House and his doctors were treating a patient. It looked like a case of hypothermia but the patient was in a sauna when it happened.
House was stumped so he called in help from the one person he respected to help him, the brilliant and marvelous Cassandra.
"Wow, I can't believe we're talking with the real live Elements of harmony ponies," gushed 13, "they cured my depression . I was self diagnosed with depression."
"What do you have to be depressed about?" asked Twilight,
"I'm bisexual" said 13. Everyone except Cassandra was repulsed, because she was bisexual too, and she knew the pain and suffering all too well from her dark past. But like 13, she fought through it and graduated magna cum laude from Equestrian doctor school. Then she got bored of it and completed the rest pf the doctorate programs and got A plusses on everything.
She decided to reward 13's bravery by curing her Huntington's. then she addressed the rest of them, "It's not acceptable to be intolerant of bisexuals. You're haters and that's bad." They were glad they had Cassandra to teach them this valuable lesson. they all agreed that they should try to be more like Cassandra.
"Crikey mate I'm as happy as a kangaroo playin' a didgeridoo in the billabong" said Chase.
"Huehuehue, British people talk funny," chuckled Applejack.
"He's not British, you culturally unrefined hillbilly" said Cassandra. House was impressed at how brutally honest Cassandra could be.
Dr. Wilson poked his head in. "Cassandra, I heard you have the cure for cancer. Will you share it with me?"
Cassandra's face darkened, "James, you've reminded me of another bleak chapter of my dark past. It's true, I discovered the cure for cancer and eradicated all forms of cancer from Equestria. But there were consequences. Millions of oncologists like yourself were put out of work. They called for my execution. I was forced to flee the palace and leave all my friends. I had to settle for a less idyllic town and worse friends." Everyone in the room looked grim, it was true, Cassandra deserved better friends than present company, especially Applejack. They all admired how good Cassandra was at dealing with adverse circumstances.
Foreman came bursting through the door, "The patient's gone into cardiac arrest!"
"Did you run a Fluid After Kidneys Exam?"
"Yeah, it came back negative."
"What about administering 45 cc's of Motrin Augmented Depsotkote Ether under pancreas?"
"Yeah, but then the patient began to reduce heart rate."
"Then there's only one solution," said Cassandra, "a nasal oncology test... respiratory emergency arterial lobotomy"
"Collective gasp!" said everyone, "that's much too risky."
"It's the only way" said Cassandra firmly, "you must trust me, for I am the seventh element of harmony, trust."
"Stop right there!" said Cuddy, aka the fun police.
"Move it, Doctor Do-Nothing!" yelled Cassandra, justifiedly smacking Cuddy out of the way. The pestilent woman crashed into a skeleton, breaking the hand bones.
"God dammit Cuddy!" yelled Lyra. Cuddy was sorry that she sucked so much.
Cassandra rushed into the ER with the other doctors following behind.
"Oh no," said Masters Degree or whatever that new girl's name is, I don't know I stopped watching around Season 6, "House can't run fast enough to get here" We need someone to do the operation now!"
"Step aside" said Cassandra, "I will perform the operation." The other ponies fainted at the sight of blood but Cassandra was brave and completed the operation and saved the patient's life!
Cassandra won the Nobel Prize in medicine, to the shock of many. "This is preposterous!" exclaimed the chairman, "I can't believe what I'm seeing! The Nobel prize being awarded to a woman???"
Applejack ran in excitedly, "hey look y'all! They have free drinks in th' toxicology lab!" she showed them a bottle with a skull and
crossbones label, "this must be pirate rum! Ah hope it tastes like apple cider!"
The day was saved and it was time for the Mane 7 to go home. "So Greg," said Cassandra, the only person that House let address him by his first name, "what're you going to do now?"
"I'm going to try curbing my Vicodin addiction for the millionth time. Then I'm going to confess my deep seated love to Cuddy. Then I'm going to jump my bike over a shark pool."
"Best of luck with that," said Cassandra.