“Are you ready?” the announcer demands to know. “MXC is back with the epic finale between the Pegasi and the Unicorns!”
Back once again into the throne room, with the duo standing in front of the camera. Celestia is trying to stop herself from looking at Ken with malicious intent.
“Well Ken, this is the last course today,” announces Vic. “Nothing left after this one, and we enter into it with a tied score.”
“Thank God, I'm looking forward to moving to Canterlot. Forget high salaries, they always enjoy brutal sports involving horses. On Earth, its nothing like this,” Vic says.
“As much as I agree about Canterlot, we have the Kentucky Derby sport, a proud tradition going a whole century, I believe.”
“That's just a one-lap NASCAR race for horses. This is the real thing, with injuries, and less betting on who's going to win.”
“ Interesting point there, as we begin the infamous Log Drop!”
We're now on the course, and we see the logs in all their glory. Let’s just say the Big Red Balls on Wipeout have nothing on these. You can break your spine here if you’re not careful.
“In this event, contestants must scramble from spinning log to log, without getting dunked in even more sludge.”
Another Royal Guard soldier gets on the starting platform, and brohoofs the captain before they began.
“And for the Pegasi is Sergeant Spear of the Royal Guard,” Vic begins.
“Given the name, he probably doesn't get a lot of action. Nothing bad happens in Equestria that needs spearing. Now the ladies, on the other hand…”
“Right you are Ken. He got over the first log, but is stuck in between the next two, two hoofs on each log. He pushes on the third one, and is now over it onto the forth, but OH! It spins him all the way down to the sludge.”
Coming up next is Twilight Sparkle, looking at the captain.
“Celestia isn't that bad! You guys are too hard on her!” she yells.
“And here is Twilight Sparkle, protege of the Princess herself,” Vic informs us.
“You mean she's siding with the killer of MXC? How can anyone think she's doing the right thing?”
“ Indeed. She leaps flawlessly past the first four logs and into the midway point. Stopping to take her breath, and is seemingly unstoppable. Having any trouble with her success?”
“ Let's see...not after that wipeout. Hitting right on the finish line platform like a rock dropped 50 stories. All so satisfying.”
“But she was doing so well, and she doesn't know what we know about Celestia.”
“Oh yeah. You can say that. Celestia doesn’t want to kill YOU.”
The next contestant appears on screen. This unicorn has a blue mane and red eyes.
“Go Ken!” says the world famous DJ.
“Hey look, you have a fan in Equestria after all,” laughs Vic. “This here is Vinyl Scratch, the local DJ in Ponyville, playing hits such as Boom Boom Bass Drop and I Totally Don’t Love Octavia(Though I’m Into Celestia).”
“And just like that, I don't care.”
“She seems to be taking it slow here. Not really confident about the way the logs move.”
“Yeah, you think you got a handle on it, right before your spine goes in positions it was never meant to be in.”
“The logs are pretty difficult to conquer, but she is going for it. Leaping for the second, onto the third, and adapting the two logs strategy Spear was using.”
“And we know how that turned out. His helmet got soaked to the brim.”
“Yes, but this one is a lot smaller, that could be to her advantage. Nimbly to the fifth one, but she falls directly into the sludge. Forget I said anything.”
Next one up...and get your tired chicken jokes ready...
“Rainbow Dash is the best!” Scootaloo cheers.
“Another kid? How is this even possible?” asks Ken.
“I don't know, but we have Scootaloo here. Claims to be part the world’s biggest Rainbow Dash fan. What do you say, smaller is better? They have an easier time with these.”
“Every small contestant has crashed and burned,” Ken points out.
“Right you are Ken...She's dashing across the course! Not stopping for anything, she hops from log to log! Almost slipped there! I think she's going all the way...AND SHE DOES IT! SHE DOES IT! The little filly that could, putting the Pegasi up 3-2!”
“How did this happen? Can we use a replay for this?”
“You're using it for a good reason, so go ahead,” Celestia grants.
A standard replay shows Scootaloo's exploits in great, slo mo detail.
“This was so risky, one slip-up and she was done,” Ken pipes in.
“ As you can see, she was going at a break pace rate, no room for error, but she does it anyway. Let's go down to Spike.”
Elsewhere on the course, we get to see what happens when a dragon talks with a chicken, and he doesn’t attempt to eat her.
“You're the smallest contestant out there today. How were you able to do something this difficult?” Spike asks.
“When you're 20% cooler than everypony else like Rainbow Dash, anything is possible. Wait, is she watching this?” Realizing this, Scoots gets up and personal with the camera. “You're the best! Nopony will ever beat you in anything! ANYTHING! My Little Dashie is sadder than any orphan story I was in!”
“Well that was interesting…” Vic observes. “Two more contestants left before the end of the show now.”
The next contestant has a front page of a newspaper for a cutie mark.
“Here's Page Turner, the local newspaper authority in Ponyville, and our last unicorn of the day. Observing the water below, and at the logs, trying to find a strategy. Leaping for air, and in the gap between logs! What a shame.”
And now, here comes the last contestant.
“The last turn for the Pegasi is Fluttershy again,” Vic states.
“Ooh, this should be good.”
“Just take your time,” the Captain says quietly to the pegasus. “We're in no hurry here.”
Even then, Fluttershy is sweating. “Thank you...I'll be fine,” she whispers.
“What? No! You're supposed to be the class bully out there! Don't build them up like a real captain!” says Ken like a true armchair quarterback.
“Anyways, here Fluttershy goes again. Leaps for the first log, stands still. Goes for the second, and wow, she made it. Prepares for the third one, but OH! She smacks head-on to that one, and into the sludge. It doesn't matter anyway, as the Pegasi come back from behind to take it from the Unicorns, 3-2!”
Back in the throne room. Ken has a wide grin on his face.
“I enjoy a comeback like that, and now comes the part Kenny's been waiting for,” Vic eagerly states.
“You have no idea,” Ken replies, just as eagerly.
“I think I do.”
“Here we go now! It's time for Kenny Blankenship's Top Ten Most Painful Eliminations of the Day!”
The graphic appears, then suddenly stops during the title sequence, and back into the throne room we go.
“What? Is it a computer glitch or something?”
Celestia has a guilty look on her face.
“We checked before the show, should be fine,” Vic responds.
“I'm sorry…” the princess whispers.
Vic and Ken look back at her, more angry than Star Wars fans if they found out there was a spin off cartoon starring Jar Jar Binks.
“I didn't approve of something like that...so I deleted all the files on that graphic. It's not going to happen. Much too violent for our broadcast standards,” she states quietly.
“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US? YOU WRECKED EVERY FABRIC OF THE MXC THREAD, AND I BET YOU WOULD TAKE US OFF THE AIR IF WE SAID YOU SUCK! WHICH YOU TOTALLY DO NOW!” Ken rants.
“This is not right!” adds Vic. “You agreed to have this show on the air inside your kingdom, knowing fully well we like dirty jokes and brutal takedowns!”
In the meantime, Ken stands up and points his fan at the MXC crew. “You! All of you! We must rise up against this dictator, and show no one messes with MXC!”
The crew now has MXC shirts, and charges headstrong to Celestia. When the mob meets up with Ken and Vic, they join the chase. Celestia calmly stands up and a light begins to form on her horn.
The screen cuts in and out, finally stopping at a INTERMISSION screen.
We now see the surface of the moon. However, something is not right. There is a moderate-sized building with the words "The Lunar Lagoon Spa" on the front, looking like any fancy, overpriced spa in existence.
Inside a spa room, Nightmare Moon is in a hot tub with Guy. Yes, that Guy.
“I'm not sure how this is possible, but Guy still likes,” he purrs. “I sure love a full moon, if you know what I mean…”
Captain Tenneal comes into the entrance from a locker room, with swim trunks covered in Spike TV logos and a towel over his neck.
“Is there room for three? You touch me once, Guy, and you’re gonna lose that hand!”
“Of course. I have never met anypony as nice as you ‘humans’ are,” says Nightmare Moon.
As Tenneal drops the towel to the floor, a blinding light appears in the middle of the room. The trio cover their eyes to shield themselves from the light. So they’re…*puts on sunglasses*...blinded by the light.
When the light leaves, it has left behind Ken, Vic, and the MXC crew in its wake.
“Where the hell are we?” Ken asks, already preparing to use his paper fan if Guy gets any closer to him.
In the meantime, Vic looks out the window to see the moon’s surface. “I think we're on the moon, Kenny. And..wait a minute...Guy and Tenneal! So this is what Celestia did with you!”
“Oh yes, we're having a good time here. Try not to interfere, if you may. I’d like to see the dark side of the moon before I go…” he says, getting closer to Nightmare Moon.
“This sucks. After I'm done getting massaged by whoever does that kind of crap here, I'm going back to Earth. See if ABC is alright with two obstacle game shows,” Ken grumbles one last time.
“Indeed, but before we leave, let's leave our audience with a montage of what they like best about this show: Painful Eliminations!” Vic cheers.
Given the fact that they’re on the moon and stuff, we get a very limited montage of all the eliminations of the day. The credits roll, ending with the logo of the Solar Empire or something. You know, because your children also needed to learn about dictatorships.
You are all terrible parents for letting your children watch this. That’s your moral of the day.