“When I get my hooves on that Discord punk and those Nickleheads, I’m gonna kick their flanks so hard their new cutie marks are gonna be bruises!”
Rainbow Dash was one thoroughly pissed off pegasus. As soon as she got past her initial trauma of being mind controlled and demonized, she’d moved right along to burying all her fears and worries under a heap of righteous anger. Speaking from personal experience, anger’s not a bad choice as far as coping mechanisms go, so long as you can keep it under control. It was doing wonders for helping me deal my own issues at the moment.
I slid the half-gallon tub of ice cream over to Rainbow, and after a second’s consideration the bound pegasus just stuck her entire head in. Guess table manners are hard to pull off when you can’t move anything other than your head and neck. Then again, Rainbow didn’t strike me as the type to be all that dainty about her table manners when she had full mobility, and she was really just eating like a horse anyway.
Following Rainbow’s example, I grabbed a pint of ice cream and a plastic spoon, and got to work.
“Y’know,” Rainbow Dash said between bites. “It’s a good thing that demon was running things instead of me. I mean, if I’d been in charge of my own body, you wouldn’t have been able to beat me and snap me out of it.”
I pointed out the obvious flaw in her logic. “Well, if you hadn’t been under mind control I wouldn’t have needed to fight you in the first place.”
“Well, yeah.” The pegasus conceded. “But – but that’s not the point! The point is, I only lost because of the demon. If I’d actually been in charge … well, let’s just say it’s a good thing for you that I wasn’t.”
Looks like somebody’s pride was stinging from being on the losing end of the fight, demonic mind control or not. Well, considering everything Rainbow had gone through recently, I could let her have this. “Yeah, I’d have been in big trouble if I’d been up against the real Rainbow Dash. You would have kicked my ass with three hooves tied behind your back.”
“Hay yeah!” Rainbow agreed readily. A second later, the bound pegasus looked over at me in confusion. “Wait, what’s an ‘ass’ and why would I kick it?”
Well, that was a slightly awkward question. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that an entity from a universe where even the mildest forms of impolite language were censored would have a few gaps in her vocabulary. “Um, it’s kinda like the human equivalent of a flank. Also, if someone’s a real jerk, we call them an asshole.”
Rainbow’s eyes widened in comprehension. “Oh, gotcha. You guys use weird words.”
“Hey, I didn’t invent the language.” I answered with a shrug.
Rainbow paused in thought for a moment, and then said. “So, if those Nicklehead guys are humans like you, I can’t really say I’m gonna kick their flanks, ‘cause that doesn’t work. So … I guess I gotta say I’m gonna kick their asses instead. Yeah, next time I see them, I’ll be all, ‘I’m gonna kick coin-y asses, you assholes!”
Any further discussion on the matter of human expletives came to an abrupt end a few moments later, when I noticed Lash glaring daggers at me. “Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden.” I gave a little shudder, not just because she used my Name, but from the tone she delivered it in. I’ve never understood how an angry woman can manage to convey so much displeasure just by saying your full name. Must be some sort of secret female magic.
“Um, hi Lash.” Oh crap. Not only had I gotten a full name ultimatum, she was giving me that look. You know, that look women gives a guy when they’re very unhappy with him, and want to make the extent of their displeasure abundantly clear? Yeah, that’s the one she was giving me. “Um, want some ice cream? Rainbow and I kind of busted the freezers while we were throwing down, so all of it’s going to melt anyway, so I figured we might as well eat some of it instead of letting it all go to waste.”
Lash continued glaring judgmentally at me.
“Your choice of any flavor you want.” I offered nervously. “We got strawberry, vanilla, chocolate, that type that has all three of them mixed together, or mint chocolate chip, or rocky road, or…” Super, I’d moved all the way up to nervous nonsensical babbling. The only time I’m any good at handling angry women is when they’re trying to kill me.
“I cannot believe you.” Lash growled. “I leave you alone with a pony for five minutes, and you immediately start teaching her how to swear. I hope you’re proud of yourself, Harry.”
“Hey, I’m just teaching her the human equivalents of Equestrian swear words she uses all the time.” I offered in my own defense. Actually, now that I thought about it, they did manage to slip a fair amount of parenthetical swearing in for a kids show. “Besides, once she’s back in Equestria she’ll probably forget all about them anyway.”
“Y’know, I’m right here, listening to everything you guys say.” Rainbow groused in the background.
Lash stared me down for a few moments longer, and then just gave a resigned sigh. “You are impossibly frustrating sometimes, Harry.”
“Hey, not to interrupt you guys’s arguing or anything, but I’m still kinda paralyzed here.” Rainbow Dash called out. “Harry said you’re the one who put the spell on me, so do you think you could get rid of it already? I’m not evil anymore, and being stuck on the ground is really starting to bug me.”
“Ah, right.” Lash reached into the pocket of her own duster, and pulled out a small figurine with a few strands of Rainbow Dash’s hair wrapped around its midsection and twine binding its hooves and wings. Lash removed the twine and I felt a stir of energy as she released her spell, freeing the pegasus.
After giving a few experimental flaps of her wings to make sure everything was still working, Rainbow fluttered over to have a look at the tool Lash used to immobilize her. “Huh, that doll looks kinda like me. Except girlier, and not quite as cool.” The pegasus cocked her head curiously to the side. “Where’d you get it? How’d you use it to stop me from moving?”
Lash and I exchanged a look, and she gave a slight shake of her head. All things considered, it was probably better if we never told Rainbow about the fact that there was a decent sized area within the toy section devoted to merchandise her and her friends. The last thing we needed to do was give the pegasus an existential crisis to deal with when she was already getting over being possessed by a demon and worried about her friends.
After a moment Lash gave an answer that dodged the potential minefield. “Well Rainbow, I paralyzed you using a type of magic called thaumaturgy.” Lash pointed to the hairs from Rainbow’s tail she’d wrapped around the toy. “I used some of your tail hairs that got knocked loose during your fight with Harry to create a magical connection to you. That connection allows me to use this toy as a representation of you, so if I bind its wings, your wings are bound too.”
“Oh. Huh.” Rainbow gave the toy a pondering look. “Usually when Twilight tries to explain something about magic it’s a lot more complicated and boring than that.”
“Perhaps I have more experience in simplifying my explanations for those who are not experts in magic.” Lash shot me a meaningful look.
Ouch, I just got burned.
Rainbow shot a look at me, then back to Lash, then let out a giggle. Once the women had finished amusing themselves at my expense, Rainbow got back to business. “So, if you guys have hair from my friends, then would you be able to do the same thing to them you did to me?”
“That’s the plan.” I pulled out a couple of the pony toys I had sitting in my duster. “Got one for each of your friends, so all we need is some hair. Well, other things would work too, but hair’s usually the easiest thing to get. Once we have some of their hair, we should be able to work a binding on them.” With any luck, we could use thaumaturgy to disable the rest of the possessed ponies and free them without having to risk harming them in the process.
“Alright, soon as we find them I can get you that hair in one second flat.” Rainbow declared, looking a bit happier now that she had a definite plan for saving her friends, and there was something she could do to help.
Speaking of Rainbow Dash helping in the fight against the Denarians, that brought a rather crazy idea to mind. Rainbow Dash was the Element of Loyalty, and I was the caretaker of a holy sword called Fidelacchius. Going off the name of the sword, odds were Rainbow was very qualified to wield it, though I don’t know if she had all the qualifications to be a full-fledged Knight of the Cross. Still, bringing one of the Swords of the Cross into the fight would be huge; the main reason the Swords existed was to save people from the influence of the Denarii. Heck, just having one nearby last time I’d ran into Nicodemus had given me enough of an edge to come out on top when we fought.
Heck, for that matter one of the other ponies could probably use Amoracchius as well. You’re probably familiar with that sword’s other name. Excalibur. I was in charge of keeping an eye on that one too; it had been Michael’s sword, until his last fight against the Nickelheads forced him into retirement.
However, there was the slight problem that, while I was the official caretaker of the swords, they weren’t currently in my possession. Murphy had been holding onto them since I’d died, and getting them back would mean letting her know I was still alive. That had the potential to make things very complicated. Plus, if I just showed up on her doorstep asking for the two Swords of the Cross, and managed to convince her that I really was alive and this wasn’t some sort of trick, to steal the swords, Murphy would start asking questions. Very reasonable questions, like why I suddenly showed up out of the blue to ask for two incredibly powerful holy swords of demon-smiting.
Murphy was no idiot. She would know I was in trouble, and once she knew that she would want to help. When Murphy wants something, it’s pretty close to impossible to stop her from getting it, and if she thought I needed help she would get involved whether I wanted her to or not. Heck, she’d given up her entire career as a cop, something that meant the world to her, last time I needed her help. Getting the swords meant dragging Murphy into this mess, and I really didn’t want to do that.
Besides, while the ponies might have the moral qualifications to use the swords, I can’t imagine any of them were actually trained to use human weapons. Hell’s bells, they didn’t even have hands! What would they do, carry the sword in their mouth?
So much for that idea then. “So, what’s our next move?” I turned to Rainbow. “You know where we can find the rest of your friends? Are they on Earth too?”
Rainbow shook her head. “Nah, the Nickleheads sent them out to go do other stuff. Fluttershy and Pinkie got sent out to find some magic thing to use against Dragons, and Applejack and Rarity got sent to some weird place to get some sort of flying machines and rayguns and stuff.”
Crap. Looks like Nicky was raiding fiction-land for new toys. I’d been hoping that the rest of the ponies weren’t scattered halfway across the multiverse. I wasn’t exactly confident in our ability to safely navigate the Outside just to get back to Equestria, let alone go anywhere else. I noted one pony was left out of Rainbow’s accounting. “What about Twilight?”
“Dunno.” Rainbow answered with a shrug. “When I left, she was still in Equestria. I think Discord’s hanging on to her.”
Looks like Discord wanted to hand onto one of the Element-using ponies. Smart move on his part; handing over all six of the ponies who controlled the only weapon we knew of that could defeat him to his new ally would not have been a very smart move. Nicky wouldn’t hesitate to turn the Elements on Discord to get the upper hand in their current alliance. Sure, the corrupted ponies probably couldn’t use the Elements, but better safe than sorry.
Plus, if Discord was hanging onto one of the ponies, my job had just gotten several times more difficult. Taking a pony away from Discord’s clutches would be pretty close to impossible.
I looked over at Lash to see if she had any bright ideas, but she looked just as frustrated and lost as I was. We couldn’t really run around the Outside looking for the ponies at random; we could spend our entire lives searching and probably not even manage to scratch the surface of what fiction-land had to offer. We needed a way to narrow down the search.
My contemplation on the matter came to an abrupt end when Rainbow suddenly sped off in a random direction. Before I could even try to figure out where she had run off to, she was back, a carrot hanging halfway out of her mouth. “Ice cream’s good and all, but I could kinda use some real food.”
My stomach gave a loud rumble of agreement, and I realized that I hadn’t eaten getting snapped out of my own mind control, and that had just been donuts. It’s been a busy day, and so far I hadn’t put anything into my belly other than sugar. Heck, for that matter after all the craziness I’d been through lately, I was getting pretty tired too.
One of the hardest things for anyone to do when you’re in full-on crisis mode is actually slow down for a bit to rest and think things through. Your natural instinct is to keep pushing onwards. I couldn’t afford to waste time eating or sleeping while the bad guys were still in the midst of hatching their evil scheme. I could rest once the problem was solved.
Yeah, that sounds real nice in theory, but I’ve learned the hard way that it’s a bad idea. The human body needs food and sleep, especially with the amount of abuse I tend to put myself through when my life gets crazier than usual. Hungry, tired people make mistakes, and right now a mistake could get myself and a whole lot of other people killed. I wasn’t going to get a four-course luxury meal and sleep in, but I needed some gas in the tank and my batteries recharged. “Alright, new plan; we get some food, rest, regroup, and figure out what our next move should be.”
After a bit of searching we managed to find an open Burger King and a motel that didn’t ask too many questions as long we paid with cash up-front. Rainbow kept to the skies until we’d secured our room, and then flew in through an open window quickly enough that hopefully nobody noticed her.
It took a bit of work to convince her that a veggie burger and fries made out of potatoes instead of hay were acceptable food. Burger King didn’t have the equine palette in mind when they designed their menu, but judging by how quickly the food disappeared once she finally gave it a try it worked well enough.
I saw an opening for a joke, and couldn’t resist. After what we’d been through, and everything we still had left to face, we could all use a good laugh. “I guess Rainbow is –” I gave a brief pause to maximize the effect when I delivered the punchline, “As hungry as a horse.”
Lash let out an annoyed groan. Rainbow just looked at me for a moment and then said, “Well duh!” in near-perfect imitation of Pinkie Pie. That actually got a half-hearted chuckle out of me, which I guess makes Rainbow’s sense of humor better than mine.
Once her food was gone, Rainbow shot out the window again, and returned a few seconds later holding a chunk of cloud, which she promptly hammered into a roughly bed-like shape before curling up on it and getting comfortable.
“Well, that’s going to be hard to explain if the cleaning lady comes in.” I quipped. At least Rainbow seemed to be holding up alright after the whole demonic possession thing. Then again, considering her personality Rainbow would try to very hard not to show it if she was having any problems. Heck, she’d tried very hard to act completely confident about the Young Fliers Competition, yet went it came time to get started she was a quivering terrified wreck.
Probably not much I could do about it though. If I tried talking to her, all I was likely to get was her refusing to talk to me and insisting she was fine. It would take someone gentle and nurturing to help her out, and right now Fluttershy was still demon-controlled and running around somewhere in the Outside.
I was about to follow Rainbow’s example and get some shuteye, or the closest thing I could manage with all the worries and lingering guilt I had hanging over me at the moment, when I realized that this was a good chance to get some answers out of Lash. “Hey, mind if I ask you something?”
Lash, being a bit more manners-conscious than Rainbow and I were (namely, she didn’t eat all the food within five minutes of getting it), was still nibbling on her fries. She gave me a suspicious look. “This is not a lead-in to another one of your attempts at humor, is it?”
I gave a little chuckle. “No, I’m being serious.”
“I thought your name was Harry.” Lash deadpanned.
I blinked, and needed a second to figure that one out. “That was almost as bad as one of my jokes.” I let out a very forced laugh.
Lash gave me a weak smile. “Such was my intention. Now then, ask your question, and I shall answer.”
I took a deep breath, and mentally prepared myself. I had a feeling this wasn’t going to be one of the happier conversations I’ve ever had, but I needed some answers about what was going on with Lash. “Well, when we fought against the demon in control of Rainbow –“
“Prziel” Lash supplied.
“Yeah, him. Anyway, he called you a Nephelim.” I finished. “Can’t help but be a bit curious about that. I mean, I’m no expert on all the angel stuff, but as I recall a Nephelim is supposed to be what you get when a mortal and an angel start popping out babies. Don’t recall that happening with you.”
Lash dropped a half-eaten fry, and went quiet for a while. After she’d been silent for long enough that I was starting to get a bit worried, she answered very quietly. “Your understanding is not entirely accurate, Harry. Much like with humankind, a Nephilim need not be created through sexual reproduction.” Lash tried to keep her tone detached and clinical, but she wasn’t doing a very good job of it.
“Ultimately, a Nephilim is simply a being that combines mortal and angelic natures. Sexual reproduction was the most common means of creating a Nephilim, but so long as the being has the essence of an Angel and a mortal soul it is a Nephilim.”
“So, if someone found a shadow created from a portion of an Angel’s power, and bumbled into giving her Free Will and a soul…” I took that line of thought to its logical end point.
“Indeed,” Lash confirmed.
Super. Once again I’d accidently messed around with a bunch of forces I had no real understanding of, and it had caused all kinds of unexpected consequences. I’d given Lash her nickname because it’s just something I do. I didn’t know it was going to help her develop her own identity, and apparently even turn her into a mortal-angel crossbreed. No wonder Uriel got so forceful when I tried messing around with his name. The more I learn about how magic and supernatural works, the more amazed I am that I haven’t managed to kill myself yet by messing around with things I barely understand.
Lash was obviously less than comfortable with this topic, and it wasn’t hard to guess why. I’m no bible scholar, I’m not even really a believer, but once angels and demons started getting involved in my life I did some research. “So, as I recall Nephilim weren’t exactly all that popular with the big guy upstairs.” I began nervously.
“If by unpopular, you mean that He had Uriel arrange for their extermination, then yes, they were not terribly popular.” Lash answered, her poker face slipping and revealing a bit of very real distress. “The Nephilim were a serious threat to the balance of power in the universe; an entity possessing even a fraction of the powers of an angel and the free will of a mortal is far too disruptive to the status quo. Extreme measures had to be taken to remove the threat..”
Dang. What the heck can you even say to that? ‘Hey, sorry I turned you into a species that god genocided for the greater good’ just won’t cut it.
“Lasciel participated in it, you know.” Lash continued on dully. “The Nephilim eradication. She worked for Uriel before she fell.”
Oh, well that just adds a whole new level of messed up to the situation. Since Lash had most of Lasciel’s memories, she would actually remember participating in the genocide of her own species. That sounds like a one-way ticket to some serious mental health issues. “You okay?” That was a stupid question. She very obviously wasn’t alright.
“I will endure.” Lash answered, doing her best to sound stoic and failing miserably. “After I gained physical form and attempted to use my angelic powers, heaven could no longer afford to ignore my presence. Uriel spoke in my defense, and convinced the other Archangels that so long as my access to my angelic abilities was heavily restricted, I would not pose an undue threat to the current balance.”
Well, good to know the forces of heaven weren’t going to smite her; I’d take exception to that, even if it meant pissing off a bunch of beings that could kill me with their pinky fingers. Wouldn’t be the first time I’d done something suicidally heroic like that just because it was the right thing to do. Doesn’t matter if it’s Heaven, Hell, or anything in between; I don’t like it when people try to hurt my friends.
I was almost tempted to just drop the subject entirely since it was obviously not a pleasant subject for Lash, but I probably needed to know what was going on, and talking about it would probably be good for her. “So, if your angel mojo is bound, does that mean you’re basically a vanilla mortal now?”
It was several seconds before Lash answered “No. My body’s physical capabilities exceed those of any ordinary human, and Uriel persuaded the others to allow me to retain a few relatively minor abilities that are not unheard of for mortals to gain access to.”
“So you get Soulfire too?”
Lash nodded. “I retained knowledge of True Speech as well.” When she noticed my curious and uncomprehending look, she clarified. “The ability to speak and be understood without being impeded by any language barriers. A minor boon, when Lasciel’s memories grant me knowledge of every language spoken by mortalkind. Still, it does have a few practical applications, such as enhancing a soul resonance.”
“Soul resonance?”
“An advanced application of Soulfire.” Lash supplied. “When two souls are bound to one another, that bond can be used as a magical conduit.”
“So that’s how you can heal or paralyze me with a couple words?”
Lash nodded. “As with the True Speech, it is a minor boon. I can only create a resonance with a soul I am bound to, and it is highly unlikely I will ever be bound to anyone other than you.”
“Hey, with my track record I think having the ability to patch me up when I get banged around could be all kinds of handy.” I admit souls aren’t my area of expertise, but I knew a little bit about how souls work. Normally the only ways that sort of bond formed were when there was a close family relationship or… “Um, Lash, the whole soul bond thing doesn’t mean we’re married in the eyes or heaven or anything, does it?”
Lash just stared at me for several long moments, and then did the absolute last thing I’d been expecting. She started laughing at me. Loud enough that Rainbow Dash woke up and grumbled about the noise before stuffing a few bits of cloud in her ears and rolling over to go back to sleep.
Well, if laughter is the best medicine, at least I was helping Lash get over her worries.
It took Lash a while longer to finally compose herself. “Oh Harry.” She wiped a few mirthful tears from her eyes. “Sometimes I forget how little you actually know.” She let out a few more chuckles at my expense.
“So, I’m going to take a wild guess, and say that’s a no?”
“Quite.” Lash confirmed. “We are most definitely not married. In fact, no offense Harry, but I find the thought of any sort of romantic or sexual involvement with you extremely distasteful.” Yeah, that definitely didn’t sting my ego at all. “I might be mortal,” Lash continued, “but I still have the sensibilities of an angel. That sort of involvement with a mortal is … well it’s much like how you would view bestiality.”
I took a moment to chew that over. “Besides.” Lash added. “I suspect that much of my mortal genetic material is derived from your own.
I blinked. Hell’s bells, I should’ve known. I mean, she was a Nephilim, a being created from the fusion of mortal and angel. Lasciel and I made a baby. Wow. That made that one time six or seven years back when I’d made out with Lash’s illusionary double (long story) extremely horrifying in hindsight.
I must have been thinking out loud, because a pained look passed over Lash’s face. “I was still under Lasciel’s influence and trying to manipulate you. Let us never speak of it again.”
I wasn’t about to argue with that. “So, um…” I desperately tried to come up with some way to change the topic. “You got dragged upstairs after you used angel magic, right? Does that mean Uriel and the rest of his crew still have power in the Outside?”
“In a manner of speaking.” Lash answered, seeming just as grateful as me for the change of topic. “Heaven’s influence is tied to mortalkind, and wanes in much of the Outside, but within the realms of fiction created by the collective human consciousness it retains some strength.”
We lapsed into one of those painfully awkward silences. You know, the kind where you desperately want to say something, anything, just to end it. “So, you went to heaven, met the big boss himself? What’s he like.”
“He did not involve himself in my case.” Lash answered, looking a bit grateful she had something to say. “He rarely takes direct action.” For a moment the awkward silence threatened to return, until Lash spoke once more. “Lasciel, and many of the other Fallen, wanted Heaven to take an active role in the day-to-day affairs of humanity. Why allow humanity to suffer, when it was within our power to stop it? We asked for permission to act. He refused.”
“Good old free will.” I commented.
“Yes. Lasciel and the others thought that they could fix the majority of humanity’s problems without unduly compromising human freedom. He disagreed”
I frowned and shook my head. “It’s a nice thought, but I don’t think it would work. At the end of the day, humanity’s biggest problem is usually other people. Can’t really fix that without messing around with human nature.”
“Just so.” Lash agreed. “However, we felt it would be for the best if free will were compromised in a limited number of cases. To punish the wicked, and aid the righteous. Surely humanity would benefit from trading a small portion of its freedom for security and happiness. Eventually, some of us decided to act, even though we didn’t have permission to do so. I’m sure you can guess what came next.”
“The Fall.” I shuddered a bit at that thought. Learning why Lasciel had fallen was a bit creepifying. The worst part was, I could kind of understand why she did it. Seeing people suffering and in need of help, knowing you had the power to fix their problems, and not being allowed to act. I’d start getting resentful about it too. “So it all started off with a bunch of angels trying to do what they thought was the right thing?” Guess it true what they say; the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
“In part.” Lash sighed, and indifferently poked at her leftover french fries. “There were likely as many reasons as there were Fallen. Lasciel was frustrated by inaction, others harbored resentment over the eradication of the Nephilim and the prohibitions against having congress with mortalikind, and in some cases it was nothing more than vain ambition. You must understand, the Sundering of Heaven was a long, complicated process. Some stood with us that would ultimately remain loyal, and others joined the cause at the eleventh hour. I think I – I think Lasciel never even realized just how far things would go until the fighting started.”
The correction caught my attention. I guess when Lash went diving in Lasciel’s memories, it could get a touch disorienting, especially for something as fundamental to Lasciel’s identity as how she went from being an angel to a demon. Big powerful supernatural beings generally aren’t supposed to change. I mean, a couple little incidental details can change, but the fundamentals always stay the same. Mab will always be Mab. She might be in a good mood one day, but she’ll always be harsh, merciless, uncompromising, and cold.
For a huge bunch of angels to suddenly turn traitor … that’s not just changing your fundamental nature, it’s pulling a complete 180. For beings that are supposed to be timeless, eternal, and unchanging, that had to traumatic.
“I wonder.” Lash continued musingly. “When I told Uriel I didn’t wish to cast aside my mortality, I said it was because I wished to continue aiding you. However, the thought of re-entering heaven and being bound by the restrictions of an angel again is chafing. As a mortal, I am free to act against evil. As an angel … I suspect that eventually the rules that Lasciel resented and rebelled against would bother me as greatly as they did her. Perhaps that’s why I chose mortality; if I’d become an angel, it would only be a matter of time before I fell again.”
Things got awkwardly silent again. At least this time it was more of a ‘I feel like I should say something, but have no idea what to say’ type of awkward silence. I guess that was a better type of awkward silence than the one we’d had before. So … yay?
“Well, we should probably follow Rainbow’s example and hit the hay.” I offered lamely.
“Yes” Lash awkwardly agreed. “We need rest.”
“Yeah, for the whole saving the world thing we have to do tomorrow.”
“Indeed.”
The awkward silence came back for a while. I pointed out one of the beds. “So, um, I guess I’ll get to sleep then. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight Harry.”
Even though we were both probably exhausted from the crazy day we’d gone through, I think it was a while before either one of us actually got to sleep.
I woke up to one of the most wonderful smells in the world. Freshly brewed coffee.
I pulled myself out of bed and let out a yawn. My clothes were thoroughly rumpled from being slept in, but it’s not like I’d had anything handy to change into. I guess I could’ve taken my clothes off before getting into bed, but between last night’s bestiality comment and the revelation that we were kinda-sorta related on a genetic level the last thing I’d wanted to do was get less than full clothed in front of Lash.
But enough about that. There was coffee.
I blearily stumbled around for a bit, following my nose to the smell of the delicious morning brew. Something that looked vaguely Lash-shaped to my half-awake eyes offered me a cup. “It’s not very good, I’m afraid. Cheap motel coffee.”
“It has caffeine in it, right?” Lash confirmed that it did. “Then it’ll do.”
After I’d downed about half a cup of coffee, I was fit to join the land of the living. Lash seemed awake and ready without the need for coffee. Must be one of those physical perks of being a Nephilim she was talking about. Morning people always annoy me. Rainbow was still snoozing away on her little cloud. I envied the pegasus.
“Right, here’s the plan.” I got down to business. “First things first. I’m going to take a shower. You get us something resembling breakfast then wake Rainbow up. Then, we get the information we need to make our next move.. Your average Faeries and information broker aren’t likely to have anything. I mean, I’m still going hit up Toot-toot and everyone for answers just in case we get lucky, but I’m not expecting much. Nicky plays his cards close to his chest. I can try Uriel too, but I’m betting he used up whatever leeway he had for interference busting me free of Lasciel.” Not to mention that very convenient little incident with the TV that gave us a lead on Rainbow Dash, which I suspected might have been Uriel’s work “Bottom line, odds are I’m going to have to take a bit of a gamble to get anything useful.”
I took a deep breath, and got the tricky part. “We need info on the Outside and what Nicky’s up to there. When it comes to the Outside, the Gatekeeper is probably the best source for that kind of info.” I held up a hand to forestall any objection that might be coming from Lash. “Going to anyone on the White Council is a big risk, especially since we’ve technically broken one of the Laws of Magic, but I think once we explain the situation to him he’ll be willing to help, and he usually keeps things to himself.” Rashid was a tricky one to get a read on, but every time I’ve run into him he’s seemed to be on my side. At the very least, he’d hold off on my execution until Discord and Nicodemus were dealt with.
Even if I did get my head lopped off by the Wardens, I wouldn’t put it past Mab to find some way to bring me back from the dead again.
“The Gatekeeper is unlikely to approve of your breaching of the Outer Gates, regardless of how necessary your actions were.” Lash promptly informed me. “That plan is extremely foolish and there is a high probability that it will result in our deaths before we even have a chance to make contact with the enemy.”
“Yeah, well, what else is new?”
“That is an alarmingly common feature of your plans.” Lash conceded.
“Meh. I’m used to it.” Honestly, at this point I’d start getting worried if I couldn’t think of any ways my plans might get me killed. That would mean my paranoia skills were slipping. “You got any bright ideas? An alternative I missed?”
“There are sources of information I know which we could attempt to pursue.” Lash offered hesitantly. “Infighting amongst demonkind is common; Nicodemus and Anduriel have made enemies. Some of those enemies would be willing to aid us simply for the pleasure of fouling the Denarians plans.”
“I take it you’re not talking about some little two-bit demon I could whistle up and bind without any trouble?”
“Indeed not.” Lash gave a slight little shudder. “Treating with the likes of the Fallen is not something to be considered lightly. Even if they provide the information we require at no immediate cost, the simple consequences of willingly summoning and interacting with such a being are considerable, and I do not think it wise to bring ourselves to the attention of entities like –” For a moment it looked like Lash was about to say something more, but then she cut herself off, and lamely finished. “Like that.”
From the looks of it, she’d been about to actually give out one of the names she had in mind for which demon we should go to. I could take a few reasonable guesses, and not mentioning names was a very good idea. Most supernatural heavy hitters notice whenever a mortal says their name, and I had enough troubles already without having a couple of the Fallen decide to take a look at who was tossing their name around.
“Also.” Lash offered reluctantly. “For all their infighting, demons are never predictable. Should we approach one requesting aid, it is possible that the Fallen would actually find more benefit in aligning with the Denarians.”
“So, not really an option unless we get even more desperate then we are right now.” I summarized. Still, if things with the Gatekeeper didn’t pan out, it might come down to that. If Discord hit Earth while we didn’t have any way to stop him, we’d be in nothing-to-lose territory. That starts making a lot of normally unthinkable options thinkable
“Don’t worry Lash, we’ll work something out. We always do.” I’m not sure if I was trying to reassure her, or myself. There’s no denying we were in a tight spot, but I’ve gotten out of those before. “Anyway, shower and breakfast first, then we start worrying about whether we’re going to get killed before lunchtime.”
I wasted no time putting words into action, hopping into the hotel’s bathroom, stripping off, and hopping into the shower. It looks like Lash had actually beaten me a shower before I’d woken up, no doubt taking advantage of her evil angelic morning person abilities. She’d left me a tiny bar of pre-packaged hotel soap and half the tiny bottle of hotel shampoo though, so I couldn’t complain.
I have to admit, actually getting to shower with hot water was a nice little luxury. Back when I’d had my own place all the magic hanging around meant that any bits of modern technology like electricity and hot water heaters weren’t really an option for me. The last few months I’d spent hanging out in Arctis Tor hadn’t given me any opportunities for a nice warm shower either; warm isn’t exactly a word you associate with the capital of the Winter Queen.
The one downside was that, once I finished getting all wonderfully clean, I’d have to climb right back into the same clothes I’d been wearing. In hindsight, maybe I should have asked Lash to pick up some clean clothes for me too. I hadn’t exactly packed a change of clothes, and running back to Arctis Tor while Mab might be a bit put out with me didn’t sound like a great move. Back when I was training to become a wizard nobody ever warned me about the fact that sometimes saving the world means you have to wear dirty underwear. The sacrifices I make for this job…
I got my hair wet, then grabbed the shampoo and started lathering up. I might be stuck climbing into dirty clothes after the shower, but at least I wouldn’t have nasty sticky greasy hair. That counts for something.
Besides, after everything I’d been through, I could use a good shower, and not just for the obvious physical reasons. Being possessed by a demon leaves you feeling tainted. Dirty. Unclean. A shower made for a nice metaphorical cleansing, even if this wasn’t the sort of thing you could wash away with soap and water.
No. Not going there now. I can be guilty and traumatized once I’m done saving the day. Right now there’s an evil god of chaos on the loose, and five more ponies who desperately need my help. If only there was some way to find them, some connection I could use…
That’s when the answer to all my problems hit me in the face like a ton of bricks. Stars and stones, it had been right in front pf me! The answer was there in the name of the cartoon the entire time!
“Friendship is magic.” I said very softly to myself. That was it. That’s what I’d missed.
I burst out of the shower, eager to share my revelation with Lash, lest I fall prey to the risk of forgetting my moment of brilliance. Lucky for me, Lash was already back with some wonderful fast food breakfast, and had even gotten Rainbow Dash awake.
“Friendship is magic!” I shouted, pointing at Rainbow Dash, who seemed just a bit taken aback. “Every pony has a special magical connection with their friends! Magical. Connection. We can track that magical connection to find them!”
Lash and Rainbow just stared at me in shock. Maybe I’d been a little too loud and excited when I spelled it all out. It could have been one of those situations where I thought I was speaking clearly and coherently when all everyone else heard was nigh-incomprehensible babbling.
I was about to repeat myself slowly and calmly when Lash spoke up, trying very hard to keep her voice level and her face straight. “That’s very good news Harry, but perhaps you should put some clothes on.”
Oh yeah. I had kind of jumped right out the shower. Naked. Oops. I grabbed a hand towel and hastily covered myself, though by this point it was sort of like closing the barn door after the horse had already run off.
Speaking of horses, Rainbow Dash started giggling at me.
“Right. Um. Give me a minute to take care of that.” I hastily retreated back to the bathroom. Why can’t I ever be brilliant without making an idiot of myself a few seconds later?