//------------------------------// // SS 3 - Do Not Read Without Sufficient Drunk. // Story: But I AM Evil! // by TheNextGamer //------------------------------// Time Travel And Alternate Realities n Shit!! ... Or they're called parallel dimensions, I don't know, fuck you. "~Doo doo do, making a sandwich, making a sandwich, who want's a sandwich, well I do too!~" That was me singing the song "Making A Sandwich" as I work on making my lunch. Two guesses for what I'm making. ... That's right! Fried chicken! "~Lalala, fooled you suckers, I'm making fried chicken!~" Song copyrighted by "Bands Of The Lying About Sandwiches, Fried Chicken is Awesome." Douche-bags at heart, but shamelessly catchy as fuck. "Ah! Now that I am done making this delicious piece of chicken, I will now eat it in peace, with absolutely no distractions whatsoever! Yep! None at all!" After I said this to myself, I began to almost eat the fried chicken. Until- *ZAP* *POW* *ZING* *THUNDER AND SHIT* Someone had appeared out of nowhere! Who was it? Why, IT WAS ME! "Connery! I am you from 5 minutes in the future! I've come to warn you of something terrible that will happen in 2 minutes!" Future me said, armored with awesome futuristic armor and stuff. "I only have about, like, 45 seconds or so, before losing interest and getting bored, so I have to tell you quickly that someone will e-" *ZAP* *POW* *ZING* *THUNDER AND SHIT* "Connery! I am you from 10 seconds in the future!" Other future me said, wearing my other signature clothes, which was an evil clown suit. "Wait, what?! How is that even possible? I never made a time machine that fast yet! I don't even remember doing this!" "Hey, shove-off man! I have a very important message that needs to get across to prevent something bad happening!" "But I was here first! I ALSO have an important message that I need to tell him!" "Is it about the Clown Apocalypse?!" "No, it's about his fr-" "Then shut up! Listen to me, you'll soon meet this guy-" *ZAP* *POW* *ZING* *THUNDER AND SHIT* "Ar, matey! I be YOU from 20 years in t' PIRATE future! I've come t' warn ye o' a terrible plague!" Pirate Connery said, in a sweet-ass pirate captain hat and suit. "... WHAT?!" Said both Clown and Future Connery. *ZAP* *POW* *ZING* *AND SHIT* "Yo dawg! I'm ya' fum 20 years in de past in de JIBE future! Right on!" Ugh, I don't like this one. *ZAP* *ZING* *AND SHIT* "..." Future Ninja Connery from 7 years in the Ninja future said. *ZING* *AND SHIT* "Hear me mortals! For I am from ze GREAT future of ze Dracula future, vhere everyvun is Dracula!" Dracula costume. Go figure." "Yeah, screw this shit, I'm out. Enjoy your chicken." Future Connery said, flashing back to his own timeline. *ZING* *SHIT* "I am you from the robot future, where everyone speaks in stereotypical monotone, and shun the ones who have personalities. Beep boop." Heh, looks like one of my minion-bots. *SHIT* "...braaaaiinnnss..." Ew, rotting flesh. Wonder where he came from? *SHIT* "Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Came from newspaper future! 5 cents each!" *SHIT* "I am Connery NotEvilGuy, PONIFIED BIIATCHES! Sent to the land of humans, which are guarded by the Elements of Badassery!" ... NO. *SHIT* "Hi! I'm Bob from accounting!" KILL WITH FIRE. *SHIT* "Alice! I'm you from the- oh wait a minute, this isn't my past. Oh, hi Connery!" *SHIT* "Uh, dis suit is, uh, officially Giorgio Armani, my dads know him- FUCK YOU... I AAAIIIIIIN'T Havin dat shiet!" *SHIT* "I... am the Batman... and I- HOLY SHIT JOKER!" "Wait what? OH GOD!" And then Batman pounced on Clown Connery. *WOOORP WOOORP WOOORP* "... Uh... Wrong universe." *WOOORP WOOORP WOOORP* *SHIT* "Jesus, is anyone even trying to make any sense on this anymore?" *SHIT* *Typing noises* ... "Uh... Why am I in my fanfic?" ... Anymore? ... Room filled with plenty of me already, still got some room... No? Well then- *DUBSTEP* "Phew, ok, I- WOAH." This me was surprised when he looked around and noticed all the me's in the room. Dressed like as if he was from the Matrix, and carried a stop-sign. "Ok, this is definitely the one I'm looking for. Hi! I'm Aeroe Conner, Multiverse Time-Traveling Hero of the Multiverse. My dubstep stop-sign told me that there was a disturbance in this region of the universe. You're all causing a paradoxic attack on this universe right now, and I'm going to have to force you all out, and back in your respective universe. Sorry, and good night!" *WUB WUB DUBBA DUB* ... ... ... "Well, I didn't even participate in any of that. I don't even know what the fuck just happen." ... Welp! Back to eating my fried chick- *GASP* MY FRIED CHICKEN! IT'S GONE! "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Who could have done such a thing?! How will I ever get it back! Wait! I got it! I'll just invent a time machine! Go back and warn myself of all of this! "QUICKLY! I must find and armor myself with tons of cool futuristic armor and stuff, and build a time machine in the next 5 minutes!" THE END Don't ask why, just enjoy it and wait patiently for the next chapter. Good night. Also, not canon. Fuck you Writer's Block.