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// Chapter 18: A Foreign Abstraction - Celestia and the Griffon Republic 
// Story: Equestria: A History Revealed 
// by Hoofry_Poneigher 
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	The Fall of Princess Luna ignited a series of events that would change Equestria, and to an extent, the rest of the world, forever. Of course, the extent of the damage from this coming storm would have definitely been greatly lessened if it wasn’t for Celestia’s stupidity. You know, for a pony who claims to be omnipotent and omniscient, it’s kind of difficult to see how she could have such terrible foresight. But I guess that explains all of the other failures in her life too.

Anyways, that last chapter was mostly about the plight of Luna, but let’s get to the equal and/or lesser[123] sister and what she was up to. I’m sorry to interrupt my recounting of the greatest failure of Celestia’s life right in the middle of it (believe me, it hurts me more than it hurts you), however, it does seem only right to give the prelude to the Lunar Rebellion some context in history. Why was it that Celestia became too busy to humor Luna to talk with her about her feelings of inadequacy? Well, it seemed that she certainly had a lot on her plate, but that was nothing new for her; that’s every meal for her.[124] What I meant to say before I saw that opportunity that I just couldn’t pass up, was that she had quite the game of international politics to play.

As I stated before, Equestria was slowly but surely taking on a more active role on the world stage. Of course, the world stage being limited to the only two major continents we know of today, Equestria and…that Griffon one. I don’t know, what, you expect me to know the name of their stupid land? All because that information is “supposedly” common filly’s knowledge,[125] it doesn’t mean that every filly knows it. I suppose I can just be the exception, like how my mind is an exception to other ponies’ when it comes to IQ (humble brag: I scored a 79 on the IQ test and the doctors told me I’m special).[126] So it doesn’t matter that I’m a Third Year University of Canterlot student who doesn’t know basic knowledge. And besides, you shouldn’t resort to ad poninem you know. Or the Fallacy Police will be knocking down your doors at night and whisking you away to Libreria, their rumored knowledge-based labor camp. See, when it comes to fallacy reporting, two can play at that game.

Returning to the topic at hand, after the griffons’ Third Bloody Age and the reinstatement of another government, they sank to a new low. Ravished by civil wars up the ass (no pun intended, the deciding battle was fought on Donkey Doodle Peak[127]), and saddled with the responsibility of repairing the broken nation, the new griffon government desperately needed supplies and help. Their economy was crushed from the “Scorched Earth” policy of the Royalists,[128] and with the rising rates of starvation and the republic’s ever plummeting approval rates, the republic needed to find a way to reduce the load of reparations and restore their lost prestige. And what better way to do so than to ally yourself with a strong nation and hoping they’ll deal with your problems for you?

No other nation seemed more suitable than Equestria. Towards the end of Equestria’s Golden Age, the Equestrian economy was booming (which is still debatable by experts,[129] but I suppose in comparison to their nation, it could be perceived as booming), which ensured the Griffon Republic’s interest in them as a suitable trading partner. After centuries of isolation, the sudden and desperate opening of the Griffon…zilla? nation to the Equestrian political and economic spectrum in 997 was of course hailed as a success by the Celestia-obsessed fangirls, who were convinced it was the “great and unexplainable doing of Celestia”[130] and a sure sign of Equestria’s absolute strength in comparison to the rest of the world. I just wish I could see their faces when in about a few decades the shit hits the fan.

With the official opening of the Griffon nation, so also began their joint negotiations. A popular royal advisor to Celestia recorded that in her many meetings with the representatives of the Griffon Republic,



“…she was nothing but fair and sympathetic to the plight of the new republic and the griffons. She, aided with the advice of the griffon representatives, saw to it that she could help the griffons to the best of her, and Equestria’s, ability. It was only towards the end of these discussions that she concluded a need to supervise their nation to ensure their mutual success.”[131]



What this source reveals is only the true depths of Celestia’s cruel and cunning nature. For it was during her shrewd negotiations with the foreign representatives that she was able to detect their desperation, therefore allowing her to manipulate the odds more to her favor. It was because of the Republic’s reliance on Equestria that Celestia was able to dig her hooves into their government. After all, with her continuous presence there, the struggling republic would be forced to always act in Celestia’s favor to avoid jeopardizing their economic trade agreements. Also, considering Celestia’s new position in the government under the guise of supervision, it would only be easier for her to control them. But Celestia’s desire to control the griffons was not only motivated by power; she almost certainly saw the griffon government as another threat to her reign (as a result of her massive republic hate-boner which was seen early on in the Era), and she therefore almost certainly wanted to mold the nation into one she could be satisfied with.

Celestia’s actions here only support my alicorn ascension theory even further. After all, only a unicorn would exploit the faults of others to their own personal gain and power. While I usually would find great fault in this, because this time it was used towards the detriment of the disgusting griffon creatures, I’ll let it slide for now.

Wow, towards the end of the Golden Age it seemed that Celestia was on a roll with this opening of isolationist territories by seemingly gracious yet secretly underhooved tactics. But of course, as a unicorn, she probably had a lot of practice spreading things wide open. HEY-OHHH![132]

I would share the names of some of the big-name griffons in charge of the republic and stuff, but who honestly cares. Seriously, if you want to read a whole bunch of dead griffons’ names that nobody gives a flying feather about, go read the obituaries. I’ve got more important things to do than credit the politicians who helped shape the past state of the world we call history. Like getting back to my plans to woo Larry. Soon he will give into my wily feminine charms. And if not, I’ll just resort to Plan B.[133]

Anywho, by masterminding this complex and intricate game of international politics, Celestia obviously had less and less time to spend with Luna. And as I said before, as the griffon negotiations neared completion, Luna chose this time to pull her little stunt, requiring a national trial. Celestia obviously needed to quickly settle the trial in fear of losing the upper hoof she gained over the griffons by seeming weak-willed. So naturally, she was forced to rush through the process by signing the informally named “Luna Bill” into law.

Celestia hoped that by offering Luna some concessions in this (see the “orange colored filly” clause that I mentioned above), it would help ease the pain of her self-perceived betrayal. But as historians noted, it was only now that she noticed a considerable rift in tensions growing between her and her sister, and only once it was already too late. In an foolish attempt to abolish the emotional strain between them and possibly to ease her own guilt, Celestia chose this time to fulfill Luna’s old, innocent request before her turn to darkness; to allow her to rule Equestria while she was off supervising the griffons for ten years.

But once again, Celestia was too blind to see the hatred in her sister. You know, for a pony who claims to be omnipotent, she’s not doing too well with that (again, evidence she’s a false god). For she fulfilled Luna’s desire far too late, and now, she practically gave Luna the power to seize control of Equestria. No, not practically, she literally gave Luna the power to seize control of Equestria. And with Luna’s fall into darkness already complete by the year 1002, Celestia’s idiocy doomed her nation to be swallowed by another raging storm of war, the results of which, would be much, much worse than before.