//------------------------------// // How did I get into this mess? // Story: Smashed // by Yoru no Seishin //------------------------------// Twas a fine day in the city of Canterlot. The sun was shining. Really wish I had a pair of shades. The ponies were going about their daily routines. Bunch of stuck-up jerks. Celestia went about her duties; which essentially revolved having an audience with her subjects and listening to their suggestions and praise. Show them your bondage dungeon, Tia. They’ll definitely praise you after that. And the daily tour group was visiting the royal sculpture garden. I care about this why? I’m trying to set the mood for the story. But did you have to mention the tour group? No one visits me, so I get depressed. Well what would you say? How about “Notable locations are the Canterlot symphony hall, the Wonderbolt air grounds, and the royal sculpture garden, housing monuments to Equestria’s greatest heroes and it’s most sinister villains. It’s so remarkable, I come here every day!”? You never leave. And since I never leave, you would think that I would get some visitors. Well you’re not exactly easily seen. AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?! Whoa! Calm down, dude. Sorry. I need a moment. You can go narrate the tour group now. Very well. As we return to the tour group, we see that the group is Ms. Cheerilee and her class on a field trip from Ponyville. Out of the class, the most noteworthy would be three young fillies. The names of the three are Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, who regularly cause extensive property damage in pursuit of their cutie marks. They drifted to and fro, gawking at every statue they came across, before arriving at Victory’s statue and having a discussion over her cutie mark, which quickly dissolved into an argument involving dictionaries. Their attention was quickly gained by their teacher, as she directed them towards one of the more infamous statues. The creature of chaos, the demon of disharmony, and a very creative dungeon master when playing D&D: Discord. The fillies and colts looked in awe at the mismatched creature that once ruled Equestria with an iron paw/claw. However, the group quickly left as an argument began over what the statue represented. The statue pulsed with a purple light as the stony surface began to crack and split, and with a very dramatic explosion, Discord was free. He briefly spent the first few seconds cracking his joints before turning his attention to me “Excuse me, but would you happen to know where I can find one of my generals? I would like to cause as much chaos as I can and they typically don’t disappoint me.” He said with a smirk on his face. Try the labyrinth. Without another word he made his way towards the large hedge maze, weaving his way to and fro, making the necessary twists and turns to reach his target: the maze center. A popular myth regarding the maze was that Celestia had sculpted it herself and placed a prize in the center for those who could solve it. A feat easier said than done, as few ponies had the patience to persist in this endeavor. Those who cheated would be disappointed to find no reward. As Discord arrives in the center, we can see that the myth holds true. Before him stands a masterpiece that would make any artisan green with envy (provided that they’re not already green). The masterpiece in question is a large marble 3-tier fountain. The bottom tier consisted of numerous fillies and colts enjoying the bliss of their childhood. The middle tier showed three ponies, one from each of the races, performing their talents: a pegasus shaping a cloud, an earth pony tending to the wildlife, and a unicorn with its horn sparking with magic. The top tier showed Celestia and Luna holding their respective astral bodies. However, what threw the few ponies that saw it was what stood on top of the fountain. Standing on top is a tall amphibious- looking creature. The creature stands balanced on one of its legs with its arms out to the sides in a meditative stance. Its triangular head is held at attention, though its eyes show a rather nonchalant expression. Around its neck is what appears to be a long scarf, its position indicating a strong breeze. Discord, being a connoisseur of fine art, took a whole three seconds to appreciate it before he floated over and knocked on the creature’s head. “Yo frog boy. You awake?” How can I sleep when you’re banging on my head? “Excellent. Seeing the position you’re in, I would assume my other generals face similar fates. Do you happen to know where Proxy, Crag Cracker, or Swift Talon is?” Unfortunately my lord, the others died in the campaign against the sisters. I’m all that remains of your empire. “That’s rather disappointing, but it appears that there will be more chaos for us.” Speaking of chaos, would you mind letting me out? Marble doesn’t really go with my complexion. “Try granite sometime. As for your release, I don’t have the current power to break your prison. However, I can make a catalyst that’ll break it under a certain condition.” I’ll take whatever I can get. He cleared his throat before gathering a small amount of chaos energy in his hands. “Void of reason, but not of rhyme. I say these words to ensure our chaos time. To release you for the world to see, only intentions pure will set you free.” Do your solutions always have to be so superfluous? “Would I be Discord if they weren’t?” Good point. “As much as I enjoy this reunion, that chaos isn’t going to cause itself.” Go enjoy yourself, and in the event you’re captured again, does our old deal still stand? “I never break a promise.” And in a flash of light, he was gone. You know, I’ve always wanted to give that guy a Rorschach test just to see what he would say. You can do that when you’re free. Think you can handle the narration for a while? Now seems like a good time. (POV- ???) Well since we’re alone with my thoughts, I suppose I should tell you how I got into this mess. It began long ago in a dimension far far away… (Earth- 1,037 years ago) Back then life was simple. I was an undergraduate without a care in the world. Oh, I haven’t introduced myself. I am Isaac. The last name isn’t important. What is important is what I was doing that fateful day. On that day, I was attending an anime convention and no I wasn’t cosplaying. I instead opted to spend all my cash in the dealer’s room and taking pictures of the cosplays I did enjoy. However, what really caught my attention was a table a little out of the way. It was very simple, except for what was on the front: the Smash Bros insignia. When I saw this, I immediately felt a sense of nostalgia remembering the matches I had with my friends back home. My curiosity got the better of me and I struck up a conversation with the guy at the table. Turns out the guy was holding a Smash tournament and was looking for participants. I looked at the sign-up sheet and noticed the definite lack of names. Before I could make a decision, he laid something on the table: Super Smash Bros for WiiU. This shouldn’t be out for months. I’m definitely signing-up now. After signing, he instructed me to hold my hand out. I did so and was handed a circular piece of glass with a gold rim. “You’re giving me a monocle?” “Think of it as an ID for the tournament.” “Whatever you say.” He then stuck out his right hand, which I just noticed was adorned in a white glove. “I look forward to seeing you fight.” “I look forward to fighting.” I grabbed his hand and my vision instantly went black. My last thoughts were “I regret nothing” and “Curse you, Dinkleberg!!!” “Eep!” Wait, that’s not part of the flashback. (Equestria- Present) Taking the quickest exit from memory lane, I look for what interrupted my flashback and notice something at the base of my fountain. A butter yellow mare with a pink mane is looking at me. Searching my memory, I recognize her as Fluttershy (sans wings) and that noise was probably me scaring her. “What are you?” A mess, that’s what I am. She keeps walking around my fountain, probably trying to figure out if I’m real or not. “I know that the sculpture garden has heroes and villains, but I don’t know which one you are. If you’re a hero, I want to thank you for what you’ve done. If you’re not…” I watch as she starts to climb the fountain and am quite surprised when she hugs me. “I hope you have a chance to redeem yourself.” She hops down and runs off, likely to find her friends. I notice my stony shell fall apart and I topple to the ground. I take a moment to appreciate the sweet ground before I stand up and turn my attention to the fountain, which is now pile of rubble. “It’s a shame. That fountain felt like a part of me, both figuratively and literally.” I look down the path that Fluttershy had made her exit. “Pure intentions. You really are Kindness.” My gaze shifts to the castle. “Time to get my stuff back and give Sunbutt a piece of my mind.”