“Ah, that was good ice cream. Vanilla gets me every time,” Dissonance remarked as he licked his eagle claw. “Not one single sweet tastes better.”
I beg to differ. Cotton candy tastes far better.
“Wrong, my subconscious-y friend. Cotton candy is simply woven sugar with a little dye added. Therefore, it is not a sweet, but simply sugar. Ice cream is made from cream, ice, sugar and a little salt. Therefore, it is a sweet.”
“Quick question before we fight. Dissonance, how come you can hear what my subconscious is saying?”
Dissonance shrugged. “Random draconequus powers.”
That’s true. I would know.
“How would you know?”
Riddle sighed. “Can we stop chitchatting with subconscious’s and get down to the showdown? I like ice cream as much as the next sphinx, but I would like to get this out of the way. This is the room in which the tap-dancing conga tarantulas practice. I don’t want to watch their routine again.”
Dissonance grinned. “When you say you like it as much as the next sphinx doesn’t that mean you don’t like it?”
“Get rid of your stereotype image of sphinxes. We like ice cream,” Riddle growled at her friend. “Now, let’s get rid of our enemies so that we can take over Equestria.”
Dissonance nodded. He flipped through the book his book until he found the page he was looking for. “Okay. Should I go to chapter seventeen: theme music? Wait, why would a villain have a theme song?”
Mental shrugged. “I have no idea. But apparently villains have theme music. Does that book have an author biography in the back?”
Dissonance flipped to the back of the book and began reading. “Barely Competent has written over five different guides to villains. He has excellent experience on how to fail, and therefore has put that in as examples of what not to do. He has never succeeded in an evil plot to take over the world, but he hopes to do so before he kicks the bucket. That’s it Mental, I’m not reading this.” The draconequus tossed the book over his shoulder.
Twilight sighed. “Can we just fight? This is getting ridiculous.”
Pinkie nodded. “Even though you like parties, we’re taking you down.”
Riddle snarled. “Prepare to lose.”
“Yeah!” Dissonance and Mental leapt into position, and ended up landing on top of each other. “Mental! I thought you were supposed to get the right side.”
“Oh. I thought you said flight. That makes a lot more sense now that I realize that you said right, not flight. After all, I’m an earth pony, not a pegasus.”
“Every pony I seem to meet in this town is crazy,” Daring muttered under her breath.
Tell me about. Spent a few days in this town once. They kept thinking I was making the glasses act rudely to them on purpose.
“And were you?”
I was, but they should have trusted me.
“Wait a minute… Aren’t you-” Her train of thought was interrupted by Pinkie Pie throwing a cupcake at Dissonance, who caught it and ate it.
“Thanks for the cake, Pinkie,” the draconequus said, his mouth stuffed with cupcake. “Now we’ll proceed to take over Equestria.”
“No, you won’t,” Pinkie stated.
“Yes, we will.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, we will.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, we are.”
“Yes, you will.”
“No, we aren’t.”
“Yes, you will.”
“No, we are not,” Dissonance growled, holding Pinkie up by her hair. “We are not going to take over Equestria, and that is final. Come on guys.” The draconequus whipped around and started to walk away, when Riddle grabbed him.
“Dissonance, it’s like that ridiculous joke where you write ‘How do you keep a fool busy? Turn over for the answer,’ both upside down and right side up and hand it to them.”
“You mean like this?” The draconequus snapped his fingers and a little plaque like the one Riddle had described in his hands. “Huh. That’s silly.” The Draconequus flipped it over, and then flipped it over again, and again, and again.
Mental sighed. “Riddle, let’s deal we these intruders, and then we can show Dissonance how to figure out that plaque.” The psychiatrist whipped out a spear, which Riddle regarded suspiciously.
“How did you fit a spear into your saddlebag?”
“I don’t know. I saw Pinkie Pie once do the trick, so I thought ‘why can’t I do it?’ Apparently I can.” The psychiatrist tried to spin it, and ended up dropping it.
“Give me that.” Riddle snatched up the spear, tried spinning it, and dropped it like her friend. “We really need to work on our baton skills.”
Dissonance, who was still spinning the plaque in an attempt to figure out how to keep a fool busy, kept spinning it at faster and faster speeds, until Mental knocked the plaque out of his hands. “Drop that thing! Take this spear and use it.” He handed Dissonance the spear, who began spinning it a lot faster than was safe. He then threw it at a target up on the ceiling, which it stuck fast to. “Dissonance, you were supposed to use it on the ponies.”
“Oh. You should have specified that. Why would we use it on the ponies?”
“To keep them at bay?” Mental sounded exasperated at his friend, to say the least. “You know, to stop them from ruining our plans?”
“That’s what we’re doing. But before we fight, could you tell me how to keep a fool busy? I never saw the answer.”
“Argh. Dissonance, that was a stupid prank that fillies play on one another if they think their friend is dumb. I was simply saying that what Pinkie did was a way to trick you, not for you to try and figure out how to keep a fool busy,” Riddle tried to explain. “You never really find out.”
“I will never find out how to keep a fool busy? That’s not fair,” Dissonance said, sounding almost whiney.
“Look, once we beat them, I’ll help you figure out how to keep a fool busy. Fair?” Dissonance nodded, and the trio of villains got into some sort of positioning.
“Like it?” Mental asked. “It’s our villain posing. It was the one thing we had ready, aside from tap-dancing minions and headquarters.”
I’ll be here in a second. That will take them down a notch.
“What did Bedlam just say about being here in a second? Is he coming with his form? He has fifteen minutes till he owes a fine.”
Strike that. I’ll just fill out that form, and then I’ll be here.
“Okay. Hurry up Bedlam. I need that form.”
How do you spell Spirit of Chaos?
“Wait… What was that? Don’t come here Bedlam. We’re fine. No form required.”
Too late. Daring heard a snapping of fingers in her head, and a flash of light illuminated the chamber. When she was able to see again, she saw Discord standing in front of the trio of not-so-terrible villains, holding out a form.
“Here’s you form Dissonance.” The draconequus handed the smaller one a sheet of paper that Dissonance took.
“Seems all is in order. You still owe me a fine for not filling this out when you became a substitute subconscious to begin with,” Dissonance stated. “It’s something like three bits, nothing big. Could you please stand aside? We need to defeat them.”
“Sorry Dissonance, but I’m on their side.” Discord grinned at the Draconequus. “I’m reformed, remember?”
“Oh yeah… Forgot about that. Um, can you please wait to fight us? We had a whole plan to defeat intruders. Or at least Riddle was supposed to make one.”
Riddle grimaced. “I don’t actually have a plan. Do we surrender?”
Mental shrugged. “I don’t know. I think we should have thought this plan through a bit more.”
Daring interrupted them to speak to Discord. “Wait a minute, you’re Bedlam? That makes a lot more sense than it sounds, but why would you do it?”
“Oh, I was bored. I was sitting in my tree, thinking. Celestia wanted me to use my magic for good, and helping you with your vacation was the best thing I could think of. That and I only promised to use my magic for good ‘most of the time.’ So I thought I could use a little chaos.”
Mental broke in. “Wait… What’s going to happen to the three of us?”
“I don’t know. We could take you to Celestia, but that would be more of a nuisance to her. We can’t turn you to stone because the Elements were returned to the tree, so I don’t know,” Twilight said. “But if we could, I probably wouldn’t.”
“Wait a minute… I have an idea,” Discord said, grinning.
“Great. Of all the possible punishments, this is by far the worst.” Dissonance, Mental and Riddle were strapped into chairs, while the tap-dancing conga tarantulas danced in front of them. “I’m pretty sure this is breaking some civil right.”
Riddle nodded. “I agree with you. How long do we have to watch them dance?”
Twilight shrugged. “Until they feel like that you don’t have to watch them dance any more. Once they finish performing to you those straps will let you go, and then you can go back to your home or wherever you live as long as you stay out of mischief. Next time you cause mischief, we’ll simply strap you into those chair for several days and let the tarantulas dance for you until you wish you hadn’t done this.”
“I wish we hadn’t done this already,” Mental muttered. “Can’t we have a lighter punishment?”
Daring shook her head. “No. You’re staying here, and we are leaving. We’ll possibly check up on you later. Hopefully after I’ve finished my vacation.”
As the nine heroes left the temple, Discord included, they heard Dissonance scream, “Why do you have to dance to the tune of a little glass of water? Why?”