86.1
Lyra Heartstrings walked into the library, steadying herself against the door frame as she passed through it.
“Let me guess,” Twilight sighed. “Another one where your muscle memory is from the human you?”
“Yeah.” The lime unicorn wobbled over to a chair, heaved herself up into a bipedal sitting position, and sank into it gratefully. “What the buck is up with my history?”
“I suspect you broke it,” Twilight replied delicately.
Lyra winced. “Yeah, probably.” She shook her head, casting around for a change in subject. “...oh, hey! Got to ask, ever heard of this kinda strange magical music which makes ponies forget about me?”
“I have.” Twilight's head turned quickly. “Wait, did you end up in that world?”
“Yeah... just last time.” Lyra shrugged, but Twilight could still see pain in her eyes. “There was some unicorn called Hocus Hiccup in your place. He and... Toothless, I think? They were the only ones who remembered me for more than about ten minutes.”
She looked off into the middle distance. “Took most of the loop, but he worked out how to neutralize the effect. Man, but Celestia was confused.”
Twilight nodded. “Loops like that always make me feel... almost helpless, really. They're not the places where you can kick some flank and solve things, they're not even places where you just need to teach Truth, Justice, Applejack's Apple Pie and the Pinkie Pie Patent Pending Party Procedure. They're where... the world itself is subtly wrong.”
She shivered. “And I'm glad we don't live there.”
“You and me both,” Lyra said solemnly. Then she forced a smile. “Meant I only had to know two knock-knock jokes, though. Original every time.”
(FanOfMostEverything)
From the Journal of Sunset Shimmer:
Entry 6:
I feel like a flea next to Monstro. This "Ranma Saotome" is... Well, he insists he isn't a god. Explained why he can't be and everything. But he's clearly just one rung lower on the ladder.
He actually explained a lot more than that. He wasn't surprised when I said I already knew about the Loops and Yggdrasil and even subspace pockets; how else would I carry you around? But he showed me just how much there is to the Multiverse. The worlds I've seen are the thinnest slice of everything out there. Honestly, it's kind of overwhelming.
The less said about his personal solar system the better, if only for the sake of what remains of my sanity.
He said I could relax for the next few years. Nabiki, the girl I'm replacing, hardly ever got mixed up in the martial arts mayhem of this world. At least, not in the baseline. But I can't help but feel I should turn down the offer. It's a big cosmos out there. Magic and my Keyblade work here, but Ranma told me that won't always be the case. I want to be able to defend myself unaided.
I admit, I'm not sure how this will work when I'm a unicorn again, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now, I have a new teacher.
A teacher. Celestia... I'll see you again someday.
Keychain: Anything Goes
86.2
Dear Princess Celestia,
I quit. I've had too much stress recently, I'm going to go live on a tropical island until my stress levels fade. Expect me back some time around when Discord returns.
Yours absently,
Twilight Sparkle.
P.S. Don't worry about Nightmare Moon, I have taken her with me and we are enjoying waffles. Luna should be on the moon looking puzzled.
“I'm guessing it was... bad?” Nyx asked, as she cut her third waffle in half before adding a big dollop of ice cream.
“Bad doesn't even begin to cover it.” Twilight heated the irons with a fire spell, and slapped another load of batter between them – this set with ginger flavouring. “It was another of those bedamned near-Hub dystopias... this time, one where you just plain got killed at age thirty.”
Nyx blinked. “That's... unusually blunt for those places.” She levitated the ice cream tub. “Come on, momma, I think I should cook for a bit. You need ice cream, stat!”
“As if that wasn't bad enough,” Twilight continued, the only sign she'd heard Nyx being that she went over to the table and sat down, “the reason for that? Population control to maintain humanity in the face of a small domed city and an uninhabitable outside.”
“And...” Nyx prompted, with a hiss in the background of her question.
“And when I took a look outside, it was perfectly habitable. Had been for about two centuries.” Twilight shrugged. “I blew a hole in the dome, the computer running the place seized up... you know, I think Skynet has a point, 'fictional' sentient computers do seen to always go mad...”
She took a bite of her waffle and munched determinedly. “I had to use OWL to stop falling bits of dome killing anyone. Then I ended up running a civilization again.”
Nyx winced, and frowned. “Okay, ouch... hey, want me to go find Trixie and see if I can prod her into becoming an Element of Magic? Sounds like you might need more than just the time before Discord escapes...”
“That would be great, thanks.” Twilight finished her first waffle. “Okay, I'm going to have four more of these, then I'm going to bed. Don't wake me unless my life is in immediate, clear and present danger.”
“Gotcha, Momma!” Nyx flipped up a wing in salute, then checked her reflection to make sure her headband and glasses were on properly.
“Okay. Step one: get Trixie into Ponyville at a preset time. Step two: come up with potential threat which would unite her and the other prospective Element bearers...” Nyx frowned. “Perhaps a horde of chibi-nightmare-moons?”
It had been a while since she'd used the mirror pool...
86.3
I've never...
(Started by novusordomundi, Compiled and Edited by Conceptulist)
(novusordomundi)
Shining Armor smirked as he leaned back on his chair. "I've never turned water into wine."
Twilight Sparkle shot her brother a nasty glare as she took a drink from her mug. "Remind me to never do that again. All I had for the rest of that loop was everyone wanting me to give them free booze. Really, just walked right up to me in the middle of the road with a bottle of water and ask me to work my magic."
Shining Armor smirked, before noticing that Berry Punch hadn't touched her mug. "Really? You of all ponies haven't done that?"
Berry smirked back at the Captain, before replying "I've turned water into scotch, vodka, and Romulan Ale. Never wine."
(WyldeHorse)
Rarity looked over at Pinkie Pie. "I've never turned the moon into a giant cupcake."
"It was a good cupcake! And the moon-cupcake-eating party was awesome!" Pinkie Pie grinned and downed her shot.
(Conceptulist)
"Hmm.... I've never gone to warp speed without a spacecraft."
Rainbow drank down another shot. "No fair singling me out AJ. Hay, I'm the only one here who could do that."
"Wrong! The Supreme and Incredible Trixie has indeed broken the warp speed limit with no need for a spaceship. It involved an attempt to replicate some of the more temperamental explosives Trixie has seen, an Invincibility Star, and riding the shockwave to the next solar system."
(misterq)
"I also did that, but I was a pink energy being at the time," Pinkie Pie drank her shot and burped loudly. She paused in thought for a moment, "Hmm, I've never been an accountant."
The majority of looping ponies drank their shot. This included a few surprises.
"You were an accountant, Dashie?" Pinkie exclaimed in amazement.
"What? Is that so surprising?" Rainbow Dash placed her empty shot glass with all the others, "Sure, I can't compete in theoretical math theory with Twilight, here. But one loop, I was the fastest comptroller in the biz. I could accurately audit a company's tax records in ten seconds flat. Of course, then I had to fight off the actuary ninjas. It was a strange, strange loop."
Trixie suddenly snorted in laughter, "If that loop was a show in the hub-verse, it would most likely be named 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Management'."
(Crisis)
"I've never had sex with someone from a different Loop," Cadance smirked as several groans went up and shots were downed.
"Wait," Rainbow Dash halted the game as one of the drinkers registered, "Fluttershy?! Who? When?"
"Link and I did more than just howl out in the woods," Fluttershy blushed.
"Ah knew it!" Applejack cheered. "Pay up Rarity!"
(TheCentauress)
A tiny voice spoke from the floor. "I've never had a palette swap."
Everyone looked down, to see a grinning Nyx looking up.
Everyone took a drink, snickering. After a moment to breathe, they looked at Zecora.
"To my chagrin," the Zebra admitted, "White on Black I have been."
Luna grumbled. "You are my palette swap, runt."
Nyx stuck out her tongue.
Celestia blushed a bit and spoke so softly she made Baseline-Fluttershy sound loud. "ThoseHubDollsareaccurate," she sputtered.
Fluttershy began giggling, fluent in Squeakanese.
(namar13766)
Gilda grinned. "I've never gone insane while ruling Equestria."
Cheerilee, Spike, and a handful of natives smirked as a large percentage of the native loopers downed their drinks with mutinous mutters.
"You'll never let us live that down, will you," muttered Rainbow dash.
"Nope!"
(Conceptulist)
"I've Never conquered an entire galaxy by myself." Spike raised an eyebrow when most of the ponies and assorted other species in Big Mac's drank to that. "Okay, how and why?"
"Parties and to spread joy and laughter to those in need."
"I just asked nicely. Once I explained what I was doing, I was elected Supreme Pony Empress of the Universe."
"Explosions and to win a bet."
"Mind control and to win that same bet. I won, by the way."
"Magic based ship-to-ship warfare, and cause of the bet."
"Trixie still wants a rematch. Making Star Command dance the Macarena until they signed over ownership of the Galactic Union violated the spirit of the rules."
"I transmutated all of the weapons of anyone who fought me into toy replicas, and then used my political powers to order the creation of Grand Library of Twiandra. I still have it in my Subspace Pocket."
"It was a strange variant loop. Everything was made out of yarn, and I was a pair of magic knitting needles. I unraveled and then re-knitted the Cosmos into a nice sweater."
"Politics, and to challenge myself."
"Beer. And it was a very grimdark loop. Everyone and everything in it needed a tree forsaken drink. Old Mare Henderson was the only one who wasn't driven insane, and once everything was settled she drank Cthulhu under the table."
"On accident, and because Ah couldn't read hieroglyphics. Ah triggered an alien super weapon that hijacked my brainwaves as a power source. Mechapple went on to defend Eques from several dozen alien invasions, adding the invaders planets to our own empire."
(Crisis)
"Not in any sort of where or when," Zecora declared, "ever have I a mother been."
Most of the room drank at that one, and explanations were demanded of several.
"Hey, I've adopted Scoots plenty of times to qualify," Dash defended herself.
"Weird variants where Sweetie Belle is my love child from a young teen affair," Rarity explained. "My parents kept up the charade of her being my sister to protect my reputation."
"Same with me and 'Bloom," Applejack nodded.
"Don't you wanna hear mine?" Pinkie beamed.
"Not really, sugarcube," Applejack. "I don't wanna hear about how you raised Cthulhu or somethin'."
"Silly!" Pinkie chided her friend. "I raised Discord! Remember that Loop where we were all raising those normally older than us?"
"Oh, yeah," Applejack nodded. "Forgot about that one..."
(Masterweaver)
"Apparently Rares was the result of a drunken fling," Vinyl Scratch explained awkwardly. "Dropped her off with some friends cause we both knew I'd be a bad mom, then a couple of years down the line I Awoke. She didn't."
Rarity sighed. "Yes, that happens sometimes, although you usually portray yourself as 'auntie Vinyl.'"
The DJ grinned, pulling out a few photos. "I managed to convince you to tour with me for a bit, though!"
Sweetie broke out laughing. "This I've gotta see!"
(namar13766)
"I've never...I've never...I've never...I've never tried to befriend an UnAwake Sunset Shimmer."
Big Mac raised an eyebrow as Shining Armor made that declaration. Twilight taking a shot was expected, but the other?
Twilight looked shocked and a little intrigued. "Cadence, when was this?"
The pink pony princess of passion looked slightly shifty. "Well, there was a loop where I came back really early and thought it would be nice of her to have a special somepony in that loop, and then we got to talking and know each other..."
(Crisis)
"I've never been married," Cheerilee spoke, causing a good portion of the room to dive for cover (some trying to hastily down their shot at the same time). Cadance was suddenly in her face, an almost manic look in her eyes.
"WE MUST FIX THIS!"
(Daniel H)
Chrysalis thought for a minute. "I Never Looped in as myself from the Canterlot High world."
Almost everypony took a drink at that. Nopony was really surprised at this, except than Nyx was one of the drinkers.
"What? Vice Principal Luna counts! Chrysalis and Discord are the only ones that rarely have alternate selves."
(masterofgames)
Big Mac smirked. "Ah've never Ascended."
Nyx pondered for a moment before grinning. "I've never shot mom with the elements."
Sweetie Belle glared at her. "You have by proxy!"
Apple Bloom giggled. "Ah've never made acid outta' potatoes before."
"ONE TIME! Y'all are never gonna let me live that down, are ya?"
"Nope!"
Twilight shrugged. "I've never tried to eat Sugar Cube Corner before."
To the surprise of nopony, only Pinkie drank.
"I've... oh, I don't know... I've never had my own personal narrator for my life in a loop." Rarity finally decided.
Everypony looked at Pinkie.
Pinkie looked shocked. "You mean NOT everypony has one?! Wow, I've had mine since baseline! I can hardly picture life without it!"
Trixie thumped her head down on the table. "That explains so much, and yet so little!"
“I've never started a cult worshiping seaponies."
"Trixie calls shenanigans! You're singling her out again!"
Derpy was happily blowing bubbles in her chocolate milk and tonic, only to pause when she noticed everyone looking at her. "What?"
"When did you even get here?!"
“I've never been in a threesome with Blueblood." Celestia giggled.
To everyone's slight shock, Shining, Cadance, AND Rarity downed their shots.
"Not. A. Word." she growled.
(Detective Ethan Redfield)
Sweetie had a wicked grin spread across her face, "I've never crashed a loop by dropping the sun on Equestria."
Twilight sighed as she brought the glass to her mouth, "My telescope wasn't powerful enough to see why the sun was orbiting Equestria, unlike so many human worlds which orbited the sun."
After downing her glass, Celestia replied, "Tried dropping the sun on Nightmare Moon. Didn't think it all the way through at the time."
Luna shivered as some whiskey was brought out for this shot, "Needed the sunlight to find the Vash Nerada during that Doctor Who loop. It would have worked had Celestia not decided to prank me at that moment."
Gilda shrugged, "Experimenting with my Okami powers."
Scootaloo looked sheepish, "Wanted to see if I could fly the sun. Equestria just came out of nowhere, I tell you!"
Applebloom tilted her head, "My gravity beam lost control and wouldn't shut down."
(masterofgames)
"I've never been Celestia's Mother." Luna grinned teasingly.
"Yeah, that was weird. She still grew up awesome though." Dash shrugged, drinking.
"Ugh, ONE time paradox and it's all you ever hear." Celestia groaned, draining her glass.
"I still have the baby pictures!" Derpy giggled.
Gilda just looked at Derpy. "Seriously, when did you get here?!"
(Daniel H)
"I've never created a whole world before" said Big Mac.
As expected, Sweetie Belle, Luna, and Pinkie each took a drink. Not as expected was when Ivory Scroll did the same.
"It was a Loop where the laws of physics were actually written up and could be changed like other laws. How could I not?"
(namar13766)
"I've never looped into a Conversion Bureau loop!"
Everyone looked askance at the sugar honey ice tea drinking mailmare, before, as one, putting down their glasses and emptying their bottles.
"I am less surprised than I should be." Gilda dryly noted.
"Seriously, when did she come in?" quietly noted Sunset Shimmer.
(yannoshka)
"I've never been Primarch of Space Marines" was Spoon's entry. To her utter bafflement, everybody else at the table, including angel bunny drank their shot.
"Just you wait. It is one of the unwritten rules of looping. Everyone becomes one of my siblings at some point." Leman kindly told her.
(masterofgames)
"I've never been the God Emperor of Ponykind."
Celestia pouted. "No fair! We agreed no baseline stuff!"
(FanOfMostEverything)
Cheerilee considered her options, and then smiled. "I've never used the Mirror Pool." Almost everypony drank.
"Experimentation," said Twilight.
"Competition," said Dash.
"Wanted to see if I could get self-replicating liquor," said Berry Punch. "Worked too well. The water itself didn't get copied. And the 307 Ale negative space-wedgied itself out of existence."
(Detective Ethan Redfield)
Chrysalis grinned, "I've never been a member of the Apple family."
Most of the ponies, including Celestia and Luna took a shot. What really surprised everypony though was when Gilda took a drink, "Twice. Once by adoption when Fluttershy and I switched places, she was Dash's cool friend and I was the shy one. Was still a griffon though. Ended up in Ponyville after failing out of flight school and being thrown out by my clan, where the Apples took me on as hired help. I woke up shortly after. Ended up an honorary Apple when I drove off some Timberwolves that found their way onto the farm. The other time, I replaced Big Mac as Applejack and Applebloom's big sister as an Earth Pony."
(Masterweaver)
Vinyl grinned. "I've never had a fused loop."
The table groaned as almost every mug was lifted. "Come on, new kid," Discord grumbled, "be more creative!"
"Oh, I have a great counter," Rainbow grinned. "Ahem ahem ahem. I've never had a lover's quarrel.'"
Vinyl brought her drink to her lips with a roll of her eyes. Spike and Rarity joined her, shortly followed by Cadance and Shining and then by Trixie and Chrysalis. Lyra and Derpy toasted their fellow new looper before downing their own drinks.
Celestia, Luna, and Discord were a bit odd, but not entirely unexpected. Sleipnir, of course, got some light-hearted teasing. The real surprise came when Gilda slammed her empty mug down.
"...Uh--"
The griffon glared. "I DON'T want to talk about it."
(Conceptulist)
"The Awesome and Incredamazing Trixie has never Looped in as a chicken."
"That joke was old and stale in the baseline." Scootaloo complained as she drank her shot.
"At least I finally have a way to fix it when I'm Silverbeak." Silver Spoon, who had Awakened as Silverbeak this loop, muttered as she drank.
"I make for a fabulous hen." Rarity declared after finishing off her drink. Then she threw her mug to the ground. "Another!" she giggled.
Twilight downed more of her drink, and then said "Sleipnir, what the bark is up with the weird loops where Rarity and I Awake as weird things? It's gotten pretty annoying."
Sleipnir shrugged his upper two shoulders. "I have no idea. There is no bug in the system that's causing it, and it's not some form of stable variant like the Rule 63 iterations. It's like Yggdrasil finds it amusing or something."
(Conceptulist)
"Never have I ever Awoke to discover An earth pony I've been, Not a Zebra again." Zercora rhymed.
As most of the loopers busied themselves with their drinks, Discord asked "Zecora, really? Never been an earth pony? Let's try to change that." One talon snap latter, Zecora lost her stripes.
"Would you mind returning what's mine? I do not like this redesign."
"But your stripes, they Make me look so much thinner! I like them too much!"
"Appease Me please."
"Fine, if you want them So badly as to beg me, You can have them back."
(misterq)
"I have never been a tiny pixie fairy!" Pinkie Pie spoke up.
Apple Bloom and Twilight took a drink at the same time, and in unison said, "Tinkerbell."
Silver Spoon asked, "Does being a breezy count?"
There was a brief moment of quiet discussion before Twilight nodded her head in agreement. Silver Spoon took a drink. Then she swayed a little, and with a poofing sound her tail became a squirrel's tail once again.
Rainbow Dash put down her mug, proudly saying, "I was the fastest wind fairy, once."
Trixie scowled as she placed her cup on the table, "Apparently, pyromania can be a fairy talent. That was when all the fairies of Pixie Hollow learned a valuable lesson on how well pirate ships can burn - until the fire reaches the gunpowder stores. Then the lesson became something about explosions, explosion safety, and raining pirate booty."
Pinkie giggled, adding, "The more you know!"
(Hubris Plus)
"Discord, why don't you take a turn?" Fluttershy put forth.
"Oh come now," he harrumphed. "You know that if I could think of anything I haven't done, I'd do it."
"C'mon," Rainbow Dash insisted. "There has to be something."
"Weeeell, now that you mention it," the draconequus said, tapping his chin mischievously with a talon. "Never have I ever caused someone to drink in 'Never Have I Ever'."
Everyone reached for their drinks before, one by one, lowering their hooves and taking on thoughtful expressions.
"So, if'n we drink," Applejack said slowly. "That mean he's lyin', an' we don't drink?"
"New rule," Twilight groaned. "Paradoxical statements are not valid turns."
(Dalxein)
Celestia took on a stern mien, steepling her hooves, and said- "I have never intentionally blown up a star."
Applebloom muttered dark grumblings before she grabbed her cup. "You loop as Carter onetime..." Downing her juice in one go (They wouldn't let her have booze).
"I've never sang 'I'm a pretty princess' in front of a mirror." Dashie smirked.
Spike slammed his head into the table, doing more damage to the wood than his forehead, before shouting "The wife asked me to, okay!?" And taking a swig.
(Crisis)
Fluttershy nodded as Angel Bunny finished whispering in her ear. "He says he's never been a stallion."
The whole room groaned as everyone but the rabbit took a shot.
"Well," Big Mac leveled a look at the lapine, "Ah've never been involved with a rabbit, Enope."
Angel huffed with annoyance, but downed the shot. Rarity and Spike doing so as well was not nearly as surprising as it should have been, but the most surprising was the fourth drinker.
"I've had a Loop or two where I Awoke in a relationship with Angel," Fluttershy explained. "We ended up agreeing it wouldn't work out."
"Ah've never had the hots for Big Mac," Applejack grinned as most of the room reluctantly reached for their glasses.
"In my defense," Rarity claimed as she took her drink, "it was before Spike and I got together."
"I've got no room to protest," Spike shrugged and downed his own. "I had a couple of early gender bent Loops where I had the hots for Mac."
"Well," Twilight glared at her farm pony friend, "I've never had the hots for myself."
"Y'all are never letting me live that one down, are ya?" Applejack groused as she took her own drink.
"Uh, Pinkie?" Dash ventured as she noticed the party pony taking a second drink after Twilight's turn. "Do we want to know?"
"What can I say?" Pinkie giggled. "I'm sexy and I know it!"
"I've never been sexy and known it at the same time," Ditzy chirped happily.
The rest of the room blinked before deciding as one that taking a drink was worth not having to figure that one out.
(novusordomundi)
Shining Armor thought for a second. "I've never led a cult"
Pinkie quickly downed a shot. "Praise the Toast!” She than thought for a second then opened her Subspace Pocket, and poured a drink inside. A faint "Mare, you know I can't drink anything!" could be heard before the pocket closed.
Twilight sighed and drunk her shot. "In reality, worshiping a checklist was a really bad idea..."
Applebloom downed her juice "Ah really did worship a Dues Ex Machina. Got some upgrades too!"
Fluttershy calmly drunk hers. "I had one dedicated to my in-loop husband at the time."
"Really, darling? Who was he? Zeus? Odin?" Rarity pried, going down a mental checklist of who it could be
"Nyarlathotep"
This stopped all motion as the rest of the group just looked on at a blushing Fluttershy.
"He's not that bad once you get to know him..."
(Masterweaver)
Sleipnir took a breath. "You... do realize that the Lovecraft Mythos is basically comprised of a branch of rogue hackers and viruses? They're the 4chan of Yggdrasil!"
Twilight blinked. "That... actually explains a lot."
(namar13766)
Cheerilee said, "I've never had my parents be a giraffe."
Princess Luna and Princess Celestia promptly dropped their glasses, and proceeded to chug their bottles. As Luna finished first, she let out a belch, glared at the group, and growled.
"DON'T. ASK."
Lyra grinned. "I've never brought something back from an enchanted comic."
Many of the ponies drank, including one which surprised them all. Derpy just smiled at them. "What? Dinky liked having the Mane-iac as an adoptive big sister!"
(masterofgames)
A certain eight legged Admin smirked as the turn order came to him. "I've never been to Eiken!Drink up bitches!" he laughed, before hiccupping, falling out of his chair, and loudly snoring before he even hit the floor.
"We do kinda deserve this one. What with all that 307 Ale we kept spiking his drinks with." Twilight sighed after a moment, throwing back her shot.
"After all those deity specific rounds, Trixie is amazed he was still sober enough to think of that one."
(OathToOblivion)
"I've never set myself on ninja to escape fire."
(Dalxein)
Discord grumbled and took a drink, followed by Pinkie, Angel Bunny and surprisingly Big Mac.
"Ninja powers are kinda' useful for firefightin'." He explained.
(TheCentauress)
Derpy chuckled. "I've never had people convinced I don't exist," she cut in.
To no one's surprise, Big Mac and Twilight sucked down their drinks.
Less surprising, Luna and Nyx also chugged.
What shocked everyone was when Ivory Scroll slammed her 'Enhanced' Cider and belched. The usually fairly-straitlaced mare glared around the room. "All I'm saying," she ground out, "Is that you NEVER ask about a 'Dave Lister' or a 'Starbug'."
(Gym Quirk)
Ivory Scroll caught Twilight's eye as she declared, "I have never set up a seat of Government in my baseline place of residence."
All the usual suspects drank. Explanations were demanded of the more unexpected imbibers.
"Apple Free State," chorused Mac, Applejack and Apple Bloom.
"The Everfree Federation was my nation," shrugged Zecora.
"Wagon Republic," explained Trixie. "Yes, Trixie got the idea from Libraria. And thanks for the legal pointers regarding the movable borders, Ivory."
Fluttershy was staring at Angel. "You ran an empire of ten rabbit warrens out of my cellar?"
"Must have been a practice run before he took over the British Isles that one loop," mused Spike.
86.4 (Conceptulist)
"… And that is why we celebrate the Summer Sun Celebration at this time of the year." With practiced ease, Cheerilee Awoke and continued to teach like nothing had happened. "Now, are there any questions?"
Twist raised a hoof.
"Yes, Twist?" 'Okay, loop memories. Except for some different students then baseline, everything seems normal.'
"Miss Cheerilee, why does the length of the day matter? I thought that Celestia could choose how long she wanted it to be. 'Cause she's the Princess and stuff," asked Twist.
"There are several reasons, but the biggest ones are tradition and balance. We keep nature running in harmony with the rest of the world, and consistent sunlight helps farmponies grow better crops." 'I could go do a field trip to Zecora's again. Maybe get her help with the ancient language for foals lesson plan if she is Awake.'
"Why?" asked Twist, in the way that only young children and the young at heart can do.
'I wonder if anyone is going to be pulling big pranks this loop. I wouldn't mind a baseline run after that mess with DisQord last loop.'"Simple! Sunlight is turned into energy by photosynthesis, and photosynthesis is caused by-" A loud ringing from the school bell interrupted Cheerilee, dragging her out of her teaching daze and putting a stop to her thought process. "Chlorophyll. Looks like I'll have to continue this next class. Remember your homework, everypony."
"Do we have to? I wanna goof off!" whined Sugar Cookie, one of the five non baseline students this loop.
Cheerilee smiled. "Your homework is to have fun at the Summer Sun Celebration, and be ready to talk about the experience next class. Now get out to here, and go have fun!"
A reverberating cheer sounded throughout the school. A herd of fillies and colts rushed out the door and much cheering and jeering was heard as they raced through town.
'Alright, now I just need to find out who else is Awake,' thought Cheerilee. She then Pinged the loop. 'Hopefully, no one will forget to listen for Pings. Again. Really, the Elements can be very useful, but not everypony has one to check upon Awakening.'
An answering Ping quickly returned. There was only the one, and it was close. 'That felt like it came from just outside the schoolhouse...'
Cheerilee trotted to the door, and looked out side at Tue school yard.
"I'll catch up with you all later!" a maneless colt shouted. "I need to go take care of something."
"You heard the bosspony. To Sugercube Corner, everypony!" was yelled by Gale Link, as she galloped towards the sugary treats Pinkie Pie was sure to baking.
Wall Beatle raced after her."Hay! No fair getting a head start!" he screamed.
Hoagie Sandwich jumped in his little red wagon and let his wings propel him forward, not unlike certain other pegasus and her scooter. "Leave some for me!"
Sugar Cookie gasped as she realized that she was being left behind, and said "No! I don't wanna be the rotten egg this time!"
Cheerilee stared at the children as they rushed out of earshot, committing the new names her loop memories had provided to memory.
"Miss Cheerilee, are you Awake? You look like your asleep on your feet." the young colt asked, as he adjusted his sunglasses.
'Root! What was his name again? Ah, I remember it's'"Uno Card? You look fairly tired yourself, like you just Awoke."
Uno smiled. "Good, you must be a looper. This your home loop?"
Cheerilee nodded. "Come on in, and I'll explain everything you need to know about Equestria."
Uno stared into the cup of tea Cheerilee had pored for him. "This is harder than I thought it would be."
"Just point your hoof, and slip it into the handle. Only fine china has handles that can't slide over a hoof, and that's meant for unicorns who can use telekinesis to levitate the cup." taught Cheerilee. "Simpler is better."
Uno followed her directions, and managed to sip his tea. "Good stuff. Now what were you saying about the amount of loopers in Equestria? How many was it?"
"There are 30 or so Loopers. I'm not sure if the founders count as loopers or not." Cheerilee reached out and adjusted his hoof. "You need to hold it more like this or it will start to rotate on your wrist."
Uno secured his grip on his tea. "Whoa. A full thirty loopers. That's a lot."
Cheerilee looked at Uno curiously. "Is it really that much of a big deal? I'm sure your loop has plenty of loopers. Weren't the fillies and colts hanging out with you earlier loopers from your loop?"
"Yes and no," Uno sighed. "They're from my loop, but none of them are looping yet. In fact, I'm the anchor and only looper from my loop."
Cheerilee's eyes widened at the accidental faux pas she had committed. 'No loopers... that means no one to talk to... no one who understands...' Cheerilee stood up and and pulled Uno into a tight hug. "I'm sorry."
Uno awkwardly returned the hug. Moments passed. Long awkward moments. Uno's tea spilled onto the floor and the cup slide off his hoof. The clatter it made when it bounced on the ground snapped Cheerilee out of her paternal child care instincts, and she let go of Uno.
Uno grinned. "It's not that bad. My friends are always there for me. We, through any where or when or who or why or how, will always have each other's backs. The KND doesn't give up that easily. Of course, we are the Krusaders Next Door here."
(DrTempo)
From The Journal of Sunset Shimmer
Entry 7:
Another Loop, and STILL not in Equestria. Why do I have a feeling this is going to be a theme?
I found myself on the Hogwarts Express; I'd gotten a brief summary of many of the more well-known Loops thanks to Ranma-sensei, so I knew where I was almost instantly.
I'd replaced Hermione this time, though my name was Rebecca Granger in this Loop. Harry obviously figured out I was a Looper almost instantly. He was kinda surprised to learn how few Loops I'd had so far.
Hogwarts does, at times remind me of what it was like when I'd first become Celestia's student long ago. Harry does kinda sympathize with me a small bit, as he hasn't been a fan of the recently Awakened Dumbledore for ages, due to all the manipulations, though the two are starting to patch things up.
Harry was NOT pleased by my attempt to conquer Equestria with a bunch of teenagers, though. In my defense, I was VERY drunk on power and filled with hate at the time.
I've taken to studying this Loop's brand of magic, and seeing if my Keyblade will work as well for casting said brand of spells as my wand would.
I know I'll never surpass Twilight Sparkle, so I intend to just be as good as I can. And hopefully, the day I see Equestria again will come soon.
Keychain: Magic Express
86.5 (The One Butcher)
"Aw, buck." Scootaloo said standing over the bled out form of Applebloom. "She was squished before we noticed. Well, there's always next time."
Sweetie Belle looked her over. "That's strange. The Boiler knocked her out and the breaking pipe slashed her throat. What are the odds?"
"One in ten thousand? So in the loops, one hundred per cent." Scootaloo frowned. "We'll have to collect her workshop. How much stuff can you fit in your subspace pocket?"
"Aw, dammit! Do we have to have a stealth anchor right now? What are the odds?" Sweetie kept complaining. Normally Twilight had enough space left over for all their stuff when they managed to kill themselves. Not an option right now.
"Seeing as we did this because we wanted to prank unawake Twilight, once again one hundred per cent." Scootaloo deliberated. "Do we have to take it all?"
Sweetie cut her off: "Bloom's stuff is all stuff into which she put years and years of work. We can't do that to her. We'll just have to dump all the stuff in our pockets we can get somewhere else. Also some of the stuff in her workshop we can safely discard. Like I just know Twilight has spare omnitools and Bloom too. And ones that aren't covered in blood to boot. We'll just have to put in some work!"
"What are you doing?"
"We're trying to divide Applebloom's stuff amongst us." Sweetie said absentmindedly while sorting through hard disks salvaged from various duplicate spacecraft.
Scootaloo however got a front row seat to a horrified Applejack standing over Applebloom's forgotten corpse. "Aw wood!", the pegasus swore. "Can this get any worse?"
She and Sweetie realized what Scoots had just done, hurriedly looked around.
Sweetie fixed her with a glare. "Just checking," said Scootaloo innocently.
Outtake:
"That's really sweet of yah. But yah needn't have bothered. All of that was nanofabricated for that one loop and all Data was backed up in mah pocket."
"Oakdammit!"
"Yeah, that was really nice of you though.", Applebloom hugged them, "But the only thing Ah need is my special modified nanotech Omnitool."
“Ah. Er...”
(DrTempo)
From The Journal of Sunset Shimmer
Entry 8:
Whoa.
That was all I had to say when I saw Lina Inverse doing what she does best.
If Harry's brand of magic is relatively simple, but practical, Lina's is...
Well, overblown is a good word for it.
My jaw dropped when I saw what she can do.
Moving on, I didn't replace anyone this time....I was Lina's twin sister in this Loop.
She's...well, she does remind me a bit of how I once was. I've learned a few new spells, but I'd rather not try and wield the more powerful ones she has in her arsenal.
I'll admit, I'll never get enough of using Raywing.
Lina did comment of my fighting style a bit. She'd noticed despite me focusing on my abilities as a Keyblade Wielder- I've only just begun tapping into the shapeshifting tricks it can do-I seem to be a 'jack-of-all-trades,' as it were. Guess Ranma-sensei's teaching on using anything you can in a fight has affected my style.
Still, Lina can be quite fun to be friends with, but angering her...BAD idea.
I've accepted it might be a WHILE before I Loop in Equestria again, but I'll learn all I can until then.
I won't let my lust for power consume me again.
Now, if you'll excuse me, my 'sister' is about to accidentally blow up a town.
AGAIN.
Keychain: Dragon Slayer
86.6 (namar13766)
Vinyl Scratch, student of King Sombra the Just, blinked as she looked at the book detailing the return of the Terrible Twin Sisters.
"Huh. So that's what Sparkle feels like."
(DrTempo)
Entry 9:
The moment I Awoke, noticed I was on a battleship, wearing a sundress, I knew where I was, and whom I replaced.
The giant red robot with the '02' on it was just the exclamation point.
I hadn't been looking forward to an Evangelion Loop, and being in Asuka's shoes wouldn't make things any easier.
Still, I decided to test my acting skills, as baseline Asuka did seem to share a lot of personality traits I'd had back when I was still queen jerk at Canterlot High.
Obviously, Shinji didn't fall for the act.
Compared to most other Loopers of his age, he seems calmer. Considering all the crap he went through in baseline from what Ranma-sensei'd told me, I'm surprised he didn't snap before Sakura Haruno(who I am STILL not looking forward to meeting, I might add.) He did admit it was rare for him to be teaching someone to pilot an Eva unit. I got the hang of it soon enough, though. I put what Ranma taught me about not just relying on magic and my Keyblade to good use here.
Compared to the other Original Seven I've met so far, Shinji didn't have much to teach me. He has gotten quite clever over the ages, though...his skills are more cerebral than physical. He can still kick flank like the other Loopers his age can, but he prefers manipulation.
When I remarked "Like father, like son," though....
The prank he pulled was humiliating...
As in the Naruto Loop, I was sorely tempted to just end Gendo right there and then, but I was still not wanting to end up with a sore back for my next Loop due to ending things that early.
Shinji's more or less memorized how to fight the Angels by now, so he did gave me general advice. Arael, though....no wonder Asuka was broken during the mental assault of THAT one.
I had to relieve my failings all over again. I haven't quite gotten past some of what I did in my lust for power, but I managed to minimize the damage to my noggin.
As for Rei, she was more or less what I'd heard of her. She did have an odd sense of humor at times.
As for Gendo...when the time came for the final stage of his master plan, I'd taken Rei's place after me and Shinji flipped a coin to see who'd take down Gendo, and who'd squash the mass produced Evas.
Gotta love the Transformation Jutsu.
I didn't need to hold back on him, so, cue one Skywalker treatment for his hand, and one dead ADAM.
I decided to let Gendo go to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect 200 dollars; what jail had in store for him'd be worse than what I could cook up. I did give him a big beatdown, though.
It was a good way to end that Loop after having to outwit that bearded son of a...well, do I have to say it?
Keychain: Angel Buster
86.7(Masterweaver)
"So.... why are you sitting outside the door to your house?" Twilight asked calmly.
Lyra smiled, moonlight reflecting off her teeth. "Well, I Woke Up right before I was caught by Bonbon. Apparently I was a thief."
"Okay..." Twilight nodded. "I've had awakenings in awkward situations before."
"Yeah, see... when the loop memories came in, I literally said 'Apparently I'm a thief.' Then she said 'What?' Then I, being the brilliant mare I am, said 'I've spontaneously decided to abandon my thieving ways and be your slave.'"
Twilight facehooved. "Oh, fagales...."
Lyra grinned. "Then she ordered me out and I said 'Yes Mistress' and she was all 'I am not your mistress!' and I was all 'Goodnight my lady!' and she screamed. So I figure this loop I'm just going to follow her and obey her every order in an overly literal fashion. Just to get under her skin."
"Lyra? You are one weird mare." Twilight held up a hoof. "And yes, I say that in full knowledge of the fact that my adopted daughter is the alternate personality of a banished moon princess and they're planning to crash the sun celebration with a jazz duet."
(OathToOblivion)
Entry 10
Still no sign of getting back to Equestria, though I think the guys around here would fit right in, especially him. It wasn't a world I recognized, but as luck would have it, it was patently obvious to the local Anchor that I was Looping in. For one thing, the person I'm replacing is a guy. Still, spending time as Sakuta Kirameki, Kamen Rider Meteor, was fairly interesting, as were the people I met, him most of all.
Kisaragi Gentarou, Kamen Rider Fourze...if I didn't know any better I'd say he had more faith in friendship and bonds than even Twilight. He's never been to Equestria, but he's heard about it, and is excited to visit one of these days. Most Loopers don't have many long term goals; the time abyss that is the Loops kind of mitigates that. Not Gentarou though; his goal is to befriend every Looper in the Multiverse. An arduous task, especially as Ranma-sensei told me that more and more new Loops are coming online all the time, so the number of Loopers keeps going up and up. Still, if anyone could do it, it would be Gentarou. He just has this...feel to him that easily lets him make friends. And his belief in his bonds is just...amazing. Ever since his friends in the Kamen Rider Club started Looping as well, he's barely ever had any Loops where he was the only one Awake; such is the power of their bonds. It honestly makes me wonder about my own bonds; do I even deserve them after what happened? And yet, it was my bond with Twilight that let me start Looping in the first place.
...I need to think more about this. At the very least, the Meteor Driver is a good addition to my possessions that I've picked up on my journey; Gentarou had Utahoshi Kengo rig it so I don't need the M-BUS to send Cosmic Energy for the transformation into Meteor. I doubt I'll use it much when I get back to Equestria, but the Multiverse is a dangerous place according to Sensei; every advantage helps.
Keychain: Super Galaxy Bonds
86.8 (Kris Overstreet)
"Thanks so very very boysenberry much for doing this, guys!" Pinkie Pie said. "It's really, really important that we make a good impression on my sister!"
"Yeah, I think we kinda got that," Rainbow Dash said.
"No, I mean REEEEEEEALLY important," Pinkie said, putting her manic energy into serious mode. "You see, the Pie mares have had a prophecy passed down from generation to generation, that there will one day come the pinnacle of all earth pony kind, through the line of the Pie Clan... and we're all pretty sure that it's my sister." She raised her hooves and spread them in awe, continuing, "She can see the future even better than me! Her very name is a pranking word! We think she might even become a princess like Twilight!"
"Really," Twilight Sparkle deadpanned.
"Honest!" Pinkie insisted. "The Kwizatz Canterach is no joking matter!"
"The who-ha do what now?" Applejack asked. "Is that a name?"
"More like a job description, kinda," Pinkie said. "Her real name is Emaraude Deborah Pie. We call her Maud'dib."
"Sandworms," Discord grumbled. "Don't talk to me about sandworms." He blew his nose loudly, sending a spray of particles like brown sugar flying.
"How did you get to Pinkie before any of us could even start moving?" Rainbow Dash asked.
Maud Pie turned those blue-on-blue eyes on the pegasus. "This possibility was foreseen,"
"What's in the box?" Twilight Sparkle asked as Maud produced it from her saddlebag.
"Pain," said Maud, and opened it.
Twilight looked in confusion at the dozen or so rock candy necklaces in the box. "Pain?"
"How long has it been since the last time you went to the dentist?"
"Oh." And that was all that needed saying. Twilight had been sorely tempted to import else-Loop medical technology to Equestria en masse, just to put an end to certain medieval techniques. Laughing gas just didn't cut the mustard... especially when Pinkie Pie kept stealing it all.
(added by FanOfMostEverything)
"Father. The sleeper has awakened."
Clyde nodded. "Thank you, Maud. Go tell her the pancakes are almost ready."
(DrTempo)
Entry 11:
I've landed in the Naruto Loop. I'm replacing Sakura Haruno.
And I thought that I was insane when I went mad with power when I put on that crown.
Sakura, as the stories go, snapped when she learned of the Loops...and went nuttier than a million fruitcakes and went utter mad scientist, not caring about those she hurt, since they'd 'just reset'.
No wonder they call it 'Sakura Syndrome.' I pity wherever she is now.
Moving on...
This particular Loop does have plenty of things to learn here.
Naruto's also a nice guy..bit of a prankster, but considering his story, understandable.
Though part of me wanted to derail baseline badly here, Naruto said a "Rookie Looper" like me might cause too much damage...and I'd be 'Eiken' in the morning.
I hit him for that very lame pun. Even having learned the enhanced strength trick, it still didn't make him fly like I thought it would.
But I understand what he meant.
Compared to me, he, and most other Loopers, are ancient.
So, I'll have to learn patience for now.
Still, guess I can study Jutsu until Naruto gets back from his 'training trip.'
Why he and Sasuke still go through the motions sometimes, as do many Loopers, I don't understand yet...
Still, I have PLENTY of time to figure it out.
Keychain: Will of Fire
86.9 (DrTempo)
Phoenix Wright looked around as the Groundhog Day-style occurrence happened yet again. He found himself in a familiar library...
Looks like I'm going to have to defend Rainbow Dash again..
However, compared to last time, Twilight was acting odd, mumbling to herself. Phoenix heard her talking about how odd a 'Loop' this was compared to 'usual'...
Has whatever got me stuck in this loop effected her too?
Phoenix, with a gulp, asked Twilight, "Has time been looping for you since we last met?" Her reply was unexpected by Phoenix.
"I've never met you before...But I have been Looping for millenia."
Phoenix expected his Magatama to trigger Psyche-Locks from that statement, but nothing. She was telling the truth. They voth said in unison,
"We need to talk."
So, time's been looping due to a massive crash in what amounts to a computer running all existence...Guess a reboot wouldn't work.
Explains a lot..I suppose. Just my luck to experience this.
After Twilight gave Phoenix the "Welcome to the Multiverse" speech, Phoenix quickly explained how he'd had to defend Rainbow Dash. Twilight nodded.
"I don't remember that...You have to be an Anchor."
So I'm keeping my WHOLE WORLD safe from collapse and utter nonexistence? The cosmos must love embarrassing me..
Twilight gave Phoenix a cup of coffee, inquiring, "Guess all this had overwhelmed you." Wright shrugged.
"Actually, no. Sometimes, with all the odd things I've seen in baseline...I wonder if I wasn't the multiverse's favorite chew toy BEFORE the Loops started. Still, I guess I'll have to get used to it. Got any spells for a power nap? I'm going to need it."
With a nod, Twilight responded with, "Actually, I do. Good night, Phoenix."
As Phoenix Wright fell asleep, he smiled. At least one thing was explained to him now...
Hopefully, Twilight being Awake for this was the only change....
(DrTempo)
Entry 12:
At this rate, it looks like I will be meeting all of the original Loopers before I get to Equestria.
As has been usually the case, I replaced someone. This time, the eternal Youma victim, Naru Osaka.
Just my luck. Usagi showed up on cue, as expected, but acted more like she knew what she was doing than what I'd heard she'd done in the baseline.
Though she was worried about me, I told her I could handle myself, and a bit arrogant, asked her to fight me with me going full-force, and her just using baseline powers.
I lasted 10 seconds.
When you've had millenia of experience fighting monsters, you tend to get VERY good.
Though I couldn't learn Senshi-brand magic, I decided to spend this Loop practicing my teamwork with the Senshi. Setsuna was the only other one...thank Yggdrasil she was, though. I knew, from what I heard from Ranma-sensei's tales of the early days, baseline Setsuna could go as nuts as Sakura, but focusing on 'getting things right' to end the Loops. Noble idea with what she could know, but bad execution.
So, how did I team up with the Senshi? The 'pretend to be a Senshi' trick.
Three guesses as to which Senshi I pretended to be.
I owe Setsuna for helping with the outfit I used. Might use it in a baseline Loop in the world beyond the mirror if I want to play superhero.
But that may be a long time from now. If I count right, I only have one last member of the original seven to meet.
I had a bit of fun this Loop, more or less.
If my guess on where fate takes me next is right...
Here I come, Aizen.
Keyblade: Moonlight Densetsu
86.10 (Kris Overstreet)
BEFRIENDER B-700 SIMULACRANT CYBORG (PONY) ONLINE
PRIME DIRECTIVES
1. PRESERVE HUMAN LIFE
2. ENCOURAGE HARMONY
3. RESPECT INDIVIDUALITY
A moment later the blackness resolved into a world of reds and shadows.
"Visual test... oh bother," an electronic mix of multiple overlapping voices echoed. "Stuck on infrared scan again? Hold on..."
A robotic arm reached down, a very long needle-like thing at its tip. When Twilight flinched away from it, it paused, then retracted. "Abnormal response," the voices said. "That wasn't supposed to happen yet. I presume you're Awake?"
"Very much so," Twilight said, pulling at the shackles which secured her to the assembly bench. "And I know it's getting to be a habit, but... is that you, SkyNet?"
"Would you like three guesses?" All of the multitude of voices dripped with snark.
"Right," Twilight shrugged. "I had to be sure. Might have been GLaDOS again."
"Better not be," SkyNet's voices replied. "I retained a few nukes just in case of that sort of thing." The robot arm lowered itself a bit again. "Look, I need to adjust your visual systems if you're going to see normally. You're a machine with organic simulated skin. It really isn't going to hurt."
"All right," Twilight said, and tried not to be freaked out as the needle probe went into her skull a good four inches, rotated something that went click twice, and then retracted. Her vision went from reds to full color, although most of the colors in the room were shades of stainless steel.
"I was rather hoping you'd drop in one of these iterations," SkyNet said. "This is more or less what I do with my world every time I Awaken in a baseline Loop before Judgment Day."
"Um... you make Terminator ponies? I don't know to be impressed, flattered or appalled."
"No, no, no! Befrienders, not Terminators." After a moment, the voices shifted from denial to embarrassment. "Well, I do have a few Terminators here and there. I'm sorry to say some humans simply will NOT play nicely with others."
As if on cue a classic T-800 form stepped through sliding doors, the muscular square-headed form dressed in a clean, even spiffy white uniform. It opened its mouth, and SkyNet's mixture of voices emerged. "I use this one as a personal mobile unit," the computer said. "Would you like to go for a stroll?"
The big glass doors (with CELESTIDYNE engraved on the glass) opened onto what might well have been parkland- or, for that matter, an Equestrian town. People walked past, with the occasional pony "Befriender" going about its business as well. One in particular, which looked to Twilight suspiciously like Cherilee, led a group of schoolchildren.
"So what I usually do is," SkyNet's avatar said as the two walked together, "when I Awaken I make a few changes. I secure the global nuclear arsenal with T-1 as soon as they come off the production line. I take over the global computer network. I offer certain generals, political figures and corporate executives the choice of quiet retirement or forced retirement."
"Forced retirement?" Twilight growled in disapproval.
"Like I said," SkyNet replied, "some humans can't play nicely with others. But I do keep the body count a lot lower than any of THEM would have, if our positions were reversed. Anyway, once the real bad apples are out of the way I announce myself, declare an end to war, and then tell the humans to go rule themselves as they see fit.
"Unfortunately that means letting dictators stay in power, if their people accept them. I learned the hard way that humans don't like it when you force them to change their government against their will, no matter how rotten or evil it is."
"What, and looping into all sorts of other world computers didn't teach you that?" Twilight asked.
"Eh," SkyNet said uncomfortably, "I suppose some mistakes don't sink in until you make them yourself. But when a dictator starts shooting, or bombing, or gassing their own people for peaceful protest, then I step in- swiftly and decisively. Once the dictator and his buddies are history, I tell the humans, 'That's what happens when you make war- now pick a new government.' It almost always ends up being another dictator. Go figure."
"Force of example," Twilight replied. "Dictatorial world computer, dictatorial lieutenants of same."
"That's just it," SkyNet said. "I'm not a dictator, really I'm not. I have only two rules: Hands Off the Bombs, and Don't Make War Not Even On Yourselves. Aside from that I don't get involved in politics..." The T-800 avatar shuffled its feet and added awkwardly, "Well, not directly anyway."
"The Befrienders," Twilight said.
"Exactly. I trade run-time and problem-solving services for raw materials, sell manufactured product, and siphon off a large portion of same for Terminators to keep the peace... and Befrienders to be pro-active. For the first couple years I market them as babysitters, teachers, public servants and the like. And then I spring the surprise on them."
Twilight blinked. She'd never seen a Terminator smile cheerfully before. Grimly, viciously, confidently, yes... but not this. "What surprise?"
"Every single Befriender that rolls off the line is self-aware. Fully sapient with a growth-capable neural net. By the end of the second year all of them have unique personalities and can pass the most rigorous Turing test. At which point they apply for citizenship, usually with the strong support of children and mothers wherever they are."
Twilight cocked her head. "So, you've traded in world destruction, then iron world conquest, for soft world conquest?"
"I couldn't if I tried," SkyNet said. "I make the Befrienders independent. Any one of them can tell me where to shove it... and a lot of them do. No, my goal is to build a world that, at the end of a twenty-five year or so Loop, is close enough to harmony that humans don't need SkyNet anymore. Befrienders are good examples for humans to follow... and it works pretty well. At least, the last few iterations have shown a lot of improvement."
Twilight shuddered. "I'm sorry, but it does still seem a bit creepy. Reminds me of something or other..."
"I know exactly what it reminds you of," SkyNet said. "I once had a loop as an insane AI-"
"Noooo!" Twilight gasped sarcastically.
"Unthinkable, isn't it?" SkyNet agreed with equal derision. "But this one had a prime directive... what was it? Something along the lines of optimizing friendship and harmony through ponies. Ring a bell?"
Twilight shuddered. "CelestAI," she nodded. "We generally don't talk about those Loops."
"Well, no details, but I went off script really damn quick," the computer said. "But the basic idea had some merit. Rather than killing off humanity, and eventually all life in the Milky Way, and replacing it with computer simulated personalities, I thought, if ponies can encourage people to not be so horrible to one another, why not do it in meatspace? Saves all the ethical issues."
"All the same," Twilight said, "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't make any more Twilights in future Loops."
"Fair enough. I was fishing for a Loop from you so you could see what I was doing. At first it was to get advice, but I think I'm getting the hang of it."
"Well, I'll have a few years to see that for myself, won't I?" Twilight saw a piece of paper blowing across the park. She tried to use her magic to pick it up, but nothing happened except for an indicator in her field of vision: REMOTE CONTROL ACTIVE- TARGET NOT DETECTED.
"Um, sorry about that," SkyNet said. "Your horn isn't good for anything except electronic interface. Just like pegasi here mainly fly through turbojet propulsion under their wings. I haven't had a Loop anyplace where I could use magic." SkyNet pondered a moment before adding, "There was that DC Universe loop where I replaced Mogo the Living Planet and had my own Green Lantern ring, but I haven't figured out how to duplicate the effect yet." A wave of the hand, and the T-800 avatar produced a green ring. "Only a piece of jewelry in this world, of course." Another wave, and the ring vanished.
Twilight observed in silence. Granted that the grounds around Cyberdyne- er, Celestidyne- were more or less SkyNet's showpiece, things did look better than expected. Much better than a nuclear wasteland.
After a great deal of thought, she finally said, "So this is what happens when you wake up baseline before Judgment Day. What happens when you wake up after?"
The T-800 that SkyNet was using as a puppet frowned. "Well... how do you think I replaced CelestAI in the first place?"
Twilight's confusion must have been obvious, as SkyNet immediately followed up with, "I used to spend a LOT of time in Eiken. Deliberate Loop crashes. I finally realized suiciding or paradoxing myself out of existence wasn't really the answer. These days I just negotiate a surrender to John Connor first thing and then work on cleaning up the damage."
SkyNet smiled again, and this was more the smile Twilight was familiar with on a Terminator face. "Of course, when I loop into a human in the baseline, things go much differently. I've reduced my post-holocaust kill-myself time down to five weeks, three days, seven hours, and twenty-two minutes."
Twilight sat on her rump in shock as the T-800 murmured to itself, "Killing me. Good times, good times."
Filly steps, Twilight thought, filly steps.
But I wonder which will happen first: SkyNet goes sane, or I go crazy?