Present day
Dave, Ed, and I were bored. This was nothing new, we'd been bored for the last few hundred years. We had been slightly less bored than usual though, recently. Just over a year ago, on the date of the summer sun celebration, the sun hadn't risen when it should have. I'd thought this was odd, especially when the moon stayed in the sky for at least a good hour after that. Eventually, it gave way to the sun as normal, leaving the three of us quite puzzled. We eventually learned that Moonbutt, the other princess that was responsible for my imprisonment, had returned from the moon.
A little after that, the Grand Galloping Gala had happened. Normally the three of us passed the time during these events by insulting the rich ponies tat passed by, but this time we'd been too busy laughing. There were these six that just turned the night into a huge fiasco, and we couldn't stop giggling at their antics. In hindsight, it probably wasn't that great but when you're stuck in stone for a thousand years your standards kinda drop.
It wasn't too long after that that the second greatest thing to happen in all our time of imprisonment happened: Discord's escape. He'd been there a few millennia longer than we had, I gathered afterwards. While I didn't care for the chocolate rain much, the notion that one who was sealed in stone could be freed was the best news I'd heard in a thousand years. And so, from then on we waited with baited breath for our chance to be free. The Changeling invasion had seemed promising, but to no avail; we remained statues.
Then, a year after the day the sun didn't rise, something really strange happened: The sun and moon in the sky at the same time. While it had been metal as hell to watch, it didn't really affect us much, so we hadn't bothered with it much.
It was not too long after that that we learned something vital: how Discord managed to free himself in the first place. The Royal sisters were taking a walk through the gardens when they touched on the subject. From my eavesdropping, we learned something. Because they were what sealed him, Discord had been freed when the Elements of Harmony had passed to new wielders. However, that only weakened his prison, as well as ours.
He'd only broken loose because he was an unbelievably powerful magic user, and had constantly been chipping away at his prison from the inside. Even before he managed to free himself entirely, his chaos magic had been seeping through, doing small things like causing ponies to argue and fall out. Us, however, had no magic. We'd need outside assistance.
And it just so happened that we had some.
It was about five hundred years after Dave had shown up. The three of us had been doing nothing much when Ed noticed a fizzing sound again.
Tell me you hear that this time. He said to us.
Yeah, I hear it. Dave said.
Me too. I said.
Suddenly, there was a sound like glass shattering, and in front of us appeared the most wonderful thing I had seen in several centuries.
Rob! Cried the three of us in unison. Rob got to his feet and looked around.
"Well, this isn't comicon." He remarked. He turned around so he was facing our statues and froze. "Woah. Josh? Dave? Edward?" He walked over and put a hand on my shoulder.
Took you long enough. I said, not really to him but to Ed and Dave.
"Waah!" He yelled, jumping back in shock.
Holy shit, I think he heard me! Rob! Rob, can you hear me? I said. Rob looked over at me warily apparently not having heard that last bit. He walked over again and tentatively touched my statue.
Rob, please don't freak out, but it's me, Alta- I mean, Josh.
"Woah." He said. "This is weird. Why are you a statue, Josh?"
I'll explain later. For now, can you get us out of here? I said.
"I can try. What should I do?" He responded.
I figured this out a while ago. With the stoning spell weakened, all you should have to do is smash the statue. I'll probably be released after that.
"Well if you're sure." He said, taking his hand away and backing up a few paces. He took out his tomahawk, stopping a moment to observe that it was now metal and wood instead of plastic. "Here goes nothing."
Taking a running start, he smashed the blunt end of his tomahawk into my chest. The statue crumbled around me, and I fell to my knees, gasping for breath.
"Finally! Oh man, one thousand years in stone and I'm finally free!" I said, grinning ear to ear. I stood up and grabbed Rob in a hug. "Thank you, you beautiful man!"
"Woah, okay, I get it, you're happy to be free." He said. "Calm down. Lets get the other two out, and then we can celebrate tog- Wait, did you say a THOUSAND YEARS?!"
I waved a hand dismissively at him.
"Eh, give or take." I said. "Its a long story. But like you said, lets get these two out and we can tell you the story later." Rob nodded, and we set to work getting the others free. Once we were all out, I got everyone's attention.
"Alright guys, we're finally free. Now, to make sure we stay that way. First, we need to escape the city." And so, we set off through the Canterlot gardens. After only about five minutes of walking, we heard a cry from behind us.
"Call the Princesses! Three of the statues have gone missing."
"Fuck." I said. leading the group around the gardens. Suddenly, we found our progress halted by a small group of guards armed with swords. I immediately took charge.
"Ed, cover me. Rob, Dave, you two stay back." I said, before I ran forward to meet them. They seemed shocked at this, and I pounced on the opportunity.
I leapt onto the one closest to me, driving my hidden blade into his throat. I quickly backpedalled, putting myself out of range of a swing by one of the guards. I drew my sword in my right hand, holding it up for the guards to see.
"So." I said. "Who's first?" I grinned sadistically, having forgotten just how much I loved fighting after my imprisonment. I didn't give them a chance to answer.
I stepped toward the first guard, getting inside his defense and slashing at his throat. He fell to the ground. Another guard took a swing at me, which I parried, sending him to the floor. I drove my sword into the small of his back, ending him. Two guards came at me at once. I dodged the first one's thrust and threw him into his ally, impaling him. I slashed his neck and he went down too.
One of them came at me from behind, and though I dodged his slash it knocked the sword from my hands. I leaned back to dodge his thrust, and slammed my hidden blade into his temple. The last guard came at me from above while I was unprepared, only to be taken out by Edward's guns.
"Thanks." I said to him, retrieving my sword. It was at that point that I noticed Rob and Dave staring at me with their mouths agape. "What? Do I have blood on my face?" I asked.
"Dude... you just killed six trained guards without breaking a sweat." Rob said. "I never knew you could fight like that." Oh yeah, they've never seen me fight before.
"Eh, it was nothing." I said, waving a hand at them as we began to walk through the gardens again. "They're not exactly a challenge. Seems the guard's gone soft over a thousand years. Even back then, they weren't that much of a threat. The bigger problems were the Everfree monsters. Manticores and Cragadiles can pack quite a punch. And even I knew not to mess with a hydra."
I led them to the edge of the cliff at the end of the city. Switching to eagle vision, I saw a faint white glow down below us. Thank fuck, a haybale. I clapped my hands to gain their attention.
"Alright, we're going to jump off of this cliff." Dave and Rob looked confused, while Ed just nodded. He jogged up to the edge and squinted his eyes, looking for his target. I pointed it out to him, and he swan-dived over the edge.
"Holy shit!" Rob said. "Did he just-"
"Leap of Faith." I said. "I don't know how, but it works here. I don't question it. Ed told me that he'd done them a few times while he was free, too." Dave nodded.
"Yeah, I remember. Never thought I'd have to do one myself." He said. He walked up to the edge and looked over. "Where am I aiming?" He asked me. I pointed out the haybale below us, and Dave steeled himself.
"GERONIMOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" He yelled, as he sailed over the edge. Next, Rob stepped up.
"I don't know about this, man." He said. Just then, a group of guards burst from the hedges, though thankfullt there were no pegasi with them.
"No time for that!" I said, seeing the guards. I ran up to Rob and kicked him in the back, sending him over the edge of the cliff. He screamed the entire way down. I span around to face the guards coming up behind me as I walked backwards to the edge.
"Gentlecolts," I said, "You will forever remember this day, as the day that you almost caught Altair Ibn La'Ahad." With those parting words, I let myself fall backwards over the edge of the cliff.