On a sunny afternoon in the quiet town of Ponyville, the Batmobile tore through the Everfree Forest, smashed through fifteen apple trees in Sweet Apple Acres and crashed into Sugarcube Corner where it finally came to a stop. Everypony managed to dodge out of the way at the last moment and now stood staring at the hulking black metal form as smoke issued up from the crash site, filling the air with the scent of cupcakes, muffins and gunpowder.
In less than thirty seconds, the area around the store became populated with almost one hundred ponies, each questioning their friends about the mysterious vehicle and its origin. A few pegasi ran inside Sugarcube Corner and came back out right away. They told the crowd they found nopony amidst the rubble. Amongst the crowd walked the pony Twilight Sparkle along with her dragon assistant Spike. She turned to him and quickly relayed a message.
“Oh my gosh! Spike, take a letter! Tell Princess Celestia there’s been an accident!” She detailed the scene as Spike wrote down every word, rolled up the parchment he was writing on, and breathed fire over it. The scroll dissipated into the air as Twilight stood in front of the crowd and kept herself between the wreckage and the worried Ponyville citizenry. “Attention everypony! Stay away from the wreckage! We have no idea if this is some sort of meteor or new technology we haven’t seen before…”
There was a roar of rage from the wreckage as the top of the Batmobile jettisoned off and flew through the air. A certain green pony by the name of Lyra stood next to her house as she gazed in horror at the spinning debris flying her way. There was a flash of movement as a rainbow fire-trail streaked across the ground. Lyra was pushed out of the way just-in-time as the debris hit the house, set it ablaze and started spreading rapidly through the hay-roofed structure. Rainbow Dash stopped nearby with Lyra in her arms. The green pony gasped in shock. “My house!”
“What?” Rainbow Dash said, “That thing wasn’t even on fire when it hit.” Dash put Lyra down, tore off into the sky and came back with a rain cloud which she halted over the house. She began stomping on it as rain poured down and put out the fire.
The ponies turned away from the subdued blaze to witness an imposing dark figure standing in the gap of the wreckage. A cape billowed ominously behind him, though there was no wind. A Kevlar suit, painted black, covered the body of the stranger, complete with boots as dark as night and gauntlets edged in blades. A cowl concealed the face, save for the eyes and mouth. Eyes which now stared unblinking at the pony crowd in front.
“Who are you?” Twilight Sparkle asked.
“I’m Batman.”
The dark, very deep, very low grizzly voice took everypony by surprise. They all took a step back as the stranger stepped forward and stood several feet taller than all of them. “You’re all in terrible danger,” he said. “Last night, the Joker escaped Arkham Asylum and made his way here. If we don’t find him fast, he’ll launch a nerve gas which will cover all of Gotham City in poison, killing everyone.”
“Who’s the Joker?” Dash asked.
“Where’s Gotham City?” Twilight Sparkle asked.
“My house is still on fire!” Lyra shouted. A tiny flame had re-ignited and swelled into a raging fire. Batman pulled out his grapple gun, launched it at the roof, wrapped the cable around the bulk of hay and retracted the burning mass back towards him at a frightening speed. With one swift move, he laid waste to the fire with a single punch of fury.
“WHAT?” Rainbow Dash asked as the tiny cinders fizzled out. “HOW? WHA…Nopony can punch out a fire!”
“I’m Batman.”
“I know who you are! But that was impossible!”
“Hold on, Rainbow Dash. Let him speak,” Twilight Sparkle said. “Could you explain why you think this Joker is here in Ponyville?”
“The Joker is a master of deception. He can disguise himself with incredible skill should the need arise. He’s hiding here, somewhere amongst this crowd.”
The ponies looked around and began talking in worried tones. Dash shook her head. “Hold on. Wait a minute. Is this Joker just like you?”
“HE’S NOTHING LIKE ME!”
“Whoa, whoa. No, I mean…tall, like you. And…not a pony.”
“He could be anything.”
“What is he, a shapeshifter?” Dash asked. “It’s impossible that a ‘not-pony’ as big as you could hide in this crowd.”
A voice shouted out in anger from the back of the crowd. “What in the hay happened to all muh apple trees?” An orange pony by the name of Applejack stomped to the front of the crowd as her brother Big Mac, lil’ sister Apple Bloom and grandmother Granny Smith trailed angrily behind her. Applejack threw her cowboy hat down onto the ground in front of her as she opened her mouth to speak, only to stare wide-eyed at the visage of the masked crimefighter standing before her. “What in tarnation is this?”
“I’m Batman.”
“We. KNOW!” Dash said in frustration. She looked around the crowd. “Hey…where’s Fluttershy? And Rarity? And Pinkie Pie? I don’t see them here. You think everypony would be drawn to this sight!” The crowd began to look around for any sign of the missing ponies. When they turned back to the wreckage, the Bat was gone.
---
Rarity and Pinkie Pie hugged Fluttershy as she cowered on a couch in Rarity’s boutique. “I don’t wanna go out there! It sounded like an earthquake hit!” Fluttershy said as she shivered.
“My dear, you’re exaggerating,” Rarity said. “But if you keep shivering here none of us will be able to go outside and check. I don’t want to leave you alone, Fluttershy, since you almost fainted. I worry about you.”
“Oh Fluttershy,” Pinkie Pie said as she hugged her friend close. “Does Auntie Pie need to sing you a song?”
“We’re not related…”
“…cause I know the perfect one!” the pink pony leapt off the couch and started into her song.
When I was a little filly and the sun was going downnnnnnn
“Umm…it’s okay, Pinkie,” Fluttershy said. But Pinkie continued.
The darkness and the shadows they would always make me frownnnn
“Let her sing, sweetheart,” Rarity said. “Maybe it’ll make you feel better.”
I’d hide under my pillow, from what I thought I’d saw
But Granny Pie said that wasn’t the way to deal with fears at all.
Fluttershy and Rarity started to smile as Pinkie moved to hug them both.
She said “Pinkie, you gotta stand up tall. Learn to face your fears.
You’ll see that they can’t hurt you. Just laugh to make them disappear!”
Ha! Ha! …ARGH!
Pinkie froze with an expression of shock as Batman stood next to her, his eyes searing with a rage the likes of which nopony had seen since Nightmare Moon.
“JOKER!” he yelled as Fluttershy squeaked in fear. Rarity’s mouth hung wide open.
“Who?” Pinkie asked.
“WHERE’S THE LAUGHING GAS!” Batman asked. The intensity of his voice caused Pinkie to shrink to the floor. After a moment of giggling, she stood up and started laughing.
“Oh, silly! I don’t use laughing gas! I’m naturally happy! It’s all thanks to my friends…” she said as she turned to look at Rarity and Fluttershy only to yelp in surprise at the sight of Batman now standing behind her. She glanced quickly back and forth around the room, but there was only one Bat. “Did you girls see how he did that?”
“Yes,” Rarity said, “But I’m too terrified to describe it!”
“Eep!” Fluttershy added.
“TELLMEWHATIWANNAKNOW!” Batman yelled incomprehensibly.
“Um…what?” Pinkie asked.
“WHEREISITJOKER? WHERESTHELAUGHINGGAS?” he continued.
“I…I don’t understand you.”
“ARGH!” he grabbed the pink pony by the shoulders as she froze.
“Start giggling!” Fluttershy yelled.
“He’s not a ghost, Fluttershy!” Pinkie yelled. She pointed out the window. “Look over there!”
“I’m not falling for it, Joker.”
Fluttershy and Rarity turned and pointed out the window. It was Rarity who spoke. “How did Pinkie do that?”
Batman turned and saw Pinkie Pie outside the window as she galloped towards the outskirts of Ponyville. He looked back at his grasp and noticed she was gone. He turned to the two ponies still in the room. “Looks like the Joker and I were trained by the same ninjas. Stay here.”
“What are you going to do?” Rarity asked. Batman jumped out the window and flew off.
“Is…he a pegasus?” Fluttershy asked.
“No, I think he’s just crazy,” Rarity responded.
---
Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash and Applejack saw Pinkie Pie rush up to them, pass by and speed towards the edge of town. “He’ll never catch me!” she shouted as she kicked up a trail of dust so thick she disappeared. A second later, she yelled “WHAT HAPPENED TO SUGARCUBE CORNER?”
Dash grunted. “I don’t know what’s going on, but if that Bat tries to capture Pinkie Pie…”
A dark form swooped down over the group and landed in the cockpit of the Batmobile.
“There’s no way that thing’ll work,” Twilight Sparkle said.
“What is that contraption?” Applejack asked.
There was the sound of an engine revving up as the jet-turbine in the back of the vehicle ignited. Blue fire shot forth and consumed Lyra’s house nearby as she cried out in fury. “THAT IS IT! MARK MY WORDS, BATMAN! IT. IS. ON!” The Batmobile tore through Sugarcube Corner and speed down the path after Pinkie Pie. The store collapsed into a massive heap as several pegasi brought clouds over Lyra’s house and poured rain over the charred exterior walls.
Twilight turned to her two friends. “We gotta go after them! We can’t let Batman catch Pinkie Pie!”
Dash shot around a corner and brought a pull-cart up to her friends. Rarity and Fluttershy ran up behind them as Fluttershy took her place next to Dash while the other three sat in back.
“Good idea,” Twilight said, “But we don’t have enough wingpower to catch up to them!”
“What we need is some HORSE POWER!” Applejack yelled out to the crowd. A hulking white pony with tiny wings, a yellow manecut and fierce red eyes jumped up from the multitude of ponies and flexed his arms as he shouted.
“OH YEAHHHHHH!” He ran forward as a troop of pegasi followed in his steed. They all attached themselves to the reins of the cart and shot off into the air with Dash and Fluttershy in the lead. In the distance was Canterlot castle with the dust trail of the Batmobile headed its way.
---
Pinkie Pie dashed through the underbrush as she looked around at her surroundings. In the distance behind her she could hear the hum of the Batmobile rushing her way. Her eyes widened as she cried out in fear and pushed herself to the limit. She was clearing an incredible amount of ground as Cloudsdale passed overhead.
Batman looked at the viewscreen in his vehicle as the computer targeted the pink pony on a radar screen. Several forms swooped down from the sky as pegasi began to knock down the trees in the path of the Batmobile. Batman narrowed his eyes.
Dash smiled as she saw the scene far ahead. “He’ll never make it past the trees!”
There was a small pop and then a massive explosion ripped apart the fallen tree trunk as Fluttershy gasped in horror at the smoking crater that was once a patch of woods.
“He didn’t!” she said.
“He did,” Rarity said, her eyes sullen and confused.
“THAT MEANIE!” Fluttershy yelled as she pushed forward at a frenzied pace.
The Batmobile ramped up a fallen tree trunk and fired a jet blast that launched it fifty feet into the air before it landed in a clearing, tore through the grass and kept moving after the small pink form now panicking as it started ascending the mountain path up to Canterlot. Pinkie Pie screeched. “SOMEPONY GET THIS CRAZY BAT-GUY AWAY FROM ME!” Coming up quick under Canterlot was a cliff.
“Take us further up!” Twilight said. The pegasi lifted higher out of the tree line and saw the Batmobile plunge over the side of the cliff and down a waterfall. It dove into the water below with a mighty splash as the dark form sank and disappeared.
“HA! Let’s see you get out of that one, Batman!” Dash said.
The surface of the water erupted as the Batmobile went vertical up the side of the mountain and ripped apart the rock with the treads of its tires.
“WHAT IN THE…” Applejack yelled as she and her friends watched, mouths open, as the Batmobile ignited its jet booster to dangerous levels. At the top of the castle was the small form of Pinkie Pie next to a taller white pony.
“Princess Celestia!” Twilight said as the Batmobile zoomed up the edge of the castle. Pinkie looked off the side, saw the speeding vehicle, and leapt off the tower with a mighty scream. Princess Celestia, however, did not. She had enough time to make one frightened expression before the Batmobile reached the top of her tower.
Then, it exploded. The detonation ripped apart the castle tower as Dash, Fluttershy and the pegasi sped downward to intercept the falling pink pony. Dash broke the reins and sped further out as the other pegasi righted the cart. The rainbow pegasus caught Pinkie Pie seconds before she hit the water and pulled her up to the cart, now turning in mid-air. The pink pony dropped down onto the back of the cart as everypony turned to see the top of the tower crumble and fall off into the water.
“CELESTIAAAAAA!” Twilight yelled.
Out of the smoke flew the Princess as she dove towards the flying wagon. The expressions of the ponies moved quickly through elation, confusion and then fear when they saw the caped crusader riding the white mare. She yelled in utter panic. “I have absolutely no idea what’s going on!”
“Why don’t you just push him off?” Twilight yelled.
“Are you kidding me? Do you know who this is?” Celestia yelled.
“I’m Batman.”
“That’s who this is!” she continued.
“Ahhhh!” Pinkie yelled. She embraced Twilight. “Pinkie-Pie-Swear you won’t let him catch me!”
“SWEAR TO ME!” Batman yelled as Celestia turned in mid-air and pushed downward into a hard dive.
“Why are you chasing them?” Celestia asked her rider.
“That pink pony is the Joker in disguise!” Batman answered.
“No she isn’t! That’s Pinkie Pie, one of Twilight Sparkle’s friends!” Batman glanced at the fleeing pegasi wagon, then at Celestia, then at the wagon, then at the castle tower sinking in the water, then at Celestia, then at Pinkie Pie who was shivering. Celestia continued. “You figure it out yet, detective?”
“Prove it,” he said.
“EVERYPONY STOP!” Celestia yelled. The cart came to a halt in mid-air as the Princess hovered with Batman on her back. They moved close to the wagon as everypony shrunk away from Batman. Celestia picked up Pinkie Pie (“Hey!” the pink pony said) and held her up to face the dark knight. “Look at that face,”Celestia said. “Tell me that isn’t Pinkie Pie.”
Pinkie shrunk away as Batman pulled out a scanner and placed it over her face. He saw an x-ray of Pinkie’s skull. “I see…” the caped crusader said.
“Why didn’t you just do that in the first place?” Twilight asked.
“She ran away,” Batman said.
“Oh,” Pinkie replied. “Sorry. I guess…this all could’ve been avoided.”
“Pardon me, Princess,” Batman said.
“EXCUSE ME?” Princess Celestia said. “Batman, you leveled part of Sweet Apple Acres. Then, you destroyed Sugarcube Corner…”
“And Lyra’s house,” Rarity added.
“Yes, that too. And then you destroyed most of the Canterlot Forest, carved into the supporting rockface of the castle cliff and broke apart most of my tower before collapsing my BEDROOM into the water! You know how many years of memories were in there?”
“No.”
“THOUSANDS.”
“Oh.”
“I should send you to the moon right now. But I’m afraid if I did, you would somehow collapse it into the Earth and shove this planetary body off orbit to where it would smash into each neighboring planet until the solar system collapses into a giant Bat-mess. “
“I never said I would do that.”
“You didn’t say you wouldn’t do it either.”
“Touché, Princess.”
“Batman. Leave. NOW,” Princess Celestia said. The dark knight nodded and leapt off the alicorn as he engaged his caped and soared away where he disappeared amongst the clouds. “Now please, all of you, let’s go to my castle tower and retrieve as much as we possibly can from the Falls of Past Tears.”
“Is that what that’s called?” Twilight asked.
The Princess sighed. “That or ‘The Place where Princess Celestia Almost Sent Batman into the Sun.’ Come on.”
---
Scootaloo fixed her bed as she mumbled to herself before speaking aloud. “I can’t believe Apple Bloom called me a chicken again! Just cause I didn’t want to go outside and see what happened with Sugarcube Corner.” She fluffed her pillow and curled up with a rainbow-colored blanket. She closed her eyes and said to herself, “I’m not a chicken.” She turned…
…and saw Batman staring at her.
“SCOOTALOO!”
“AHHHHHH!” Scootaloo screamed as she fell off the bed into a wrap of rainbow colors. “What? What do you want?”
The Batman stood atop the bed with his cape draped over the sheets as they billowed, despite the closed window. “I have heard your problem and I’m here to help.”
“Problem?”
“This is something I learned from someone I just met. It’s a song and you’re gonna love it.”
“Oh…okay. So…what is it?”
“I’m gonna teach you how to giggle at the ghosties!”
“Great.”
When I was a little Batman and the sun was going downnnn
“Uh huh.”
The darkness of Gotham City, it would always make me frownnn
“Where?”
I’d hide under my pillow, from what I thought I’d saw
But Alfred said that wasn’t the way to deal with fear at all!
“So, what did he…”
He said “BATMAN, you gotta stand up tall! Learn to face your fears!
You’ll see that they can’t hurt you. Just laugh to make them disappear.”
At that moment, a maniacal cackling came out of the closet as the door burst open. There stood the Joker, with bomb in hand as the lit fuse started to trail closer towards the weapon. In a flurry of movement, Batman spun, caused his cape to fly up, and flung a batarang straight at the Joker. The spinning edge sliced off the lit fuse as it fell harmlessly to the floor while the batarang ricocheted off the Joker’s face, stopping his laughter and knocking him out cold. The bomb rolled away and rested motionless in the corner of the room. Scootaloo’s eyes went wide with shock as he squeaked. Batman picked up the bomb and tossed the Joker over his shoulder. He moved to the window, opened it and stepped onto the window’s edge. Scootaloo shook her head to break the shock and moved forward.
“Batman, wait!” the orange pegasus said. The dark knight halted but did not turn. “I…my friends and I would love to talk to someone like you. Someone with purpose, who can help us figure out our purposes and get our cutie marks! But I have to know…what’s you cutie mark?”
He turned to Scootaloo.
“JUSTICE.”
The Joker stirred as Batman punched him out, nodded to Scootaloo and flew out the window.
“So...awesome!” Scootaloo said as she watched the dark knight soar into the sky.
---