronger than the other over a few measly centimeters in height difference!” Suddenly she chuckled, and it unsettled me. “They called you, and I quote, ‘Meanbeard the Maleficent’.” My eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. “M-Meanbeard?!” Now that’s just low. My beard is magnificent! “Well, besides the silly name, it makes me wonder just how you’re treating our daughters.” “And what are your concerns regarding that?” “Levitating them into the classroom by force,” she said. I blinked. “How is that something to be concerned about? King Tidus authorized me to use whatever means necessary to get them into the class so long as it didn’t harm them, and levitation’s practically the least harmful spell I could have used to do so.” “I know, Starswirl.” She turned her head to the side. “Still, I must ask: Do you want to drag them into that classroom every single day like that?” “If it means they get to learn, then yes,” I bluntly stated. “I was brought in as a tutor, and I will teach them magic, Queen Aura.” She turned her head forward, facing me again. “Then may I make a request?” I nodded. “Certainly.” “Don’t do that ever again unless you absolutely must.” I blinked. Ten times. “...What?” “I know my daughters, Starswirl. They hate being dragged into things they don’t want to do, and I’m afraid that if you keep doing so, you’ll push them away eventually, and they won’t wish to learn from you anymore. “And while I understand the lesson went well thanks to your entertaining enthusiasm, I fear that will fall short one day, and you’ll pay the price for it when it comes should things continue as they are. Do you understand?” I sat there in silent contemplation, not entirely sure what she had asked of me. She wanted me to not be forceful in administering my lessons, yet that was the only way I was able to get them in the classroom today. So… how did she expect me to teach them, then? “Then do you have some alternative in mind?” She nodded. “What drew ponies in to watch your show?” I cocked my head at the question. “What do you mean?” “What was your draw, your big appeal that brought spectators to your show, Starswirl?” I grinned, and recited with gusto, “The promise of magic the likes of which they’ve never seen! To be entertained like no other has before! To be bedazzled, bewitched, and bespectacled by magic, pure and at its finest.” She giggled. “You said that at your last show too… and it’s also the other reason we chose you, Starswirl.” I grin stopped, and my face had a genuine look of curiosity upon it. “It is?” “You drew in your crowds not by force, but with the promise of entertainment. The reason our daughters enjoyed your lesson, despite their name-calling, was because of that. Entertainment. “So please do that, and only that, whenever you can. Do more than just teach them. Promise to entertain them, Starswirl. I know it’s not part of your job, but...” She trailed off, and let the silence linger. I looked down at my desk. This time, while I knew exactly what she wanted me to do… but I wasn’t sure I could do it. Not with how out-of-control those two are. “...I’ll need some time to think about it.” She nodded. “I understand. In that case, I’ll leave you to your thoughts, Starswirl.” She turned to the door and walked toward it, but stopped just after opening it. “Good night.” “Good night, Queen Aura.” And with that, she shut the door, leaving me alone in the room to dwell on, to me, a very difficult task. ~Luna~ “Ouch!” My sister stubbed her hoof on a corner. Again. For the fourth time! “Tia, be careful! We’re trying not to get caught you know.” She just flashed me a sheepish smile and nodded silently. Ugh, she is such a klutz! I rolled my eyes before checking the hallway for those frilly maids and shiny guards, just in case Meanbeard had any protection. Nopony in sight. Perfect. “Are you ready, Tia?” I asked. “You know it, Lulu.” I slowly opened the door to Starswirl’s bedroom, because Tia’s a clumsy chicken and I’m super-stealthy quiet-- CREEEAAAK I winced at the sound the hinges made. Stupid Lu! Now you’ve blown it! However, it made no noise comparable to the intense snoring coming from the bed. I couldn’t believe it, but Meanbeard made more noise at night than our father. My sister and I quietly trotted over to the side of the bed. I made Tia take a wider route; if she stubbed her hoof on the bed frame, we were done for! The snoring only grew louder as we approached, forcing my ears to splay back. Wow, he snores so loud I can feel it in the air. And that’s when I knew we were in the clear. A swift flap of our wings, and we were on the bed looking at our target. Sleeping peacefully, but loudly. Well, we’re going to fix that. I turned to face Celestia. “Do you have the set?” She nodded, and her faint yellow glow lifted a box up and onto the bed. My makeup set, a gift from our mother. It was half the size of us, and almost as dark as me. I loved it, and used it mostly to make Tia and I pretty, but tonight was different. I opened it to sift through the contents. Everything was there, just as I had left it. I grabbed a tube of rouge lipstick and teal eyeliner while Tia reached for a blush brush and a few tubes of sparkly glitter. “Are you ready, Tia?” I asked as my tools hovered over Meanbeard’s dumb, snoring head. Hers soon followed. “Let’s do it, sister. Let’s put a smile on his face.”