Dear ‘Princess’ Celestia,
I message you this day to voice my extreme displeasure for you as a ruler. It seems to me that your days are filled with nothing but parties, celebrations and other frivolity – you do not do much as a ruler, beyond bask in your own glory.
“But I raise the sun every day, and my sister Luna the moon,” you would no doubt defend your position by saying, and I would point out that this was a sham. Anypony with a telescope could tell you this. It’s called an ‘orbit’ milady – try to keep up with the times. And as for the moon, it’s always in the sky; it’s just not as noticeable during the day, much like your sister.
You are attempting to take credit for a natural phenomenon and the vast majority of the populous is falling for it, but not I.
Not I.
And where are your parents? You and Luna are both Princesses – by definition suggests a king and/or queen and yet there is neither glimpse nor word of them. You never mention them, nor is anything written of them in any book concerning the royal lineage and this distresses me.
Perhaps you and your sister have skeletons in your respective closets? Skeletons wearing royal finery?
Finally, for one who is supposed to be the ruler and guardian of this land, you do a rather shoddy job of it. In fact you have shucked off this duty to six mares who you then work to the bone ‘protecting the lands from evil,’ secure in the knowledge that you can just recline on your rainbow-tailed bottom until the report of their victory comes in. And do they get paid for this? Do they have job security? For that matter, do they even get a dental plan?
I’m willing to bet the answer is no.
And the one time – the one time you actually did something yourself by confronting Chrysalis, she soundly kicked your ass, forcing your own niece and her newly married husband to pull said ass - along with the asses of everypony else - out of the fire.
Face it, your highness – as a ruler you leave a great deal to be desired.
A great deal.
And while you could, were you to find me, ‘send me to the moon’ (no doubt a euphemism for ‘assassinate,’ carried out by one of your 'royal guards', who are likely members of a wetwork team hiding in plain sight), you should know that there is more than one copy of this letter in circulation and several have read and/or heard the contents, even members of your own staff. So be certain in the knowlege that for every one of my followers that is found, three more will appear. If you’re willing to ‘send to the moon’ random ponies in the hopes you will get us all, Equestria will likely become a very quiet place.
I request – no, I demand that you and your sister stand down from your positions, admit to the hoax you have been pulling for the decade or two in which you’ve been ruling (‘Thousands of years old’? Yet another lie!), release the six poor mares you’ve enslaved from their indentured servitude and finally throw yourself upon the mercy of the country.
I have no doubt you’ll dismiss this letter and contents as the ravings of a deranged mind, but believe me when I say that should it become necessary, I am willing to take measures to topple your throne of lies.
Be warned.
XXX