WARNING
The following contains spoilers up to Chapter sixteen of the Dresden Fillies: False Masks. Unlike the first three stories this one is actually canon, and occurs concurrent to False Masks, giving another perspective on some of those events.
Ditzy Dream
Derpy Hooves was in love.
At least, she thought she was in love. She wasn’t really certain, because she’d never been in love before. Still, the signs from the romance novels she occasionally read were all there: rapid heartbeat, constant blush, anxiety, and the inability to get him off her mind. Clumsiness was another sign, but she didn’t count it. Derpy was clumsy all the time, in love or not.
It had struck like a bolt out of the clear blue sky. She had just been delivering mail on her normal route when he appeared. The window of Rarity’s boutique flew open and he stuck his head out, examining the street around him.
He was tall, even for a stallion, and his horn came to a wicked point. His jawline was hard and angular, giving way to leanly muscular neck. His eyes smoldered red-orange and his messy white mane stirred in the slight breeze. His scowl was heavy, but not mean, and Derpy wondered what could have caused it. He was the archetypical ‘bad colt’, but unlike most of them, he pulled the look off without even a hint of effort. As though everything she saw was just him in his natural state.
Without even realizing it, her hoof moved to wave at him. Mortified, she was stuck between two desires: both hoping he hadn’t seen her staring, yet wanting him to notice her. One of her two wishes was granted as he spotted her. His scowl vanished as he gave an amused snort. A voice from inside the building, probably Rarity, called out, and he disappeared back into the room.
Derpy’s heart thudded in her chest like a booming thunderstorm. What did his reaction mean?! Was… was he laughing at her? But his scowl had disappeared. Was he relieved? Did he think she was cute?
Of course not, her insecurities whispered. Even if he missed the eyes, there’s no way he’d miss the messy mane. Or the extra pounds from eating one too many muffins. There’s no way a stud like him would be interested in you.
You don’t know that! she argued. But all the same she poked herself in the flank, feeling a little bit of jiggle. It wasn’t like she was fat, but still she probably – no, definitely – could stand to exercise more and lay off some of the more sugary pastries.
The clock boomed out the hour, and her responsibilities came back to her in a rush. She needed to be going. Introspection didn’t get mail delivered or routes finished.
………
“I heard Blackstone is staying at the library with Twilight Sparkle,” Sugar Leaf said, too busy with her gossip to notice Derpy. Normally, being ignored miffed her, but she didn’t mind this time. Derpy wanted to hear what they were talking about, and speaking up would interrupt them.
Blossomforth rolled her eyes. “That’s old news. Everypony’s known that for at least an hour. I heard he’s a Prince from one of the nomadic Mustangian herds. And,” she added with a sly smile, “that he’s here in Equestria to look for a bride.”
Sugar Leaf frowned. “I heard he was the disowned heir of a Saddle Arabian sheik, forced to wander the world making his way with only his wits and his magic.”
Those were two of the more reasonable tales that Derpy had heard as she delivered mail. The rumor mill was working overtime in Ponyville, and its products ran the gamut from possible to unlikely to completely outlandish. Most ponies took what they heard with a grain of salt, at least. Honey Drop was the only mare crazy enough to believe that Blackstone was an inter-dimensional wanderer transformed into a pony for the purpose of sharing his wisdom − and passion − with the mares of Equestria.
Derpy suspected something far more ordinary was true. His rough appearance and air of danger probably came from exploring the badlands at the edge of Equestria. Twilight was one of the foremost ponies in the field of magical research, and he was probably conferring with her on some kind of ancient and mysterious artifact discovered during one of his adventures into uncharted territory. Blackstone must live out in the wild frontier, armed with only a sharp mind and sharper quips, escaping savages and defeating monsters with a single well placed spell. But the nights on the frontier were lonely, and no matter what artifacts he found, he couldn’t fill that empty place in his heart. Until, of course, he found the right mare. Somepony to brave the dangers with him. Maybe a pegasus. Maybe a certain gray-coated pegasus named−
“Derpy. Hello, Equestria to Derpy,” Blossomforth said, waving her hoof in front of Derpy’s face. The mailmare flushed in embarrassment as she realized what had happened.
“M-mail for you,” she stuttered, shoving a hoofful of envelopes at Sugar Leaf. “Sorry about that. I just zoned out there for a second.”
“Thinking about muffins?” Blossomforth teased, as Sugar Leaf rifled through her mail, checking to make sure that everything there belonged to her.
Derpy bristled at that, but she fought not to show it. Blossomforth hadn’t meant to hurt her feelings, though she had been insulting. Just because Derpy liked muffins − okay, loved muffins − didn’t mean they were all she thought about.
“Thanks for the mail, Derpy,” Sugar Leaf said tucking it behind one ear. All the letters had been correct; Derpy had made sure they would be. Still, her eyes made reading difficult and it wasn’t uncommon for her to slip up. “See you girls later. I’m headed home for the moment.”
“Why?” Blossomforth asked, echoing Derpy’s unspoken question.
Sugar Leaf grinned. “They say the way to a stallion’s heart is through his stomach. I plan to put that to the test.” She balanced her purchases from the market on her back and trotted off.
“Not a bad idea,” Blossomforth murmured, pondering something. “I think I’ll head home, too. Have a nice day, Derpy.”
“Thanks,” Derpy said, glancing at her saddlebags and thinking about the special muffin she had been saving for lunch. Sugarcube Corner always sold out of Double Chocolate muffins early, but thanks to her mail routes, she was always awake in time to snag one. Still, it wasn’t doing her waistline any favors, and Sugar Leaf was probably right about the fastest way to a stallion’s heart…
………
Blackstone was amazing.
Derpy had been in the market finishing up the last of her morning deliveries when it had happened. Rear Axle had lost control of his cart-moving spell and sent the entire vehicle barreling towards Blackstone and three little fillies. Everypony in the market froze with shock and fear as the fillies screamed. Then Blackstone had stepped forward, put a shield around the fillies huddled behind him, and smashed the dangerous contraption like it was nothing. He even seemed embarrassed at how thoroughly he had crushed the cart in defending them.
As the crowd gathered around him, everypony wanting to thank and congratulate him, Derpy slipped into their midst. She frowned as she saw Carrot Top bump against him a few times in the press, running her hoof across the new coat he must have gotten from Rarity. She would have thought better of her friend, but Blackstone didn’t even seem to notice. Then Applejack surged through the crowd, her little sister and Applebloom’s friends solidly in tow. She nearly tackled him in a hug, and for a second, every mare in the crowd bristled with restrained anger and envy. Soon, though, it became apparent they were friends − just friends, as far as Derpy could tell. The stallions and foals began to drift away, getting back to work, shopping or play. Some of the older mares left too, but there were plenty of young ones still hanging around. Everypony wanted a chance to introduce herself, but at the same time, nopony wanted to seem desperate or too forward.
Applejack left with a smile and a wink to all the hopeful mares. Blackstone seemed confused by her last statement until he turned around and saw all of his admirers waiting for him. Shock, then nervousness flitted across his face before he settled on resignation. He looked at something outside the crowd, before calling Roseluck forward and asking her something. Everypony waited anxiously as they talked. Bon-bon was practically dancing hoof to hoof as she nervously clutched a small bag, probably filled with her candy.
Roseluck gave him one of her roses, which he tucked into his coat pocket like a gentlecolt out of a story. Then Daisy offered him flowers, which he also accepted. That opened the flood gates and mares surged forward, each one pressing a gift on him. Derpy once again thought of the delicious muffin she’d been planning to have for lunch.
Who are you kidding? her insecurities asked. Roseluck is prettier than you. Cloudkicker is in better shape. Bon-bon is a better cook. Lemon Hearts is smarter. Lily is funnier. Blackstone could choose almost any mare in town. Why would he pick you?
Derpy wished she had a good answer for that, but she didn’t. So she turned and left while the rest of the mares were still busy plying Blackstone with their presents. Maybe she’d head over to the park and eat her lunch there.
Alone.
………
Somehow, Blackstone had pulled a vanishing act. Two days ago he had arrived in town, sweeping all the single mares off their hooves, then the next day he was gone. Derpy had heard there had been a fight between him and a bunch of out-of-towners at the library. She had also heard that the Royal Guard had gotten involved for some reason, because more than a few ponies had seen them arrive at the library.
Yesterday, there had been nothing. No guards, no Blackstone, no Twilight Sparkle or her friends. The whole town had gossiped and worried, but nopony had known anything. This morning, at least one of those questions had been answered. The front page story of Equestria Daily read, “Princess Celestia’s Student Kidnapped by Secret Society!” Derpy had slowly and carefully read over that title twice to make certain her eyes weren’t fooling her. It sounded like a tabloid article, but it would certainly explain where Twilight had gone.
She was halfway through the article when her boss, Boxy Brown, stormed into the employee’s ready room, his saddlebags overflowing with heart-decorated letters. “Attention, mail-carriers!” he barked. Everypony put down their breakfasts or newspapers and stopped talking. “Who in the nine pits of Tartarus is this ‘Blackstone’ character? We’ve got a ton of mail addressed to him, some of it directed to the public library, most of it without any address listed. Does anypony know where he lives?”
“I wish,” one mare said, tittering softly. Everypony else just shrugged their shoulders.
Derpy thought hard. She didn’t know for sure, but if her suspicions were correct…
Twilight had been kidnapped and taken away the same day that Blackstone had fought those strange ponies. He had been staying at the library with Twilight, and now she was in Canterlot at the Royal Palace. She raised her hoof.
Mr. Brown glanced quizzically at her. “You got a question, Miss Hooves?”
Derpy shook her head. “No. I’m volunteering. I don’t know where Blackstone lives, but I think I know where he is right now.”
Everypony seemed surprised at that, and a low buzz of conversation started. Boxy Brown, though, adjusted quickly. “Okay, good. While Derpy deals with that, I want some ponies covering her normal route. Wind Whisperer, your route is slow this time of year, I’ll need you to pick up this slack.”
“Oh, c’mon, boss,” one stallion complained. “Are you seriously taking her word that−”
“Yes,” Mr. Brown interrupted. “And unless you’ve got a better idea about Blackstone’s whereabouts, Derpy’s the mare for the job.” He turned towards her and his voice became admonishing. “But I do expect results. Don’t make me regret this.”
“No, sir!” Derpy saluted, transferring the copious amounts of fan mail into her satchel. Ponies could say what they wanted about her − and a few of the more insensitive ones did just that − but nopony had ever accused her of being lazy. If there was a job to be done, then she would do it.
And if it meant she got to see Blackstone again, that was just a bonus.
………
The security measures at the Royal Palace were surprisingly intense. Derpy had never delivered anything there before, but she had not expected nearly so much magical poking and prodding. At last, the guards were satisfied that her delivery was harmless and her employee ID was valid. They let her go with an apology for the necessity and directions to Blackstone’s room. That last part had caused her to flush slightly. His room. Oh Tartarus, what would she do if he invited her in?!
Wake up from your daydream, her insecurities told her coldly. Derpy pushed that thought to the back of her mind, but still her spirits weren’t quite so high as they had been a moment ago.
At last she reached the doorway, though she hesitated to knock. It was a little after nine, still early for some ponies. Yet, she needed to get this delivered so she could get back to her regular route. But her mane was a mess from flying here.
She had a job to do. Who cared about her mane?
Blackstone might…
Derpy nervously sought out a bathroom and did what she could to make herself a little more presentable. Five minutes later she stood outside his door again, but still couldn’t bring herself to knock. It took several deep breaths and what little ‘psyching-up’ she could manage before she gave three timid knocks.
There was no response.
Only the desire to justify Mr. Brown’s faith in her kept Derpy from fleeing. The guards had confirmed that Blackstone was here. She couldn’t let this become just another of her ‘derp-ups’. A slow breath, counting to ten as she did, served to calm her. Then, before she could think about it, her hoof darted forward and laid a firm, but courteous, beat on Blackstone’s door.
There was grumbling and groaning on the other side of the door. She had woken him up. Oh, Tartarus, she’d woken him up. She froze in shock, wings clamped to her barrel, which had the fortunate side effect of preventing her from flying away.
Eventually, the door opened and a bleary-eyed Blackstone emerged. He regarded her with suspicion as he fought back a yawn. “Yeah?” he asked.
“Good morning, sir,” Derpy replied, years of ingrained speeches saving her from having to think about what she was saying. “I have a delivery of thirty-seven letters from Ponyville for you. If you wouldn’t mind signing for them, I can be on my way and out of your mane.” Running on full autopilot, she even added a professional smile at the end.
He looked her over, glancing at her eyes, but not staring at them. He seemed to be evaluating her somehow. After a few moments, Blackstone shrugged and waved her forward. “Okay, bring it in. I’ve got a pen in here somewhere.”
Carefully not thinking about what she was doing, Derpy followed him in and sorted his mail out of her satchel. By the time she was done, he had a pen gripped in his magic and was finishing his signature.
“Thank you, sir,” she said, glancing down at her clipboard. Either her eyes were playing tricks on her again, or Blackstone’s hornwriting was terrible. His ‘Blackstone’ looked like it read ‘Harry Dresden’, whatever that meant.
“No worries,” he said through another yawn. Derpy turned to walk towards his open door, staring pointedly ahead. Nothing exciting had happened, but she was more than relieved that everything had just gone smoothly.
She should have known her good luck wouldn’t last that long.
What she slipped on, she didn’t know. Why she spun around to crash into Blackstone, she didn’t know either. How they had tumbled across the room together to end up with him straddling her in a position that would politely be called ‘compromising’, she still didn’t know.
Like always, she just didn’t know what went wrong.
Even then, the situation would have been salvageable. If only she had apologized for knocking him over, they could have shared an embarrassed laugh about the whole situation. But the weight of a stallion, the smell of another pony so close to her, the feeling of his hot breath on her shoulder all conspired with her ‘not thinking’ frame of mind. And the result…
“Please be gentle,” she squeaked.
Blackstone shot upwards like she had zapped him with a lightning bolt, slamming his head into the edge of the table above them. He started cursing in pain as Derpy realized what she had said. Her face flushed beet red, and she scooted out from under him in a panic.
Dear. Sweet. Celestia.
Had she just said that? Had she really just said that?!
She had, and from Blackstone’s reaction, she was sure he had heard it, too. Derpy was beyond mortified. She wanted to be anywhere – anywhere – but here right now. So why wouldn’t her wings work?
Blackstone finished complaining about the table and looked at her, a nearly undetectable flush coloring his dark cheeks. “I’m not−”
“I’m sorry!” Derpy blurted out, her eyes watering. “I didn’t mean to bump into you or fall like that or say that. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I know you’re important and smart and powerful, and I’m just me. I-I shouldn’t have come here. I’m sorry.” Derpy grabbed her bag and started to run, tears now flowing freely. But she felt a tug that grabbed her tail and pulled her back.
She turned, still sobbing, to see Blackstone look at her with sorrowful eyes. “No. I’m sorry. I know that I’m attractive, but I’m a book you can’t judge from the cover. You don’t want to obsess over me. It will only get you hurt.” Her tears slowed, as he turned from her, still speaking. “This isn’t a romance, and I don’t have a heart of gold beneath my gruff exterior.”
He shuddered. “I’ve done bad things. Things I regret. I don’t know you, but I can guarantee you deserve someone better. I’m not boyfriend material.” He gave a hollow chuckle, devoid of any mirth, and murmured to himself, “Just ask Susan.”
Derpy wiped away the tear tracks left on her face and stared at him.
Yeah, right. He’s nice enough to spare your feelings but –
Stop.
She looked at Blackstone with new eyes. He had power, knowledge, looks, and highly placed connections. But despite all that, she could see the same poisonous self-doubt in him that she had always fought. He wasn’t trying to spare her feelings. He honestly thought he was a bad pony and that she deserved better.
Derpy took two steps forward then wrapped Blackstone in a hug that surprised him. His back stiffened, though he didn’t fight to free himself. She just grinned and squeezed a little tighter, refusing to let the hug be awkward.
“You’re right that I shouldn’t obsess over you, but you’re wrong on everything else. Someday you’ll meet a mare who’s perfect for you. Somepony that’ll make you smile even when she isn’t there. I can tell that I’m not her, but don’t lose hope. You’ll find her.”
She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and ran while he was still fumbling for a reply. In minutes, she soared above Canterlot wild and free as the wind, only her satchel and clipboard weighing her down.
Tears streamed from her eyes, and Derpy couldn’t say if it was from the wind shear or not. Maybe when she got back to Ponyville she’d see if Sugarcube Corner had any Double Chocolate muffins left. And maybe she’d see that cute clockmaker in line there. You never knew, after all.
Blackstone would find his special somepony; Derpy was sure about that.
Was it crazy to believe that someday she might find hers too?