“Okay Rainbow Dash just calm down. It’s not a date I mean after all you’re the one who came up with the idea of going out to eat.” Rainbow thought to herself as she ran a comb through her mane in an attempt to bring its usually unruly nature under some form of control. She sighed and gave up on the comb. “Come on its just dinner between friends. He won’t care if your mane is a mess. It usually is anyway, but I would like to be presentable tonight…maybe Rarity might have something to help me. I’ll just have to get Osaka to go ahead and head to the café so he doesn’t find out.” She blushed figuring out her plan.
“Hey Rainbow?”
Rainbow jumped and took to the air in surprise. She looked done and saw Osaka trying desperately to contain his laughter. “Osaka what’s the deal? I told you I would be down in a minute” she huffed out lowering herself back onto the bathroom floor.
“Hehe, sorry about that but there’s a pony downstairs asking to see you.”
“There is?” Rainbow tilted her head then shrugged. “Alright,” She said walking out of the bathroom and heading towards the stairs with Osaka following close behind.
“So who is it any…” she stopped at the top of the stairs, and stared down at the happy looking blue Pegasus at the bottom.
“Hi Rainbow.” He said giving Rainbow Dash a huge smile.
“Soarin!” Rainbow spat out. She quickly looked behind her to check on Osaka, he just stood there looking confused and not knowing what to do with himself. She brought her attention back to Soarin and glared at him. “What are you doing here?”
“Well Spitfire gave me the weekend off so I just thought I would stop by and spend the weekend with my favorite mare in all of Equestria.”
“Well that’s nice and all…”
“So where is Scootaloo?” he smirked.
Rainbow rolled her eyes and snorted. “She’s at a sleep over with her friends. Look Osaka and I were just about to head out to eat…”
“Oh you were? Do you mind if I join you? I’m a bit hungry myself.”
Rainbow sighed. “Yea sure whatever.” She said walking down the stairs. She walked past Soarin and opened the front door. She turned her head and looked at Osaka. “Hey Osaka do you mind heading off to Rarity’s by yourself while Soarin and I go ahead and head to the Café? We need to….catch up real quick.”
“Yea, no problem.”
Rainbow nodded her head and flashed a quick smile at Osaka. “Alright, just meet us there. Come on Soarin let’s go.” She said flying out the door and into the early evening sky. “So much for having Rarity fix up my mane.” She muttered under her breath.
“What was that?” asked Soarin as he flew into position next to her.
“Nothing”
I flew over Ponyville with Scootaloo’s sleeping bag and other things strapped onto my back. I looked down and saw all the brightly colored ponies going about their lives. It brought a smile to my face, but the smile didn’t stay long. The image of that smug looking blue Pegasus invaded my mind and I snorted out in annoyance.
“I don’t know why but I don’t like that Soarin….What kind of name is Soarin anyway? It’s like his parents named him that because they enjoyed soaring.” I thought as I floated down towards Carousel Boutique. I stopped at the front door and noticed the close sign in the front window. Shrugging I brought my hoof down on the closed front door a few times.
A slightly disheveled looking Rarity opened the door. “Oh Osaka what brings you hear?”
“Just dropping off Scootaloo’s stuff.” I mumbled out.
“Is everything alright dearie?” she asked, levitating Scoot’s sleeping bag and whatnots off my back.
“Yea yea, I just got something’s on my mind. Nothing you need to worry yourself about. Are you alright though? You look a little….well.” I trailed off.
“Yes well, I do enjoy making my little sister happy with her little sleep overs, but she and her friends can be a hoof full sometimes.” She nervously chuckled.
“So I’ve been told.”
The sound of something crashing onto the floor and a voice saying “Sorry” reached our ears. Rarity sighed. “I should probably go see what that was. They’ve been trying to get their cutie marks in wrestling.” She cringed as she closed the door taking Scootaloo’s stuff with her and leaving me alone.
I sighed and started to make my way towards the café, but the face of Soarin started to assault my mind again. “Alright seriously I just met the guy. I really shouldn’t be this quick to judge….but what is this feeling…I know it…” I thought to myself as I slowly made my way through Ponyville. “Is it jealously?...Why would I be jealous? Unless….” I stopped in the middle of the town. A sudden realization dawned on me.
“Crap, I have feelings for a pony.”
“Oh you do!” Exclaimed Pinkie as she bounced out of nowhere. “Oh oh oh who is it?”
“Uhh Pinkie I don’t really…”
“Oh is it Colgate? Carrot Top? Cheerilee?” she asked while simultaneously pulling each respective pony out of nowhere and holding them up in front of me then releasing them when I shook my head.
“Umm no and how are you doing that?”
“Oh is it my sister Maud?”
“I’ve never even met your sister Pinkie.”
Pinkie pulled out, out of nowhere. A dark gray colored Earth Pony mare with light purple hair, and placed her before me. “Maud,Osaka. Osaka, Maud.”
“Yo”
Maud just nodded her head and walked off.
“That means she thinks you’re cute.”
“Well that’s nice and all Pinkie but I really…”
“Is it Vinyl?” She pulled out a blindfolded, ball gagged, saddle wearing Vinyl Scratch and dropped her on the ground.
“Mmph mh mmpha”
(Not so rough Octy.)
“Is it Octavia?” Octavia legs were clad in leather boots and she held a riding crop between her teeth. She squirmed her way out of Pinkie’s grasp.
“Is it Bon Bon?” she held up a rather pissed off looking Bon Bon and let her go.
“Or is it Lyra?” she held up a passed out Lyra and gentle placed her on the ground.
“Now you’re just being ridiculous, and no.”
“Well that’s good, cause they be lesbians. Now who could it be? Think Pinkie think.” She sat down and started to tap a hoof against her chin.
“Osaka what’s going on here?” Octavia asked around her riding crop.
“Well Pinkie wants me to talk about something I really don’t want to talk about with anypony at the moment, and well you kind of got wrapped up in her Pinkieness. I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry about Osaka. This wouldn’t be the first time something like this has happened.” Octavia said before she spat out her riding crop into a free hoof.
“Mmpha? Mph Mh Mphhh Mh Mhp mhpmph?”
(Osaka? Why is Osaka in our bedroom?)
“That’s because were not in our bedroom sweetie.” Octavia said as she hit Vinyl’s side with the riding crop causing Vinyl to squeal in pleasure, and pain. “Now did I give you permission to talk Vinyl?”
Vinyl shook her head.
Octavia patted Vinyl on the head. “That’s a good little pony.”
“I really hope this is all consensual Octavia.”
“Of course it is Osaka. Isn’t that right Vinyl?”
Vinyl nodded her head happily.
“Okay, it’s not my problem then. You two have fun.”
“Oh we most certainly will Osaka. You can count on that.” Octavia said with a devilish grin. She hopped onto Vinyl’s back and straddled her. “Alright Vinyl I’m going to tell you which direction to go and for every misstep you make I will prolong your punishment so listen carefully.” She seductively whispered into Vinyl’s ear.
Vinyl shivered.
“Is it Time Turner?” Pinkie Pie yelled holding up a brown coated stallion with really great hair and an hour glass cutie mark.
“Pinkie, Time Turner’s a stallion.”
“Pinkie don’t judge.”
“Look Pinkie. This is something I just realized and I really don’t want to talk about it right now okay.”
Pinkie smiled “Okie Dokie Lokie”
“Excuse me could you put me down now? I was in the middle of trying to save Equestria…also Ditzy is the jealous type and she doesn’t like it when she sees me around other mares.” And as if on cue Ditzy swooped down and grabbed Time Turner. She glared at Pinkie with one of her eyes; oddly enough the one that glared at me gave me a wink. She then flew away with Time Turner in tow. Well tried too at least, she ended up crashing into city hall.
Pinkie Pie and I were left alone standing in the middle of the street staring at each other with an awkward silence that was only interrupted every few seconds by Lyra’s passed out snoring.
“So how’s the whole worshipping an Elder Pony God going?” I chuckled out to break the silence.
“Soon she will come unto the world and the endless partying will begin.” She said with a smile.
“That doesn’t sound too bad.”
“Nope, I’ll drop off some literature about it for you later. All it takes to join is your eternal soul.” She sang out hopping away.
“I’m beginning to think she’s not kidding about that.” I muttered. I looked down at the passed out Lyra, and guessed that Bon Bon must have left her there. “I guess I can’t just leave you here.” I dragged Lyra to a nearby bench and plopped her onto it. “I’m sure Bon Bon will come back for you.” I told her turning around and finally making my way to the café.
Rainbow Dash stared at the blue Pegasus that sat across from her at the table, and Soarin twitched uneasily from its constant assault.
“So Osaka huh? How did you a...”
“Stay away from him.” Rainbow cut him off.
“What? I was only trying to ask how you and your coltfriend met.”
“He’s not my coltfriend.” She answered rather quickly.
“Oh he’s not?” Soarin smirked with a raised brow.
“No he’s not, but you’re still going to stay away from. He’s got enough problems right now and adding a horny stallion into the mix isn’t going to solve any of them.”
“You always make me out to be such a bad guy.” Soarin pouted.
“And why do you think that is?” Rainbow inquired.
Soarin shrugs, “I don’t know maybe it’s because your Mom likes me more.” He said.
“No she doesn’t! And no it’s because you have stolen, chased off, and slept with every stallion I have ever showed interest in, as well as every coltfriend I have ever had!
“Oh please Rainbow you’re just…”
“Alex?” Rainbow interrupted
“Was he that Pegasus that had that odd growth on his head? He had some weird personality issues. He wasn’t good for you.”
“Ford?”
“Alright now he was just a sissy. He always cried after we did it.” Soarin sheepishly smiled as he began to sweat.
“Dawn?”
“Okay, how is that one my fault? He wasn’t happy being a stallion so he got a sex change.”
“You still slept with him before he got the change though.”
“Well…yes yes I did…but…”
Rainbow sat up in her seat and flared out her wings. “But nothing!” she pointed her hoof at Soarin and glowered at him. “You’re going to stay away from Osaka and if I find out that you have seduced him, or trying to seduce him then I’m going to pulverize you into a fine paste!”
“Okay, okay I’ll stay away from him. Just calm down Dash.” He said waving his hooves in front of him defensively.
“Alright…good.” She said sitting back down. “Sooo” Rainbow said glancing around the café, slightly embarrassed by her outburst a second ago. “How’s your Mom and Dad doing?” she asked.
“They’re fine. They’re actually thinking about opening up another bakery on the other side of Cloudsdale.”
“Oh really, that’s cool.”
“Yea, although my Mom is a bit disappointed that you haven’t been by to visit lately.”
“I know. I’ve been meaning to stop by and bring Scoot’s with me, but I just been so busy lately. In fact I’ve been so busy this past week that Osaka had to pretty much take care of Scootaloo for me.”
“Oh? Does Scootaloo get along with Osaka?”
“Yea, very well surprisingly.”
Soarin tilted his head, “What do you mean by surprisingly?”
“Uhh, well,” Rainbow awkwardly smiled at Soarin. “It’s kind of a long story.” She said rubbing the back of her head.
Thankfully that was when the waiter came to take their drink orders. Rainbow didn’t really want to get into the details of Osaka’s arrival into town with Soarin while out in public, especially the part about Osaka looking like Scootaloo’s lost father.
“I’ll have a cider.” Rainbow said.
“I’ll have an Applejack Brandy on the rocks.” Soarin Said.
“And I’ll have the same, but make it a neat.” I said taking a seat in-between Rainbow and Soarin at the table.
“Oh hey Osaka, what took you so long?”
“Pinkie Pie, Rainbow…Pinkie Pie…”
Rainbow nodded her head in understanding, “What she do this time?”
“Oh nothing just trying to figure out which pony I have feelings for, which is just another whole can of worms I do not want to open up.” I shrugged. “It was just Pinkie being Pinkie. I really don’t know how to explain it. Although I think I might have figured out how she does it.” I told Rainbow
“Really?”
“Yes, you see Pinkie Pie is a cultist.” I cheerily answered
Rainbow raised a hoof and opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by Soarin. “Pinkie’s the pink mare that likes to throw parties right?”
“You are correct Soarin,” I answered grabbing my drink from the waiter as he came by to deposit them. We waved him off telling him we needed more time to order. I took a long hard drink of my brandy. “Let’s hope you’re strong enough to fend off these thoughts.”
“So Osaka what is it that you do?” Soarin asked me as he glanced over his menu.
I swallowed and put my now empty glass down. I turned to Soarin. “Well far as job wise goes. I guess I technically work for the Apple Family now, but I am also a writer. I just haven’t really gotten the chance to write since I appea…” I saw Rainbow waving her arms around frantically in the corner of my eye. I stopped mid-sentence, and looked at her. She shook her head and mouthed “No.” Taking the hint I nodded. “I mean since I arrived in town. So what do you do Soarin?”
Soarin absent mindlessly mumbled something about getting the hayburger and put his menu down. “What do I do? Really? You don’t know?” he gave me that smug faced smile.
“Oh god I just want to punch him so hard in the face.”
When I didn’t answer his smugness disappeared replaced by confusion. “I’m Soarin, you know of the Wonderbolts. Soarin the Wonderbolt…” he said almost looking sad.
“Osaka is suffering from amnesia Soarin. He probably doesn’t remember who you are or what the Wonderbolts even are.” Rainbow told Soarin with an amused smile.
“Wonderbolt?...oh! You mean those pegasi that do airshows. Yea Rainbow has a couple of posters of those guys hanging in her house. So you do that. That’s cool.” I replied not really caring as I flagged our waiter down for another drink.
“Cool? Cool doesn’t even describe it man…” Soarin stated defensively. I just tuned him out as I waited for our waiter to return with my drink. Luckily I didn’t have to wait long.
The waiter returned and handed me another brandy as we all placed our orders. Rainbow ordered a salad, while Soarin ordered a hayburger and some hay fries. I ordered pasta that was made with chili peppers.
I was taking another long drink of my brandy when I noticed that Rainbow was staring at me with her lovely magenta eyes. “Damn I could get lost in those…” I forced the thought away and took another drink before putting my glass down. “Is something wrong Rainbow?” I asked.
“No, dude…I was just wondering if you were okay? You pretty much knocked back your first drink in one go, and you’re not wasting anytime on your second.”
“If you’re worrying about paying for them don’t worry. I got the drinks tonight.”
“No I’m not worried about that. I just wanted to know if there was something bothering you. That’s all.”
“Nope everything is perfectly alright. I just have feelings for a pony that’s all, and it’s FREAKING ME OUT!” I smiled at Rainbow and lied. “Yup everything is perfectly alright.” I then finished my second drink.
“Why are you worried? Is Osaka a lightweight or something?” Soarin inquired.
That in turn caused Rainbow Dash to break out in laughter, and I rolled my eyes at her. “You…you…you think Osaka is a lightweight?” She managed to get out between fits of laughter. She forced herself to calm down but she still giggled a bit. “Do you remember that mare Berry Punch that pitifully drank you under the table the last time you were here?”
“Yeah,” Soarin said sounding slightly embarrassed.
“Well on his first day here he…”
“OSAKA JONES!” A slightly inebriated voice shouted out in the café.
“Speak of the devil and she shall appear.” I muttered out.
“I have come back to reclaim my title!” the plum colored mare said, her muzzle slightly stained by wine.
“To be honest I really don’t want the title, but I don’t want you to have it either.” I said getting out of my seat. I walked up to Berry Punch and ushered her to the bar in the back of the café. “Alright same rules as last time, right?”
Rainbow Dash watched Osaka walk off to the back of the café with Berry Punch. As soon as they were out of sight she turned back to Soarin with a smirk. “I’ll bet you 20 bits he comes back completely sober.”
“You’re on.” Soarin said, knowing an easy bet when he sees one.
Their food finally arrived and they dug in. Every few minutes they could hear a crowd of ponies cheering and uttering “Damns” from the bar area of the café. Rainbow chuckled lightly every time she heard it.
“Well he seems…nice.” Soarin said with a mouthful of hay fries.
Rainbow swallowed. “Who does?”
“Osaka…but is he alright? I know you asked him if he was earlier, but…”
Rainbow sighed. “I know, he said he was alright but he usually doesn’t drink that fast. So something must be up with him. I don’t know if he will tell me what’s wrong or not, he can be really stubborn. He’s lived with me for about a week now and I still don’t know that much about him. In fact that was why I invited him out to eat tonight. I was going to try and get him to open up a bit about himself. Twilight thinks it might help with his amnesia, but then you know…” Rainbow trailed off twirling a hoof in the air.
“Heh, sorry about that.” Soarin rubbed the back of his head.
“It’s not your fault. It’s not like you knew what was going on.”
They continued to eat their food in silence.
“Yup, still sober.” Osaka groaned, walking back to the table.
Soarin stared wide eyed at Osaka. “You’re kidding right? You beat Berry Punch? How? She once drank Spitfire underneath the table. They even tell legends of her down in Canterlot.”
“I think you owe me 20 bits.” Rainbow smiled at Soarin.
“Thank god my food is here. I am starving.” Osaka tried to dig in but was interrupted by a pony screaming from the bar.
“Somepony call an ambulance, she’s not breathing!” a female voice yelled out.
“Oh dear I think her liver and kidneys are shutting down!” a ruff male voice screamed.
“Mommy!” a little filly’s voice cried out.
“She has a kid? Damn I kind of feel bad now. Also why hasn’t anypony taken that kid away from her yet?” Osaka asked.
“She has a really good lawyer, but anyway I think we should get out of here.” said Rainbow.
“That sounds like a good idea.” Soarin added.
“Alright, but can I get a box for my food first.”
Rainbow paid for the food, while Osaka grabbed a takeout box and dumped his pasta in it. He then handed the Waiter a small card that had a picture of Applejack winking on it. The card said “Put it on the Apple Tab” he told the Waiter it was for the drinks. Then Rainbow, Soarin, and Osaka all ran out of the café as fast as their hooves could take them.
“Well…that just happened.” I said around the strap on my takeout box, as I walked down Ponyville’s main street with Rainbow and Soarin.
“Indeed it did.” Rainbow added.
“Did you just drink a pony to death?” Soarin asked.
“Nah, I’m sure she will be fine.” I said.
“Yeah she’ll be good. Ponyville has some of the best doctors in Equestria.” Rainbow reassured.
“If you guys say so,” Soarin said with a bit of uncertainty.
“Don’t worry yourself about it Soarin.” I said as I noticed a certain mint green unicorn that was still lying passed out on a bench. I walked over to her.
“Hey why is Lyra passed out on a bench?” Rainbow asked.
“Well she’s passed out from the product testing we did earlier, and she’s out here because Bon Bon kind of abandoned her.”
“Damn that sucks.” Soarin said.
“Yea it does.” Rainbow said closing her eyes and letting out a little sigh. “We can’t just leave her out her all night. Come on Osaka help me throw her onto Soarin’s back. She can stay at my place for the night.”
“Why do I have to carry her?”
“Because I said so,” Rainbow answered as I helped her lift up Lyra and placed her onto Soarin’s back.
“Umm how is she going to stay at your place without falling through floor? I thought only Pegasi could walk on clouds?”
“Don’t worry I got that covered Osaka. You see Twilight gave me these charms’s that cast the cloud walking spell on anypony who wares it. She gave them to me so I could have non-pegasi guests over.”
“Ah, that’s cool.”
“Hey could we hurry up and get back to your place Rainbow? This mare is heavy.”
And with that Rainbow and I took off, with a slow moving Soarin moving slowly behind.
We arrived back at Rainbow’s house. The first thing Rainbow did was grab that charm for Lyra so Soarin would stop griping on how heavy Lyra was. Soarin sat down and let Lyra slide off his back while I opened the closet underneath the staircase and started to dig around in it.
“So what do we do now?” Soarin asked.
“I don’t know.” Rainbow shrugged.
“Well since we all are adults here and since there is currently not a little filly in the house.” I chimed in pulling a small wooden barrel, which I had Twilight enchant and send up her the other day, out of the closet. “I say we drink.” I patted the barrel.
“Sure I’m game.” Soarin said with a grin.
“Eh, why not. I’ve wanted to try this drink you’ve been making anyway.” Rainbow added.
Ten Minutes Later
I took a sip of my whiskey and looked at Rainbow who was passed out on top of Lyra, each of them snoring in unison. Soarin was passed out at the foot of the staircase mumbling incoherent words into the cloud made floor.
“You ponies need to get on my level.” I muttered out finishing another drink.
I started to chow down on my pasta.
“Mmm, spicy.”