Hexed Lives

by Awesomedude17

Explore, and Discover

Daylight assaulted the eyelids of the six men.

Chief had been just dozing off, however. Confused, he checked his clock.

According to his clock’s readings on the progression of time, it was about 1AM

“What is the sun doing?” He asked himself in confusion, speaking louder than he intended.

Deadpool snorted, but remained asleep, muttering something about ‘Death wearing a pizza bikini’.

The sound of Chief’s words combined with Deadpool’s snort startled Harry into waking.

“Bloody hell. My alarm sounds different.” The wizard groaned, not feeling rested from his sleep.

“Shh, I think that Discord has managed to gain control over the sun, it’s only one in the morning, go back to sleep.” The soldier explained quietly.

Harry sighed, laid back down, and fell asleep as soon as the sun set and the moon rose.

Wilson found himself waking up due to the changing cycles.

“Even Maxworld wasn’t this erratic.”

“Well, that does not say much.” Ezio said as he rubbed his eyes, having been shocked awake by a blast of sunlight.

“Eh, I’ve dealt with worse.” Deadpool said as swung on a tree branch, hanging upside down by his feet, “Like this one time, Pedro got possessed by a demon.”

Link sighed, the farmer-turned-swordsman-turned-hero growing increasingly annoyed by the changing day-night cycle.

“We need to stop Discord from ballsing up time itself, chaps.” Wilson said, leading onwards out of the forest.

“Ballsing? British words are weird.”

‘Duh.’

‘Of course they are, that’s why they’re British.’

‘Yep.’

“That’s racist.” John chastised the voices.

'You're a racist!'

“Yeah, no. If anything, Americans are the ones who bastardized the language.” Deadpool added.

Deadpool pulled out an iPhone and showed the language settings to Harry.

The wizard blinked in surprise and looked at the screen.

A picture of the British flag was positioned next to the words English (Traditional).

A picture of the American flag was positioned next to the words English (Simplified).

“See? Well really, that’s a time when one of my favorite memes is applicable. This is definitely a ‘SHOTS FIRED!’ moment.” Deadpool explained, not really explaining anything at all.

“What is this device?” the brightly glowing screen of the iPhone was the only thing that had caught the glasses-wearing brit’s attention.

“A cell phone, by Apple.” Deadpool answered simply.

“Apple... as in Apple Computers?” The wizard recalled the company making a few notable devices, but nothing this technologically advanced.

“I would have said the Apple of Eden, but I doubt that the divines would make such a strange device.” Ezio put in his two cents.

“That reminds me, SELFIE!!!” Deadpool grabbed Ezio by the arm, and took a selfie.

With the flash on.

“GAH!” Ezio freaked out from the flash of light and, by reflex and muscle-memory, uppercut Deadpool with his blade out, stabbing into some important nerves and killing him.

“Blegh… Oh man, I’m so posting this on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and maybe I’ll shoot a sweet vid and post that to YouTube! Oh yeah, by the way, ‘healing factor’ doesn’t count towards ‘no pain factor’, asswipe.” Deadpool complained, thankful that his brain didn’t have to reform.

‘Yeah, I like this form, and it would get ridiculous if it had to change again.’

“Tell me about it.” Deadpool said, teleporting away from Ezio and to the front of the group, “ONWARDS! TO ADVENTURES! AND ENCHILADAS!”

“I am confused, when he said asswipe, was he calling me toiletry cleaning tissue?” Ezio asked Link.

“I’m not sure.”

“Frankly, all of this makes no sense anyway, so let’s just deal with it and try to find civilization.” Harry said to the group.

“Agreed.” Chief said, charging ahead of Deadpool and leading the way.

His GPS worked despite this technically being an uncharted planet, and he could tell that the way out of this forest was due north.”

‘Nolan North? People say he and Deadpool sound alike.’

‘Well, so do people who choose him for the Saints Row IV voice.’

‘I think Chief sounds a lot like Steve Downes’

‘That’s like saying that Iron Man sounds and looks like Robert Downey Jr.’

‘Or that Angelina Jolie might be the best Maleficent.’

‘Or that Chris Evans would make a good Captain America.

“Alright you two, enough actor allusions, we got plenty already.”

‘...I still say that Thor looks a lot like Chris Hemsworth, and therefore, I’m gay for Thor.’

‘And Spidy’s Andrew Garfield.”

“Enough chatter, we must stop Discord from terrorizing this country.” John commanded the voices.

“Very well, let us go, my friends, into the unknown.” Wilson said, putting on his newly-made top hat, made from spider silk he’d gathered webs strung up in a tree near the campsite.

“I must say, that hat looks quite dapper.” Ezio noted, stepping forward to walk beside the scientist.

“Thank you, dear Connor. Maybe if I find more spider silk, I can make one for you. Unless you don’t like spider silk.”

“I am not opposed to spider silk, just the spiders that make it, and that sounds lovely.” The assassin accepted, adjusting his hood.

The group finally reached the edge of the forest, and from there could see a town in the distance, just past a few gently rising hills.

“My God! What has he done?” Harry yelled out, seeing how chaotic it has apparently become.

The ground seemed to be made of garishly bright purple and medium blue checker-pattern square panels, the sky was green, it was raining a brown liquid that Deadpool immediately identified, “It’s chocolate milk.”

“Chocolate... milk?” Ezio asked, confused by such a strange-sounding concept.

Link let the milk fall onto his hand, and tasted it. Immediately, he found himself wanting more.

“Oh yes, Maxworld was definitely not this erratic.” Wilson noted.

“Well Maxworld sounds like a dreadfully boring place.” A familiar voice complained.

The group looked above and found Discord floating in the air, having come back to antagonize them.

“What do you bloody want?” Harry asked.

“Well, you see, the only way to stop me, is with the Elements of Harmony, and you don’t have any.” That last part sounded like the mocking words of a schoolyard bully.

“Oh yeah, well... you don’t have...” The mercenary put a hand to his chin in thought.

“Don’t bother Wade.” Ezio said.

“You don’t have… cajones!”

Only Wade, John, and Ezio knew what that meant, and Ezio simply took a step back and watched this battle of words take place.

Discord summoned the most powerful power possible.

MEMES!

“One does not simply have cajones.” Discord said in a mock serious tone with explanatory hand gestures.

‘Oh no, he’s breaking out chaos memes!’

‘We’re doomed, FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-’

“Well that can’t be true, because I have ALL THE CAJONES!” Deadpool countered, raising a katana and making the ‘ALL THE THINGS’ pose.

“Ain’t nopony got time for your cajones.” Discord snapped, rolling his head and snapping his fingers.

“Oh wait, here it is...” Deadpool held out nothing.

“What is that supposed to be?”

“The amount of fucks I give.”

“Well look at this!” Discord gestured to everything.

“And what is that supposed to be?”

“The amount of fucks I don’t give!” The draconequus countered.

“What is happening?” Wilson asked.

“It might be one of those weird internet things.” Harry suggested, not even sure of his explanation.

“Makes as much sense as those two.” Ezio said.

“What if I told you, you suck balls?” Deadpool mocked the Matrix guy meme.

“I’m going to take this bullet,” Discord pulled out a S&W 500 cartridge, “I’m going to shine it up real nice, then I’m going to turn it sideways and stick it STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ASS!” that one was a reference to Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.

“Challenge accepted.” Deadpool said as he crossed his arms over his chest and put on sunglasses.

“Trolololololololololololol, trolololololol.” Discord did a perfect trollface.

Deadpool took out a massive rocket launcher, and spoke.

“Surprise, Motherfucker!”

Discord put his fist in the barrel, “If you need this hole to shoot the rockets from, then I have stopped the possibility of you firing a rocket at me, Discord 1, Deadpool 0.”

“Wow, Scumbag Discord, makes chaos everywhere, then sticks his fist in your rocket launcher.”

“ENOUGH!” Discord shouted, his voice suddenly possessing the echo of a god.

“Your mom is enough.”

“You’re quite the irreverent little snot, aren’t you?” Discord gave Wade a bash on the head for his insolence, producing an empty coconut sound

“No, this is Deadpool!” Deadpool slurred, dizzy.

Discord snarled and amplified his voice tenfold, “What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Qaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in guerilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire Equestrian armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this version of Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the lands of Equestria and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Equestrian Kingdom’s Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little ‘clever’ comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you me-damned idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.”

“Wow, you even fixed the spelling mistakes, nice job buddy.” Deadpool was unaffected, whilst everyone else was covering their ears in an attempt to stop the ringing and prevent deafness.

Discord straight-up, full-on, simply and merely… blew up... and was gone, leaving no trace but the ringing in the other five men’s ears. Deadpool smirked.

“Worth it!”

“Did we win?” Wilson asked, barely able to hear himself.

“Why are you asking, of course we didn’t. It’s another display of chaos.” Harry said.

“That, and the town hasn’t been fixed yet.” John pointed out, physically pointing his finger to the still-being-ravaged town in the distance.

The group decided to make haste and run towards the haggard settlement.

“WAIT! STOP!” Deadpool said as they were just about to cross the threshold into the town.

“Wait, listen to him, I’m feeling something made of dark magic in this area.” Harry said a few words and lit his wand.

Indeed, there was intensely-shifting dark chaos magic barrier sealing the town away.

“Impressive, how’d you figure that out Wade?” Wilson commended

“Figure what out? I was gonna tell you guys that I have to pee, badly.” Deadpool went behind a large sign, and let nature do it’s work.

The others watched Deadpool with incredulous looks, right up until he retreated behind the sign, then their attentions were caught up by the sign itself.

“Okay, that’s weird.” Wilson couldn’t help but feel that somehow, this place was about as crazy as Maxworld.

“Ponyville?" Link said to himself.

“A town named after small horses?” Ezio pondered

“Oh... I know where we are!” Deadpool said to himself.

“Hold on Wade, I have internet access, I’ll Google it.” John said, accessing his suit’s internet UI.

“Yes, but I knoooow!”

“I doubt you do.”

“We’re in Equestria!!!”

“The sign says that, Wade.” Harry noted, pointing to the sign.

“Yes, but the sun and moon are controlled by winged unicorns!!”

“... He’s right.” Chief said, not believing the words he was seeing on his helmet’s UI.

“What’s a Google?” Ezio asked, intrigued.

“I don’t know either.” Wilson asked himself.

“It’s some other internet thing, it’s a common way to find information that you want to find out quickly.” Harry explained.

“This internet seems quite exhilarating.” Wilson remarked.

“It was made in the 1960s, by the military, but what we’re technically talking about is the World Wide Web, which was made in the early 1990s by a guy named Tim Berners-Lee. Ooh, I didn’t know he was bri’ish too.” Deadpool recalled, and by recalled we mean ‘read the wikipedia page’

“Oh, so I’ll be a old coot by the time it comes to my old world then.”

“Where do you come from?”

“I come from a forest in the northern half of England.”

“Okay… let me rephrase that, when do you come from?”

“It was 1962 last I checked, and I’m 30.”

“2014 for the Poolsky here.” Deadpool said to himself.

“Wait, you are both from the future?” Ezio asked in shock.

“Jesus Connor, how far back are you from to have 1962 be the future? I mean, are you World War 2 time? That was 1939-1945. Or how about World War 1 time? That was 1914-1918. You from either of those times?” Deadpool responded.

“1512 in Italia.” The assassin answered, sounding a little sheepish.

“DAAAYYYUUUUUUUUM DUDE! You’re old as hell then.” The merc said, making Ezio feel bad about himself.

“Around… 2005 in my world.” Harry spoke, reminiscing all the things that had happened before the turn of the millenium, back when he was at Hogwarts, and the much more joyful things that had happened after the turn, when he was able to live a relatively normal life.

“It is the late 11th century in Hyrule”

“2557 in my world.” Chief said.

“So you, Chiefy, like, literally over a thousand years away from Conman here?” Deadpool pointed at Chief and Ezio.

“I suppose, assuming our worlds would follow the same timeline...” Ezio thought about that for a moment.

“Then we are from different times... and we’ve all been chosen simply because Discord studied our very… diverse... timeline.” Wilson explained as lightly as he could.

“That would also be assuming that we’re not also from alternative Earths.” Deadpool mentioned, having dealt with other timelines and Earths before.

“What is Earth?” Link was confused, he had never heard the term used to describe a location unless it was an adjective.

“That right there is why we’re from other dimensions.” Deadpool confirmed, pointing at Link.

“Because Link doesn’t know what Earth is?” Harry queried.

“Well what does he call the planet?”

“It is, of course, the world of Trireign, ruled by the three goddesses, Din, Farore, and Nayru, I have heard tales of such things as Elder Gods, and one of them, Nintendo, is said to have created my world, the specific personality was one of its most charismatic, Shigeru Miyamoto.”

“Activision might be one of my elder gods, but the one who truly created me is... hold on...” Deadpool took a New Mutants #98 (Feb. 1991) comic book out from his hammerspace pocket, and read through it.

“I believe the name in the corner of the cover reads Marvel.” John pointed out.

“I know, but I’m just so awesome that I want to read through the whole thing, and also Rob Liefeld and Fabian Nicieza, they’re the specific personalities who made me.”

“I am just going to go now, speak with the townsfolk maybe.” Ezio excused himself from the weirdness. He began climbing up a nearby building that was partially outside of the barrier, using the out-of-place bricks and missing cement to hoist himself.

Link nodded “I’ll… join you." he said, grabbing onto the wall and hoisting himself up it, finding proper holding spots with ease.

Wilson and Harry looked on through the swirling black runic barrier, and decided to go around the border, trying to find anything unusual, i.e. non-chaotic, or maybe a hole where Discord had missed a spot.

“Wade, how’d you know about this world?” Chief asked, watching the retreating wizards and ancient-time warriors.

Deadpool reached into his hammerspace pocket again and pulled out a cute little smiling Pinkie Pie figurine, which he smiled at under his mask.

“Brony for life.” He stated simply, giggling a little as he gave the figurine a boop on the nose and put it back in his pocket

Chief just shook his head, watching as Ezio and Link passed over the still-visible barrier with ease.

“I think it’s more of a wall than an absolute barrier, which would be a dome, since our pre-colonial friends there seem to be above the top.” The green-clad soldier pondered.

“Is it even dangerous? I mean, Harry was all like ‘Oi, dahk magics n’ crumbs, weh shud foind a why around it’, or however British people talk, and I’m just standing here like ‘Dude, we should see if it’s even dangerous’, except in my head I sound a bit more like Duke Nukem, because I’m awesome.”

“Right, let’s just go through.” Chief said, grabbing Deadpool by the arm and tossing him through as he simply walked through the completely non-solid barrier.

“Praise Helix, and Duke did nothing during the Helix apocaly-*YACHOO*” Deadpool was overcome by a shaking sneeze.

John shuddered for a second, then *ACHOO*

They both felt a wave of pain and a few gut-wrenching sensations, then an odd sense of distortion and off-balance-ness.

Looking at each other, the two black-and-red/green clad men found themselves to be...

Black-and-red/green clad stallions!

“*GASP* PLOT TWIST!” Deadpool yelled out, preventing the short end to the chapter.

“I don’t think this counts as a plot twist, Wade.” Chief argued.

“PLOT TWIST!!!”” Deadpool yelled again.

“Again, not a plot twist.”

“PLOT TWIST!!!!” Deadpool yelled louder, as if saying it louder would make it more true.

“Why aren’t you listening to me?”

Deadpool stood up on his hind legs, pulled out a pair of UMP .45 SMGs, and fired them into the air, screaming, “PLOT FUCKING TWIST!!!!!”

“WRRRINAHANANANERNEERRRR!!!” a new voice screamed

“Who are you?” Chief asked the new human next to them.

“THE NAME’S MISTER TORQUE, AND I’M DON’T KNOW WHERE THE F*** I AM! PLOT TWIST!!!”

“That’s not a plot twist either.” Chief pulled up his Energy Sword and slashed at the human.

“YOU ARE RIGHT, IT’S A F***ING ONE-SHOT GAAAAAAAAAAG!!!” the bleeding Mister Torque said as he digitized away.

‘Well that was a thing.’

‘That was a thing.’

“So, we should make our way to find someone who knows what’s going on.” Chief commanded.

“What’s not to understand about this?” Deadpool gestured to the incalculable situation around them.

“Nothing, absolutely nothing.” The supersoldier deadpanned under his helmet, “Come on soldier, we have a mission to accomplish.” Chief led the way, somewhat shakily walking with his new quadrupedal body.

“We are stallions, stallions, ahahahahaaaaah!!! We will find them, and they will come.”

“I am not sure how I feel about that last part.”

“I’m not a clopper, or am I? Hmmmmmm…” Deadpool pondered this question so hard that it caused a scene transition.

“Clopper?” but not before Chief could put out one last question.

Ezio jumped across the small gap to another rooftop, watching Link follow with a similar jump, but with less success, as he fell below the top and had to climb up the edge of the overhang again.

“Try jumping with more force, Link.”

“You shouldn’t find it strange that I have a lack of trust in your advice, Connor.”

“Maybe you’re just too big, parkour is made more for smaller men.”

“If I’m big, then why did you call me an elf yesterday?”

“Because of your ears, and your stature, elves are tall, lithe warriors and mages, and your height/weight ratio is equal to that of a wood elf.”

“We obviously have very different definitions of ‘elf’.”

“Maybe, maybe… I am 5’6” tall, by the way.”

“I’m 5’9” tall, I could tell that I was a few inches taller than you anyway.”

“You must have massive people in Hyrule, then, if you think you’re below average.”

“The average height is 5’11” for a human.”

“I see, really big, say, I wonder… do you have any ropes or chains? I have a good idea.” Ezio remembered a Apple-conveyed story about a group of oriental Japanese fisherman Assassins who figured out how to make a ‘whip-blade’, basing the design on a cast-and-reel fishing rod.

Link hesitantly pulled out a clawshot and handed it over. He kept his hand on his bow in case ‘Connor’ were to try something.

Ezio reached his hand into the gauntlet-like device and pulled the trigger, launching the claw over to a straw roof across the street.

Immediately he was pulled towards it, and let out a loud breath of relief when he landed.

Link had used his other clawshot to pull himself over to where Ezio was.

“It’s quite a sudden rush, and will take some getting used to, amico, but this tool is amazing. Such mobility, è pazzesco.”

“Yes, can I have it back now?”

“Hmm, we’ll race, if I win, I keep it, if you win, you get it back, deal?”

“The best deal I can hope for at this point.”

“Alright, ready, set...” Ezio clawed over to another roof right as he was about to say GO.

“PLOT TWIST!!!”

“Was that Deadpool?” Link stopped to look over the edge.

“Again, not a plot twist.” the stallion that looked like Chief said to the stallion that looked like Deadpool.

The exchange went back and forth for several seconds when, suddenly and out of nowhere, a new human arrived via a cloud of colored particles, and it spoke.

Link was so enraptured by this that he actually forgot about the race until the new human disappeared.

“Wait, I still need to get my other clawshot back” He realized, looking around for his racing opponent.

‘Connor’ was nowhere to be seen.

Harry was sure that, by now, he and Wilson had walked almost the total perimeter of the barrier, because he could see a wet stain on the ground in the distance, right next to another Welcome to Ponyville sign.

“It feels like we’ve been walking for an hour.” The wizard complained, adjusting his glasses and looking at the sky as it changed to night again, then back to day a few seconds later.

“We have actually been walking for about an hour, according to my pocketwatch.” Wilson said, showing Harry his dynamic watch.

Harry could see that the watch had countless tiny panels, each color-coded to show the hours of the day, dusk, and nighttime.

“That looks like quite the device, an epic accomplishment of time-related magic.”

“I don’t know by what means it works, all I know is that I got it from a Lord of Darkness to help me survive.”

“Lord of Darkness?” Harry feared that this fragile-minded man had been interacting with Voldemort before coming here.

“Maxwell, the ruler of Maxworld, that’s why it’s called Maxworld.” Wilson said as he spun his wand between his fingers.

Sighing, the Auror continued walking, “I can understand why.” He replied in a somewhat snarky tone.

“Yes, so… what is that stain there?” Wilson pointed to the stain near the sign.

They got closer and saw that they obviously hadn’t gone a full circle around the town, and for a simple reason:

This stain wasn’t a puddle of urine.

This stain was a puddle of blood.

Going behind the sign, the pair found the body of a humanoid creature pinned to the back of it in a Jesus pose, complete with knives through the hands, feet, and one through the heart.

“Oh my God!” Wilson found himself sick to his stomach from both the sight and the smell.

“It’s… it’s both terrible and inefficient, mainly terrible.” Harry couldn’t help but notice how the killer had used four knives where one was enough.

Wilson looked at the knives themselves, pulling the one in the feet out and wiping the blood off on the pants of the creature.

“Odd, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that this knife looks a lot like those belonging to our friend Connor Kenway, but he isn’t a killer.” Wilson said, recognizing the shape of the blade and handle as the same ones held by their 1500s ally.

“Or is he?” Harry recognized the rune engraved on the blade and the same shape for the small pommel.

The Assassin’s Order, I know that rune anywhere, but how didn’t I see it before? I need my glasses checked, or my brain, didn’t he have that symbol as a belt-buckle? If what Wilson said is true then he’s one of them, they’ve been around a lot longer than the 1500s… wait a second… Connor Kenway does not sound like either a Renaissance-era name, nor an Italian name… I need to search for this in the nexus.

Harry said a few words and pulled up a magically projected screen of information, all the knowledge he could want, even if he had to work his way to the desired block of information.

“Connor Kenway.” The wizard spoke, activating the voice-controlled information display nexus and causing the screen to shift from the instruction page to another image.

Native American/English Assassin during the late 1700s. He was a key person, even if completely uncredited, in the build-up, procession, execution, and ending of; the American Revolution, interacting with George Washington himself. The projection showed Connor Kenway’s picture, who looked nothing like their ‘Connor’, not even the skin color or the robe design was the same.

Harry narrowed his eyes. This meant that ‘Connor’ had lied to them, and badly.

“Assassins from the early 1500s.”

The most notable Assassin from the early 1500s, AKA part of the Renaissance Era, was the naturally skilled member and later top-leader, the Mentor, of the Order, Ezio Auditore da Firenze, who acquired the Apple of Eden and recovered the Keys of the Masyaf to find the legacy of Altair Ibn La’Ahad, a middle-eastern assassin from the Medieval era. Records state that by the end of his life in 1524, he had accumulated an Assassination record a mile long. The distance specialists confirmed that it is, indeed, a mile long. His total number of kills is exactly 90,794, which was almost topped off in 1512, with only 1 more in his last few years of life, as confirmed by the death specialists. It is said that he spoke directly to another Assassin from the modern era, Desmond Miles. The projection showed a picture of Ezio Auditore with the caption ‘Ezio wearing the Mentor’s robe in 1512’.

The Ezio in the picture looked near perfectly identical to their ‘Connor’, even the robe and face was the same, the only difference was that their Ezio had brown hair, and this one had gray hair.

“My word... this Ezio seems to be quite the person.” Wilson remarked.

“A person who may have found out an age-reversal spell, if he is even capable of using magic.”

“Or maybe he was simply pulled here before those notable events.” Wilson reasoned.

“No, his robe is the same as his older self, the Mentor’s robe, perhaps Discord reversed his age?”

A study into a disturbance in the history of time would suggest that Ezio may have been forced to partake of the Fountain of Youth by a Chaos Avatar known as Discord. the projection informed, catching the key words of ‘Discord’ and ‘age’.

“Well, would you look at that?” Harry said, now getting the full picture.

“So our ally is one of the greatest assassins in history, with the knowledge of an old man and the abilities of a young one, and he may or may not have killed this man in cold blood.”

“Well, I suppose he’s on our side for the time being.”

“But what about the cold blood?”

“I believe that this person may have been a Templar, but I need to examine the body first.”

“Templar?”

“The enemies of the Assassin Order, the Templar Order, they have the same goal, but a very way of getting to it, the Assassins believe that the way to have a perfect world is to teach it to be perfect, the Templars say that the world must be forced into perfection.”

“Sounds like the Templars lack faith in people.”

“Or the Assassins have too much faith.”

“Either way, it’s obvious that Ezio is a good man, if he has willingly joined us.”

“Yes. I suppose.”

“I have one question though?”

“What might that question be?”

“Which side are you on, the Assassins, or the Templars?”

“I am not part of that fight, I am a Wizard, we are above the struggle for perfection of the muggle world.”

“Muggle?”

“Non-wizards are often called muggles by the wizards.”

“But all you need is Latin to do magic.”

“Not all humans are capable of magic. The fact that you are means you slipped through the cracks of the Wizard Council.”

“Then… I’M A WIZARD, HARRY!”

“Yes you are.” Harry sighed. “Yes you are.”

“Yay magic! And I’m from the sixties, say… I wonder how easy it would be to remake my Ice Staff?” Wilson pondered his magical constructs.

“You did not know of your wizardry, but you knew how to forge the power of the elements into tools?”

“Yes, yes I did, it was bloody amazing.”

“Speaking of bloody.” Harry turned to the still-bleeding corpse of the unknown man.

“I guess we’ll have to...” Wilson tried to think of a good way to put this.

*SNAP* part of the sign snapped off.

The two wizards turned towards the noise. A massive rabbit, no doubt made by Discord, was eating the sign.

“That freak.” Harry began to take the body down from the sign before it was swept up by the hungry chaos-affected animal.

Wilson helped, taking each of the throwing knives for himself.

Hauling the body away from the huge rabbit and the sign, the two looked at the dark barrier again.

“So, do you have anything that can counter dark magic?” Wilson asked, thinking hard.

“There are many spells, but most are offense.”

“In the face of a no-doubt functioning via touch-to-activate type of barrier, I would say that offense won’t be effective.”

“Well, there is one special defensive spell, used only for emergencies.”

“Fantastic, let’s cast it and get in there.” Wilson readied his wand.

Harry slowed his breathing as he willed the power forth.

This one, extremely powerful spell, if not cast correctly, could destroy or at least fragment the user’s very soul, turning them into a Hollow One, or in some more fortunate cases, a Lich.

The reason for this, was that is required one’s magic to interact with one’s actual soul.

“Expecto Patronum!” The Auror cast, a burst of light exploding from his wand.

Speaking with power, Harry commanded a spirit of goodness, a part of his very essence, to come forth and defend him from the dark magic of this god of Chaos.

Wilson looked in awe as the light formed into a magnificent, powerful-looking stag that galloped from the distance up to its creator. Upon reaching the border, it began to cast away the dark magic barrier with mere flicks of its antlers.

The scientist/wizard also noted that the dark-chaos magic tainting the ground, air, and weather was destroyed as well.

“Expecto Patronum!” The scientist cast, a significantly smaller burst of light exploding from his obviously less powerful wand.

Wilson watched as his own bravely-spoken words formed a ball of light that showed itself to be a sun-like Will-o-Wisp, and it too cast away the dark chaotic magic with little bursting bolts of light shooting out of it.

Walking past the threshold of the town with the barrier down, Wilson smiled and gave the Will-o-Wisp a little pat of appreciation for protecting him and getting rid of the taint.

It made a cute little squeaky-giggling sound and dissipated, its job complete.

Harry’s stag bowed its head to its creator and charge, then began galloping off, fading as it got further away.

“Well that was… new, I wasn’t expecting an outro from it.” Harry said, watching his spirit vanish into nothing.

“I liked it, it looked cool, and mine was quite adorable when I got to know it.” Wilson smiled.

Harry and Wilson looked down the street and saw two stallions gallop up to them.

“Guys, friends from across the pond... we’re ponies.” Deadpool stated simply.

“How did you get past the barrier without being transformed?” Chief asked, confused at the still-human state of his teammates.

“Magic!” Wilson said with glee, smiling and twirling his wand.

Harry gave Wilson a slap upside the head, “We technically don’t have to explain a bloody thing.”

“Good enough for me, by the way, since I’m a pony, I can do stuff here now! BYE!!!” Deadpool teleported away.

“I will attempt to find allies in the town, if possible.” Chief disappeared through a crack in the fourth wall.

‘I can expect the ponies to try and kill the humans since Discord summoned you.’

‘Yeah, or at least they aren’t going to trust you, like, at all.’

‘Except Wade and MC here, but I hope Wade ain’t, well, ya know...’

‘I think not, but I’m not sure, at least they have a head-start on trust, being ponies and all.’

‘Yes, the best game of Twister is a good way to build trust.’

‘Except when some douchenozzle tries to block the green dots.’

“Guys, come on, we’re trying to keep this PG here.” Deadpool complained in his own location.

‘But what about the douchenozzles who try to block the green dots?’

‘And technically, this is PG, being that we’re talking about Twister.’

“I can’t argue with that logic, and yeah, people who try to block the green dots are dicks.” The red/black clad stallion accepted, pulling out a katana and prying the front door open.

Light forced its way into the empty main room of Sugarcube Corner.

“This is one of those awesomely smooth transitions where it just sort of pans past someone’s head and suddenly the scene is different.”

‘Oh yeah, those are so siiiick.’

‘Hey look, there’s Pinkie.’

A grayed Pinkamena Diane Pie looked at this intruder in her home, eying him up.

She pulled out a blackjack and bashed him upside the head, then slammed the door shut after shoving him outside.

“NOPONY’S HOME!” She shouted angrily.

“But Pinkiiiiiie, I loooooove you.”

‘Dude, she’s gray, Dissy’s got her.’

“Oh shit, right, I forgot about that, DON’T WORRY PINKIE! I WILL SAVE YOU! FOR I AM THE GREAT, AND POWERFUL, DEADPOOL!”

“More like great and powerful dumbface!” Pinkie insulted Wade.

“Hey now, don’t call my face dumb, I feel bad enough about it as it it.”

“Well it is! So stay out!”

“But I am Dr. Professor Carlos Winston Lazarus McBatman, I can’t have been a Doctor and a Professor, or a Lazarus or a Batman, without my 17 college degrees.”

“And I’m the Queen of Syrup Land, so kiss my plot and get away from me.”

“Oh... hard to get... sexy...” Deadpool breathed heavily.

‘Actually, she literally asked for you to kiss her plot, if anything, that’s not ‘hard to get’ at all.’

‘Logic.’

“Oh… easy to get… sexy...”

Pinkie hefted up her blackjack and bashed Deadpool’s face in again.

“Oh baby, you know that I recently discovered that I might be a masochist, so that’s not going to get me to leave.”

Pinkie turned around and sucker-bucked Deadpool in the torso, knocking him across the street, then slammed the door shut again.

*PEWOWSH*

“I can teleport too.” The crazy stalker said, giving a lewd grin.

Pinkie merely punched the teleporter, causing it to malfunction.

“Oh, crap.” Deadpool suddenly teleported away.

“Stupid dum-dum trying to interrupt my stewing in anger and hatred.”

*CRASH* Deadpool jumped in through the window.

“I AM NOT DUMB, FIRSTLY I HAVE 17 COLLEGE DEGREES, granted half of them are in theater and cooking, BUT STILL! And I only teleported about twenty feet away, by the way.” Whenever his teleporter malfunctioned, its range went down by a very large margin.

“If they’re easy and cheap online degrees, then get the buck out!” Pinkie grabbed Wade and tossed him out the broken window.

“Fine, be like that, you stone-faced bitch, I’m going to go hang out with the cool ponies, like Rainbow Dash and Twilight.” Deadpool turned around and trotted away.

*boop* He bumped nose-to-nose with Pinkamena, who now stood in front of him.

“Nopony calls me a bitch!” She stabbed Deadpool in the throat.

‘Is this now Cupcakes?’

‘I think the chance for Cupcakes went out the door when Pinkie threw him out the first time.’

‘No no, like... she makes... cupcakes... nevermind, this is a brony thing.’

‘I know what you mean, and again, she threw him out, that pretty much threw away the chance to have a re-enactment of that fanfic.’

‘Well... we’d taste terrible anyway, even if we’re an unlimited hamburger machine then.’

Deadpool laid on the ground, thirty seven stab wounds in his chest.

“That oughta teach you to mess with the PINK… IE PIE!” The gray mare spat to add insult to injury.

“Could you stab me thirty two more times, you missed a lot of spots.” Deadpool croaked through blood.

Pinkie complied, and in a flurry, she stabbed Deadpool another thirty two times.

“Hehe, now I’ve got sixty nine stab wounds, funny.”

Pinkie raised an eyebrow, and stabbed him one more time.

“And there’s the mouthwash stab.”

*stab*

“And that makes seventy… awwwwWWWWWW.” Deadpool complained, standing up and giving Pinkie a boop on the nose, giggling like a schoolgirl, “I DID IT! I DID IT! LOOK MUM, I DID IT!” he cheered, jumping up and down in joy.

Pinkie now knew that this pony was more crazy than she was, and decided to slip by him while he was cheering and leave through a manhole.

“Wait, did Pinkie just leave? SHIT! I NEED HER!” Deadpool peeled the screen away and grabbed Pinkie out from in the sewer, “I’m so sorry!” he gave her a bash on the head, knocking her unconscious.

‘Note, if we’re doing her, the author better remember that Wade’s submissive, always.’

‘‘I think he’s running off to find Twilight.’

‘What makes you say that?’

‘Because this is season 2 really. So Twilight is still normal. Also, he’s running down the street screaming ‘TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT! HELP!’.’

“TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT! HELP! ALSO, WHERE’RE THE TACOS?”

Unfortunately for Wade, Twilight was a little tied up with something right now.

“So, you break into my house, and then tie me up and interrogate me? You’ve got some backwards morals, creature.” Twilight said, tied up in a chair.

Ezio and Link stood over her, the former having already come back around after quickly dispatching a random attacker right outside of the town, the latter having met up with the former and being forced to accept defeat.

The two had looked for a library to find out more information on Discord in order to more easily stop him.

“Merda, I walked in and you fired something apparently called a ‘Magic Missile’ at us, We countered and neutralized you, amico. We could have killed you. We could have broken something in your body, but we didn’t, because I want to be nice to a victim for once.”

‘Well then, if interrogating me after tying me up is nice, then I suppose I’m super nice.” Twilight said, thinking over all the times she’d ever used either interrogation or rope.

“The rope was just a precaution.”

“You both do realize, I have magic, right?” Twilight said as she teleported out of the bonds.

“Great, it seems that everyone has magic but me, where’s the love for the Assassin, huh?” Ezio complained, jealous of the seemingly commonplace power.

“Assassin? MAGIC MISSILE!” Twilight called out as a silvery bolt of energy launched towards Ezio.

Ezio caught it with his hidden blade, the metal absorbing and neutralizing the magical energy in an instant.

“Don’t do that, it scares me, and when I get scared, I get jumpy, and when Connor gets jumpy, that’s when Connor accidentally stabs someone in the throat.” He pointed to the still present bloodstains coating his hidden blades.

“MEEP!” Twilight backed away from the two, when suddenly...

Deadpool suddenly burst through the doors.

The jumpy lavender mare turned around and faced the mercenary only a second before he spoke.

“TWILIGHT, PINKIE IS GRAY!!! ALSO, hi Connor, hi Link.”

“Hello Deadpool, I was just about to ask Miss Twilight here a few questions.”

“About what?” Deadpool asked.

“We came to the library seeking knowledge.”

“But as always, he who increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.” Ezio recited, referring to having to tie up the studious unicorn.

“That’s why I never went to college.” Deadpool laughed.

‘You said you had 17 degrees.’

“Those are online degrees.”

‘That, and I’m sure it was just an excuse to make Pinkie stop calling you a dumbface.’

“That too.”

“Who are you talking to?” Twilight asked.

“The voices in my head that I have recently began sharing with Master Chief.”

Twilight backed away, bumping into Ezio again.

“You are cornered, I would not suggest attempting to flee, more physically fit creatures have tried to flee me, and I have caught them all.”

“Are you calling me fat?” Twilight asked indignantly.

“Well, you do have what the people in my business would call ‘dat flank’, and then they would make a few grunting sounds because they like rapping.” Deadpool said without realizing that he insulted Twilight.

“That’s… I… SHUT UP!” Twilight went all tsundere and bashed Deadpool over the face with a huge dictionary, “Idiot.”

‘These ponies hurt more than I expected.’

‘I think it’s mostly the weight of the knowledge.’

“Um, amico, there is a gray pony on Deadpool’s back.” Ezio pointed out.

“What? Is that... PINKIE!!!” Twilight recognized the shape of her usually joyous friend.

“This is so alt cont.” Deadpool groaned.

“Well, is it isn’t Twibright Fartkle, I still don’t know why you think we’re friends.”

“Pinkie, we just went into that maze yesterday, and Discord did something to your mind, he did it to everypony’s!”

“Not alt cont... I think.”

‘Somewhat alt cont… we seem to have not delayed the incident, but have rather delayed the resolution.”

‘We weren’t trying though.’

“I heard yelling, I am prepared to destroy anything that delays our success.” Chief skid to a halt in front of the others.

“I just noticed, Deadpool and Chief are ponies, odd.” Ezio noticed, stroking his short beard.

*FOO-WHOASH* Harry and Wilson appeared behind the group.

“STOP RIGHT THERE, EZIO!” Harry shouted, “Petrificus Totalus!” He cast the full-body paralyzation spell.

Ezio froze up in fear, but then ran off.

“I thought...”

“Wait, what just hap-? I JUST CAST PARALYZATION MAGIC ON HIM!” Harry tried again, but Ezio still didn’t stop.

“It seems that he may be immune to it.” Wilson guessed.

“Logic, I’ll go after him bronies!” Deadpool ran off, chasing Ezio.

“Is… is his real name Ezio?” Chief asked, a bit confused.

“Yes, and he’s an Assassin.” Harry said.

“Well I knew that.” Link informed, immediately getting turned to by the master Wizard.

“What, how?”

“He told me.”

“When, where?”

“Yesterday, in the forest before we all grouped up.”

“Why, who?” Harry was just confused at this point.

“Him, Ezio, told me, Link, because I didn’t let up on him.”

It was Wilson’s turn to slap Harry upside the head, if only to give him a bit of percussive maintenance.

“Get ahold of yourself, chap.”

“He ran, why though?” Harry asked, facepalming.

“I think you frightened him, because you could have greeted him in a gentler tone, pitch, volume, or wording.” Chief reprimanded, speaking with brutal honesty.

The glasses-wearing Brit found a chair near the table in the middle of the room and sat down in it.

“But how did he resist my Petrificus Totalus?” He asked, not expecting any valid responses.

“I heard him muttering Latin in his sleep last night, he was attempting to cast it, but he failed, I think he might be something even less magical than a muggle, if that’s even possible.” Wilson recalled, he’d been sleeping next to Ezio the night before.

“Well, I think there is one rumor of the magical world, one that the wizards prefer not to talk about, one that I will have to search for.” Harry brought up his magical knowledge projection again.

“Cool hologram, dude.” Deadpool said, checking out the screen.

“Weren’t you supposed to be chasing Ezio?”

“Oh, right!” Deadpool teleported away and resumed the chase.

“It is an impressively compact display, if this magic is truly worth its claims, then I should gather some intelligence on it for the UNSC.”

“Chief, it is highly possible that that is a very terrible idea, not only would the wizards apprehend the entirety of this ‘UNSC’, but you shouldn’t even be knowing about magic in the first place.”

“Well, maybe you should be more truthful to your teammates, and I doubt the wizards could handle the United Nations Space Command anyways.” Chief suggested, his ear pricking up to the sound of a voice.

Truth, it is said that there are always many sides to a story, the side of everyone involved, and the truth. The truth is something so mystical and vigorous, that it has been found to be, if ever harnessable, an unspeakably powerful entity, capable of destroying the perception of reality in an instant.

“Nice philosophy, but we need ‘less magical than muggles’, please.” Harry requested.

The wizards of archaic times told of another type of being, just as the wizards were an ascended form of humans, so too was another type of being an ascension. Those Who Came Before, sometimes known as the First Civilization, are said to, as well as their descendants, have the power to control the rules of reality with the right tools, they are immune to magic, both in the usage and receival of it, but wizards are exempt from their reality-bending power in a countermeasure. Many relics have been found throughout the history of their time, the most prominent and powerful of which is the Apple of Eden.

“Apple of Eden? Ezio mentioned that earlier.” Link muttered.

Mentore Ezio Auditore da Firenze of the Assassin Order had, for long periods of time, had possession of the Apple of Eden, the known powers of it are healing, divine guidance, mind-control, and in one case throughout history, this one not from Ezio, the power to defy death. Scans and research during a brief time of the Wizards possessing it found that there are seven powers it possesses, four of which are known, healing, divine guidance, mind-control, and defying death, though the methods by which the fourth is accomplished are unknown.

“That’s… I had no idea.” Harry dismissed the information screen and looked around.

Chief stood uncomfortably off to the side, still a pony.

Deadpool had not returned with Ezio.

Link was keeping silent and leaning against one of the wall-carved bookshelves.

Wilson was still standing near Harry, but now was a bit closer to Twilight.

“Geez, who knew that Ezio would be so special?” Wilson wondered, twirling his wand between his fingers.

“I wouldn’t have guessed myself.” Chief said from his side of the room, counting up the number of rounds he had left.

“It’s strange, and I noticed that Ezio was the only one has seemed to have received any sort of change.”

“What do you mean?” Wilson asked.

“Before I was pulled into Equestria, I was on an adventure to save Hyrule from a monstrous person known as Ganondorf, however, in a place called the Twilight Realm, Discord intercepted me, then spun me around after a musical performance and sent me here.”

“Dear lord. For me, I suppose he just turned Maxwell into a bird, killed him, then snapped his fingers, made me sneeze and sent me here.” Wilson told his own story.

“I won’t ask about the logic behind that story, but he snapped my neck and killed me, then unsnapped it and un-killed me, then ordered me to come here, other than that, nothing really changed.” Chief regaled.

“He gave me a medallion in a present box and told me to use a teleportation spell on it, and when I got here, it turned to chocolate.”

“Might you have this medallion? My sugar levels are quite low.” Chief said, checking his body scan.

“Well… bloody hell I had it in my pocket, so it’s probably melt-... it’s gone, the medallion has disappeared.” Harry informed, checking his pockets and finding only a handful of treacle-flavored taffies, “I guess I probably left it in the forest, it doesn’t matter anyways.”

“Those will do though.” Chief said, pointing at the taffies.

Harry counted out the taffies, there were seven, one for each of them, including Twilight.

Seeing no further point in hiding his magic, since everyone had already been well informed of it, he levitated the taffies out to his companions.

“Nice, delicious mind-repairing candy.” Wilson unwrapped it in a second and chomped it up.

Chief unwrapped it, but found a problem.

A head shaped problem.

‘AH, SOMEONE’S TRYING TO EAT YOUR CANDY!’

‘No, it’s his helmet, he has to take off his helmet first.’

Reaching towards the clasps, and thinking ‘How will I do this as a pony?’ the super-soldier tried to reach and undo the clasps that held his helmet on.

*KLOOP* the clasps were undone.

*HISSSSSSS* the pressurized gases of his helmet fled through the opening.

‘Your hooves work like magnets man, except you can choose what they pick up or not.’

Grabbing the sides of his helmet, he slowly lifted it off.

Everyone looked towards him, waiting for the big reveal.

His helmet came all the way of, revealing...

A normal-looking stallion with a pale tan coat, light yellow mane, and tired-looking icy-blue eyes.

“Well, we know what you look like as a pony now.” Harry said.

“I look exactly the same as a human, but with skin instead of a coat, and hair instead of a mane.”

“And a flatter face.” Wilson added.

“That too, I don’t know what all of you were expecting, but it’s not much.” Chief set down his helmet and popped the taffy into his mouth, chewing it up, “This is really good, by the way.”

“Thanks, it’s my favorite flavor.” Harry informed.

“I’d say mine too.” Chief said through tiny slurps.

“Yes, I enjoy a good Trechel every now and again.” Wilson said.

“I don’t get it.” Link said, having put the whole taffy, paper and all, in his mouth, not understanding that it was wrapped.

“Did you unwrap it first?” Harry asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“It was wrapped? I couldn’t tell.” Link had felt its papery texture, and assumed that it was just an odd type of sweet.

Whenever something was ‘wrapped’ in Hyrule, that usually meant it had been covered in a brightly colored paper, tied up in a ribbon, or inside a box.

Pulling the partially chewed piece of candy out of his mouth, he peeled the paper off in little wet strips, much to the ‘ew’s of the others. When all of it was gone, he put it back in and immediately tasted the difference.

“It tastes of the syrup of trees and the honey of bees.”

“Some call it molasses, but you’re from the 11th century, so I guess that explains your ignorance.” Chief said, his eyes locked in an ‘indifferent to these events’ partially-closed state, even as he chewed up the sweet treat.

“Mmmm, tasty.” Twilight chimed, the sugary treat bringing a smile to her face as she chewed.

Harry looked around at the cheerful faces of his fellows, wondering where Deadpool was with Ezio.

*PEWOWSH* Deadpool appeared in front of Ezio, “HAHA! STOP!”

Ezio merely vaulted off of Deadpool’s back and landed on his feet past the black-and-red clad earth pony.

*PEWOWSH* Deadpool appeared in front of Ezio, “HAHA! STOP!”

Ezio merely vaulted off of Deadpool’s back and landed on his feet past the black-and-red clad earth pony.

*PEWOWSH* Deadpool appeared in front of Ezio, “HAHA! STOP!”

Ezio merely vaulted off of Deadpool’s back and landed on his feet past the black-and-red clad earth pony.

Deadpool finally broke the cycle when he appeared in front of Ezio, then when the assassin was about to vault off his back, he jumped.

Ezio faltered for a moment, landing hard on his feet and tucking in for a roll, slowed down enough to be tackled by Deadpool.

Rolling along the ground, Deadpool pinned the small man under him, both his legs and his arm.

“HA! Gotcha, now come on back to the library and let’s talk this out, like adults or whatever, agreed?” The mercenary offered.

Ezio used his free arm to swing up a slash into Deadpool’s neck, injecting him with a powerful poison.

The crazy stallion fell off of the assassin for a few seconds, allowing him to stand up and continue running.

As if he existed only to make Ezio look cooler, Deadpool attempted to stop him as he climbed up a wall, only to show his reflexes as he clawshot-flew towards another rooftop.

Then, in midair on a jump, Deadpool appeared above Ezio, only to have the assassin grab a hind leg, swing up and onto his back, then jump off, using the earth pony’s heavy structure to his advantage.

Finally, Deadpool just straight-up tackled him again, knocking him off a roof and into a conveniently placed pile of hay.

Ezio jumped out and was immediately tackled again.

“STOP RUNNING BRONY! JUST COME BACK TO THE LIBRARY AND WE’LL HAVE CANDY AND CONVERSATION!” Deadpool commanded.

But Mentore Assassino has no superiors.

After several seconds of struggling, Ezio finally managed to wrench his hand out from under Deadpool’s hoof, then brought it up and jammed his hookblade into the back of his pursuer’s neck, pulling his head down and delivering a quick, confusing kiss.

“HEY, at least buy me dinner first, que puta!” Deadpool spoke back, clearly annoyed.

Ezio pushed him off and kept running, somewhat confused at Wade’s comment.

Deadpool appeared in front of him again, only this time...

“EUGH! WHY DID YOU EVEN DO THAT BRO-*OACHOO*” Deadpool was surrounded by a flash of gray magic and was in human form again.

Ezio stopped on a dime and turned around, running the other way.

Deadpool merely pulled out a Craywiza Reddiclosa model Bicyclic-Duality unto Magaxim.

AKA, a four-barreled .50 AE pistol.

*BOOOOM* went the four barrels, blasting a huge chunk of Ezio’s leg out, fortunately only barely scraping the bone.

“GRAH!” The assassin toppled over and slid across the rocky dirt road, his hood sliding up and behind his head and his hands holding his wound while he hissed in pain.

“In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have used my second biggest handgun.”

‘If that’s your second-biggest, what’s your biggest?’

‘Do you really need to ask? It’s both his biggest handgun and his pork-sword.’

‘Oh, eugh.’

“I made that sound a minute ago.” Deadpool said as he walked over to the writhing Italian.

“So, will you come quietly?” The standing man asked.

“Ad infernum.” Ezio replied through clenched teeth and strained breathing.

“Oh shit, you’re losing blood fast, don’t worry buddy, I have the perfect thing for it.” Deadpool ripped open a portal to another dimension, letting forth a wave of salty water, but also managing to pull through a bag.

Ezio looked up at Deadpool after almost being drowned by his antics.

Wade open the bag and removed several dozen small lead balls that acted as weights, as well as a dull golden orb.

An Apple of Eden.

“Now then, BE HEALED!” The crazy Canadian bashed the orb onto Ezio’s exposed leg-bones.

“GAH!” Ezio gasped, before feeling a rushing sensation of relief.

He looked down and saw that his leg had been healed, along with his pants.

And Deadpool was holding an Apple of Eden.

Ezio snatched it from the other man’s hand and stood up, holding it out and watching golden tendrils of light emanate from it.

“HA! Now obey me, fool.” The Italian commanded, directing the lights towards his pursuer.

The lights began to wrap around Deadpool’s head.

“...No thanks.” Deadpool slapped the overpowered item out of Ezio’s hand, causing it to shatter upon hitting the ground, each individual piece shattering into tarnished chunks, each of those chunks (for some reason) flattening into little splatters.

Ezio just took a step back, appalled at the way such a powerful relic had so easily broken.

“It’s like Wilson’s brain, just hit it on the ground really hard and it’ll break.” The muscly gunman explained, not really explaining anything at all actually.

Ezio took another step back, then just put his hands up, “I give up.” He surrendered.

“Alright, cool, now then, we just need to get back to the libra-” Deadpool was cut off by the sudden speaking of a young, tomcoltish voice.

“See, I told you girls that there’re weird two-legged things in town.” Scootaloo said, pointing a hoof at the two killers.

“They look funny.” Applebloom said, cocking her head to the side and raising an eyebrow at the appearance of the two.

“Um… I really like his... mane.” Sweetie Belle said, trying to sound nice as she looked at Ezio’s suave hair-do, which was visible since his hood was still down.

“AwwwwwWWWWWWW, SO CUTE!” Deadpool picked the Cutie Mark Crusaders up in a big bear hug.

“Hey, I’m not cute!” Scootaloo complained, trying to fight the powerful embrace of the mercenary.

“Of course you aren’t,” He agreed sarcastically, “But little fillies who deny being cute only become cuter!” The masked man squealed in schoolgirl-like delight, hopping up and down.

*SQUEEK!* Sweetie Belle managed out from her compressed lungs.

‘Okay, let them go, she squeaked, and we don’t need Diabetus.’

*Sigh* “Fine!” Deadpool dropped the CMC onto the ground and turned towards Ezio.

“Let’s get you to back to the library to figure out this Discord business!”

“Discord?” The three fillies exclaimed.

“You know of him?” Ezio asked the little girls.

“He made mah sister a liar!” Applebloom complained.

“He made my idol a self-centered jerk!” Scootaloo yelled out.

‘I sense a minor irony.’

“He made my sister fall for a rock.” Sweetie Belle said dejectedly, pawing the ground a bit.

“A... rock?” Ezio asked awkwardly.

“Yeah, a rock. She calls it Tom.”

“I woulda called it ‘Dwayne’, but that’s just D-Pooly here, come on, we have ‘stuff’ to ‘do’ and ‘continuity’ to fix!’ The merc-with-the-mouth grabbed Ezio with one hand and scooped up the defenseless fillies with his other.”

“You are not a narrator in some sort of play, amico.” Ezio said as they flashed away and reappeared ten feet from the library.

“Wait, my teleporter is still a bit buggy, is everypony okay?” He looked to the CMC first.

Applebloom looked like a tiny bit of her tail had been clipped off, and a few of Scootaloo’s mane-hairs looked out of place.

“Teleporter? I… I give up on... on... trying to make sense of you!” Ezio gut-punched the crazy mutant.

“OOOH! DON’T POKE ME THERE! That’s where I keep my tacos.” The just-jabbed antihero said, rubbing his stomach.

“Poke? What do you… OH MIOS DIO!” Ezio looked at the half-present structure of his poison blade, the other half having probably been teleport-cut off.

“Don’t worry dickbag, I got it.” Deadpool pulled the other half of the broken blade out of his lower thigh, “Healing makes a good carry-bag.”

Ezio took the other half and removed his left blade, as it was quite useless now.

“THERE YOU ARE!” The sound of Harry’s voice made Ezio flinch and tense, ready to run.

“Harry, nice to see you again.” The assassin pretended nothing was wrong.

“Nice to see you too, Ezio, now explain this.” Harry brought up the information page linking Ezio to the First Civilization and the Apple of Eden.

“The First Civilization was promiscuous, and there are many partial-First partial-human people, I am one of them.” Ezio remembered what the Apple of Eden had told him through Divine Guidance.

“I see, that information lines up with what the databanks have to offer, so you’re off the hook… for now.” Harry dismissed both the screen and his suspicions, at least for the moment.

“I was not on a hook to begin with.” Ezio argued, gesturing to his un-stabbed clothing and skin.

“No… that doesn’t… he means you’re out of trouble… for now.” Wilson explained.

“But I have one question, if we’re going to keep you-*CHOO*” Chief turned back into a human.

“I can answer a question, amico, if you can not sneeze on me.”

“Challenge accepted, so, here’s the question: Are you on our side? Can we depend on you to cast aside your personal desires and/or safety to contribute to either the good of the tea-?” Chief stopped when Ezio nearly shouted.

“Yes, I have stabbed countless people, in the head, eyes, between the eyes, lungs, kidneys, chest, stomach area and stomach organ, legs, arms, neck, and even the ass and nether-region. While I have physically stabbed countless people in their actual backs, I have never metaphorically backstabbed anyone, ever.” Ezio swore up, down, left, right, and center of his duties and ‘gentlemen’s agreement’ to everyone on his side.

“...Good.” John accepted the explanation with no further questioning.

“Yes, my duties may be to myself, but my first loyalties are to the Creed and to my allies.” The mentor added.

“I believe you.” The super-soldier assured, leaning on the wall.

“Just like that?” Twilight queried, looking at the assassin, “You’re just going to accept his statements at face value?”

“Well, two things, Twilight, one; I am a good judge of character, that’s one of the three reasons I’ve made it this far, the other two reasons are luck and skill. Two; Ezio knows that, if he betrays us, we’ll just kill him.” It was brutally honest and blunt, but Chief had learned a lot in his time, and being blunt was sometimes the only way to hammer out the imperfections..

“I will do anything to prove my goodness.” Ezio pleaded.

“I… may have a solution.” Link unsheathed the Master Sword.

“I will do anything to prove my goodness, except get stabbed.” Ezio revised, backing away from his supposed friend.

“I will not stab you, I merely ask you to place your hand on the blade.” Link knew that this would be the ultimate voice of truth in this situation.

The Master Sword was also known as ‘The Blade of Evil’s Bane’, only one of pure heart and soul, such as himself, could wield it.

Ezio did not hesitate as he reached his hand over the blade and touched it.

It felt hot and stung his hand, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle.

“How does it feel?”

“It’s smooth, a perfectly made blade, amico. It seems to hold the power of storms, though, as it feels hot and stings my hand the longer I hold it.” Ezio said through gritted teeth.

“He’s neutral, we definitely will not have to worry about him.”

“Yes, I was aware of that.” John half-agreed, a bit miffed that his honest and confident evaluation had been ignored.

“I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, I was only trying to give everyone a definitive result.”

John just sighed and looked away, his icy-blue eyes locked on the still-open library door.

Wilson followed the pale man’s gaze and saw something from his angle.

A shadowy translucent figure, clearly one of those nightmare constructs that plagued his fragile mind.

“BEGONE!” The scientist shouted, charging out of the doorway with his Dark Sword raised high.

The figure disappeared when he got about fifteen feet away.

“NO! Come baaaaack! I need to banish yooooou.” He called out dejectedly, quietly dropping to his knees with a defeated-sounding whimper.

The figure stopped only a few blocks away, and found that she wasn’t being followed anymore. She dropped her invisibility cloak and sighed. She had a full body catsuit, and blue goggles covering her eyes.

Of course, the insane one sees through it!

She took out a balisong out of habit, and looked around the corner, seeing what few ponies remained outside being greyed out left and right by the chaotic being.

Regardless, she had a job, and called back her employer.

“Ah, Agent 4, it’s been a while.”

Agent 4 nodded.

“Almost caught?”

She nodded.

“Either you’re losing your edge, or those humans here are more crafty than we thought. Keep your distance. Another thing, the green armored one, he managed to tap into our satellites and access imagery of the whole of Equus. Oh and I thought you should know, for the other world, our attempt to kill off the most dangerous one was unsuccessful.”

“What made you think the normal one was dangerous?” She talked back in a hushed tone.

“The least intimidating ones are usually the more dangerous ones. Regardless if he can barely handle his rifle, he still managed to kill one of our own. I think the zombie one has also found the abandoned Base 99, we detected his presence nearby.”

“Which zombie one? The actual zombie, or the drunken idiot?”

“The drunken idiot is not much of an idiot, unless he was just wandering around and not actually actively searching for us, the former of which is more likely, now that I say it out loud. Luckily, unless one of them has a large amount of hydrogenated decacarbide and a bit of nitrogen, they won’t be able to complete the lock circuit to open the door to the experiments lab, which we trashed for the most part, but they might find something in there. Enough of my rambling, any other news from your end?”

“One of the HVIs is an Assassin from the order. My partner’s dead, by the way”

“An Assassin! Dammit, your partner must have been a Templar. Change of plans, do not engage until target Discord is eliminated by The Elements of Harmony. We cannot risk any more men dying by these... misfits.”

“I’ll be careful around the Tim Burton knockoff the most, he was the one who found me.”

“Good idea, and good luck beautiful.”

Agent 4 chuckled, and smiled under her mask.

“Same here, handsome.” She closed her comms link, and proceeded to get on top of the rooftops.

She’d perform ‘Step 3’ later, right now, Discord had to be taken care of.

She knew that they wouldn’t fall so easily, they were not easy at all. If anything, they were the most difficult threat there is...

Period.

“Amicos, if we are to stay together, we must be able to trust each other, we must learn to be able to depend on one another, agreed?” Ezio asked, taking the initiative with some team-building exercises.

“Alright, what are you proposing?” John asked.

“He’s not proposin’ anything Johnny-boy, he’s asking for agreements.” Deadpool corrected, “And I’m in, so what’re we doing? Does it involve Mexican food?”

“No, I’m not sure what a Mexican is.”

“Mexicans are from Mexic-ooohhhhhh, right, yeah, 1500s dude. They’re from Mexico, south of America! Americaaaaaa! GOOOOD GAAAVE HIIIIS GRAAACE TOOOO THEEEEE! And he gave the power of FREEDOM TO HAVE GUNS!” the black-and-red clad man pulled out dual shotguns and fired them out the door.

“Well, that is… okay. So, one thing that I know will keep us close is a special system I devised. I call it ‘Codex of Code X’,” Ezio paused to sit down on the couch near the fireplace, “So here’s how it works, we need to be honest about ourselves to our fellows here, and with that honesty comes a test, and when that test is passed, it ties another rope of friendship between ourselves.”

“That’s nice and all, chap, but how does it work?” Wilson sat on the floor near him.

“I will go first. I have an ability, as part of my First Civilization blood, called ‘Eagle Vision’. This ability, along with focused senses, allows me to see something’s relation to myself, so I just…” he clenched his eyes shut, and when he open them again, there was a black ring around his hazel irises, “You all are blue, except Harry and Wilson for some reason, you two don’t show up. Blue means friendly, but if there was something red, that would be an enemy.”

“I think I get it, so what does this mean in terms of this exercise?” Harry asked.

“After sharing your details, you will say the following phrase: I, your name, solemnly ask you, my allies, to trust me should I call upon usage of the phrase, and then the phrase, should I use my skills of, and then your skill.” Ezio said, making gestures and motions to assist with the conveyance of knowledge.

The assassin repeated the proclamation a few times to make sure everyone got it.

“Alright, I think we’ve memorized it good enough.” John assured.

“Okay, I will go first. I, Ezio Auditore, solemnly ask you, my allies, to trust me should I call upon usage of the phrase, Code Red Eagle, should I ever use my skills of alignment determination to separate friend from foe and find a foe.” Ezio put his right hand over his heart and his left hand up.

A general agreement of ‘yes’ was the response.

Harry swore in ‘Code Bloody Bell’ for when he detected dark magic.

Wilson swore in ‘Code Sugar Crash’ for when his mind was breaking down.

John swore in ‘Code Reach’ for if there was any sort of alien language or technology that he recognized.

Link swore in ‘Code Skirmish’ for when his battle-sense would kick in. It was usually a divine warning in the form of a change of ambiance, a warning-sounding musical track that led into a battle song.

Deadpool was denied swearing in ‘Code Tacos’ for when he was hungry, but got approved for ‘Code Mexican Hater’ whenever there was an enemy that even he would take seriously, which meant that that enemy was a really goddamn big deal.

“So, what all of you may not have noticed, is that lady Twilight is gone.” Ezio poked his head out of the door, seeing nopony in town.

John poked his head out above Ezio’s, there was still nopony in town.

Wilson poked his head out under Ezio’s, still nopony.

Going up from the bottom, Link, Harry, and Deadpool poked their heads out of the other side of the door.

Nopony.

Nopony at all.

“Well, looks like Ponyville lost its namesake… WAIT! CHAOS CONSTRUCTS!” Deadpool pointed towards crazy-looking brown figures in the distance, “WAIT! THE CHILDREN!” the teleported away.

The strong anti-hero finished depositing all of the fillies and colts of Ponyville into the church, which he’d been surprised even existed here.

“I guess it’s like, offerings to Celestia and Luna for favors and stuff.” he kept his language clean around these youngsters.

Handing one of his comics (Deadpool Team-Up Vol. 1 #885) to Cheerilee to read to the worried school-aged foals, Deadpool teleported outside.

*BOOM!* Something hit the side of the church, not doing much to the thick, heavy stone walls.

There were sounds of struggle outside, and Cheerilee merely read further through the comic, speaking louder so that every foal could hear her.

Reading through each line with a louder voice, another *BOOM!*

The sound of ripped flesh and punching filled the hall.

A series of *BOOM!* later, and the sounds of struggle got steadily louder and louder.

*SHHHIIIIIIIINNNG… CRACK* A scythe, one of Deadpool’s lesser-used weapons, punctured the door, scaring everypony inside.

Cheerilee held the comic close and walked down the aisle, trying to imagine what might be going on outside.

Images of deadly, horrid beasts, the very appearance of which would corrupt the minds of these young ponies forever. Her imagination burned the images into her mind’s eye.

Before she knew it, she’d reached the door, and looked through the hole the scythe had left.

“Hey.” Deadpool said in a calm voice as he turned his head back towards the door, seeing Cheerilee’s eye peeking through the hole he’d left.

“Uh... h-hel-l-lo?” Cherilee stuttered.

“How ya doing?” Deadpool looked no worse for wear, even though there was a veritable army of chaos constructs fifteen feet away from him, each snarling and wanting to tear him apart.

“J-j-just p-p-p-peach-ch-ch-chy.”

“Good. Have fun. Stay safe. Keep the children happy.” Wade’s voice went serious, a dangerous sign.

Then he went back to fighting the Chaos Constructs again.

Slashes and stabs flew everywhere, he lost blood about half as fast as he could regain it.

As the battle raged on, an aura of goodness, which surrounded Deadpool completely, became more and more bright and prominent, surrounding the merc in a holy red glow.

“AAAAHHAAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA! THIS IS POOLSIDERS II BITCHES! HAHAHAAAAAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAA!” Deadpool laughed uncontrollably as he fought with more agility and strength than ever before, becoming a veritable whirlwind of deadliness.

Celestia sensed a disturbance in the force.

Something had just tried to embody the Element of Harmony of Laughter.

The scary part was: it was succeeding.