Button Mash, his mom, and I sat there in the hospital, waiting for the doctor to return from wherever he went. Since there was nothing else to do, I decided to get to know my company a little better.
"So," I said after a period of silence, "I don't believe we've been properly introduced. My name is Jack, Jack Christiansen."
"I'm Button Mash," he said in introduction.
"And my name is Nusery Rhyme," said his mother.
"Pleasure to meet you both," I smiled, "Look, I'm going to be straight with you both. I don't know where the hell I am or how I got here."
"Something tells me that's what the doctor went to find out," Button offered.
"There's someone in this town, or wherever I am, that would know that?"
"Well not necessarily," Nursery sighed, "but there is a princess in Ponyville, maybe she'll know something."
"Wait," I stopped her, "there's a princess in this town? Like true blue royalty?"
"Yeah," Button said excitedly, "Princess Twilight Sparkle, she came and greeted us when we moved here from Manehattan."
"Did somepony say my name?" an unfamiliar female voice asked from down the hall. The three of us looked in the direction of the voice and saw not one, but two, females coming our way.
"Princess Twilight!" Button called.
"Now, Button, how many times have I asked you not to call me 'princess'?" The one speaking had purple, almost lavander, fur with similar colored hair which had streaks of rose and dark blue. A horn similar to the one the doctor had stuck out from between her bangs. She wore a long-sleeve button-up white shirt and a long purple skirt.
"Sorry Twilight, I can't help it."
"This is the one I told you about, princess," it was the doctor again, "he's like no other pony I've ever seen."
"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not a pony," I was becoming just a bit aggravated by this point.
"Well he's obviously not a pony," the princess said matter-of-factly, "just look at his features. He hasn't got any fur, he doesn't have a tail, and these things on the side of his head seem to be his ears. What do you think, Fluttershy?" She turned to her companion, a butter yellow-furred, pink-haired female in a spaghetti-strap pink top and a flower print skirt.
"Well, um, I-I would agree with you," the girl known as Fluttershy said in a tone of voice so quiet I could barely hear it.
"If anything," Princess Twilight continued, "he looks like a shaved minotaur."
"A shaved minotaur," I questioned, "The polite term is human."
"Hue...man," Twilight sounded out, "is there a scientific name for that?"
I pushed my glasses down past the bridge of my nose so I could look over the rims, "Homo sapien sapien."
"Fascinating," Twilight's horn lit up a color not unlike her coat and in a blink of light suddenly a sheet of paper and a quill appeared, "how do you spell that?"
"Look, your majesty, I don't know what you think of me, but I just want to go home."
"Well, where is your home? Are you perhaps from the Everfree Forest?"
"The Everfree Forest?" I was confused again, "No, I'm from a place called Earth, and a country called America. Do you want to see my ID?"
"ID?"
"Here," I reached into the back left pocket of my jeans and pulled out my wallet. I flipped it open to reveal my driver's license and showed it to my companions. Twilight stared at it intently.
"Cal-i-fornia," the princess sounded out again, "That's no place I've ever heard of. How did you get here?"
"I don't know, exactly. I was at my computer, and all of a sudden I was sucked through the monitor and spit out of Button's television."
"Is this true, Button?"
"Well I don't know what a computer is," he answered, "but he definately shot through the TV in my room."
"Hmmm, well it's going to take me awhile to figure out how to get you back home. In the meantime, I would suggest you heal your injuries and don't wander too far. We'll be in touch." Twilight and Fluttershy turned to walk away, and when they did, I noticed something odd.
"Hold on," I called, "what are those on your back."
"Oh, you mean our wings?"
At this point, I probably got a really stupid look on my face. "Wings? You both have wings? First some of you have horns, now some of you have wings, and some of you have both, and some of you have neither? I think I'm going to get a headache."
"This world is a lot different from yours. Just take it easy. You've obviously had a long day already, I wouldn't worry about certain things right now. Take care." And with that, the two of them continued on their way.
"Jack," Dr. Stethescope said, "you're more than free to go if you see fit."
"Thanks doc," I said, still befuddled by the conversation I had just partaken in, "I think I'll go now."
Now it was my turn to make tracks for the door. At the moment, I didn't even care if Button and Nursery were following me, I guess I just wanted to have some space. As I went, I passed Nurse Redheart, and I must have had the thousand-yard stare going, because she tried, and failed, to get my attention.
Once I was outside, I just took in what was around me. I looked at the blue sky, with all the white puffy clouds. I noticed the green grass, and took in the smell which told me that it had recently been cut. I took a few steps down the path, toward nowhere in particular, just to go somewhere. However, I didn't get very far before someone else got in the way of my retrospection.
"HIIIIIII!"
I turned toward the direction of the voice, but by the time I did, I was knocked flat on my back, hitting my head on the ground.
"Twice in one day," I groaned as I cradled my head in my hands, completely oblivious to the being stradling my chest.
"Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie," the female on my chest starting talking a mile-a-minute, "You're new in town, you know how I know? Because I know everypony, and I mean everypony in Ponyville, but I've never seen you before. What even are you? You're not a pony, are you? You certainly don't look like anypony I've ever met."
"Whomever you are," I continued groaning from my downed position, "please get off me."
"Oh my gosh," she began apologizing, "I'm so sorry, I didn't hurt you, did I? I'm so sorry if I did. Please don't be mad at me. Please-o, please-o, please." It should be noted that all this time she was apologizing, she still hadn't gotten off me.
"Please, just get off my chest. I'm having trouble breathing."
"Oh, sorry," she apologized again, this time actually getting up.
"I just got out of the hospital," I moaned, still not able to get myself up, "and now I may have to go back."
"Jack!" It was Button Mash, "Are you OK?"
"I don't think I am."
"Oh, hi Button," the new female piped up in a completely cheery voice as if I wasn't lying on the ground in pain, "you know this new pony?"
"Yeah, Pinkie," he answered, "his name is Jack, and he isn't a pony."
"Then what is he."
"I'm a human," I growled from the ground, "now will someone please help me up."
Button came around in front of me, and, like he had done earlier, pulled me to my feet. Once I was up, I was able to finally get a good look at my attacker. She was absolutely pink, and I mean all of her, from her hair, her fur, her tail, everything. The only thing that wasn't pink was her outfit, a yellow top with ruffled shoulders and a blue skirt. Although I was a little upset, looking at her bubbly, cheery smile made it kind of hard to stay mad.
"What's a human," she asked, "I've never heard of that before. Does Twilight know about you?"
"Yes, I've already met her. And it's kind of hard to explain what a human is, to tell the truth. Look, it's been a long day Miss Pie, I think I need to lie down."
"Silly filly," she laughed, "nobody calls me Miss Pie, everypony calls me Pinkie."
"Look...Pinkie," I raised my glasses to my forehead and rubbed my eyes.
"Awww," Pinkie said in a sad tone that seemed unnatural, "are you mad at me?"
"No, Pinkie, I'm not mad at you. I think I'm just tired."
"Yay!" Pinkie instantly wrapped her arms around me in a hug, "I've got another new friend. And you can't be my friend without a welcoming party."
"Oh no Pinkie, I can't, I'm not in the mood."
"Nonsense, silly filly," she grabbed my wrist and started pulling me, skipping down the street, "at least come with me for a cupcake."
"Button, help me," I called back.
"Sorry, Jack, gotta help my mom with some things. We'll catch up with you later."
And so I had no choice but to allow Pinkie to pull me down the street, much to the amusement of the people, or I suppose ponies, that we passed. Eventually, we made our way to a two-story building which looked kind of like a giant cupcake.
"Here it is, Jack," Pinkie told me, finally stopping, "Sugarcube Corner, the bestest bakery ever!"
Pinkie then proceeded to finish pulling me inside. As soon as I crossed the threshold into the confectionary, the strong aroma of all kinds of fresh baked goods filled my nostrils. It was absolutely heavenly. Around the bakery sat various tables with many ponies eating, drinking, and talking. Behind the counter stood a rather heavy-set female with blue fur and pink hair which resembled the frosting on a cupcake in its own right.
"Hey Mrs. Cake," Pinkie called to her, "look who I found."
"Pinkie Pie," she chastised, "just where in Equestria did you run off to."
"My Pinkie Sense told me there was somepony new in town, and I had to go and find them. And, lo and behold, here he is."
"Hi," I waved meekly.
"Hello there, dearie," Mrs. Cake warmly welcomed, "don't mind Pinkie too much, she does this to everypony."
"I'll try to keep that in mind."
"Now," Pinkie said as she literally jumped over the counter in a surprising show of athleticism for a female of her size. No offense meant, but she wasn't exactly as slim as either Twilight or Fluttershy, "I need to get something special for the new stallion in town." Pinkie ducked into what seemed to be the kitchen of the bakery, leaving me alone with Mrs. Cake.
"Excuse me, dearie," she said to me, "I know Pinkie called you a stallion, but you don't look like any pony to me."
"That's because I'm not. I'm what's called a human. Trust me, it's complicated."
"Don't worry, dear, wouldn't be the first time some weird creature came to Ponyville."
"Did you say human!?"
I turned my head to the right and was met face-to-face with a green-furred muzzle. Since it surprised me, I took a step back.
"Uh, yes, yes I did."
"Oh my Celestia! You're finally here! Bonny, come see!"
I scratched the back of my head in confusion which gave me a second to look over this new pony. She was mint green with green-and-white hair and tail and a horn coming from her head. She was wearing a green t-shirt with a picture of a golden lyre on it, white athletic shorts and flip-flops. Soon, a second female, who had a cream coat and curly pink-and-blue hair, came over.
"What is it now, Lyra," the second female asked the first.
"This is the human," she answered, "the one I've been telling you about."
"Lyra, you've been having that dream since before I've known you."
"I'm being serious, Bonny."
"Um," I stuttered, not sure if it would be wise to get between them, "did you say you had dreams about me?"
"Oh yeah," 'Lyra' turned her attention back to me, "I've been telling everypony that humans existed since I was a little filly, but nopony ever believed me. But here you are, in the flesh! What's your name?"
"Uh, you can call me Jack."
"Hey Jack, I'm Lyra Heartstrings, and this," she said, throwing an arm around the other one, "is my marefriend, Bon Bon."
"Don't mind her," Bon Bon said, swinging Lyra's arm from off her shoulder.
"No, no," I snickered, "I want to hear about these dreams."
"Well they're nothing special," Lyra continued, "but you look just like you did in my dreams, and that's good enough for me."
"OK," I laughed, "I'll take your word for it."
"Hey, Jack," Pinkie Pie, who I hadn't even noticed was back at the counter, said, "here's your official 'Welcome to Ponyville' cupcake."
On the counter in front of me sat a white frosting/chocolate cake cupcake. It looked so perfectly crafted and frosted that it was almost a shame to eat it. That being said, I wasn't not going to eat it, and so I very carefully peeled off some of the pink wrapper and took as big of a bite as I dared. There's no way to describe how delicious this cupcake was. Suffice is to say that I had never tasted a better chocolate and vanilla morsel.
"My word, Pinkie," I said as soon as I had swallowed the bite, "this is amazing."
Straight away, I went to work devouring the rest of my treat, much to Pinkie's delight. She just stood there, the same ear-to-ear smile on her face, as I finished the cupcake and licked the extra frosting from the edges of my lips.
"Hey," Pinkie cried, "I've got a great idea. Jack, my friends are hanging out by the lake tomorrow afternoon, you should come."
"Oh, I don't know Pinkie. I'm kind of worried about trying to find a way back home."
"But if anypony is going to be able to help you, it'll be my friends."
I slowly took my glasses off my face and rubbed my eyes vigourously.
"OK Pinkie, but I really need to get some sleep. See, it was nighttime in my world when I left, and now I've been through a full day here, I'm bone tired."
"Ooh, ooh, ooh," Lyra piped up from behind me, "you should come stay with us."
"Lyra, really," Bon Bon exclaimed, "you can't just invite some strange creature into our home."
"Awww, please Bonny," Lyra turned around to face her marefriend.
"No, no," I said, "Bon Bon's right. Thanks for the offer, Lyra, but I can't possibly accept."
"Well where are you going to go?" Lyra said, whirling back to face me once again.
"Don't know yet. I'll figure something out. See ya tomorrow, Pinkie."
I started to walk past the couple when I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. When I turned to look, I was surprised to see that it was Bon Bon.
"I know I'm going to regret this," she said with a sigh, "but my conscience won't allow some alien thing to just sleep wherever. You can take the fold-out couch."
"Yay, Bonny!" Lyra cried, throwing her arms around Bon Bon's neck.
Soon, it was Lyra's turn to pull me down the street. And, like before, everybody we passed gave an intrigued glance to the only almost-hairless ape in town. Unlike Pinkie, however, Lyra was doing her best to talk my ear off with question after question. Fortunately, I didn't have to answer any of them, as every question Lyra asked would earn her a stern reprimand from Bon Bon.
Before long the two had led me to their home, which didn't really stick out from any of the other two-story, thatched-roof homes of the little town. Once inside, Bon Bon flipped on the light switch, Lyra seemingly content in the dark if it meant not having to let go of my arm.
"Like I said," trying to look as worn out as possible, "I'm really tired, so just point me towards the couch and I'll crash."
"Oh, it's right over there," Lyra's horn started glowing a golden color, which affected the couch, magically pulling it open to reveal that it did indeed fold out, "You sure you'll be alright? I wouldn't want to be uncomfortable."
"Trust me Lyra, as soon as my head hits that matress, I'll be out like a light."
"OK," Bon Bon said, beginning to pull Lyra by the elbow, "our bedroom is upstairs. If you need anything, just knock."
"Will do," I replied, somewhat relieved that the mint unicorn had been pryed off my arm, "goodnight you two, and thanks again."
"Don't mention it," Bon Bon was now literally pushing Lyra up the stairs, "sleep well."
"Awww, Bonny, but I wanted to talk to the human some more," I could hear Lyra protest the entire way.