//------------------------------// // Dissonance the Draconequus // Story: Daring Do's Vacation // by Smaug the Golden //------------------------------// “Alright, the tarantulas have finished their routine,” said Riddle. The eight ponies, by now bored out of their minds, sighed and got back up as the tarantulas paraded back into the temple. “Yes, yes, great routine. Keep practicing it,” she said to the tarantulas as they passed. “So,” Daring said after the tarantulas were all gone, “you said we could try again after the routine was over?” Riddle nodded. “Oh sure. I’m surprised you want to try again. Most ponies leave after having to watch that routine once. No matter. Who wants to try again?” Daring stepped forward. “I will try again. Although I would hate to watch that routine again. It was what, six hours?” Riddle shrugged. “Six hours, fifteen minutes. It seems to get longer every time. Last time it was six hours, the time before five hours… Yeah, I need to ask them to make a shorter routine. Anyway, here’s your riddle: what walks on four legs in the morning, two at noon, and three in the evening?” This riddle again? Daring smiled. “Tap-dancing conga tarantulas. Don’t you have any other riddles?” Riddle looked a little crestfallen. “Um, no. And that was the wrong answer. This is my only riddle. The answer was a pony who tried to fly. Unfortunately, I have zero ponies who are trying to fly at the moment, so we have to watch the tap-dancing conga tarantula routine again.” Daring lunged at the sphinx. “Last time you said the answer was tap-dancing conga tarantulas! You can’t change the answer!” The sphinx jumped backwards in an attempt to avoid the pegasus. “Alright! You can pass! I just wanted to change the answer so that you could guess it! I don’t like watching that dance routine more than once a week. Head into the temple if you want, but I’m out of here!” Then the sphinx bolted into the temple as fast as her paws would carry her. “So, that didn’t go according to plan. Say, adventurers, couldn’t you cut my co-worker some slack? She had a rough day, and nopony likes watching that routine," Dissonance’s voice rang out. Apparently he was using Riddle’s ‘super-speak.’ “Hey, she was the one who gave us the riddle?” Twilight pointed out, sounding a little irritated. “It was her decision to make us watch that routine, not ours.” “So? You’re the ones who came here to cause mischief, although I admit that Mental did give pretty clear directions.” “That’s true. By the way, let me in so I can throw you a party!” Pinkie screamed at the voice. “Nopony goes around disliking parties on Pinkie Pie’s watch!” “Who on earth said we didn’t like parties? Mental! Why on earth are you telling everyone we dislike parties?!” The voice addressed the last bit to someone inside the temple, whose voice was barely heard to say something about piñatas being creatures of evil. “Sorry about that. Say, do you have Mental’s note with you? Could you please flip it over? Mental keeps saying that he didn’t forget to get anything at the grocery store and I say he did forget something, and he wrote the note on my grocery list. Can you check if anything isn’t crossed out?” “Okay,” Rarity said, a bit tentatively. “Let’s see, that’s crossed out… oh, this isn’t crossed out. Why in the wide world of Equestria would you have the Alicorn Amulet on your grocery list?” “Ha! Told you that you forgot something Mental! Oh, feel free to come on in little ponies. Riddle lost the riddle contest by forfeit, so the laws of riddle games declare that you are allowed to enter our establishment. Wish I had put a different loophole in there when I wrote those laws.” “Um, okay. Wait, you write laws?” Twilight questioned the voice. “Why do your write laws?” “It’s a hobby of mine. Did you know that if you read the laws concerning filly labor, is says nothing about new born foals? One of my finest works.” Wow. That is an accomplishment. “I know! By the way Daring, could you tell Bedlam that the laws concerning being a substitute subconscious say that you need to file a form? Otherwise he owes a fine.” What? How dare he? Being a subconscious is a perfectly respectable business. “Wait a minute. Bedlam is a substitute subconscious? And second, how can you charge subconscious’s fines?” Daring asked. “I’m a creature of chaos, I do as I please. Anyway, do you want to come in or not? Otherwise, according to segment 8B of the breaking and entering rules, you will no longer be allowed to enter. Take your pick. Actually, wait a moment. Mental just gave me the directions to our lair. “First, walk down the hall. Then take a left at the fork. Then, stand on the big X. Wait… Mental, for how long have we had a trapdoor in the middle of the hallway? I didn’t know we had that. Also, why do you want me to pull it when the ponies are walking on it? Oh. Sorry. Anyway, ponies, take a left.” “Um, no. I think we’ll take a right.” The group walked down the hall, and took a right. They followed the path, which was really curvy, until they found a large chamber. Once they were inside, they heard a trio of voices talking. “Wait, don’t take a right! Stand on the large X. Oh, come on, they left. Mental, you could have told me that I shouldn’t read the last bit about pulling it out loud. Riddle, sorry about using you super-speak.” The voice was easily identifiable as Dissonance, but it was not echoing. “You only had to get them to stand on one little red X. How hard can it be?” The new voice, who was probably Mental, was sounding annoyed to say the least. “You messed that up. It was easy as pie! How hard could it possibly?” “Eh. But pie does sound good.” A snapping of fingers was heard, and then they heard somepony munching on something that was probably pie. “You know, what was our plan again?” “Yeah. What is the plan Mental?” This time the speaker was definitely Riddle. “We know that it has to do with taking over Equestria, but what is the rest of the plan? You know, steps one through fifteen?” “Relax. All we have to do is figure out step one, and then the rest of the plan is in the bag.” “You don’t have a plan, do you?” Dissonance’s voice didn’t sound angry, it sounded interested. “So in other words, we just have to brainstorm, and then we can take over Equestria? Sounds good.” Twilight’s eyes widened and she looked like she was trying to avoid laughing. But Pinkie wasn’t in the mood for fun and games. The pony strode into the chamber and proclaimed, “I am Pinkie Pie, and I am here to brighten up your day!” Daring sighed, and rushed in after the pony, with Psyche and the others following close behind. Charge! Bedlam’s voice screamed in Daring’s head. The subconscious, or substitute, or whatever he was, seemed excited. “Oops. We forgot to set up, didn’t?” The voice of Dissonance sounded out again, and it was pretty easy to identify who he was. A small draconequus, no bigger than Princess Luna, holding a plate with a slice of pie in his eagle claw. “Sorry about that.” He snapped his lion paw, and balloons, streamers and other party materials suddenly adorned the chamber. Riddle grimaced. “I thought we agreed that we weren’t going to turn the meeting chamber into party central.” Dissonance shrugged. “But Pinkie Pie got the wrong impression thanks to Mental and her friends. I wanted to set the record straight. We do like parties. That, and I really have nothing better to do at the moment.” The gray pony standing between the sphinx and Draconequus smirked. “You are just here in time to witness the unveiling of our masterful plan.” “Um, Mental, we heard you say that you didn’t have a plan,” Psyche said. She didn’t seem at all surprised to see her former employer here trying to take over the world. Mental muttered something under his breath and bolted for a big book on the shelf in one corner of the room. He pulled it down, and came back with it, then handed it to Dissonance. Dissonance opened it up and began reading. “The villains guide to creating an evil scheme to take over the world, by Barely Competent. Really? Eh. I’ll read it, but I blame you if this book is boring.” The creature summoned up a lounge chair and sat down in it. Riddle snarled. “Prepare to be defeated, group of assorted heroes. Ugh. Do you have a superhero team name or something I can call you? Group of assorted heroes is too long. Anyway, we shall defeat you! Mental, bring on the secret weapon.” Dissonance looked up from his book at that remark. “We have a secret weapon?” They do? “We do?” Mental sounded as confused as Dissonance and Bedlam. “Since when have we had a secret weapon?” Riddle gaped. “I thought you had a secret weapon. That’s number one rule for being a villain. Have a secret weapon.” “Oh. We were supposed to have a secret weapon?” Dissonance asked. “Maybe I should read chapter seven, building an adequate secret weapon that has only a fifty percent chance of breaking. That doesn’t sound so good. Mental, where did you get this ridiculous book?” Mental shrugged. “Garage sale. A pair of unicorns offered it to me for five bits. I took it. Maybe I shouldn’t have.” Daring sighed. “Can we please just get to the part where we all battle and you get defeated?” Aw. I don’t want to do that part. Dissonance nodded. “I agree with Bedlam. Let’s take a quick ice cream break, and then we can fight. All in favor, say aye!” A chorus of ayes resounded, with only Twilight, Daring and Mental saying nay.