This morning should have been exactly the same as all the others since the relocation to Ponyville for Horatio Theodore Menelaos Cross - open his eyes, deal with all existential uncertainty, crack his knuckles, remember his whole name and listen in delight to his commander screaming in horror caused by some long-buried memory from days long passed.
There were many things for a changeling his age to do to kill some time and making up a name worthy of his experience was one of them. Long time ago Cross had decided to add a new part to his name for every century of his life and what centuries had those been - griffon-pony wars, changelings controlling huge parts of Equestria and other continents, and many others were no more than a fraction of memories and scars on his carapace or coat which he refused to heal and wore them with pride.
Normally he would have just looked in the mirror and spent a serious amount of time taking care of his appearance but today there were strange harmonics in the-
"AAAAARGH! GET THIS THING OFF ME AND SLAY IT BEFORE IT LAYS EGGS!"
-voice of commander Shadowstep. He still didn't rush combing his mane as he knew more than well that there were very little things that could actually seriously threaten the changeling in question.
He wanted his morning tea more than anything though so he used the remains of the wood in the fire pit to light the fire outside and put a kettle on. The constant screaming was beginning to get just a little bit unsettling leading him very slowly to a conclusion that it might be a great idea to actually check his tent for the commander and... prince Shining Armor.
Finally coming to terms with the events of yesterday he left only a big cloud of dust where he had been standing a second ago before opening the flaps of his tent which he had graciously invited Shining Armor to sleep in. It wasn't unusual for Shadowstep to get shaky at night after waking up from a nightmarish memory and go sleep in Cross' tent but the idea of her waking up next to a unicorn with Shining's experience with changelings overruled any desire for tea.
Shining Armor, a happily married unicorn, wasn't having a bad time considering he had been ordered to leave his home, his wife, and his stash of crystal berry mane gel and no amount of changelings was going to change that. He wasn't that shaken from all that after meeting one of the beings he was supposed to spend time with for next Celestia-knows-how-many weeks.
Right now he was in his happy place, that happy realm of light sleep where he knew he was dreaming but his head was too tired to wake him up and make him face reality. He knew he was dreaming the second Cadence came to his room dressed in the Crystal Guard uniform and told him he needed to punish a very naughty thieving mare by impaling her on a pike, his pike to be exact... repeatedly.
He didn't need any more than that. Cadence, while receptive towards his needs and interested in experiments herself, was jealous to the ends of her pink mane extensions and the last mare trying to flirt with Shining had been found naked, lathered and tied to the flagpole in the middle of Crystal Guard training stadium. Cadence had giggled maniacally at first but that had changed into throwing things when the other guards just kept on doing their oil wrestling.
The dream ended with a lot of begging and pleading coming from the (un)fortunate thief and Shining opened his eyes. He wasn't in his bed and it was dark but there were two sets of legs wrapped around him so he decided to give Cadence a chance at continuing his dream here and now. Turning around he wrapped one of his front legs around Cadence's neck and his other one found its way lower and squeezed the big, round, hard... hairless, shiny, black rump of his wife?
Holding on to the rapidly draining remains of his dream he tried to press his belly and Shining junior closer to feel the heat of his wife and the drop in temperature made him stop grinding his hips. It was obvious Cadence wasn't in the mood so he decided to leave her with something that might make her rethink her position later. Cadence, as an aspect of Love, loved when he took charge even when she needed a bit of persuasion so Shining put his lips to her neck and bit down to leave a lover's mark for future licking.
"OW, I fink I bwoke a toof!"
It was at this point that Shining junior, having more blood in him than the brain of his owner, declared his independence on the United States of Shining Armor and hid away, decided never to be seen again.
Finally capable of rational thought not involving two or more ponies in a hot tub, Shining Armor noticed that the neck of his wife was a bit longer, darker, and inexplicably more armored so he made the mistake of lighting up his horn to melt the darkness inside the tent.
A mere second later he stopped his magic again but the glowing slit amethyst-colored eyes still remained fixed on him. Memories of green cocoons in Canterlot returned and he knew that everything that had happened up until now was just another dream. He was still in the castle, his wedding was going to happen in few days and right now he was being fed on by queen Chrysalis. He needed to think and act quickly to alert Celestia and the others.
Shining rolled onto his assailant and began punching down and screaming. He wasn't going to be filled with changeling eggs in any other way than hard-boiled or sunny-side up and his crazy giggling followed the thought shortly.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Cross parted the flaps of his tent and let the light in. Contrary to his expectations, Shining Armor was still alive and being watched by an incredibly confused-looking commander Shadowstep as he kept wailing and punching her chest. The amethyst-colored changeling queen wasn't trying to fight back but kept screaming surprisingly in sync with the prince and stopped for a second when she saw Cross come inside.
"QUICKLY, SARGEANT! I THINK IT'S A BANSHEE, SET IT ON FIRE!"
"Commander..."
"NO TIME! I'VE BEEN TOO CLOSE TO IT FOR SO LONG THAT THERE'S NO WAY TO SAVE ME. BURN IT AND SAVE YOURSELF!"
"Commander..."
"FIRE! CLEANSE THIS ABOMINATION WITH FIRE!"
"AAAAARGHBLARGAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" interrupted drooling, punching, and spitting Shining Armor the conversation rudely.
Cross rolled his eyes.
"INSUBORDINATION? OH HEAVENS! MISSION OVER! BODY SNATCHERS HAVE TAKEN CROSS! ABORT AND RETREAT!"
"Commander..."
It was too late. When Shining Armor, thrown in the air with enough force to rip parts of the tent out, hit the ground again Shadowstep was nowhere to be seen.
"AARGHAAARG-"
*Batwingslap*
"-good morning, Cross. What happened to your tent?"
"Nothing unusual. I'll fix it after breakfast," said the batpony-transformed changeling and went away to make his tea.
Shining Armor finished combing his mane an hour later and was surprised to find out that a small wooden table had been dragged to the middle of the clearing between the tents. He was also finally able to have a look at the layout of the area. There were three tents with various accessories around them in a triangle a fair distance from each other showing that while the inhabitants were used to being around each other they also liked their privacy. All tents were dark green to avoid being spotted in the dark and also make the job harder for anyone trying to do so even in sunlight. Shining was a guard, not a soldier, but basic military strategy was a must-know for everyone wearing armor and his second impression of this place was that the top-hill area was easy to defend, overlooked bigger part of Ponyville, and still had enough trees around to forage in case of trouble. In short, these changelings were soldiers and experienced ones on top of that.
That image was offset a bit by Cross sitting peacefully on a bench at the table and drinking a cup of tea.
"Toast, donuts?" asked the changeling.
"Thanks. Where did you get those?"
"I went shopping earlier. There's an amazing bakery in the town."
"I thought you were supposed to be... erm, hunting during the night for lost citizens and feed."
"Yeeeeees," said Cross hesitantly, "that was the plan anyway. With the arrival of your friends I think a new one is in order. I just need to talk a little idea of mine through with the commander."
"Care to enlighten me? After all I am supposed to be your overseer or something."
"Ehm, yeah right. Well, as you can see things are pretty boring around here. Not that I'm complaining but I can feel myself getting rusty so I think that instead of hunting the villagers we could set our eyes on the specialists sent here to watch over us."
"I don't really know anything about that. I just recieved a letter from Celestia sending me here."
Shining stopped to think for a second. He'd been taken away from his home and his wife and then Celestia sent some guys because she obviously didn't believe his capabilities. Whether that fear was substantiated or not she hadn't even bothered talking to him.
"You know what?" Shining continued, "If your boss agrees then I think I could allow it. I want to see the 'specialists' sent by Celestia in action myself."
"Let's just hope you don't see Starlight in action," muttered Cross.
"WHAT WAS THAT?" came from a tent decorated by sigils, hanging trinkets which softly clinked in the breeze.
"I SAID YOUR MANE LOOKED LOVELY TODAY!" yelled Cross back.
With a sudden hiss of air being sucked into one spot and then released in a visible nova a pure white unicorn with blonde mane appeared out of nowhere. She spat out a hoof file she was holding in her teeth and her blue eyes shot sparks at Cross, literally. Much like Cross she was missing a cutie mark proving to Shining that she was a changeling in disguise. When she was done watching the batling douse the blue flames in his coat she put on an aloof expression and presented her hoof.
"As you know, soldier-boy, at this time of day I'm doing my hooficure which means I haven't started on my mane yet so what possible reason can you have for using my name?"
"I wasn't calling you, I was just talking ABOUT you which you would know if you either used a better listening spell of turned that thing off completely," Cross hissed.
"Oh," she looked at Shining for the first time, "Been explaining how much better I am than your new marefriend could ever be?"
Shining's eyes bulged but Cross' answer came sooner.
"This is PRINCE Shining Armor-"
"Take my body right here and now!" Starlight got out of her with machinegun speed.
"-and he is married."
Starlight looked at Cross with a raised eyebrow and the most condescending expression Shining could remember ever seeing.
"I like a challenge."
"Since when?" an expression of pure horror passed Cross' face at the idea that there really might be body snatchers in the camp, "You refuse to do even the most basic training exercises I used to do centuries ago."
"Pfff I'm not gonna crawl in the dirt under some wires but I'm sure I can find a physical activity that me and prince-"
"Whom you've just called my potential marefriend."
"-whose body is of a lithe build I sooo adore and whose soft features haunt my dreams can enjoy together."
"Heavens... if you backpedal any faster you'll end up tripping over a fence in Appleloosa."
"Uh... good morning miss-" began Shining.
"Lady, lady," whispered Cross quickly.
"-Lady Starlight."
"Yes, your God-Emperorhood, I'm yours in body, mind and soul."
"Once again - married," mumbled Cross.
"Once again - SHUT UP!"
"Can you just ram something of yours in her butt to give her at least the slightest idea of what a spine is, prince?"
Starlight's eyes crossed and she gulped down a string of drool.
"I'll be in my tent, no interruptions!"
She disappeared into thin air.
"What the heck?" asked Shining unceremoniously.
"Nothing unusual. Biscuits and milk?"
Shadowstep roamed the massive Apple family orchard to distract anyone and anything that could be following her. The body snatchers had taken her best soldier, there had been an apparently very perverted banshee haunting Cross' tent, and hopefully something had already eaten Starlight and died of dysentery.
Something was nearby, she could hear a quick heartbeat of a pony-sized creature trying not to get spotted. It wasn't moving which meant she was walking to its trap but it also meant it wasn't aware she knew about it. She quickly began searching her memory for small creatures capable of biting through the chitin of well-fed queen-type changeling.
She found nothing and the fear of the unknown set in. There was always the possibility of ponies themselves beginning to hunt changelings but her briefing with queen Chrysalis had clearly passed the message of "Don't eat them and they won't start hurling firebombs into your cave".
None of that meant there couldn't be a lone hunter, a predator or a madpony going after her. Scientists and magicians had always wanted to get a being of her power into their laboratories. Granted, most of the times they hadn't succeeded and the only time they had led to her meeting with Cross but there was no reason not to exercise supreme caution.
First of all she needed a temporary base of operations to prepare for reclaiming her lost one. The sun was halfway through its work and she wasn't going to sleep outside tonight so she just kept on walking carefully through the orchard aware of the shadows watching her, laughing at her and mocking her but they had no idea that the hunter was slowly becoming the prey.
Then she walked out of the tree shade and spotted the enemy hideout. It was a treehouse obviously filled with love to catch her off guard and lure her inside. Being a soldier to the core she noticed all the little details making that place a fitting fortress of evil. The one and only retractable ramp causing any invading force to walk in a single line and leaving them vulnerable to doubtlessly well-hidden catapults, ballistae and devastating barrages of unicorn magic. The platform all around the house with only safe-looking railings made to break and cause the fall of any invader to his doom made her chuckle. Whoever the enemy was they had no idea who they were dealing with. She knew their little tricks, all of them. The platform would have hidden potholes and cracked wooden planks to break the will of any invading force that survived the ramp slaughter and boiling pits of tar hidden under the carefully laid and very realistic looking grass all around the house.
She was well aware that there would be only a single path through the clearing which wouldn't result in her never leaving this deathtrap again and she accepted the challenge. The place seemed empty and with enough time she would remake it to her own image and use it against its original inhabitants.
The fact that the 'fortress' was a cozy wooden shack located about a meter above ground with enough space inside for about three small fillies didn't even cross Shadowstep's mind.
With carefully measured steps she began tapping every bit of flat ground in front of her with her hoof while creeping towards her target. She didn't know whether she got lucky or it was her honed instinct which led her through the safe path to the house without setting off any tripwires, explosives or automated saw-blade launchers but there she was. The scent of love put into every single item left inside was too much for her and she got sleepy. The warmth, the feeling of fullness and the nervous exhaustion of breaking into a fortified bastion after successfully retreating from an unwinnable combat against undead and demonic forces of this morning dropped her to the ground faster than a hammer.
Her last thought before drifting off was:
"You got me... all that was just too easy and I fell for it. With my last breath I commend you, elite pony assassin. You were a formidable foe."
Flash Sentry woke up and it took all his strength to untangle his legs from the tree he'd been hugging all night. He was surprised that there was no snow around but a quick look around proved that the reason for him staying dry and relatively warm was the fact that he had fallen asleep under a treehouse without noticing it in the dark.
He decided that it would be a good idea to go inside, warm up, eat what little remained of his food and then continue with the search for the camp of his companions. In a morning daze he walked up the ramp leading to the door and thanked both princesses for wearing his helmet when the railing right at the end broke and fell to the ground alongside him.
The second attempt went way better and when he opened the door he spotted a creature he'd never seen before. Her coat was black, turning into purplish hue and not a coat at all but some hard and slightly reflective surface. All in all she looked like a very big pony, muscular but not as tall as princess Celestia with dark purple mane, tail and a strange additional armor resembling the breastplate and a backplate of guards.
"Oops. Sorry for barging in but-"
"So you've finally decided to show your face, assassin," the creature's eyes opened and caught Flash's gaze.
"Um... hello, ma'am. Could I stay here for few minutes?"
"Mock me as much as you like but heed my words - YOU WILL NEVER BREAK A TRUE CHANGELING'S SPIRIT!"
"Eeeeeh does that mean no?"
"Oh by no means think this is over. Do what you wish, use my body as much as you want before finally sending me to Tartarus, I will never break. Be sure of one thing though which is that if you by any twist of fate break my bonds I will devour your heart and crap out your soul."
"You're not tied up, ma'am."
The strange, and quite possibly incapable of dressing herself, creature stood up and proudly stuck her chest out.
"A bold gambit, my nemesis. You are gravely mistaken if you think I'll fall into your trap again though. Heh... making it too easy just to catch me by surprise later. I fell for the oldest trick in the book."
"I just want to warm up and rest a bit. I'll just sit here in the corner-"
"Your 'I am harmless' game would have worked on a lesser being but I will not underestimate you twice. Watch your back, honorable foe, for I will find you and break your will before crushing your body."
"Can't we just talk about it?"
"If I wasn't bound I would make sure your tongue was no longer capable of uttering a-"
"I thought we've already estabilished you're not tied up. I thought it was obvious when you managed to stand up by yourself."
"Nice try but do not doubt my skills-"
A little part of the conversation finally caught up with Shadowstep.
"-ALL I NEEDED WAS A LITTLE LAPSE IN YOUR MASTER PLANS AND I AM FREE!" Shadowstep yelled and jumped out of the little window.
Flash Sentry looked at the broken window and sat down to a corner of the small room.
"Now it's cold again..."
"Ya'll be warm enough when mah sister hears you broke our treehouse!" complained a high-pitched voice from the door.
Three little fillies shouldn't look threatening and to be honest they didn't despite the red-maned one holding a thick stick in her hooves.
"Sorry, girls. It was cold outside and when I came in there was this really weird lady-"
"This perv locked somepony here to have his way with her!" proclaimed an orange pegasus with purple mane and surprisingly small wings.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Wait... what does having his way mean?" the last one of the trio, a white unicorn with purple and white two-toned mane screamed briefly making Flash's eardrums try to vacate the premises immediately.
"It means he broke our treehouse. Get him!" the heavy stick circled around the red-maned earthpony's body in an attempt to look intimidating.
To Flash Sentry it looked like a hard piece of wood moving around very quickly so he didn't risk his luck when the small-winged pegasus tied him up.
The door burst open again.
"It seems the tables have turned, hunter!" Shadowstep triumphantly entered the treehouse again.
"Hey! That's the lady who broke your window," Flash pointed at her.
"Pffft," the unicorn filly stuck out her tongue, "We're not that stupid. She's just a changeling and they don't break things. They just used to eat ponies and my sister said they weren't allowed to do that anymore."
"Then what are you still doing here? She'll eat you!"
"No she won't. Their queen signed a pro- proclaim-"
"Proclamation."
"-thanks, pervy pony, proclamation that they can't take ponies away and even if she didn't changelings always fail anyway."
Flash's jaw dropped at the impenetrable logic.
"Good job, minions!" Shadowstep laughed.
"We're not minio- miniatu- THAT small!" the tiny wings of the pegasus filly buzzed on her back.
"That means... ehm," Shadowstep's eyes darted from side to side, "ponies who want to help a peaceful changeling punish an intruder who broke their treehouse?"
"YAAAY! CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS PUNISHERS!" yelled three voices in perfect sync.
"I see you're carrying around a skateboard, little pegasus."
"Scootaloo."
"That's a nice name for the board. You wanna know a different type of boarding that is so effective it has been banned by both princesses and the emperor of griffons?"
"Wooooooah," the eyes of the fillies almost fell out of their sockets.
"Whoever brings me a big bowl of water the fastest gets to hold his head!"
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"
There was one final thing to deal with for Shadowstep after wringing out all useful bits of information from Flash Sentry's head. She knew those elite types and knew how to make them talk and this one was so in awe of her turning his trap against him that he answered everything immediately. She had of course shown the fillies the best places to tickle a stallion to tears and left him in their care to think about his failures. She wasn't going to kill him... no matter how hard she'd tried he hadn't said a word about his employer and besides, this blace was boring as Tartarus and an enemy of almost her skill could help her stay in shape.
The morale boost however led her to believe she should get back to the camp to deal with her problems before being forced to spend the coming night outside. If only she could get to her tent and retrieve some of her tools she should be able to...
"Welcome back, commander," said Cross, correction - the thing that looked like Cross.
"Good evening, ma'am," treacherously peacefully followed the blue-maned perverted banshee fake Cross' greeting.
She charged her horn making the entire clearing shimmer with energy. It was time to avenge her comrades-in-arms and destroy these abominations.
"Starliiiiight?" Cross turned carefully to the tent covered in talismans and drawings.
"Yeah? What do you THEHECKISTHAT?!" Starlight appeared and immediately took a step back when she saw amethyst-colored sparks flying through the clearing.
Cross sighed.
"Will you please put up a barrier around me and the commander and take the prince to your tent?"
"Fill me to the brim, you embodiment of stallionhood!" Starlight's horn glowed and Shining Armor disappeared from the table, leaving only a spoon spinning in the air.
Seconds later she disappeared as well and a blue barrier enveloped the area between three changeling and one recently-added pony tent.
"I WILL MAKE SURE THE LAST THING YOUR EYES SEE BEFORE GOING TO SLEEP IS ME!"
"Nothing unusual, commander."
Heavy Hoof was watching the changeling drone drop its crayons that it's been using to draw a picture of Blackie and look towards the horizon. The explosions of purple and green energy lit up the sky above the changeling camp.
"Woooooow,"
"Graaaaaaaawr..."
"Yaay, that looks so cool."
"Hey! That looks like the night when zap apple trees bloomed," said a voice unknown to the three inhabitants of the camp which now looked all proper but still with only two tents for two ponies and one changeling.
A grey pegasus with quirky eyes was hovering above the trio and observing the light show with a wide smile.
"Who might you be?" asked Heavy.
"Oh right! You've got mail! Mister Heavy Hoof, secret anti-changeling camp in Ponyville?"
"How did you-?"
"I'm a mailmare, I've gotta know."
"I'm not going to even question it. Thank you very much, miss."
"No problem! It's my job," said the pegasus happily and flew away.
"Grawrr?"
"What is it?" asked Six the changeling.
Heavy blushed.
"A piece of clothing I ordered from Canterlot. It's, erm... a piece of soft underwear?"
"Grawr! Grawr! Grawr!" the Blackguard began stomping the ground.
"Blackie wants you to model it."
"I guessed that much," Heavy snickered and put the silky thong on in front of the grinning dark magic abomination and a genderless changeling. He walked around a bit and then took it off and put it back in the box it came in.
"Not bad. It's gonna be a nice thing to sleep in," commented Heavy and put the box on a tree stump seving as a table.
"Grrrrrrr..." Blackie turned away from the laserbeams criss-crossing the sky and growled into the darkness behind them.
"What's going on?"
"I see someone coming. It's an orange pegasus with blue mane wearing armor," Six focused its supernatural night vision.
"Oh? That must be our last member," Heavy brightened up when he recalled a description from Celestia's letter.
The pegasus just kept on stumbling and swaying towards the fire. When he noticed the box with contents reflecting the firelight and bursts of color from the distance his eyes finally regained the gleam of a living being and he picked up the thong and began rubbing it around his nose happily.
"I needed that. May the heavens bless you, Cadence. I can almost still feel Twilight's warmth from these."
"Eeeerm... those are mine. I ordered a new pair because I forgot to pack mine back in Canterlot. These two asked me to show them how they looked on-"
The shiny fabric was very carefully folded and put back in the box by a pair of orange hooves. Then Flash Sentry turned to the fire and began crying.