//------------------------------//
// Hiatus Bonus Chapter: Exclusive! Discord Explains It All! 
// Story: Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student 
// by keaton-furman-prower 
//------------------------------//

Original chapter here.





Dear Princess Twilight:

So, I’ll bet you’re wondering about your chances of getting laid. Well, in case you haven’t read the latest edition of the Foal Free Press, they’re pretty much zilch. After all, Celly only chooses ponies who are even worse in bed than she is, because it makes her feel better about herself. So good luck finding somepony to be your sex buddy. You’re gonna need it.

But let’s talk about positive things. After all, there is still much that you don’t know about my past. There has been plenty of speculation from pretty much everypony, including yourself. And there are so many different theories, all of which try to explain why I’m doing what I do. So which, if any, is true?

Well, to be perfectly honest, my dear Twilight, I have no idea. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another; if I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice!

But let’s see some of the more common theories. First off: I was Princess Celestia’s lover, who cheated on her with Luna, which resulted in my stoning and her banishment. I'll admit, this is my favorite theory by far, because it proves what a sexy beast I am. Of course, I also happen to know that Celly outlawed cross-species romance hundreds of years before my stoning, so that may be a problem for that theory. Of course, knowing Celly, she probably wouldn't give a fuck about her own laws.

Next up: I was attempting to create a happy world where ponies could live without having to fear the solar tyrant, and could do whatever they want without being enslaved by their magic butt stickers. Of course, Celly didn't like it, so she turned me into a weeping draconequus. I like this one too, because it shows how oppressive Celly was and how I worked hard to break the monotony of her psychotic rule. Unfortunately, it also shows that there were some ponies who didn't know how to appreciate chocolate milk swimming pools. Seriously?! What, did they not have enough whipped cream to go with it?!

Another one that's cropped up recently: I did chaotic things while eating burnt-up sunflower seeds, and so I was distracted when she fired the elements at me. I have no idea how this one came about. I mean, why would I eat sunflower seeds? Much less burnt seeds. They suck. And honestly, why waste time with seeds when there are so many different kinds of chaos I could do? Yeah, I'd say there's no way that one's gonna turn out to be right.

So, yeah. Those are the theories behind my turning into stone. Which one do you prefer?

Love, your favorite chaos lord.