//------------------------------// // Spiritual Kick me Sign on my Back // Story: The Loser's Booth // by Pickleless //------------------------------// Man, I don't even know why I try sometimes. The FIRST thing I hear upon waking up is a scream from outside my window. Right then I should have know to just turn my head, snuggle closer to my pillow and go back to sleep. But no, like an idiot I just had to get up think 'HUH, I WANDER WAT'S OUTSEDE MA WEEENDOE?!?' I sat down for hours and came to an agreement with myself to not get involved with any trouble if I could help it. So why did I do this to myself?!? Yep, that was guard getting blasted in the face. He is pretty dead dude. As horrible as that is, I have to wonder why no else saw this. That was really, really loud scream. You think I wouldn't be the only one to see this. How ironic that the changeling is the only witness. Great... The changeling who isn't me, (you know, the crazy one that just killed that guard in broad daylight) Takes the form of the dead pony and then decides to waltz off like nothing happened. A bluebird singing his joy to the world lands on my horn as I sit there and stare at the dead body. How appropriate. I guess... I guess I should bury it? I mean that's the polite thing to do right? Ponies generally don't like dead bodies littered around the place. I think it might also be respectful to the dead or something, I don't know. Yes Celes, I know that I'm burying evidence. I also know that the first thing I should've done was inform the royal guard. It was the first time I've even seen a stallion die, I wasn't exactly thinking clearly okay? I'm just an 11 year old colt. I don't exactly know what I'm doing here. Why are you two looking at me like that? Yes, I am really am 11. I was born, sent off to be Pegasus mare for ten years, and then lived in the hive for another three months before I ran away. I'm probably still 10 years old actually. But I'm bound to turn 11 any day now. Anyway, as I continued to stare at the bloody heap splayed out in the flower bed, two more bluebirds landed on my back. Today is a beautiful day, by the way. Really great day to take your kid to the park or something. I should probably start making my way down there. Stumbling to my bathroom, I splashed cold water on my face until I could focus again. Oddly enough, the bluebird on my horn continue to sit there as it was pelted with water. Deciding I had bigger things to worry about, I slowly made my way out of my room and towards the gardens. The way down was eerily silent. Only a few maids were up this early. Waving at me cheerfully, they made pleasant comments about the birds, telling me to make sure I have them out of the sight of the guards or else I might get in trouble. Honestly, the guards doing their jobs is the last thing I'm worried about. Making my way into our incredibly huge garden, (Seriously Celestia, do you just really like growing plants or something?) I find my way to the... The body is gone. Instead, a huge flock of bluebirds is where the body was. That's a little creepy. Looking around, I don't even see any blood. It's like there wasn't any body to begin with. What the heck just happened?!? I just saw a stallion die! I refuse to deal with the traumatizing experience of watching a stallion get slaughtered and not have a body there to show for it! Come on! Turning around to go back to bed, I hear a green flash behind me. I'm not stupid. ...Well, I'm probably a little stupid. I am just a kid, but considering I'm a changeling, it doesn't take a genius to work out what a bright green flash is. Instantly, I raise my hooves in surrender. They murdered that stallion in like, ten seconds flat. I'm not screwing around with these guys. Slowly turning around, all the bluebirds were now changelings, with charged up horns, pointing said horns at me. Great. It was right then that the bluebirds on my back changed back to changelings and restrained me. I uh, I forgot about those. Man they are going through a lot of effort just to get me. If being a changeling taught me anything, it was not to freak out under pressure. That would be really cool and everything, but I don't have any other skills to my name. So instead of freaking out and dying a scary death, now I can calmly sit here and die a scary death. Honestly I'm pretty happy with the skill. One of my few joys in life is calmly watching everything fall apart around me, because everything always just kinda falls apart. It's amazing how many things go wrong in Canterlot alone. Heck, I even get a little bit of a giggle of things falling apart for me. I'm pretty sure I need to see a therapist because that does not sound healthy. What's going on? Oh right, changelings are trying to murder me. "Guys! Guys!" I said, stopping them from impaling me. I switch back to my natural form give them a smile. "I'm a changeling too!" There is no way this is going to work. If you're not part of the hive, you're not part of the hivemind. Changelings dislike changelings from other hives more than they dislike ponies! Obviously they're going to 'feel' for me, not find me, and then make sure I'm dead- "Oh. OHHHHHHH. False alarm guys! It's a changeling." What. The leader of the group gave a hearty laugh. Followed by the rest of group. A couple of them shook their heads at each other, while some jokingly wiped off their brows. I was let go as the whole group went from rigid to relaxed. Some even laying down, giving me a friendly smile. One of them started to clean another one's back. A changeling with a motherly feel sat me down as she started to rub my wings in a comforting manner. This is the most campy group of assassins I've ever met. "Sorry about that kid!" The group leader looked embarrassed. You gave Jeff a huge scare there when he saw you, ah, taking care of business there." We're are natural born ninjas and you guys are being squeamish about brutally murdering a stallion in broad daylight. "What's a adorable little colt like you doing here?" The changeling cleaning my wings asked. "Uhhhh." I respond with all my wit and intellect. The Leader frowned. "That's strange I can't feel you." Oh crap. "I, uh. I was separated from the Queen's mind. She sent me here early as a sleeper changeling so I could give intel on the castle!" "Ah! So YOU'RE the sleeper changeling she sent!" Oh crap there's a sleeper changeling in the castle! "Yup, that's me! I'm Elmer, nice to meet you!" "Hello there Elmer, I'm Smith! I'm the commander of this here mission! I must say, you've been a very brave little changeling so far!" What is with these changelings?!? They are so... Not changelings! Seriously you are invading a castle and are super lax about the whole deal. We are a bunch of changelings in the middle of a garden! How has no one seen us yet?!? "HALT!!!" Finally, the royal guards! About time. Where were you guys?!? Okay, now to just sneak out and- "Kill them." Smith calmly murmured. Instantly, the guards were set on fire, strangled, cut apart, impaled, and crushed into the ground. One of their heads went flying and landed on my horn. Oh. Oh Frost. "Are they dead?" The commander asked. Gee, I don't know, WHAT DO YOU THINK?!? "Sorry you had to see that sweetheart. Let's go get you cleaned up." The motherly changeling started guiding me away from the bloodbath." "Johnson, clean up this mess! Frank, bring that kid back when he's calmed down, he has intelligence we need about the Summer Sun Celebration." Smith ordered. The Summer Sun Celebration? What do they need to know about that? The changeling, apparently named Frank, led me back into the castle. He took the form of a pretty mare with pink fur and a yellow mane. Remembering that, I too am a changeling, I took on the guise I normally wear around the castle. "Oh my, such a manly looking stallion! Teehee~!" Considering normal drones have no sexual preferences, that was unusually and annoyingly gay. Quietly, we headed back to my room, with the occasional girly giggle from the manly looking royal guard next to me. Still in a daze from watching a group of stallions and mares who probably had loved ones and significant others get easily slaughtered, I didn't notice the bath was already filled. "Alright sweetie! In you go!" I swear as he lifted me up he squeezed my butt. I felt it. He has no sexual drive. I KNOW he has no sexual drive. This is getting really creepy. Okay, okay. Time to focus. He'll totally be suspicious if I tell him I don't know the plan. I should... ... No they won't. "So I have no clue what the plan is, could you fill me on the details?" "Sure thing Beefcake! Do me a SOLID, and switch back to your cute little normal self will you?" I need an adult. Please. I NEED AN ADULT. "O-okay! I'm cleaning myself now! So uh, think you can fill me in?" "Well sugar, how much do you know?" Luckily, I know what it's like to be a sleeper changeling. I AM Prince Slumber, after all. "Well, Chrysalis said she had an important task for me. After that I slowly fell asleep. I woke up about a week ago in a form I didn't recognize. I shortly found out afterwards that every night I've been sleep walking to a infiltrator and giving him info on Canterlot Castle. Since then I've just been on stand by." "Yep yup! That pretty much adds up with what we've been told about the sleeper changeling. Glad to know you're the real deal sweetcheeks!" That poor, poor changeling, I'd hate to be in his hooves right now. "So, listen closely. The hive isn't doing so good from the last time we tried to take canterlot. Luckily, we were easily able to bounce back thanks to the love given to us by Prince Slumber! Although we now have more than enough love to take canterlot, we don't really have the love we need to hold the capital and take over the rest of Equestria. The Queen's plan is to capture Celestia with the love Slumber provided, and have a decoy made from the new prince to take her place. Since Celestia is such a complicated character, Queen Chrysalis thought it would be best to try make a version of her under our control in order to fool everyone." --- "I KNEW IT!" Celes exclaimed! "I knew she was a fake! She doesn't notice anything wrong because she's not suppose to notice anything wrong! I am Celestia! I am the real Celestia!" I think this is the first time I've seen her give a smile that wasn't manufactured in some way. Electric, currently not in his 'absolutely insane rapper' mode. Calmly watched the filly bounce in place in her seat. "Elmer, is this true? Is she really the princess?" "I'm not gonna say anything until the story is over." "It doesn't matter." Celestia beamed. "I know who I am, my little changeling. Thank you Elmer for telling me. I know you must be conflicted, but I appreciate you giving me peace of mind. Don't worry, I won't force you to raise a hoof against your kin when the time comes, I swear." ... --- So to summarize so far: I screwed over Equestria and then went to the most dangerous place I could've gone to get away from it all. Awesome. "After we replace Celestia, Chrysalis will hide nearby making sure everything is kept under control. When the time comes that the Sun is to be raised during the Summer Sun Celebration, Chrysalis will take the Decoy's place and soak in the love all the ponies will pouring towards their princess! While the real princess raises the sun from a place nearby concealed. With this love, we'll be able to hold canterlot long enough to drain the town and begin our conquest!" "So uh, where are we in this plan exactly?" "Oh, we're just about to make the decoy! You've been such a good little helper so far, would you like to come see the new prince?" "Uh, yeah! Wow, to think there's a new prince! I can't wait to meet him." "That's the spirit my manly little stallion!" Frank gave me a nuzzle on the cheek. Ew. "Let's go!" I really don't want to meet him. First there's Swap. Who went horribly, although he technically worked. Then there's me a year later, and now a decade down the line we have this shiny new hunk of junk who's bound to fall apart by the end of the day. Gentlecolts, this is why Queen Chrysalis became QUEEN chrysalis. She's stupid, emotional, unskilled, selfish, and all around a bad ruler; but when she decides to play with DNA, you will see why she was made a Queen. Making a successful prince takes hundreds of years. She did in half of one. If she was just a bit more creative and cunning, Equus would be doomed. Frank led me out to the gardens, again. Man, Changelings must sure like gardens are something. I don't really like or dislike them myself. When we approached the labyrinth, I saw a circle of changelings surrounding a little filly. All of the changelings were drawing some pentagram of sorts around the little pegasus. Near the center of the changeling group was a baby changeling with his head raised high, as if he owned the world. "Prince Puppet, Infiltrator Frank reporting for duty, sir!" "Very good! Just on time!" The little guy's voice squeaked, it would be adorable if we weren't in the middle of some cult circle. "Who's the kid?" Oh, so I'm the kid? "I am the sleeper changeling they sent. It's a honor to meet you, sir." His demeanor completely changed. He dropped his somewhat haughty look, and instead got a sparkle in his eyes. Suddenly he ran up and tackled me with a hug. Confused, I laid there as he bounced around me. As if he suddenly remembered who he was, he stopped and took a stiff, serious pose in front of me, and bowed. "Prince Puppet, reporting for duty sir! I have everything ready to go! Will you give us a hand with the process?" Now that's interesting, why the change in attitude? Does the squirt really like sleeper changelings or something? I know princes tend to look up to the previous ones as role models, but I don't think any prince liked a previous one to the point they worshiped a changeling based off them. Still, it was pretty cute, even if he was the leader of a crazy gang of killers making some cult pentagram around a little filly-it's not cute anymore. "What exactly are you doing, prince?" "Come on and take a seat bi-er, sir! All you need to do is focus your stored up love on me and I'll do the rest! I'll explain the...the..." "Process?" "Process! I'll explain the process as I do it!" As I took a seat, the pentagram took a hellish red glow. Because of course it took a hellish red glow, why wouldn't it? It's not like that's totally noticeable and does nothing to help the process. Besides, what better way to say 'HEY! I'M A BAD PONY!' than make your pentagram have a hellish red glow? Besides, isn't our color of choice acidic green or something? "SO!" Prince Puppet yelled over the unnecessary loud noise being made from the really evil looking ritual. "WE FOUND A FILLY THAT WAS SICK AND NEAR DEATH AND STOLE HER! NOW WE'RE ERASING HER MEMORIES AND REPLACING THEM WITH CELESTIA'S. ALSO, WE'RE FORCING THE MAGIC THAT'S TIED TO HER LIFE TO BURN FASTER SO SHE'LL BE STRONG ENOUGH TO COME OFF AS CELESTIA! SHE'LL PROBABLY ONLY LIVE FOR A WEEK BUT THAT'S MORE USEFUL FOR US ANYWAY. AS I SPEAK-" Yeah I heard enough. I scrape one of the lines of the pentagram with my hoof and the whole area exploded into a bright green light. rubbing my eyes, I saw the filly in question standing up, staring at all of us. She instantly jumped back and landed flat on her back. Idiot. Lucky for her, everyone, including me, was too shocked from the explosion to react to that. The little pegasus filly got up and ran like heck towards the maze. Sighing, I got up with everypony else and ran towards the filly. If I can reach her before anypony else does, I might be able to get her to- "GET AWAY FROM THAT CHILD YOU FOUL MONSTERS! I'LL TEACH ALL OF YOU DEMON IMPOSTERS!!!" I really thought green would taste a lot better. --- The filly stared at me. I expected a look of horror. Maybe a look or rage. If anything, disappointment. Instead, I got the look of a pony that couldn't really comprehend what she heard. Electric quietly scooped her up and started quietly singing to her. One dark stormy night, A lost scared filly. Give light to the beaten path, She'll, find, her way... One dark stormy night, A lost scared filly. Hearing her sweet father's voice She, found, her way... The filly started to quietly sob. Don't cry now... Daddy's here... Open your eyes now Nothing to fear... One dark stormy night. A lost scared filly. hearing her sweet father's voice. She, found, her way... Sighing, I ordered another drink. Probably the last time I'll ever to drink anyway. Today really, REALLY sucks...