~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chapter 2~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahh, Canterlot. The Skyward City. The Jewel of Equestria, a city so beautiful that even the Princess makes her home here. Well, both of them now, though we don’t really see much of Big L….
I had dreamt of this place ever since I was a filly, hearing tales of Riding Hood and her Merry Mares romping about in Whitetail Wood at my Grandsire’s knee. I had longed to walk in her streets, and meet her ponies.
I guess I shouldn’t have wished so hard.
Turns out that the Guard I had wanted to join since foalhood tended to prefer letting the naïve newcomer earn the ire of their Captain for some jollies. Seriously, nopony could have warned me about her crazy overreaction to interrupting her morning routine? Nopony?
Ugh. If a prank war they want, then a prank war they shall receive! My sister and her friends learned long ago not to give the filly with a symbol of Burning Justice a cause!
…okay, it was a candle. With a smiley-face carved into the wax. At least Spitty was fireproof, unlike the house…
“Hey, Flare, could you cool it with your mumbling? I swear, all you’ve said the whole time we have been here is ‘heh, heh, fire, I’ll show them, I’ll show them all’ over and over, and frankly, it’s starting to creep out the butler here.”
I looked up, sheepish, at the poor pony who had to live with Jet-Set and She-Who-Must-Never-Be-Mentioned-Under-Pain-Of-Burnination.
“Sorry, sir. Rough morning at the precinct. We’re here to take a look at the Apple Carriage?”
The butler nodded, silently, and showed us to the garage. And then left, as quickly as his training would allow.
“So, Kid. This guy stole a set of pretty big stuff out of a moving carriage with nopony the wiser. Any ideas?”
“Wait, you want me to take lead on this?”
“Hay no, just seeing if your guardspony instincts are kicking in yet”
Huh. So this was some kind of test, then. Let’s see, what do we know about the heist already….
“Captain, could you open the magic roof-box thingy for me? And then turn off the lights when I tell you: I’ve got a hunch.”
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I remember my Grandsire telling us about how there used to be Phoenixes living with us in the North, and how they gave some of the foals Hurricane left behind some of their magic when the Windigoes came. My ancestors. I learned to use their gift playing with Spitfire as a foal, and we both grew to be good improvisers.
Now that I think about it, she’d caught fire to the stands at her first Derby, so even though I exploded because of She-Who-Figs-With-Rainbows, at least I didn’t invent the Buccaneer Blaze.
“Alright, Captain. Kill the lights, and look for any glowing. I’m going to light up”
“Whoa, Kid, you’re sure that box is fireproof?”
“My fire doesn’t burn unless I want it to. Family Secret.”
The lights went out, and white light pierced through the roof, a rough rectangle dancing on the ceiling of the garage.
“Hey Blues, where’s it shinin’?”
“Nice trick, kid. Looks like somepony popped the lid off of this thing. You sure you’re not catching fire to the cart?”
“Positive. Let’s get this thing back to station, and let the Unics at the crime scene know that we’re looking for sawdust.”
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I would not have been so eager to leave if I had known that I would be the one to pull the cart the entire way. The very much not-enchanted-for-Pegasi-use very-clearly-designed-for-more-than-one-pony-puller cart. You’d think that the downhill nature of the trip would help. You would also assume that the brakes on this thing worked properly.
Praise Celestia for the giant raincloud we keep on hoof for fires.
They found sawdust at South Bee’s, in the Cart-Park (they probably had some fancy name for it, considering they don’t call ‘em carts, but I don’t care). The entrances to the lot were watched by valets all night, even the cliffside exit for airships and Pegasi, and all vehicles’ owners and operators were accounted for. Truth spells all around showed up clean, annoyingly.
Still, though, I was starting to put pieces together. The sawing had happened at South Bee’s, but nopony saw anypony getting away with the goods …
“Hey, Kid. Bad news. The folks at Pie-Hooves refused to talk to our tech ponies, so we gotta head over to Fillydelphia. Gear up for teleport in 5, unless you’d rather fly”
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I hate teleporting. I didn’t even know it was possible to teleport a Pegasus, but the folks at Pie-Hooves had apparently figured it out. I’ve never teleported before today, in fact, but as I came to, the loathing was already swinging full force.
“Um, officers? Just so you know, that has never happened before. All of our tests have shown this to be”…
The thistle-coated mare peering down at me looked like she had recently escaped from a particularly rowdy nightclub, or possibly a mad scientist’s slab. The dozens of piercings and insane cut of her stone-grey mane looked all the more absurd considering the half-moon reading glasses she was now sporting.
“…and Ditzy and I were very concerned when we heard that someone had broken into one of our TDV units, and that we ought to talk with the daring detectives directly, rather than risk our secrets be spread throughout the entire force. Not that we don’t trust your people, but oh dear this has gone all fish-shaped. Hello, my name is Yersinia Egret Pie, PHD, but my friends call me Yerie. Or Pestie, if you know your biology. Anyway, Ditzy’s already down in the lab where we keep the TDVs running, so we’re heading there, but feel free to ask me any questions you’d like about the case. Also, sorry about the duck; it teleported in with you, and we most certainly did not let it loose on purpose in a misguided attempt to make your welcome a bit more fun.”
A glance to my left as I got to my feet was worth a thousand mornings like the one I had gone through. The captain, who was just beginning to stir, was finding the process difficult because she had managed to tie her legs and wings together with her tail while unconscious. Also, a fairly large bird was ankle-deep in her nostrils, not daring to quack.
I made a note to myself to dare for it later.
“Good afternoon, Dr. Pie. My name’s Signal Flare, and as Captain Siren Blues seems to be a bit tied up at the moment, would you mind answering a few questions while my captain frees herself of her predicament.” A quick nod, and a smile from the mare before me. “ First, do you make the Apple Dressage carriages here, or is there some easily accessible factory that somepony could practice on?”
“Oh, most of the carriage is built off-site. In fact, we don’t really bother with any of the parts you could call a ‘Carriage’ at all. We would never let anypony else install a TDV, and according to what your techs told us when they were trying to talk with us, that’s where the goods were stolen, right?”
The captain, having disentangled herself at the expense of quite a lot of her tail, and several pained yelps, stared hatefully at the duck while asking “Might we see one of the things when it’s not in a carriage? And on the way, can you explain to us what it is?”
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“So, what you’re telling me is that you’re breaking the laws by building this”
“Only of physics, captain. Also, even though our technology isn’t covered by any laws yet, we would never do or sell anything amorally. Our company was founded on Sisterly Love, and the belief that all knowledge has innocent uses. I mean, we could conceivably use the technology behind the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 for ill, and yes, some of our former Salesponies ran off with one, nonpareil my bubbly butt , but you don’t see any harm coming from the Party Canon, do you? Or the Roflcopter?”
“Wait, a party CANON? I’m fairly certain there are laws against siege weaponry, even if they’re antiquated”
Our conversation with Ditzy Doo had taken an interesting turn. The Pegasus certainly looked like she could have been Dr. Pie’s sister, as they appeared to swap body and mane colors, and having siblings of two different pony types, though rare, certainly wasn’t unheard of.
“Miss Doo, I’m starting to think that you and your sister might need to run your inventory past the local branch of the guard before you tell me anything incriminatory.”
“…Yerie and I aren’t sisters. We each have a sister who is remarkably good at doing things that are supposed to be impossible. Out of love for our sisters, we study their impossibilities, and re-create them for the public. The Teleported we used to bring you here was one of our first projects, as it’s an ability that Derpy and Pinkie share, despite neither being a unicorn. Derpy actually got to see this year’s Best Young Flyer competition from five different vantage points, while also competing. She came in third. Theirs are the names on our sign, not ours. We let them have the prototypes, partially because we know that they won’t misuse them. The combination of Science and Enchantments we have used on all of our devices are designed to malfunction if used malevolently. As I know that you have more important things to do than to harass businessmares who are staying within the confines of law, I will let you examine the TDV that Yerie has brought up for you, but I no longer wish to discuss it with you, and if you are still here when my daughter gets back from babysitting my niece, I will ask you to leave. Let us know if you have any further questions, preferably by Equestrian Mail. Good day, ladies.”
A shocked silence descended on the room as Ditzy Doo stormed out. And then stormed back in, storming out a different door. One that lead to a hallway, and not a broom closet.
“Captain? Is it just me, or did that go as awfully as possible?”
“…That would be why you never barge in on me when I’m brushing my hair. Always leaves me in a bad mood.”
“Well, the good news is that I noticed something while you were playing ‘perturb the Pegasus prodigy’. “
“Oh?”
“Inside of that TDV thingy is glowing green, and is way bigger on the inside. The box in the carriage’s interior wasn’t.”
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“Ok, so this is what we think happened. Our perp snuck into the cart-park somehow, likely by hiding underneath one of the carriages. He sawed the roof open, hid in the roof, and waited. After the carriage left the cart-park, then he was able to crawl up the hole, pull the TDV box out of the same hole, and fly off with it. We are therefore assuming this was a particularly strong Pegasus, or perhaps a very stealthy Griffon. If you have any information, do not hesitate to come to the Canterlot Headquarters of the Equestrian Guard. Captain Siren Blues will now take any questions you may have”