//------------------------------// // Chapter Two: Personality Crisis // Story: Dear Anonymous // by unipie //------------------------------// Chapter Two – Personality Crisis Blank. Twilight’s mind was a complete and utter blank. She gazed down at the fresh piece of parchment, praying that some words had magically appeared, ridding the alicorn of her writer’s block. A yellow, pristine, and most of all empty parchment stared back at her. Breathing deeply, she smelt the musk of the parchment, which she loved so much. I’m never going to be able to do this. What a stupid idea! She rolled a pen up and down the desk with a hoof, reading over the Magic Match flyer for a fifth time. Send us your personal profile by answering these simple questions. “Ugh. This is harder than I thought,” she moaned, tapping her horn. Though the questions seemed quite simple, Twilight was finding it increasingly difficult to talk about herself. She knew she had to make her personality shine, but at the same time remain unpretentious. She dabbed a quill gently into an ink pot. ‘Magic Match Personal Personality Profile’ she scribbled at the top of the page, underlining it twice. “Okay. Current location, Ponyville,” she announced with a smile. “At least that one is easy.” After writing down the thought, she gazed out her bedroom window. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and a fresh breeze rustled a neighboring tree. W-what do you look for in a partner? She buried her muzzle in her hooves. She’d never had one. How was she supposed to know? “Ugh, this question hurts my brain. I don’t care … as long they’re nice.” She snorted down at her far from complete profile. “Nice!” Beaming, she turned back to the paper. She wrote the overly vague word down quickly. “A-and … friendly! Wait, I’ll just write down what I like in a friend. That’s sort of the same.” The quill’s feather danced and wiggled as Twilight created a huge list of random adjectives. She waved her horn eagerly, finding each word easier to write. “Polite, delicate, refined, poised … punctual!” Feeling rather accomplished, she held up the paper to admire her work. She was so transfixed at double-checking her list of appropriate characteristics that she didn’t even hear the faint footsteps echoing from downstairs. Spike appeared at the top of the stairwell, and marched over briskly. He displayed a small, new pot of ink in his claw, while Twilight continued to stare at the paper. “Guess what? I found you some new ink in a kitchen cabinet,” he spoke, feeling proud to have done such a good deed for his mentor. “Gah!” Twilight jumped at the sudden appearance of the dragon. She scrambled the paper with her hooves, before lunging her body across the desk. Trying to look casual, she smiled and covered the parchment with her hooves. “Ugh, yes, yes, Spike. J-just leave it here, would you?” She eyed the edge of the oak table. “Alrighty.” He placed the ink down, peeking over her shoulder. “Whatcha writing?” Twilight could feel herself sweating as she panicked. Her heart lurched uncontrollably, threatening to escape from her chest. Quick, think of something! “Uh… ah! A list!” she blurted, not moving her hoof from the paper. Spike gave a quizzical look, taking a step closer. “A list. A list of what?” “Of … b-books. Yes, books for … uh, f-for the … bookstore! Because –” “Magic Match? That sounds like a cool magic duel. Ooo, can I read it?” Spike beamed happily, before raising an eyebrow when Twilight mumbled inaudibly. She looked down to see that some of writing was not hidden entirely. Clopping a hoof down, she covered the very visible 'magic match' section of the title. “A-ah, you can’t!” she yelled louder than intended. Spike folded his arms in annoyance, huffing. “What! Why?” Think, Think! “Because … it’s not been published yet, a-and –” Her dragon companion snatched the parchment from under her body. Pushing Twilight’s face away as she flailed, he inspected the 'list'. “Let’s see then,” he said, squinting to get a better look. “No! Spike, gimme that back!” With quick thinking, she levitated the page up before he could make out the words. “Hey, I was reading that! Why you being all weird?” He leapt at the paper hovering just out of reach. Twilight chuckled, as he bounced up and down continuously, like a dog begging for a treat. Phew, that was close. Twilight, however, didn’t have much time to marvell her triumph. A sharp stab of pain ran down her horn. “Ow!” she yelped, when Spike flicked her with a claw, causing the magic quiver and release its hold on the paper. “Ah-hah!” He scooped up his prize, while Twilight was still in her state of shock. “Magic Match!” he read, before shooting a grin at the alicorn. “Spike!” she moaned, rubbing her forehead. “Y-you’re sending a personal dating profile?” he scoffed, before covering his mouth to trap the escaping laughter. “Nice, friendly, punctual” He fell to the floor in hysterics, unable to breathe. “Stop it! You’re the one who said I wasn’t into … r-romance,” she uttered, unable to look at her friend. At that moment, she wanted to curl up and die. “Y-yeah, but I didn’t say go and make a dating profile!” He wandered over, trying to say composed. Twilight huffed as she slumped back onto her desk. “What else am I supposed to do? It’s not like I’ve had a special somepony before,” she whispered, staring out the window once more. “B-but you’re a princess now, ponies will be lining up –” “I don’t want ponies going out with me based only on the fact that I’m a Princess, Spike. That’s just wrong!” she snapped. She didn’t mean to be so harsh on him, but she wasn’t ready to tell ponies yet. She wasn’t ready for any of this. She sighed. Maybe all this was just a big mistake. “Well, if it’s that important to you, I guess I’ll help,” Spike said, placing the parchment in front of Twilight. “Y-you will?” Her ears perked up. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I?” Spike rolled his eyes as he felt a purple hoof squeeze him into a hug. She levitated the quill over to her companion, wide-eyed and eager. “But no more laughing at me!” she said sternly, getting comfortable on the desk stool. “Alright, alright,” he agreed, dipping the nib into the new pot of ink. For the next hour, the pair continued their back and forth of ideas. Spike willingly scribbled down Twilight’s answers, giving the odd suggestion here and there. With each word, Twilight could feel her anxiety melt away. Perhaps it was because she had a friend helping her. However, she thought it was because she had no more doubt in her mind – signing up was indeed a good idea. “I think we’re done, Twilight,” Spike declared, studying his handiwork. Twilight hovered over, gasping with delight. “Really?” She peeked over his shoulder, making sure nothing was out of place. “Yep. You just need to sign it.” He reached down to write Twilight’s signature, like he had done so many times before. “Wait!” With a burst of magic, she yanked at the quill. “You don’t sign your real name.” The dragon scratched at his chin with the feather end of the quill, raising an eyebrow. “Why? How do they know who you are?” “You have to write under a nom de plume. It says here on the flyer,” she explained, much to Spike’s confusion. He continued to stare at the alicorn. “Nom de what-now?” “Plume, Spike. You know, a pen name? So the other ponies don’t know exactly who you are.” She trotted over to her desk, searching around for an envelope. “Oh, I see. So what do you want to be called?” Spike pressed down on the parchment, sticking his tongue out in concentration. “Hmm. Something inconspicuous, but still shows my personality. Nothing that will give away I’m a princess either!” She continued to rake around the cluttered desk in thought. If she was to find a perfect match, that pony should get to know her. Finding out she was a princess could be disastrous. “If you say so.” Spike nodded, before smiling when Twilight presented him with an envelope. “How about … Magic Master!” He struck a pose, pumping his fist. “Ah, no.” Twilight giggled. “Nothing to do with my special talent. Inconspicuous, remember? Anyway, that sounds like a comic book character!” The dragon groaned, leaning against a bookcase. “Well, you think of one then.” She shuffled on the point, staring at her personal collection of books. Each had its own section and label. The Starswirl section took pride and place in the middle, of course. She always kept them in a special bookcase in her room. Celestia forbid if somepony checked one out by accident. “I know, Starswirl fan!” she exclaimed, raising her hoof in emphasis. “No, Twilight. Just … no,” her assistant murmured, refusing to write. She stomped her hoof in annoyance. “What? I thought it was good.” Spike followed her gaze to her personal book collection. “Although that does give me an idea. How about something to do with books? It is your hobby, after all,” he said, looking to Twilight for approval. “That’s not a bad idea, Spike. Books are very generic.” The idea was a simple one, considering a lot of ponies read for pleasure. Her brain rattled trying to think of the perfect name. “Hmm … literature –” “Lover?” Spike smirked. Twilight shook her head. “Lecturer …” “Nah, nopony likes a lecture.” “Literature … literary. Literary Genius?” Twilight beamed, feeling accomplished. Spike huffed. He was used to the alicorn’s nerdy behaviour. “Ugh. Geez, Twilight. Rainbow is right, you’re such an egghead.” His head shot up, a toothy grin beginning to form across his face. “Spike?” Twilight looked at him, unsure of what he was thinking. “Egghead … Equestrian Egghead!” he declared proudly, making the quill kiss the paper. Twilight fluttered over, oblivious to Spike’s cunning. “Huh? Spike did you just write that?” Twilight couldn’t deny she had been a little angry at the dragon. Needless to say, making her accept that “egghead” was the most suitable pen name for her took a long time. He had refused to rewrite the entire personality profile, arguing that it was “only a name.” Twilight could agree with that point, yet she still wasn’t entirely satisfied. Her nom de plume was the only piece of information her new 'pen pal' would receive. She didn’t want to ruin a first impression, which she truly believed the name Egghead would, but that was all in the past now. There was nothing else she could do. Spike had delivered the letter to the post office three days ago. It was the least he could do, considering his fire breathing was only linked to the desk of Princess Celestia. He had suggested on trying a new destination, but she decided against it. She didn’t want her only copy of the profile to be accidentally turned into ash after all that effort. She trotted downstairs, happy to hear the sweet conversation between her friends. Rarity didn’t have much free time during the week, so it was always a pleasure to have her company. Spike and the seamstress were discussing something about Rarity’s newest creation. Twilight stopped in the middle of the stairway, smiling down at them. “Hey, Rarity. Glad you could make it.” The prim and proper mare nodded to her. Twilight noticed she was just looking gorgeous as ever. “Well, of course, darling. I got my newest dress done early, so how could I say no?” she explained. Spike beamed up at her in puppy-eyed amazement. “That’s great. Oh, Spike,” she asked, the dragon tearing his gaze away from the unicorn. “Will you come upstairs, and write this card for Mr. Inkwell?” He nodded, hopping up the stairs. “Card for what?” “To thank him for the book he gave me.” She followed behind him, looking down at Rarity. “We’ll just be a minute.” Rarity waved a hoof, ushering her to proceed. “Why of course, take your time.” The alicorn’s hooves clacked against the oak floorboards, as she followed her scaley companion into the bedroom. Spike grabbed an old quill, before dipping the nib in a generous coating of ink. “Okay, what do you want me to write?” The dragon enquired, standing over the desk, quill at the ready. Twilight took her usual stance. She missed writing letters like this to the Princess, but she just had to adjust to the change. “Ahem. Dear Mr. Inkwell. Thank you for your very gracious gift –” A short series of knocks came from downstairs, freezing Twilight’s letter mid-sentence. She paused, listening to the loud raps against the front door. Spike turned to listen as well, before looking at Twilight. A faint voice called from below. “Twilight. I’ll answer it for you, darling,” Rarity called, keeping her voice lady-like even when shouting. The alicorn nodded for Spike to proceed. Good thing Rarity was here to lend a hoof when needed. “I wonder who that is,” Twilight pondered, wandering over to the window. Her assistant glanced behind at an old, wooden cuckoo clock. “Hmm, I dunno. Probably just the mail pony.” Twilight’s heart did an almighty leap as she realised the situation about to occur. Her expression contorted into that of a mad mare. “M-mail pony!” Gasping, she spun on her hooves and galloped toward the stairs. Oh, please, please don’t see the – “Twilight?” Rarity spoke, staring down at the pile of mail she had collected from the visitor, one pink letter prominent among the white envelopes. Her voice was low and concerned. “A-ah, yes?” She plodded down the stairs, trying to remain calm. She could hear Spike following behind her, gasping for breath. “Well, I-I. I didn’t know you,” the unicorn paused, trying to phrase her words lightly, “partook in … dating services?” Rarity’s voice wavered, unsure of her what her friend’s reaction would be. Twilight could see the familiar Magic Match logo and pink colourings as Rarity held up the letter in an aura of blue. Just. Perfect. She face-hooved, trying to hide her shame. She needed to take precautions to keep this secret contained. So far it was anything but contained. “Uh-oh,” Spike gasped. “Look, Twilight, my sincerest apologies. I-I shouldn’t have been snooping.” She bowed her head to the floor in embarrassed repentance. “It’s alright, Rarity. How could you have missed it?” Twilight trotted over to her unicorn friend, placing a hoof on her shoulder. “It sticks out like a pink, heart-covered, sore hoof.” Rarity gave a small smile as she floated the letter over. “That’s very true. I recognised the logo from a poster in the bookstore window. I have even considered using Magic Match once or twice myself.” It was clear to Twilight that she had stumbled over the envelope by accident. It was an honest mistake. Twilight smiled brightly. “R-really?” Spike poked his head between the two mares, interrupting Twilight’s trail of thought. He stared at the letter. “Well?” he said, pointing at it, excited. Twilight shot him a confused glare. “Well, what?” “Open it!” Rarity smiled at Twilight, just as eager to see what was inside. “Oh, yeah,” she chuckled, tearing the flap open. Her friends went wide-eyed, trying to interpret the alicorn’s expression. Here goes nothing, she thought, when she unfolded the paper inside. She took a deep breath before beginning to read. Dear Equestrian Egghead, Congratulations! Magic Match™ is pleased to inform you that a successful personality match has been found. Enclosed within this envelope are your personal Match Stamps. These stamps are enchanted with a delivery spell linked to your new pony match. This will ensure your letters are delivered swiftly without having to write an address, keeping anonymity between our customers. However, from this point onward, Magic Match™ is not responsible for any personal details revealed between matches. If you wish to reveal more about yourself to any of your matches, you can so at your own will. Your Magic Match™ is AwesomeCupcake152 Thank you for using Magic Match™. The number one date mail service in Equestria!