Rainbow Dash trotted over a rock bridge spanning an underground river. Water rippled below, echoing across the cavern walls and ceiling with an oddly melodic tone. In the glow of a distant torch, several diamonds and jewels glittered with tranquil brilliance.
“It friggin' begs the question,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “If these dudes have so many shiny things this far deep, then why do they send slaves to the surface to dig around there?”
“Judging from the smell, I guess it's because they want a breath of fresh air,” Lancie yawned.
“Or maybe they see things inside out compared to ponies.” Rainbow licked her lips as her brow furrowed. “The surface world is like the outer limits to them, so maybe they wanna go outside, nibble on the crust, and eat their way back home.”
“Okay, now you're just sounding plain silly.”
“I also haven't eaten in—like—twelve hours.”
“Then have a squat and dig into your bread, girl!”
“No can do.” Rainbow Dash shook her head with a devilish smirk. “I'm at my best when I've got an empty stomach.”
“Spoken like a true idiot.”
“Yeah, well, this true idiot can fly faster than a speeding arrow, thank you very much!” She snorted and trotted further along, approaching a narrow corridor at the far end of the bridge. “I'll eat when I deserve to.”
“You do realize you're your own worse enemy.”
“I don't know what you're rambling about...”
Lancie sat up straight and patted Rainbow's ribcage below the saddlebag. “This could stand to be fuller! What, are you punishing yourself or something?”
“Don't be ridiculous...”
“I may be made out of stone, but I'm not blind, you know.”
“But you are dense.”
“Hardy har har.” Lancie's granite eyes narrowed. “I've seen the other ponies you pretend to be friends to. Most of them weight twice as much as you do.”
“Pfft... whatever...”
“I'm surprised you don't snap like a twig from just flapping your wings!” he exclaimed, wildly flailing his arms and tail. “You're easily the smallest of the bunch!”
“So I was foaled a month early.” Rainbow Dash shrugged and continued trotting through the torchlight. “I may be pint-sized, but I fly like a rocket.”
“A dart is more like it,” he grumbled.
“Since when were you so dang worried about my size?”
“Since I realized that you were actually going to take me seriously and scrounge up each of my shards!”
“Hey, I've only promised to go after this one shard. You owe me, buddy.” A pause. Rainbow glared back at him in mid-stride. “And why are you so surprised that I'd take you seriously?”
He cupped his paw and talon together while smiling innocently. “No reason!”
Rainbow's muzzle scrunched, then unscrunched with a sigh. “This had better not end in my death. I totally deserve to go down facing a dragon...”
He held up a talon. “That can still be arranged, y'know!”
“Feh.”
Lancie ducked as she carried them beneath more stalactites. “Do you even know where you're going?”
“I'm following the rubies and diamonds,” Rainbow Dash droned. “Last time I was in a Diamond Dog burrow, that's what Spike and Twilight had us do. It led us straight to Rarity.”
“You sure you're not too terribly distracted to make a proper judgment call?”
“Jee, I dunno. I might do better without a friggin' snake statue with antlers talking my ears off!”
Lancie folded his arms and smirked. “Hah. As if you needed little ol' me to be distracted.”
“I've no idea what you're talking about.”
“Don't you?” Lancie leaned forward. “How about a pop quiz?”
“Unnngh... hoo boy.” Rainbow slumped in mid-trot with folded ears.
“How many Diamond Dogs did you see on the surface?”
“Roughly two hundred...”
“How many clouds did you gather to make the rainstorm that drove them underground?”
“Mmmmngh... twelve, I think. A few of them broke off.”
“That's forgiveable. Ahem. How many stalactites have hit me in the head since we got here?”
“Three.”
Lancie blinked. “Three? But I only remember—” Bonk! “Sonuvalongshoreman!”
“Heheheh...” Rainbow Dash smirked victoriously.
Lancie rubbed his scalp, smirked, then leaned towards her head with puppy-dog eyes. “How many freckles does she have?”
“Hmmmmm... thirteen and a half. Depends on how sweaty she is and the time of day—” Rainbow's eyes crossed. She stomped her hooves and snarled back at him. “You little turd burglar!”
“You really are hopeless, aren't you?!” he cackled.
“Shhhh!” Rainbow hissed, nervously eying a light source at the far end of the tunnel. “Keep it down, will ya?”
“You'd better tell that to your wings, Sparky! Looks like bread dough isn't the only thing rising these days!”
“No! I mean it!” Rainbow Dash darted forward, squatting behind a wooden crate that loomed above a large, spacious cavern. “I'm hearing barking noises up ahead!”
“Seriously, though...” Lancie whispered in her ear. “How did you even get close enough to the mare to count her freckles?”
“That's n-not important right now!”
“Isn't it? Isn't it always important?” He leaned casually against her shoulder, grinning. “It's why you've taken the leap of faith with me to begin with! Even down here, in the den of evil, surrounded by frothing rabid dogs and miserable slaves, all you can think about is falling into the arms of some luscious blonde and listening to her sing you softly to sleep with the songs from the field—Mmmmfmmmfmffmmfff!”
Rainbow Dash had shoved a tuft of wingfeathers into his mouth. She sighed. “I really really wish you came with an off button.” She peered over the crates. “Don't look now, but a procession's coming...”
“Mfmfffmmfff-mfmfffmmff?!”
“Easy for you to say...”